The Real Reasons Why Your Girl Won’t Sleep With You Consistently Anymore

The real reasons why your girl doesn’t want to sleep with you if you’re getting rejected.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for about 3 years. He’s on read 9 of 3% Man. He says he often gets rejected by his girlfriend of 3 years when he tries to seduce her. He complains and it only makes her reject him more. He knows he acts needy and inconsistent as a man and this obviously is turning her off. I explain why she doesn’t feel safe having sex because she doesn’t trust his leadership and doesn’t respect him or feel attracted to him very often. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “The Real Reasons Why Your Girl Won’t Sleep With You Consistently Anymore.”

So this particular emails from a guy, he says he’s been following my work for about three years. And he says he’s on read nine of 3% Man. And he says he often gets rejected by his girlfriend of three years when he’s trying to seduce her. She’s like, “I got a headache.” Or “I’m not feeling well.” She just turns him down. He tends to get frustrated and upset and complaining about it, but he admits that he acts needy and he is inconsistent. And so, I believe this guy said he was a surgeon or a doctor or something like that.

And we did a, there was a reaction video that we did that did real well. It was one of the shorts. It was a woman who was going over exactly this, which is here’s why us women stop sleeping with you guys or don’t want to sleep with you guys. It’s because they don’t feel safe. And so, in this particular case, this guy admits he’s inconsistent. And so, what that means is he tends to vacillate back and forth between being in his masculine and being the leader in the relationship, and then being in his feminine and acting like an insecure little boy who doesn’t know what to do.

So sometimes he’s the leader, and other times he acts like a little boy and treats her like his mommy and his therapist. And so he says, hey, I open her up, but it still doesn’t matter. It’s like, well, if you’re acting like a little boy and you’re getting her to talk and open up, at the end of the day, you’re still not being a leader. You’re not going to be making her feel safe and comfortable enough to want to sleep with you and risk a pregnancy. It’s just something natural that happens to a woman. So if she doesn’t respect you, she’s not going to love you.

And if she doesn’t respect you, she’s not going to be attracted to you. And so if one minute you’re acting masculine and attractive, of course she’s going to feel attraction when to sleep with you, but in the next moment, if you’re acting like an insecure little girl and you don’t know what to do with yourself or your life, or how to address problems or to solve things, then she’s not going to feel safe. She’ll let you be her emotional tampon and her therapist, just like the nice guys who were stuck in friend zone do.

But if you’re not acting like a man consistently, and you vacillate back and forth between being in your mask and in your feminine, your girl is never going to know what version of you is going to show up today. Whether you’re going to show up as a leader or you’re going to show up the next day treating her like your mommy and your therapist or your emotional support human. So the other thing that kind of jumped out at me is this, like I said, this guy’s a doctor. I think he said he was a surgeon somewhere in here.

And his email for a guy had successful, is, full of incomplete sentences. Just really bad spelling. And you think, I could just tell by looking at his email with the spellings here, I mean, some of the stuff I read, I was like, this guy doesn’t sound like he even graduated high school with some of the stuff. I’ve corrected a lot of it just so I can be able to read it.

But if you’re not even disciplined enough to put together an email and just do basic spell check and proofread it once, it’s well, obviously that’s just kind of a microcosm of your life. In other words, you’re not a disciplined man. And an undisciplined man is a man that doesn’t make women feel safe. So that’s just some observations right off the top.

Viewer Email:

Hello Dear Coach,

Thank you so much for all of your work. I have been following you for 3 years and I’m at the 9th read as we speak. I’m actually planning to get a coaching session with you but before, I want to get to 15 reads to be sure that I’ve grasped all the information that you gave us. 

Well it’s one thing to read it, but it’s another to actually apply it and be consistent. Like I said, just looking at your email, I could tell you’re a very undisciplined man. And you’re very sloppy. I hope you don’t bring that to your work, because that’s not something you can be undisciplined and sloppy at.

I have a problem with my current girlfriend of 3 years. We oscillate between periods of great sex (2/3 times a week) and periods when we don’t have sex for 7-15 days. I take responsibility for this, and I know that probably is because I’ve been acting needy, and not consistent. I’m trying to better myself in this department. What do I mean with needy? 

Sometimes it happens that we hang out and have fun, we go back home, she is very affectionate, touchy, she says she loves me but in the end she doesn’t want to hook up.

If you are applying what’s in The Book properly, your girl is going to be wanting more sex from you than you want from her. And if the opposite is the issue, then that tells me right off the bat, you’re vacillating back and forth between being in your masculine and being and your feminine, which, again, is not going to make your girl feel safe. That’s just a fact of life. And the fact that you’re trying to seduce her and trying to have sex with your girl and you’re getting rejected, that tells me that your sensory acuity is off.

You’re unable to tell when she’s ready to be touched and seduced and kissed. And more than likely, you’re probably going too fast. And on top of that, you’re just not smooth. You probably get to the point you’re like, “well, I took her to dinner. She’s affectionate. Okay, now it’s time for sex.”

And so what ends up happening is you put your foot on the gas and you try to seduce her before she’s ready. As I say, all the time, you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. And if you’re speeding things up when you get home and she’s touchy and feely and then she doesn’t want to hook up, well, that’s on you.

Something you’re doing when you’re trying to seduce her is turning her off. And on top of that, maybe you just suck in bed. Maybe your girl is not really getting off and doesn’t really enjoy sex that much. You guys got to understand is on the woman’s body. All of the nerve endings are on the outside of the body, and it takes the friction of the clitoris to make her get off, not you pounding away at her pelvis. Like we did a video, I don’t know, a month or two ago with myself and the girls, and Jada was talking about a time she was hooking up with a guy that was that was like that. And it’s not good sex.

If you think you just pounding away, but you’re not making sure the girl gets stimulated properly where all the nerve endings are, well, all you’re going to do is beat up her pelvis and make her sore, and she’s not going to have a happy finish, because if you fuck her brains out and the sex is good, she’s always going to want to be having sex with you.

But if the sex sucks or your breasts stinks, or you smell, or you didn’t bother showering or bathing or cleaning your ass, you took a nasty shit and you got poop stuck to your dick. You got dingleberries and stuff, and then she goes down on you to give a blow job, and all she smells is ass.

It’s like, do you think that’s going to turn her on? It’s like you got to have basic personal hygiene as well. And you got to understand how a woman’s body works and how to stimulate her so she gets off and she really enjoys sex with you that’s first and foremost. Because a lot of times I’ll see these emails, the guys are like, “everything’s great.” And then they have sex and the girl disappears.

Well, if the girl disappears after having sex or everything was great up until that time. Well, that tells me that in the bedroom you didn’t know what you were doing, and she didn’t enjoy it very much, to the point where she didn’t even feel like returning your call. She was so turned off instead of turned on. So those are just kind of basic things that you got to notice.

I’ve talked about this plenty of times. I think at least 10 during our relationship, telling her that sex is important for me.

Well, if you’re complaining about the fact that you’re not getting enough sex and you’ve been following me for three years, that tells me you’re a shitty student. And again, if your email you sent in with all these misspellings and grammar mistakes is any indication, Well, it doesn’t really surprise me. It seems like you’re probably going through life just kind of half assing everything.

You don’t take your success very seriously. So again, if you’re complaining about sex, you’ve already lost. Because you’re trying to use logic and reason to make her want to have sex with you. Because love is playful and fun. What is the formula? Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, you slowly escalate and wind her up to the fact where she’s begging you to give it to her.

And if you don’t take your time and you don’t go through that process, rejection is just going to be a way of life for you, and you’re going to be very frustrated. And especially again, you follow me all this time and you’re trying to use logic and reason and argue with your girl into giving up the pussy. She’s not giving it up because she doesn’t feel safe.

But every time I try to say this is has a negative effect on her attraction and her sexual desire dissipates even more. 

Exactly. You can’t talk a woman into liking you. You can’t negotiate her interest. You have to be charming. You have to be a leader. You have to be playful. You have to be fun. You have to be a disciplined, competent and confident man that knows what he’s doing. And if she tells you to slow down or to stop, you don’t get irritated. You don’t get butthurt, you don’t get perturbed. You don’t get pissed off. You don’t get mad at her. You should be amused. You know, as Rumi said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”

Be amused at your girl. Be amused when she puts up a little resistance. If she puts up a little resistance, play the game with her. It just means you’re going a little too fast and you need to slow down. Caress more, touch more, kiss more, talk some more, and then slowly escalate from there until you run into resistance again. And then, as I talk about in The Book, two steps forward, you encounter resistance. Then you take a step back, and then you back off a little bit and give it some time.

That builds the anticipation. If you try to move forward and she stops you, then just focus on caressing and lightly touching her body. Running your fingers through her hair or up and down her back, or the small of her back. Or very erotically moving your fingers to the naughty places, but not going all the way and touching them, or just accidentally just grazing them and seeing what she does. Because it’s all an art. It’s an art of being a good lover that you need to learn.

So, I tried to change my approach, and not to say anything when she doesn’t want to have sex, like I’m indifferent to it. But the problem is that when I do this, she can sense that something is off, and she would come straight to me and ask: are you happy with me? Are you okay? 

So she can tell that she’s rejecting you and you’re taking it personally. So it’s all over your face. So you’re not fooling her. The idea is to genuinely be amused, genuinely be playful. But if right away you see rejection and fear comes over your face, women can sense that they’re much more in touch with their emotions and their feelings than we are. And so you’re not going to be able to pretend it away.

In that scenario I’ve said to her more than once that I’m happy and love her, but I’m sexually frustrated. Did I do the wrong thing?

It’s like, yeah. You being sexually frustrated, it’s your fault. You’re the man. You’re supposed to be the leader. It didn’t always used to be this way with her, but somewhere along the way, you stopped doing the baseline fundamentals. And then you started acting like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum because she doesn’t want to give it up to you. Which all that’s going to do is make her feel even more unsafe and more uncomfortable, and it’s going to make the legs close and be locked even more.

Should I keep this to myself?

Well, what does The Book say? If it’s not going to make you look more attractive, more fun, more playful, more sexy, keep it to yourself. Don’t say it. Telling a girl that you’re sexually frustrated, which is the result of you being an inconsistent man, you’re in essence, blaming her for the fact that you’re not turning her on with your behavior.

I don’t understand because she is very affectionate, tells me that she loves me and all the time is asking me to marry her.

Yeah, marriage is out of the question right now. That’s not something you need to even be discussing. You could just say, it’s like, “I love you and I care about you, but I’m just not in a place to marry you. And things are not good enough between us to where I’d want to get married.” Plain and simple.

But I definitely don’t want to marry her if we are in a relationship where we have sex once a week at best. 

Well, what else do you have going on in your life besides her? Do you have friends? Do you have family? Do you have hobbies? Do you have interests? Do you do things outside of your relationship? Because scarcity creates value. If you notice that your girl is kind of taking you for granted and you live together, which it seems like they live together at this point, then you should be going to the gym. You should be taking care of yourself.

You should be the best version of you that you can be. That has to always be that way. That’s the minimum standard. And all too often what happens guys get into relationships and their friends go away. They stop hanging out with their family. They don’t see their mom as much. They give up their baseball card collection or their Star Wars collection because the girl complains about, “oh, you’re always in the garage tinkering with this or that. You’re always playing with your cards.” Or “you’re always hanging out with your friends doing poker night.” Or whatever.

And then the guy is just like, “you know what? I don’t want to piss off my girlfriend because I don’t want to lose access to the box. So let me stop hanging out with my friends and doing all these things and just focus on her exclusively.” And then you’re around her all the time, and you got nothing else going on in your life. So the greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. And if she’s not valuing your time, if you just spent a bunch of time together and she kind of acts like she doesn’t care that you’re there or not, then go do things without her.

Go to the gym by yourself. Go hang out with your friends. Go have a boys night out. Go have some beers. Go hang out with your best buddy. Throw some darts, shoot some pool. Go out on a boat, play some golf. Go do some rock climbing. Go on a hike. Spend some time in nature. If your girl is making you feel like a second class citizen, then go do things without her. You reward people treating you well with the gift of your time, and when they take you for granted, they get the gift of missing you.

Go and do other things. Let her wonder about you. Take a little bit longer to text her back, or if she calls you in the middle of the day and you’re busy, take a few hours to call her back. Take your time. It’s like if somebody is not treating you like a priority, then stop trying to make them treat you like a priority. Give them the gift of missing you. Go spend your time elsewhere.

Last night we were in bed after a good day, date, and had fun. She said, she had headaches. Come on! I told her that it is important for us to make love.

Again, you’re trying to use logic and reason. This is the opposite of what I teach. You’re just crying and whining like a whinge bag is. My English friends would say. This is not attractive. Complaining and whining. What do you want? A mercy fuck from her? You want her to fuck you and not be into it. It’s like, come on dude, have some self respect.

I told her that it is important for us to make love, and that healthy couples do it at least 2 to 3 times a week.

They do it because the woman wants to do it with him, because she’s attracted to him and respects him. But you bitching and complaining that you’re not having enough sex, it’s, again, it’s your lack of discipline. Like I said, all I had to do was, as soon as I started looking through your email, I was like, you got to be kidding me. This guy’s a surgeon. You’re a surgeon, and you’re so fucking sloppy that you can’t even be bothered to spell the words properly in here.

It’s like if you had never told me you were a surgeon, I would have thought you probably dropped out of high school or something. So it’s like, again, you’re an undisciplined man. I mean, to send an email like this to me and be whining and complaining to your wife that she doesn’t want to sleep with you, no wonder she doesn’t want to sleep with you. How could she possibly respect a man that can’t even be bothered to write complete sentences and to have good grammar?

It’s like, seriously? And you’re a surgeon. I wouldn’t want you operating on me. It’s like, shit man. This is sloppy and undisciplined, and you’re a sloppy and undisciplined student. And you’re lazy, and you want her just to want to fuck you without you making any kind of effort for it. Your girl doesn’t feel safe. She’s not turned on by you. She doesn’t respect you. You’re eliciting platonic feelings in her. She looks at you like you’re a little boy, even though you’re a successful surgeon, supposedly.

In the moment she was sad, she said she was sorry.

Well, she may be sorry, but at the end of the day, she feels what she feels, and what she feels is not being attracted to you. Because you’re not acting attractive. You don’t act like a confident guy that has the world by the balls. You act like a little boy that didn’t get enough strokes or mommy and daddy as a kid. You’re supposed to be the confident, masculine dude in your family, in your household, not some little boy that complains and throws a temper tantrum because mommy doesn’t give him enough atta’ boys.

The day after I could tell that something was off.

Again, if she doesn’t respect you as a man because you’re acting like a bitch all the time and you’re whining and complaining, you opening her up, it’s like, that’s not the issue. The issue is you got to take care of your behavior. She doesn’t feel safe with you. She doesn’t trust your masculine core. And again, it’s because you’re an undisciplined man. Simple as that.

I tried your techniques to have her open up, and in the end, (the very end) she cried and told me that the day before I made her feel like she was not “right”, and that she felt wrong and guilty for the “not having sex thing”.

Again, I’m just trying to interpret what he wrote here because it’s fucking atrocious.

She claims she doesn’t know why she is not horny.

She really doesn’t. Women only know how they feel. And you’re drying her pussy up drier than the Sahara Desert. What do you expect? This is so predictable.

She used to be.

Yeah, back when she respected you and felt attraction, of course she wanted to fuck your brains out. But when you’re complaining all the time and you’re acting like a little boy, instead of the masculine head of the household, of course she’s not going to want to have sex with you. She doesn’t feel safe with you. She doesn’t trust you.

Now my question is: 

Should I never ever complain about sex.

Yeah, don’t ever complain about it. Because the reason she’s not horny and turned on, and tearing your clothes off is because you’re being a bitch of a man. I’m sorry, but somebody’s got to tell you this. Women are typically not going to tell you this. But I can just look at her actions and know that it’s like she’s drier than the Sahara Desert.

Should I never ever complain about sex or is good thing to state a boundary and tell her how I want to be treated? 

Again, complaining women into fucking you. It’s like, seriously dude? You really think that’s a good idea?

Should I lie to her when she asks me how am I related to this topic?

Again, it shouldn’t even be a topic. And if she does say it, it’s like, “well, it’d be nice every once in a while when I come home from work, if you handed me a drink and pulled my pants down and gave me a nice blowjob with a happy finish. Just to be a good girl, that’d be nice.” You could say that.

I’ve tried sometimes to say jokingly when she asks how are you and we are in bed: “I’m good, bring your sexy ass here and I show you how better we can be” but she never replies to this sexual jokes. 

Because again, you’re making sexual jokes, which is basically, “hey, I’m ready to get a release. Come over here and drain my balls dry woman.” She’s not turned on. She doesn’t feel safe. You’re saying things at inappropriate moments and you don’t even recognize it. And the hookup, the sex comes at the end, not in the beginning. If you’re fucking each other all the time and you’re acting like a man consistently, you can pull her pants down and take her whenever you want.

But when she doesn’t respect you, she doesn’t feel attraction for you. And you act like a little boy and you’re always complaining about how much pussy you’re not getting. And then you keep devoting all your time to her, instead of going and spending time with other people. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And if you’re always available, if you’re always there, then for the next few weeks, go be scarce. Go do things without her. Go hang out with your friends. Go see your family.

Go see your mom. Go rock climbing. Go to the gym. Go hang out. Go to the gun range. Go do some masculine things. Go lift some weights. Go for a run outside. Go hang out with the boys and have some beers or whatever and blow off some steam. And when she texts you let it go to voicemail or call you, let it go to voicemail and respond to her text a little later. “Where were you? Where were you?” It’s like, “I was hanging out with the boys. I haven’t seen him in a while.” “Oh, why didn’t you text me back?”

“Because I was busy with the boys. It’s rude. I saw the phone, but there was all kinds of people texting me. It’s like I’m not going to answer it. I’m being present with my friends. I haven’t seen him in months. So, babe, you just have to wait. Get in line. Did you miss me terribly? If you miss me so much, why don’t you come over here and kiss me?” “All you think about is sex.” I like good sex. And a nice woman who’s easy going, easy to get along with. Not a woman who’s cranky and has an attitude.

I’m feeling taken for granted.

I’m feeling taking for guaranteed. It’s like good spelling job, great discipline there. You can’t even proofread a fucking email to me and you’re a surgeon.

And I also told her, but this made things worse instead of better.

Yeah, again, anytime you complain about it, it’s extremely unattractive. That’s why every time you bitch about how much sex you’re not getting, it turns her off even more. What you need to do is focus on acting like The Book teaches. Because even though you claim to have read The Book nine times, it’s like you’re acting the opposite of the way a man should be acting.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m a surgeon, I’m starting my own business, living in the city of my dreams and making good money. And all my life is okay apart from this part which is very important. 

Please help me, Coach. 

Bob

You got to participate in your own rescue Dude. You’re an undisciplined, sloppy surgeon. Again, it’s like, it’s kind of scary to think that you’re a surgeon and you’re this undisciplined. I mean, again, you can’t even write an email that makes sense and that has coherent thoughts and coherent sentences. It’s like I’m trying to interpret what you’re saying here, and I’m changing the words as I’m reading through it because it’s just so disgustingly sloppy.

So again, like I said, if I didn’t know you were a surgeon, I would have thought you probably never even graduated high school. So it’s like if I can ascertain that just from looking at the grammar and how you’ve structured your email, I can only imagine the way your life is. You’re completely undisciplined, you’re sloppy, and you’re not applying what’s in The Book at all. I mean, this whole email is one complaint about how much pussy you’re not getting.

But you admit you’re inconsistent earlier in the email and you act needy. If you act needy that you’re not getting enough attention paid to you, you’re not calm. Masculinity is calm. It’s unperturbed. It doesn’t get butthurt. If you try to seduce a woman and she rejects you or pushes you off, you don’t take a delay as an outright denial, it just means that you’re not being smooth. You’re going too fast. You’re trying to escalate things faster than she’s ready to.

And as soon as you encounter any kind of resistance, you get butthurt and mad and she picks up on it like that, which is going to turn her off and dry her pussy up even more. So even if you feel perturbed inside, you want to become amused. You want to become playful, see it as a challenge, as something to be overcome, and you should take it as feedback for how you’re showing up, that you’re not acting in a way that’s attractive enough yet. So you have to get refocused on your behavior. The Book is only going to help you if you actually apply what’s in The Book.

Again, bitching and complaining about how much sex you’re not getting, which is what this whole email is about. I can only imagine what most of your interactions are like with your girlfriend. You’re probably constantly complaining and whining and pouting. It’s like she does not want to have sex with a little boy who’s mad and who’s pouting because she’s not giving it up. She’s going to give it up to a guy that’s indifferent to whether she has sex with him or not.

If she’s not paying attention to you and she’s not affectionate, go spend time with people that are excited to have you there. Let her get the gift of missing you. But it’s like you got to get refocused on the fundamentals and actually applying them, because being a whinge bag is not a way to get a woman to open her legs up. It’s like you got to take care of you first, dude. Like I said earlier, you got to participate in your own rescue. And as Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.”

And like I said, you’ve got so many things you need to get squared away in your life. And like I said, it’s kind of shocking to me that a surgeon, to go through college and do everything you need to do to become a successful surgeon, but then to write something like this and to behave like this and to talk this way, it’s disgusting. It’s totally unmasculine. And no wonder she doesn’t want to sleep with you. No woman’s going to want to sleep with you when you behave this way. It’s totally unmanly dude.

You got to pull your head out of your ass. Start being the leader. Start displaying the masculine, attractive traits that are discussed in The Book at length. I mean, you say you’ve read The Book nine times, but did you really read it nine times? Or were you just listen to the AudioBook when you were driving and you were doing other things around the house, so you weren’t really focused on it? Because, again, the way you act, you don’t act like somebody that really took the time to read The Book nine times.

And when I say read The Book, the ideal way to do it is to put the AudioBook on two speed while you follow along in a digital physical copy and you’re highlighting things, and you’re making notes in the margin. Maybe even you have a pad of paper and you’re taking notes on there as well. That’s what a serious student would do. And I would imagine back when you were in medical school, you actually did those things.

You took the classes seriously and you studied for them. And you need to have the same approach with The Book. If you really want to own this, you got to take the time with The Book and take serious learning the principles that are in here. Because when you’re like, I honestly don’t know what to do. The fact that you say that, that right there tells me you don’t even know The Book. You’ve kind of half assed it and thumbed through it.

Like I said, more than likely you probably were listening to the AudioBook and doing a bunch of other things. And so, it was just kind of background noise. It’s like, that’s not being a serious student. If you treated this book this way, or if you treated your studies in college this way, you would have never made it to become a surgeon.

So we know you have the ability. We know you have the ability to show up and turn your girlfriend on so she wants to fuck your brains out. But this dude you’ve been showing up as lately, it’s like no one’s going to want to fuck you when you behave this way. It’s like, come on, dude. You got to participate in your own rescue.

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