The Proper Way To Use No Contact When She Has A Boyfriend

How to use no contact when she has a boyfriend so she chooses you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who met his now wife when he was single, but she had a boyfriend. They met in 2018 in graduate school and it took two months to work up the courage to get out of friend zone and ask her out. However, she had a boyfriend of two years!

He shares how he used no contact to successfully attract her and eventually marry her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, these situations are going to come up in life where you meet a girl and you really click and you kind of get to know her and you think, “Wow, she’s really amazing,” and then you find out she’s got a boyfriend.

So what do you do in those particular cases? Because you don’t want to encourage cheating, you don’t want to act like they do in the Disney movies, which is you basically try to rip off some other guy’s girl, and of course in the movies, it always works out wonderful, but down here in South Florida, especially in Hialeah, we have what’s called the Hialeah Divorce. Men down in Hialeah don’t take too kindly when another man tries to mow their lawn. So in the interest of your personal safety and to be smart, because the other thing is, who’s going to hold the standard? Who’s going to set the standard? Who’s going to hold women accountable? Well, the men are supposed to do that, and if you’re a guy and you’re encouraging a woman to cheat on her significant other because you’re so focused on how much you like her and you’ve seen one too many Disney movies that say, “This is totally cool. It’s meant to be,” and your soul mates and all of that, well what you’re doing is you’re teaching her and you’re enabling her behavior to be disloyal, and if you can get her to be disloyal to him, well guess what? The way karma works, she’ll be disloyal to you. So you shouldn’t go through life encouraging that kind of behavior because it often ends in a bad way, especially if you live in Hialeah, Florida. Lots of problems in Hialeah, lots of passions, and not always in a good way.

So this guy sent in his success story. In 2018, he entered graduate school and met this girl, he had this amazing connection and he saw her at class and at school for a couple of months. He works up the courage to ask her out and she’s like, “Oh sorry, I have a boyfriend of two years,” and he’s like, “Oh.” So obviously that’s what kind of led him to my work. It’s 2025 now and they are actually married and living happily ever after. So he gives a good detailed analysis of how he went from being infatuated with this girl and then finding out that she had a boyfriend, how he implemented no-contact and how they ended up married. How did that all work out?

Viewer Email:

Corey,

I’m happy to share a success story about my romantic life which (I believe) would not have been possible without your book and YouTube channel.

In 2018, I entered graduate school having just left a complicated and painful friend-zone summer fling that left me solely interested in focusing on my career. I soon started noticing an attractive, smart and kind Indian colleague of mine and I knew I was in trouble. I knew this woman was special since our continued conversations revealed astounding similarities between our interests and core beliefs. After a few weeks and many hours of one-on-one talks with lots of signals that she was giving me special attention, I finally grew a pair to ask her (In no uncertain terms) on a date to avoid any friend zone. That’s when she said she had a boyfriend of two years!

Well, if you’re hanging out, you’re going to classes, you’re getting to know a girl and she seems kind of flirty, it’s been going on for weeks and she never mentions a boyfriend, well she can’t be too happy because if she really loves the guy, she’s gonna be gushing about him constantly and talking about him ad nauseam, but when she doesn’t even mention that the guy even exists and you don’t find out until you ask her out, well obviously it doesn’t mean he’s really super high on her priority list.

Devastated, I played it cool and made the mistake of agreeing to just be friends…

Because at the time, this was before he came across my work. He’s thinking, “Hey, I’ll fly under the radar. I’ll get her all to myself.”

…But this didn’t sit right with me. I was going to fail relationships yet again. Later, I learned I had problems in relationships due to poor role models, attachment issues and putting pressure/expectations in the beginning of relationships due to insecurities.

So typically he was calling too much, texting too much, trying to see a girl too much, too soon to the point where he just smothered her instead of letting her come to him at his pace, since he’s driven by fear, he fears she’s going to dip like all the others have, and what ends up happening is he calls, he texts and he talks and chases the girl right out of his life.

I can totally relate. You guys have read 3% Man. That was like my teenage years and early 20s. Every time I met a girl I really liked, it gets two, maybe three weeks, and then poof! When that happens enough, it stings. Especially when you’re young and you don’t have a lot of life experience to draw upon, when every girl you meet seems to dip out after three weeks, you think, “Man, I’m actually repulsing women. How is that possible? Must be something wrong with me,” and that can put you in a really negative place. The reality is that attraction is not a choice. Women know within three seconds if they would date you and sleep with you, and the problem is most guys don’t understand how attraction works and they act in extremely unattractive ways, act too girly, too effeminate and not masculine enough, and that creates a lot of problems.

I finally admitted to myself I needed a teacher.

It was your channel I discovered where the FREE book you (How To Be A 3% Man)…

If you’re new here, you can read 3% Man at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and it will literally open up right in your web browser as soon as you create your free account. It cost nothing other than your name, your email and you create a little password to use. Then hopefully later on you’ll subscribe to the premium Members Only content, which you can do as well. There’s a 7-day free trial for that.

…Provided with all your knowledge convinced me to take you seriously due to your transparency.

Well as I say all the time, even if you think I’m totally full of shit and you’re like, “What is this fucking shaved head prick on YouTube? What does he know? What is he going to teach me?” The book is free. You can try before you buy. I still have yet to see anybody else that’s since come after I started doing this 20 years ago and give their books away for free and let people try before they buy. That should tell you something about their work. If they’re not confident enough to let you try before you buy, well you’re probably just getting watered down garbage from some dude that ripped me off and doesn’t even give me proper credit, but that’s the world we live in. Often imitated, but never duplicated.

I read the book 1-2 times and every day for months, I watched your daily uploads and contemplated their lessons/meanings all the while keeping up with the girl. It took work but I was done failing at this. To keep a long story short: On March 4th, 2019…

He’s got those dates because it was important in his life, which at this point is almost six years ago. We’re about two and a half weeks from that being six years ago. Interesting…

…I told her (Calmly and as nice as I could) I didn’t want to continue just being friends.

Because when you love and you value yourself, you’re just not going to be OK with being friends with a girl who you just want to destroy her pussy. That’s just reality. “I wanna tear that thing up! I want to motorboat those damn boobies!” Right, Rocky? You like the motorboat, don’t you?

He’s always down to motorboat, and you can get away with it because you’re a dog and everybody thinks you’re cute. They just want to hug you, love you and kiss on you, and you get to motorboat boobies for free. You can lick them and everything. You can lick them in the face. Dogs can get away with everything, especially when they’re cute.

Back to our regularly scheduled email.

I said, “We can’t hang out/talk much anymore, but if we ever both become single then I’ll still be open to exploring a relationship.”

Because from an integrity perspective, you’re saying, “I cannot operate this way. I’m not interested in a Hialeah divorce, and I’m not going to mow another man’s lawn, but man if you ever become single, it would be great to have a date.”

She was very sad, but respected me and agreed.

Most guys don’t have the self control to disengage. They’ll just keep trying and waiting.

Just before leaving for good, she grabbed my arm and just kept staring at me. At that moment, I moved in to kiss her and she reciprocated.

That’s not good. That’s very naughty. What would she say? “I couldn’t help it. He just looked right through me. He just kissed me and I couldn’t say no.”

So one thing you have to say, if we take a step back because this is a nice la-la fantasy and everything, and they are married now, if you ever fuck up and you stop dating and courting her properly, you don’t make her feel heard and understood and she’s working with some guy that does exactly what you did, you have to assume she’s going to kiss him. So you better make sure your game is tight because you basically encouraged naughty behavior, but you did walk away, however. Then again, this ain’t Brazil. I assume sometimes in Brazil, things are a little different. It’s totally normal to meet a total random stranger and have a passionate make-out session, not even exchange phone numbers and you each ride off into the sunset in opposite directions, because sometimes a kiss is just a kiss when it comes to Brazil. Brazilian women are just incredible.

After seven years of continuing to apply your lessons, we are happily married and she’s the partner of my dreams. It was your guidance that made it possible. 

Not a fan of kissing another man’s woman, but then again, two to three weeks hanging out with her and she never even mentioned the dude until you asked her out. So Doc Love’s attitude towards that was like, “Hey well, she’s ready to do that guy in because he’s not taking care of business,” so his attitude was like, “Fuck it, all’s fair in love and war.” My attitude towards that is it’s just encouraging disloyal behavior because again, if she’ll do it with you or when she’s with somebody else, eventually she’ll do it to you when she’s not happy. So you got to think about that.

For me, two lessons worked the most in the beginning: 1) “Just focus on having fun, always…”

Well, love is playful and fun after all. It’s not about having a stick stuck up your ass and berating OnlyFans girls in the internet, which is entertaining, funny and makes them great reels, but how is that really going to help you in your life? Hanging out with low character women and trying to tell everybody that this is modern women, like character is destiny.

…And 2) “If someone doesn’t give you what you want, be nice and leave the door open but don’t wait for them.”

Don’t burn a bridge. I learned that from a good, good friend of mine. Should never burn a bridge. Easygoing, easy to get along with. Things change, and in the future, nothing stays the same. That’s the one constant in life, is change, and if she’s with a guy and you hung out and you knew her for two weeks or three weeks at school and she never even mentioned she had a boyfriend, then you asked her out and she’s like, “Oh, I have a guy of two years,” obviously she’s not very proud of that dude. Maybe she was looking for the right opportunity, the right guy, but where guys go wrong in these situations is they hang around, they linger and they stay stuck in friend zone, or they keep trying to get her to cheat. So they’re just spiraling into a place of low character.

You attract how you act. So if you want to have high standards, you got to hold the high standard. Here, as much as he liked her, he did have the balls to walk away, although he did kiss her. He took what he wanted, but again, if the roles were reversed, she would do the same thing. She’d kiss some other guy.

She eventually chose me over the boyfriend because I never put pressure/insecurities on her and I focused on making every memory we had together fun.

Yeah, so what happens is she might have been starting to develop feelings and was attracted, then they kissed, but then he left and he continued to pursue what he wanted. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he says, “Hey, it’s just not appropriate. You have a boyfriend, but if it doesn’t work out, definitely get in touch,” and at some point she obviously let him know that she was single, then they started bumping uglies and here we are.

It was very hard and took many months. Inside I wanted to scream during the early periods where she vacillated between her boyfriend and me…

Yeah, because think about it in this perspective. She breaks up with the boyfriend. He’s probably shocked. Didn’t see it coming. He doesn’t want to be dumped by her. He’s trying to get her back. She’s all emotional. She probably at times told this guy, “I’m confused. I don’t know. I’m not sure. This is so hard.” It’s like, “No problem, babe. Call me when you figure it out. I’d love to see you.” Then when you give her that space and you just let her be, she’s going to test you. She’s going to pull away from you, which is a testing. She’s going to pull away from the ex who’s now trying to get her back, because 75% of the time women do the dumping.

So really, in this case, you have to kind of hang back and let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing and the reaching out. Then you just say, “Hey, as long as you’re with that guy, I’m just not going to get involved.” Then once she’s single and you start hanging out, having fun and hooking up because she was with this guy two years and he knew her a matter of weeks, a matter of months, I don’t know how long it was before they actually started dating and she became single, but it’s critical in those moments that you let her do all the calling, texting and pursuing, because what will happen is she’ll start to miss the boyfriend, he’ll send her pictures or a reminder of a good time, trigger her emotions a little bit and she’s going to be emotionally bonded to the other guy just because she had two years with him and she’s only had a matter of weeks with this guy.

You just have to hang back. Every time she becomes confused, unsure or, “I need some time, I need some space,” it’s like, “No problem, babe. I know you’re going through a difficult time. You’re with that guy two years. Just call me and you figure it out. Call me when you miss me terribly and you want to come kiss me, see me and do naughty things you would never want to tell your parents about, or have me do naughty things to you that you don’t want to tell your parents about.” Then she spent some time. She tests him. She pulls away from him. She’s not hearing from you. The boyfriend probably freaks out, starts chasing her more, calling more, texting more and she’s like, “It’s over.” He literally will chase her into your arms.

In these cases, you don’t really have to do much. I mean, he started it. He knocked the snowball down the hill, so to speak.

…But always remaining fun, light and mature was the correct path. 

Bob

So eventually, as he let her come to him at her pace, she fell in love and they got married. Now they’re living happily ever after. He wasn’t cheating. I mean again, the kiss, I’m sure you guys got things to say about the kiss. He shouldn’t have done that, but he did. What’s done is done, and they are married. Like I said, if this guy ever slips up, is not treating her well,and she starts hanging out with a guy at work because he’s neglecting her, well she’ll probably kiss him. That’s something to think about.

If you guys haven’t already signed up for the paying premium Members Only content, in the video description of this video, there are links to join on YouTube, to join on Spotify or you can join on our website UnderstandingRelationships. com, and you’ll get all the email analysis that goes along with these video coaching newsletters. Plus, you can do a 7-day free trial, a monthly or an annual plan. If you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the 7-day free trial for paying the whole year’s premium upfront. So go there, do a 7-day free trial, UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab when you get there and sign up!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.