Here’s a recent email I got from a coaching client. He had what I like to call an “Ah-ha!” moment. He was interacting with some women, but was overcome with feelings of shyness and insecurity. This is a guy with combat tours in Iraq under his belt. He’s a pretty tough dude. But around pretty ladies… he’s finding it can be really hard at times. Here’s his email:
Corey, How you doing brotha man? hope all is well. dude I wanted to write this email to you just to share some excitement in what happened to me yesterday and today. Yesterday was a monday and we both know how mondays can suck ass sometimes. well I was enjoying my lunch when a group of beautiful women walked into the area where I was at. Corey, everything I have learned thus far kind of went out the window.
All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with fear and shelled up into the old self that I was prior to receiving coaching. One of them was even making eye contact with me and I just looked at her and looked away, finished my lunch and left the room. After I felt like such an ass, I was just thinking what the hell is wrong with me? and it bothered me the rest of the afternoon because I felt like I succumbed to defeat before even trying. later i was reading the “Lone Survivor” book and came upon this passage and this is what it said, “the real battle is won in the mind, its won buy guys who understand their area of weakness, who sit and think about it, plotting and planning to improve. Attending to the detail, work on their weaknesses and overcome them, because they can.”
Those words were inspiring to me. I also thought about what you had said as well how nothing should steal my power especially with all the shit I’ve been thru. So I told myself I was not going to let that happen again. Well lo and behold I was at the tutors getting help with math the same night, and in walks this gorgeous lady, so right away I look to make some eye contact with her and she looks and turns away well thru out the session she is walking back and forth by me and I didn’t say nothing I was fearing up inside.
well this evening I was back over there not expecting to see her, well guess what? she show’s up and was a replay of last night, she kept walking by me I’m assuming to try to get me to notice her.
Well this time I just said fuck it, I was pretty nervous inside but I didn’t show it I hope. When she walked by I looked up at her smiled and said “Hi” she looked at me a bit weird but didn’t say anything, so I said to myself “fuuuuck oh well” sol when I was packing up to leave she got up and walked by me AGAIN, so this time I made every attempt to make eye contact with her and when she looked at me I smiled at her again and told her “bye” and to my surprise she smiled back and said “bye” I was surprised. I felt a sense of achievement and confidence, so that made my night, now that the ice is broken next time I see her I’m gonna try to make her laugh and see where it goes from there. anyways sorry about the long ass email but just had to let this out. Also by reading that Lone survivor book, it has opened my eyes just that much more along with yours in regards to what I need to do to succeed in life not just with women. I don’t know where I went wrong in the past but all that matters now is that I’m doing my best to make it right again and build myself up.
Well I better close for now brother, once again sorry about the longass email.
Be easy my friend. Very Respectful. Tom
Here’s my response to his email:
Just remember, that a day being a good day or a bad day takes the same amount of mental energy to decide. We end up saying “today is a bad day because… (list your reasons)” or “today is an awesome day because… (list your reasons)”. The process is the same for both labels. One usually makes you feel good and the other bad. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Hmmmmmm, something to think about.
Everything went out the window because you started acting differently around women you like, instead of remaining centered. Maybe a new situation or just a really SUPER-HOT chick showed up. There’s millions of beautiful women around the world. But there are an even smaller few, that seem to make time stand still when they are around. Its a PERFECT MOMENT as we become lost in their intoxicating beauty. ALL of my ex-girlfriends (since I figured out what women really want) that I have had long term relationships with are super hot. When I have not seen them for months or sometimes years, and then see them again, I am always struck by the same thought… “I forgot how beautiful she was!” I have lots of pictures of them, however, when I am around them physically, there is something different. Its an energetic difference you have to feel for yourself. All guys have felt it at one time or another, and recognize the energetic difference. The more you experience it and can remain centered, the easier it will become for you to ALWAYS remain centered when a Goddess walks into your life.
Dude, what can I say about this…
“the real battle is won in the mind, its won buy guys who understand their area of weakness, who sit and think about it, plotting and planning to improve. Attending to the detail, work on their weaknesses and overcome them, because they can.” That statement gives me a hard-on man 🙂 Marcus Luttrell is “The Ultimate Alpha Male”.
I appreciate your emails. They also make great newsletters and website articles because you do a great job a detailing what you are thinking and feeling as you practice on getting better. Guys who are too terrified to even make eye contact yet, will have their strength built by reading this. How? You talk about the same things EVERY GUY is thinking and feeling that is working on this area of their lives. After they read and see enough examples from guys just like yourself and others, it gives them enough knowledge and real world examples that what they actually encounter in the field, is going to be almost identical to your experiences and the experiences of other clients I write about also. It makes it easy to be ready for almost any situation or response a woman could throw back.
Another thing to keep in mind is women are just as nervous about this shit as you are. You are a heat seeking missile searching for high heat (& heart) signature. Most will not be bright or hot enough to get a lock on. In time you will notice the difference between the intensity of the heat sources you encounter in your journey. When the radiance of a heat source is intense enough, it will burn like the sun does, you lock on and BOOM!!! Fireworks! Explosion! Oneness! Effortlessness! The target will even help you make a direct hit (in more ways than one) when the energy is just right.
You took action, found out that she does not bite (unless you ask her too lol) and you learned. It was no big deal. This builds your confidence a little, and you keep trying to get a little better each and every day to the point which, no matter where you go, its easy and effortless to strike up a conversation with women or anyone for that matter. Just imagine how easy it makes things when you are unafraid to approach any random human being and strike up a friendly conversation. How hard would it be to approach any employer about a job? How hard would it be to approach a billionaire investor to get his opinion or what he looks for when trying to identify good investments? How hard would it be to make a presentation to a room full of potential equity investors for your latest internet or business startup; especially when you call tell just by the body language of most people in the room, that the quality of their relationships and relationship skills sucks (they will naturally gravitate to someone who has balance and peace in this area of their lives)? As your sensory acuity grows, you will be able to read most people just by looking at them and watching how they carry themselves for a few seconds. These skills will give you the upper hand in all your interactions with other human beings. As a combat vet you already know how to read people better than most. These skills you are learning will make men and women say you seem like you are a psychic with your ability to read & size people up with just a glance.
However, this only comes with plenty of practice. Repetition is the mother of skill. Keep up the good work bro! You are a great example for thousands of guys to follow!
End of my response to Tom.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The real battle is won in the mind. Its won by guys who understand their area of weakness. Who sit and think about it. Plotting and planning to improve. Attending to the detail, they work on their weaknesses and overcome them. Because they can.” – Marcus Luttrell “Lone Survivor”