The Real Reasons Why She Probably Ghosted You

How to determine the real reasons why a woman ghosted you to prevent it from happening again.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 33 year old viewer who was dating a 25 year old woman over the course of a month. He started getting too serious too soon and then acted like a nutty, needy and neurotic jack-in-the-box and scared her away. He sent her some angry texts and a barrage of apologetic texts but she never responded. He is completely clueless as to the real reasons why she ghosted him and he asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “The Real Reasons Why She Probably Ghosted You.”

Well, this particular email is from a 33 year old viewer. He said he was dating a 25 year old woman over the course of a month. And this email really shows and illustrates the importance of being calm and not acting like a nutty, needy, neurotic jack in the box. So this particular guy, he got mad, he got frustrated. He had assumed some negative things. And then he texted her some things he shouldn’t have.

Tried to take it back. He sent in multiple texts towards the end, and then after it, he’s surprised that he got ghosted. So this is a great email that just shows the importance of maintaining your composure as a man. Because when you behave this way, especially with somebody you just started dating, you’re going to freak her out and scare her. And she’s not going to feel safe with you. She’s going to think you’re just a neurotic, needy, insecure jackass. And that is just a bad, bad way to go.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m 33 and I met this girl who is 25, and we’ve been talking probably in total for about a month. After about 2 weeks we finally had our first date, primarily because I was out of town at the time. Things went well and she said she enjoyed our time together afterwards. We quickly had a second date and I could feel that I really liked her vibe and the chemistry and was starting to build a strong attraction.

Notice that he’s focusing on his interest and attraction in her, but not so much paying attention to what’s coming back. And this just shows that we all tend to project our interests onto the other person, our fantasy, and then we suspend our logic and reason in the vetting process.

That’s why so many people end up in relationships with people they shouldn’t have gotten into. Because they let their emotions override their logic to the point where they just completely ignore all red flags and they can’t remain objective anymore.

On this second date, she even broached the topic of if we should still be on the dating apps.

Yeah, that’s second date. You haven’t slept together. It’s like. That’s just kind of absurd.

But I kept that at arms length because I felt like it was moving fairly quickly.

I would have been like, “Yeah, it’s only our second date. Things feel good, but let’s just see how it goes over the next few weeks and we can revisit it then.”

But after thinking about it some more and continuing to talk to her, I liked the idea of at least establishing if we could both get off of the apps.

It’s like, that’s definitely not what’s in The Book, Dude. So what does he do? He starts acting like a girl. And he doesn’t recognize that femininity is chaos. And even though she might be saying something like that, maybe she’s feeling it in the moment because there was really good chemistry at that particular moment in time.

Now he thinks in the third one where he’s really thinking is, I want to lock this girl down so nobody else gets her, because that’s what they show you in movies all the time. You better hurry. You’re going to lose her to somebody else. Men who have choice and options are going to be like, “She’s nice, but hell, we’ve been on two dates. Let’s take our time.” People can hide who they are for at least the first 90 days of a relationship.

So on our third meet up, I brought this topic back up to her and we both agreed on this direction. 

So now he’s locking her down to a commitment. There’s just no way. Even if a girl brings this up where she’s emotionally going to be in a place. Unless maybe she just got out of a relationship and she’s trying to replace one form of intimacy that she had with the ex, with you now.

And when you do that, especially this soon, she’s not emotionally bonded to you yet. And what’s going to happen is there’s a good chance, especially if you start pursuing, that she’ll bounce on you. Which is the direction it starts moving here you’ll see very quickly.

At the end of it, I disclosed to her that the house I had was quite expensive, which in retrospect I’m not even sure why I did that.

Because you’re in the mindset of, “Oh, I hope she likes me. What can I do to get her to like me? Oh, oh, your Highness, please choose me. Please, please, please. Mommy. Mommy!”

But I was trying to be transparent.

No, you were bragging. Trying to use your stuff to puff yourself up. Because in reality, you don’t really feel like a woman’s going to choose to be with you. So you threw in there, “Oh, I got a really expensive house. Hopefully she’ll like me more because I got an expensive house.” That’s the wrong you know. You might as well just be dating strippers with that. Or OnlyFans girls with that kind of mentality.

This created a topic of a difference in power dynamic, that we would talk about more together later, as she had to leave at that point. We did have sex on the second and third dates, so at least this wasn’t a super casual thing and we were both (supposedly) looking for something serious.

Bro. It’s the second date. It’s like, come on, it’s ridiculous. I don’t know how long you’ve been following me for. Maybe you’re brand new. But the way you’re talking, the way you’re acting, you do not act or talk like somebody that has even been through 3% Man once.

Because the idea is you’re supposed to be going slightly slower than she is. So it’s all her idea. But she just happened to mention something on a second date, and now you’re trying to get to the the marriage altar faster than she is.

Things were still good and all, but midway through the following week, I could tell that the cadence of her texts and engagement with me was falling off.

So that tells me he’s constantly texting and talking to her on text, trying to get her to like him more, because that’s what he’s doing. “How do I get her to like me?” When you do that, you act like a girl. That ruins the sexual polarity, and it’s going to turn her off and push her away.

So as she backs off, what typically happens with guys like this that don’t know any better, they text more, they call more. She gets more distant, they start going, “What’s wrong?” And you’ll see he just, he blows his top.

She would text with me often and I enjoyed talking to her, to the point where I suggested we should talk on the phone instead of just texting.

The phone is for setting dates, Dude.

But she doesn’t like talking on the phone.

She doesn’t like talking on the phone to you.

Not sure if that’s a generational thing or what.

No, that’s your excuse to rationalize your over pursuing is not what’s causing her to get turned off.

Anyway, I asked her if everything was okay.

Ha Ha. Bad way to go. This shows that you’re needy, you’re insecure, you’re worried about her approval. You’re worried about her liking you. You can feel her backing away. You can’t talk her into being interested in you. You have to give her time and space away from you to wonder about you and to think about you and to miss you.

And instead, you’re constantly in her face because you need. You didn’t get enough strokes as a kid. Typically, that’s what happens. Your parents don’t say, “I love you” enough or hug you, or they’re not around or whatever. It’s like, that’s what happened to me when I was younger. And so, you start dating and you’re constantly thinking that you’re unworthy and unlovable.

And so, when you come from that place, you’re constantly trying to make up by talking about your stuff or your expensive house, or calling and texting too much because you fear if you don’t call and text enough, she’ll just disappear. So you start trying to force yourself into her life. And as Thích Nhất Hạnh used to say, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so, you’re starting to smother her at this point.

And she admitted that she kind of froze thinking about the power dynamic thing and also that she was feeling uncertain about her baggage and things like that.

So she’s given him things that logically he’s thinking it’s a power dynamic. And what it really is, is you’re smothering her. You’ve communicated that you’re way more into her, than she’s into you. You’re moving way too fast. You’re starting to smother her. She doesn’t feel free anymore to kind of come and go. And it’s just your over pursuing. You’re trying to lock her down. You’ve totally put the cart before the horse.

We talked and I reassured her that it was no big deal and we can work it out and support each other on it.

Again, what’s really going on is you’re smothering her and you’re over pursuing her. That’s why you hear women talk about power dynamic and, “I’m confused. This is overwhelming for me. I’m not ready for a relationship.” That kind of thing. Because again, she could tell that you’re way more into her, than she is into you. You’re starting to pedestal her.

She was supposed to come over that weekend but very early during the morning of, I got a text from her out of the blue that she had Covid and couldn’t make it.

That’s a that’s kind of funny. So many people use it. “Oh, I think I might have Covid. I gotta go get tested.” People abuse that so much, it was ridiculous. And then plus just everybody talking about all the time, they’re like, “Oh, I think I must have Covid. Let me go get tested again.”

I could tell this likely wasn’t truthful and I plainly asked her again what the deal was.

He’s like confronting her. “What’s going on?” You know, so what’s happening is he’s feeling even more insecure and unsure of himself. “Oh, shit. She doesn’t like me as much. She’s losing interest. I’m losing her like I lost all the others. I’ve got to do something.” Which is “The Illusion Of Action” I talk about in The Book.

Because she was starting to be so flakey.

Yeah, you were scaring her. She didn’t feel safe with you because you acted like a man in the very beginning. And now you’re acting like a needy, neurotic, insecure little girl that’s got mommy and daddy issues.

She finally responds way later in the day by saying there was nothing wrong with me, but with me being in “such a good place in life it was very intimidating” for her, and that she didn’t want to mess things up for me and was scared to commit right now.

What she’s really saying is like, “I’m not ready for a relationship. This is so overwhelming. You’re moving way too fast. I wasn’t expecting this. You’re in a place that I’m not into.” Because what she’s looking at is, like, “I barely met this guy, and he’s already super serious about me.” And so emotionally, she’s not in the same place.

But women don’t know how to articulate this and explain it. All she’s trying to do is explain her feelings. And what’s happening is you’re over pursuing her. You’re calling, you’re texting too much, and she could tell you’re getting a little agitated and a little irritated. And if she’s the average cute girl, she’s already been through this typically dozens of times with other guys that act like beta males and don’t know any better.

And then she just ends up ghosting those guys. Because they typically the longer it goes on and the more she entertains their interests, they pursue more, they call more, they text more, and they get angry and agitated more. And so she senses that that’s what’s coming because it’s happened to her many times. You’re not the first guy to do this to her.

And that was the last time I have heard from her.

Of course I started getting anxious and frustrated because I thought we had talked about that subject already.

Hey, this is this is not a logical conversation. This is all about a woman’s emotions. And you’re going way too fast, too soon. You’re acting like her boyfriend, even though you only you had three dates. Now you’re possessive. You’re going to chase every girl out of your life that you act this way like.

And agreed to talk more about it in person, so I sent her a flurry of texts and asked if she would just talk to me, and tried to reassure her that none of that was a big deal, etc. and I tried calling her multiple times to no avail.

Kind of dramatized it because you can tell he’s getting, “Mah! Talk to me! We gotta fix this! Ah!” It goes from being calm in the beginning. “So what’s going on now?” It’s like, “Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Ah! Doo doo doo doo doo!” Jack in the Box has reared his ugly head.

And I know I already tried contacting her too much which probably only pushed her away further. But a few days later.

Wait. There’s more.

I saw that she watched my Instagram Story. This made me mad that she could just ghost me like this.

“Who does she think she is?”

So I sent her a pretty heated message on Instagram saying what she was doing was selfish and being avoidant like this means you’re emotionally unavailable etc… which she read since Instagram has read receipts. Then I sent her ANOTHER Instagram message a day later to just apologize for my tone because I felt like I was harsh, which I think I was, even though it’s stupid because of what she was doing to me.

He turns into an angry Karen. Fuck.

I totally get that the way I panicked and reacted was dumb as hell.

Yeah, you’re going to chase every girl away when you act like this. Because you’re not calm. Masculinity is calm! And you’re the opposite of it. You’re a fucking lunatic. A barrage of text? It’s like you’re not the first guy to do that to her. It’s happened a bunch of times, and she knows it; the more she entertains a guy that behaves like you, the angrier you tend to get.

My past relationships all started in much more authentic and straightforward ways.

Yeah, because you probably didn’t really give a shit about any of them.

Instead of this game of indifference that we have to play. I’ve been reading your Book and learning. 

It’s like, yeah, this is not about indifference. This is about you acting like a fucking lunatic. Dating is like tennis. The texting, the calls. It’s like you hit the ball over the net, and you’ve got to wait for her to hit it back. And what you did is you went and you got the automatic ball machine.

You filled it all the way up, and you turned it all the way up on super turbo and. And, [imitates spitting balls out rapidly.] She’s like, “Oh, shit! Ugh!” And she went running off the court. And you’re still, [imitates spitting balls out rapidly.] Shooting balls over the net, trying to nail her with them as she runs away. You can’t do this.

I’ve been No Contact with her since and it’s now been about a month since she sent me the whole “intimidated” and “scared to commit” text. I’m wondering if the reason why she ghosted is because she lost attraction for me.

Yep.

Or if it’s truly because she was intimidated in some way?

Thanks!!

Bob

No, you fucking freaked her out, Dude. You chased her away. You acted like a needy, insecure jackass. You acted neurotic. You acted like a Jack in the Box. You will lose 100% of the women that you try to date if you act this way. Because you act like a psycho. It scares them. They feel like you’re going to hurt them physically when you behave like this. You cannot fucking do that. How are you going to raise a family? How are you going to be calm and centered if just the littlest thing sends you into orbit like this?

Now it’s totally possible that she’s insecure and messed up. But the way you’re behaving, if you do that with any girl and you’re going to freak her out and chase her away. You just cannot behave this way, Dude. It’s it’s pretty appalling. Continue reading The Book. I definitely encourage you to do that 10 to 15 times so you can fill in your knowledge gap. And for those of you who haven’t seen yet, we have Members Only content on YouTube, Spotify and my website.

And so, presently I’m doing six additional Video Coaching Newsletters for paid members per week. They’re on YouTube, Spotify and on my website and obviously the website, you get the email analysis. So if you’re watching this on YouTube and or Spotify and the description under the video, there are links to my website, to YouTube, to Spotify if you’d like to join and watch the Members Only content.

So in addition to the six new video newsletters per week I’m doing, we’re also got the 3% Man Study Group with Chunky and The Girls where we’re going through The Book. They’ve all read The Book and got questions and we’re going through it discussing it. The Girls are kind of trolling me a little bit sometimes on it, and we’re also going to be starting a Study Group with Mastering Yourself as well. And so just to give you an idea, we’ve done, I think for four episodes now, we filmed for about an hour and a half and we’re like on page 40, 45, 44, I think it is.

So when all said and done, we’re going to probably end up with 20, 25, maybe 30 episodes. So we’re filming one a week, and the idea is to really pick apart The Book. Plus we have all of the Podcasts with The Girls because you guys have asked, “Where can I watch instead of just the individual questions?” We answer the whole film session, the whole podcast where you answer the 10 to 12 questions, whatever happens to be. So those are in the Members Area as well.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.