The Real Reasons Why She Didn’t Feel A Connection & Dipped

The real reasons why a woman says she didn’t feel a connection & breaks things off.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He recently got dumped by a woman he was seeing for about a month due to her saying it was nothing he did, but she didn’t feel a connection with him. He’s confused as to why and I point out several mistakes that are obvious to guys who have read 3% Man, but it’s a good email that illustrates how most men turn women off without knowing it. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “The Real Reasons Why She Didn’t Feel A Connection & Dipped.”

Well, this particular email this guy’s brand new to my work. He hasn’t even got around to reading 3% Man yet. So he’s been kind of cherry picking in videos. However, the reason why I chose to do his email is pretty much every guy that’s watching this video has made all these same mistakes and turned off a girl that was interested, and we can never understand why.

So as she’s breaking it off with him, she’s telling him that she doesn’t feel a connection. “Oh, it’s nothing that you did.” You know, it’s like the same expression, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Because she knows he’s a great guy, but she’s not feeling it because he’s displayed too much unattractive behavior. So it’s just a good email to go through, because again, we can all kind of laugh at ourselves, because we all did this shit when we didn’t know any better. And same thing with this guy.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Wayne,

I have just recently discovered your work and am looking forward to reading your book. I had relatively recently, about two months ago, broke off a short relationship with a girl that I had a high interest in and was looking for a little help.

Well, you got to read the book 10 to 15 times. There are no shortcuts to success. And so a big part of the problem here is, attraction is not a choice. So the girl was obviously attracted to you, and you were obviously attracted to her. But instead, the more time you spent together, the less interested she became and the more interested you became.

And so there are little things that all point out, as I go through the email, that are pretty obvious to guys that are good students, but it’s a good review, just because, again, we all make, every guy makes these same mistakes when we don’t know any better. And so, they’re avoidable because there’s going to be other people that are brand new. Just started following me, and probably have had these same experiences.

I’ll keep things as simple and to the point as possible. I had met her a few months ago at an event and we connected pretty instantaneously.

Again, attraction is not a choice. Mother nature handles that for us. However, what you do afterwards makes a big difference.

I thought she was really cute and soon got to going on little “dates” of just us hanging out together. This was happening for a little over a month or so and she seemed to have a high level of interest in me.

Well, she did in the beginning, obviously, but unfortunately it went down instead of up. And again, we’ve all been there. This is like my teenage years, in my early 20s and never could understand why. And then you ask a girl, it’s like, “what’s the problem?” “Well, it’s not you, it’s me.” Like, they can’t put their finger on it because they don’t understand how attraction works. So they can’t really give you any advice that makes a difference or helps you take corrective action.

So I took her on a more official date for Valentine’s Day, and it went really well.

So if you’ve been out with a girl several times, a little over a month, I guess, as he says, and then you invite her out for Valentine’s Day. This guy never kissed her, didn’t do anything. Again, these are the same things I used to do. So if a girl knows you like her, and you keep taking her out, but you never try to kiss her or anything, she either thinks eventually maybe you’re gay or you got no confidence, no experience, no swagger, and she’s still going to get turned off.

And so when you take a girl out for Valentine’s Day, that’s what you do with a girlfriend, not somebody you haven’t even kissed yet. So that shows/communicates to her that you’re very serious about her. Obviously more than she’s serious about you. And women like you more. If they think that they’re more into you than you are into them, that’s just the way they work. I didn’t make them that way. If you don’t like it, you can talk to the big man upstairs.

I definitely messed up for the second date and started coming off as needy and double texting and for a moment I definitely scared her off, because a day before the date she told me she didn’t want to meet and that she thought things were going too fast.

So, what she’s really saying is, “you need to slow down because you’re way more into this than I am, and I’m not too sure my feelings yet.” And you think, why don’t women just come out and say that? It’s that they don’t think like us. They talk differently, different mindset. They don’t want to hurt your feelings, because most guys are going to be go into Mr. Fix-It mode. “Okay. How do I fix this? How do I fix her attraction to me?”

Well, it’s really, you’ve got to fix your behavior. Because it’s your behavior that’s turning her off. So again, you never kiss a girl. You’ve been hanging out for a month, and then you invite her out for Valentine’s Day. It’s pretty clear that she’s your priority, your number one girl, but she’s not in the same place. Even though she didn’t have anybody else to go with.

I played it cool and told her we can just take things slow and continue getting to know each other and we can reschedule for another time. She told me she would let me know and a little under 48 hours later she was asking me If I was free on Friday.

So what he did right there was he just backed off. He’s like, “hey, hit me up when you’re when you want to reschedule.” And he actually was able to hold out and wait for a couple of days. And then she got back to him. Because typically if you’re double and triple texting, the girl backs off. Because so many guys do that, they act needy. They act insecure, it turns the woman off. She thinks this guy’s great on paper, but something’s missing. There’s no spark. There’s no chemistry.

“I don’t feel the same way I did in the beginning.” Those kinds of things. And women understand that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And so when they want space or they want to back off, they’re just present with their feelings over the next several days. And when they don’t hear from you, their feelings slowly start to bubble up. And then that’s why she reached back out.

We went out to dinner, things seemed pretty great, she was doing things like constantly fixing her hair, constantly making excuses to touch me, stuff like that.

But unfortunately, he hadn’t read the book. And this is how a woman lets you know that touching is okay. That’s her way of saying, hey, you can touch me. But he didn’t pick up on that. He basically acted like a statue. And then he makes another mistake. Which again, I didn’t know any better when I was younger. I had to learn this the hard way. And so, again, because he’s kind of serious about her, he’s treating her like a girlfriend, even though, remember, they haven’t even kissed yet. I don’t think he actually ever kissed her. And so he invites her out on a group date.

We then went out with some mutual friends, and I think I made my second mistake by not going in for a kiss as the end of the night, the opportunity seemed there but I got cold feet and didn’t go for it.

Well, in the book we got, “The Kiss Test” for you, so you never have to worry about getting rejected. If you’re new here, you can read the book for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email newsletter. It’ll open up right in your web browser. So you got no excuses not to learn this stuff.

Regardless, she still seemed to enjoy her time with me, and we were already set to go on another date for the next weekend. Once that time came, we spent most of the day together, we went to a museum and then went back to her place after getting lunch. We ended up cuddling on the couch and watching a Netflix show. At this point I think you can get the pattern here.

He didn’t do anything.

I believe there was definitely an opportunity to be more intimate, but I had once again failed to initiate to try and take things further. After that date I had tried to set up the next one after I had gotten home but received no response.

So again, she invites him over to Netflix and chill. But there was no chilling. There was no chilling. No hot beef injection. No happy finishes. He just laid there like a statue. Too afraid to make a move. And for those of you who’ve been around for a while, if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

48 hours later she sent me a text saying how even though on paper we have a lot in common, and seem to be a good match, she just wasn’t feeling a connection.

And this is. They don’t want to hurt your feelings or bruise your ego. This is like another version of, “hey, it’s not you, it’s me.” But in reality, he had all these opportunities, he never went for it. Women like guys that are confident. She knew that he liked her, but he never went for it. And she wants a man that just takes her and has his way with her. When the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, which she clearly was giving him. I mean, she invited him despite all his mistakes, invited him to come back to her place to see what would happen and then he did nothing. He didn’t even try to kiss her. He just cuddled. He acted like the gay male girlfriend.

And how it wasn’t anything that I or her did or didn’t so but it “just wasn’t there” for her.

If you hesitate, you’ll masturbate.

I doubt that it wasn’t anything I “did or didn’t do”, but I played it cool (I think) and told her that I thought we had a great connection but that I had no choice but to respect her decision and to let me know if she changes her mind. I have not contacted her since.

Well, that’s all you can really do at this point.

The part that confuses and frustrates me is that we have a lot of mutual friends now. So I still see her now and then.

Well, it’d be good to have another girl with you.

Last month I showed up to a function relatively unannounced and she seemed greatly perturbed by my being there. Then about a week after that I had gone out with the same group and once she showed up it felt like a Mexican standoff. She was always staring at me and would get visibly more nervous/off balance once I was in the vicinity.

I’m like, hey you, what are you what are you doing? What are you up to? You miss me? You’ve been thinking about me.

I don’t know but to me it’s rather strange for someone who says they didn’t feel a connection to be bothered by my presence.

It’s possible she thought you were gay or weren’t interested, or that it just seemed like you were totally indifferent to it one way or another.

It does not help any further by the fact that anytime I see this friend group they can’t seem to help themselves in talking to me about her and why we broke up.

Uh, Dude, you were never together. You were just kind of casually hanging out and having some fun together. But there was no hooking up. There was nothing going on. So you weren’t together. You weren’t in a relationship. You were hanging out. She gave you many opportunities, but you were just too gun shy to pull the trigger.

I am entertaining other options, but I can’t seem to get this one out of my head.

Well, rejection breeds obsession. That’s why. You thought you were making progress and she was getting turned off because you didn’t do anything. You acted like a statue all the time.

I am open to dating her again but only if she comes to me.

Well you did; you got to let her be. You got to be congruent with what you said. Which is, hey, if you change your mind, get in touch.

Any advice with what I should do going forward helps, thank you for your time.

Bob

Well, obviously read the book. Fill in your knowledge gap so you can stop doing all these unattractive things. You don’t do group dates. Stop involving your social group and your mutual friends and telling them everything about what was going on with the two of you. That’s terrible operational security and more than likely your friends that really know you know this is pretty much how it always goes when you’re with girls.

And they’re probably going, “Bob’s such a great guy. And this always happens. Things start out great with girls that seem to really like him. But after a while it just fizzles out and he doesn’t get anywhere. But he’s a super great guy. You should really give him a chance. Once you get to know him, he’s an awesome dude.”

Which I’m sure he is. But when guys talk that way, all they’re basically saying is, “hey, my friend’s a total bitch with women. He’s got no balls. They never dropped. And he doesn’t even go for a kiss.” And the girls eventually give up on him because they think he’s gay or he has no confidence. But that’s not what they’re saying. They’re basically making you look unattractive as hell. So this is why you don’t do group dates. You don’t tell everybody about your business because you end up getting cock blocked and you cock block yourself. So again, if you hesitate, you’ll masturbate.

And so when the signs are there, the girl’s ready to be touched, kissed and seduced, you got to escalate. When she invites you back to her place and you’re cuddling on the couch, that’s when you go for the kiss. But I had plenty of times like this when I was in my teenage years and in my early 20s, where I just, I froze. I was like, oh, what happens if I kiss, go to kiss her and she rejects me? What am I going to do? I can’t handle that. And then you get a little older, you get a little more experience. It’s just it’s part of the natural process. But the book will fill in your knowledge gap so you know when to make a move, you know when to back off, and you can read things and you’re no longer bamboozled by what happens or in this case, fails to happen.

But this girl kind of served herself up on a silver platter. She gave you multiple chances, but each time you never advance the ball. And the number one thing that they (women) love in men is confidence. And you didn’t have the confidence to make a move physically. So eventually she just judged you to be a bitch, a friend, a gay male girlfriend, a Harry Honda that could fix her toilet or rotate the tires in her car. Change her car battery, mow her lawn, patch the hole in her roof, whatever it happens to be. Fill in your knowledge gap, Dude, so you don’t blow these opportunities. Because this will continue to happen until you fill in your knowledge gap and you start taking real action.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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