The Real Reasons Why You’re Only A Booty-Call & Not Her Boyfriend

How to become her boyfriend instead of just being a booty call.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has only read 3% Man, 4 times in the 5 years he’s been following me. He’s been dating a woman for about 8 months who has a daughter. However, they only see each other every 3 weeks. She also doesn’t allow him around her daughter anymore. He loves her, but he’s really only a part time booty-call, emotional tampon, her phone therapist and texting buddy. He wonders what he should do to get her in love. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “The Real Reasons Why You’re Only A Booty-Call & Not Her Boyfriend.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He’s been following me for five years, but yet he’s only read The Book four times. So if you guys are very familiar with The Book and you take your success seriously, unlike this guy, then it’s going to become real clear to you really quickly what he’s actually doing wrong. So he’s been dating this girl for about eight months. She’s got a daughter, and I guess about seven months before they met, she had a real bad breakup with the baby daddy.

And so they just started hanging out casually. But eight, nine months later, he still only sees her about every three weeks, once every three weeks. He’s told her that he loves her. And then when you look at what he’s actually doing, it’s, even though he’s only been through The Book four times in five years. I mean, this is like one of the most basic things that he’s just not getting right. But, a little further down in the email, you’ll see that the pursuing is kind of like 50/50.

And across the board when I’m doing phone sessions and I hear whether it’s a heterosexual guy, lesbian, gay dude, when it’s 50/50, you’re going to get friend zoned eventually. And because women need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, for their feelings, to grow. And if you’re always in their face, if you’re always pursuing and you’re talking and texting all the time on the phone like this guy is, that’s a big reason why they’re not getting together.

But, in essence, like once a month, basically, if they’re getting together every three weeks, then he’s lucky if he sees her once a month, some months, he’s seeing her twice a month. So it’s a once or twice a month booty call. And yet he’s constantly talking and texting all throughout the day. So he’s basically become her emotional tampon or gay male girlfriend, her therapist and her texting buddy. And occasionally he gets his noodle wet. And so he’s surprised.

He just doesn’t seem to see that what he’s doing is getting in the way, because he’s obviously acting needy and neurotic, and he just is not comfortable having some time and space away from this girl and giving her a chance to meet him and using the phone to set dates. So he’s violating some basic principles from The Book. So it should be pretty obvious why he’s just kind of spinning his wheels and getting nowhere. But again, it’s a good email because you’re going to learn more from the mistakes and the fucking up.

Because when especially like when I talk about what’s in The Book and then how guys are applying it, or in this case, misapplying it. It’s really illustrated because every single dude watching this video has done this at some point in their lives. They spend all this time talking and texting on the phone, but yet they can’t ever seem to get together with a girl in person. And so if you do it right, the phone is for setting dates and you’re getting together in person. If she’s got things to share, she can share it in person.

But when you’re always available, talking and texting 24/7 on the phone, and yet she never makes time for you. And on top of that, after he told her that he loved her, he had stayed over at her house and spent the night, three different times when her daughter, her young daughter was at the house. But ever since he told her that he’s in love with her, she’s backed off, kept him at arm’s length. She doesn’t invite him over. Doesn’t want him over. Doesn’t involve him in her daughter’s life. And that should be obvious that you’re not very important to her.

Because when a woman is in love with you, she wants to bond, she wants to nest. She wants to be family. She wants to have her kids around you. And when she keeps all of that at arm’s length, well, you’re just a booty call. And this is, you know, the Ayn Rand quote just reminds me of it. “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” And that’s basically what this guy is doing.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Thanks for all you do for men and relationships. I’ve read your book 4 times in 5 years. Thought I had it, but I need to do more, I know. I met her online back in May of 2024. Texted about 2 weeks before we met because she is a full-time single mom.

So again, he makes “the oh, she’s a single mom. So I got to spend all this time talking and texting her.” So right off the bat, instead of making a date and getting together in person, he’s chit chatting on the phone constantly. And he rationalizes his over pursuit by saying, “oh, she’s a single mom.” The phone is for setting dates, it’s a cardinal rule in The Book. The more you talk in the phone, the less you’re going to see each other in person. So this guy is constantly on the phone with her, but he almost never sees her. Once a month, he gets together in person for a little booty call and that’s it.

The first date was great we ended back at my place having sex a few times and she spent the night. Over the next few months she would reach out more than me and we’d see each other for sex about 2 times a month. She had gone through a bad breakup with her baby’s father 7 months earlier and I could tell she wanted to keep it casual.

All relationships start as casual hanging out, having fun, hooking up. And as their interest grows, she reaches out more. She contacts you more and wants to get together with you more.

I liked her but continued to see other women. She did a bit of pull-back for a week in July.

Probably because he was over pursuing and not realizing it.

I mirrored her actions.

Which is the correct thing to do when you recognize that you’re over pursuing.

And she asked me what was up and if the honeymoon stage was over. I reassured her it was all good and we reconnected.

So he backed off enough to where she felt it and she’s like, “hey, what’s going on? You’re a little distant.” So the response is, “hey, you. Sorry. Well, let’s get together. I haven’t seen you in a while.” And then you make a date. But he’s probably because she used the child as a reason why she couldn’t get together and wanted to talk on the phone, and he was like. Because he really liked her, he thought, “oh, okay, well, that makes sense.”

And so that rule went right out the window very early on. And so now he’s trained her to expect that he’s always available 24/7, which is a bad way to go. Again, you’ve been following me for five years and you’re pursuing like this, and you still think it’s a good idea and you don’t realize it. This is why you don’t cherry pick. You know, maybe he actually has been through The Book the four times in five years. But again, that’s one of the little subtle nuances of The Book. He just missed it. It didn’t click with him.

I noticed around September that she was texting me every morning to say good morning and calling a lot.

Well, if she’s calling and texting you all the time, you should be getting together. And if she tells you, “I can’t see you for two weeks”, and then says, you know, “But I just wanted to talk.” It was like, “well, let’s get together in person.” If she’s not, well, “it’s like, you know, I don’t have time to talk right now, but I would like to see you in person. I’m not looking for a digital pen pal. I want to see you. I want to see your face. Get a babysitter. Figure it out. Let’s get together. If you’ve got a lot to tell me, let’s talk about it over dinner.” But he didn’t do that. He laid down. He was a squishy boy and did whatever she wanted.

We became very close, and she asked me to a concert and to a food festival a year away. Things were light and very fun.  I invited her on my birthday trip in October.

So again, now you’re October. You’re five months after you’ve been dating. You’re still not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, and if you’re five months in and you’re not boyfriend and girlfriend and then you’re inviting her to hang out on your birthday, you’re treating her like a girlfriend. She’s treating you like a booty call. If you care more about her, then she cares about you. It’s not going to end well.

And we had a great time. She told me she loved me during sex. When we got back, I asked her about it and she said it was a mistake she was drunk and didn’t truly mean it, we had to spend more time together. Foolishly, I thought about how I felt and I told her I loved her. She was surprised and just said thank you.

You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. The Book is laid out. It’s completely Free to Read on the Website, but most people major and minor things, they’re just lazy. They want the quick fix. The magic pickup line. They just don’t want to take the time to really learn this stuff. And then you spend ten months of your life with a woman, and you think she’s your girlfriend and the love of your life, and meanwhile, she only sees you once every three weeks because you’re an occasional booty call. She’s so into you. She’s okay with not seeing you, but once a month, sometimes twice.

We talked and she said she wants to take it slow.

Remember, this is in October after five months of dating. “We talked and she said she wants to take it slow”, probably because he was pressuring her about spending more time and talking about the relationship again, which is another violation of the principles in The Book. And so he’s noticing that her interest is significantly lower than he wants it to be, and way lower than his interest in her is. And yet he thinks by confronting her and talking about his feelings and trying to get her to be more serious and spend more time with him, she says she wants to take it slow again. Women don’t just bring things up like this. They bring things up like this because you’re smothering them.

They can feel you’re coming on too strong, and you care way more about them than they do about you. I did a video Newsletter the other day, “Whoever Cares The Least, Has All The Power.” So it’s pretty clear that this woman, since the get go, has had all the power, and he’s been completely blinded by his high interest in her because he’s only focused on his feelings and attraction. He completely ignores the fact that this girl barely sees him once a month, sometimes twice. That’s a booty call. He’s become her gay male girlfriend, her emotional tampon, her therapist, and her texting buddy. And occasionally he gets a little booty call for all that effort. And it’s quite possible he’s just one of the guys that she’s fucking.

We talked and she said she wants to take it slow because she’s scared of being hurt and another man being in her daughter’s life who will leave.

So probably he was also saying, “well, how come you never bring me around your daughter anymore?” Again, if you’re having to ask those kinds of questions, you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. You don’t know The Book. You are clueless. You have less game than a horny virgin teenager trying to lose his virginity on spring break.

Before my birthday I had been to her house about 3 times to spend the night while her daughter was there, but never since I said that.

And so you know what that means. It means since that moment, her interest is less than it was when you were sleeping over. And since her interest dropped, that’s why she didn’t want you sleeping over anymore. She gives you the excuse, “Oh, I don’t.” Because I did this when I was younger. I had girls that I dated that had kids, and I would hear these kinds of things. “Oh, I don’t want a man coming into and out of my daughter’s life.” But as things were going well, she wanted me around and spend more time with her and her daughter as a family and her family for that matter.

But when her interest was low, then you would hear the “oh, I don’t want a man coming in into and out of my daughter’s life. I don’t want, you know, a man coming into and out of my kids life.” You would hear those kinds of things. And so that’s what he’s getting. So it sounds like a logical explanation. The guy goes, “oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.” And then he keeps over pursuing. And so her interest never goes up. It’s actually dropped from where it was in September, and he’s never recovered from that. So he’s actually seeing her less now than he was in the very beginning.

Things have been hot and cold since then.

And here’s where he kind of gives it all away. Because in the beginning of the email, he kind of makes it sound like he’s following The Book, she’s doing most of the pursuing. And then we get to the middle of the, you know, the email. Then it’s where he kind of admits, it’s like he writes this, but it doesn’t seem, it’s like it goes right over his head. He doesn’t see that what he’s doing is not aligned with The Book. Because, again, he doesn’t know it.

He probably maybe read The Book four times several years ago and hasn’t been back to it since. And he’s just cherry picking and videos. But the cherry pickers are the guys that struggle the most, and that’s why I roast them, because their emails are good to learn from. Especially for other guys who are good students because they can watch this and go, “damn, it’s pretty obvious what this guy’s doing wrong”, but he’s kind of clueless. He can’t see it himself.

We still talk and text every day.

The phone is for setting dates, bro.

With her doing about 60% of the reaching out.

As The Book says, you should never, never do more than 20 to 30% of it. And here you are, nine months down the road and you’re still doing 40% of the pursuing.

Some weeks more but never less than 50/50.

So probably most of the time it’s 50/50. 50% of the time he’s reaching out to her first. 50% of the time she’s reaching out to him first. So when you pursue like that, and it’s across the board, heterosexual relationships, gay relationships, lesbian relationships, same issue across the board. It ruins the sexual polarity. You’re acting too much like a girl and not enough like a man. And as The Book says, if once you’re in a relationship and you’re months down the road, the woman should be doing 95%.

And most women will let you get away with them doing 99 to 100% of the pursuing. I mean, if you think about it from this perspective, when a woman is in love with you and you’re in a relationship, she’s going to be calling and texting you 2 to 3 times a day, whether it’s phone calls or texts or FaceTime. She’s in constant contact with you. And so you’re usually always going to be together. She’s going to be at your house that night or you’re going to be at hers. That’s what happens when you’re in a real close relationship.

And this guy is clearly not even close to that again. He’s a once a month booty call, sometimes twice a month booty call. But in his mind, he’s in a relationship with her. But in her mind, she’s keeping him at arm’s length. And he’s pretty needy. He’s pretty neurotic. He probably complains they don’t see each other enough, but yet he talks and texts constantly with her, which is a blatant violation of what’s in The Book.

There are periods where she pulls away.

Well, if she’s pulling away, then you’re obviously over pursuing. If she’s pulling away, it means her interest is dropping significantly.

But I mirror her actions, and she comes back reaching out and being sweet.

But what happens is he just picks back up his over pursuit and then her interests, you know, quickly goes right back down where it’s just kind of flat. And then so she vacillates back and forth between him being a platonic friend and an occasional booty call. But her feelings, if I was talking to her, she’d probably say, “Well, sometimes I’m really into him. Sometimes it’s just it doesn’t feel like there’s any chemistry or any spark.”

She’s clearly not missing this guy, and the fact that he’s always talking and texting with her, again, that’s what a friend would do. And so mostly their interactions are of a platonic nature. Because again, if you’re only seeing her once, sometimes twice a month, for a booty call, that’s not a relationship. You’re basically her therapist and her gay male girlfriend and her texting buddy. It’s just surprising to me that somebody can follow me for this long and think that it’s a good idea for it to be 50/50. That’s called being delusional.

Things got weird around the holidays.

Again, this is, you know, him realizing, “wow, she’s not really not into me. She doesn’t even want me around her on the holidays.” Because again, he thinks of her as a girlfriend. He’s inviting her to spend his birthday with him.

She went to Mexico with her girlfriend and was FaceTiming me sending me lots of messages and communicating a lot.

Well, again, because you’re her pal, her friend, her texting buddy, her therapist because you’re always available 24/7 and you drop what you’re doing to talk to her, but you never see her.

When she came back, she invited me over, cooked for me and we exchanged gifts. Then the next two weeks she was cold. I gave her space then we talked about it.

So again, he’s constantly thinking, “Where am I standing? Where is this going?” He’s just acting like the girl all the time.

I gave her space then we talked about it, and she was back to being sweet and reached out a lot. Asked her and she said she’s not sleeping with or dating anyone else.

Dude, she sees you once a month and maybe that’s enough for her. Maybe she’s busy with her kid and work and everything else. And if she’s not that into you she’s going to be okay with just getting together with you once or twice a month.

She asked to spend Valentine’s Day with me I took her to the movies and gave her a box of chocolates, wine and a card.

That’s like something right out of a Disney movie.

She’s back to being a little distant. She has only been seeing me every 3 weeks but says she wants to more. Should I walk, back off or continue?

Thanks.

Well, at this point, if I were you, I wouldn’t reach out to her for any reason. If you take a step back and look at it, she’s treating you like a once a month booty call, and you’re wasting all this time talking and texting on the phone. So over the next few weeks, you should just back that off and just be unavailable. Take your time getting back to her. Don’t be sending her “good morning and good night” texts because she’s not your girlfriend. She’s a once a month booty call. That’s it.

If she reaches out try to make a date. If she says she can’t see you for a week or whatever, say, “great”, make plans and say, “hey, I gotta run. I’ll see you in a week” or, “I’ll see you in two weeks”, whatever the date happens to be. “Oh, but I want to talk.” “I can’t right now. You know, I’m about to step into a meeting, or I’m getting together with a friend, or I’m going to see my parents, or I’m hanging out with a buddy. I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.”

Just don’t be available if she asks you about it. It’s like, “well, if you miss me, let’s get together.” “Oh, I can’t. I got this. Like, “we’ll. Get a babysitter.” “Well, I don’t have anybody.” “Well, why don’t you figure it out and get back to me? Because I want to spend time with you in person, and we spend more time talking on the phone and very little in person, and that needs to change. Or I’m just going to start dating other girls.” So again, The Book’s not going to help you if you completely do the opposite of it.

I mean, this is so obvious, but again, you know, there’s constantly new people coming in every day. And so there’s going to be a lot of people watching this video that this is the first time they’ve seen or heard of this. And they go, “wow, I was about to do everything this guy was doing.” And so you’ll save a lot of guys trouble that are actually good students. But the fact that you’re a shitty student, you know, it makes for a good video, honestly. You know, so the rest of us can watch and learn at your expense.

But it would be nice if you actually took The Book seriously and took your life seriously and stop wasting it. Stop being somebody’s emotional tampon talking on the phone all the time because you’re not getting anywhere dude. You got to have some self-respect. So I would stop moving forward. I’d stop being available. If she texts you. “Good morning.” Text her back at 11. “Hey, you. Good morning.” And then just take your time responding to her. “Hey, you. Haven’t been as available lately. Sorry. I’ve been a lot of meetings. Work’s been crazy lately. It’s busy. It’s crazy.” Girls say it to guys all the time.

“Oh, it works crazy. Sorry.” So use the same excuses to her. It was like, “well, let’s get together in person. If you got a lot to catch up with.” And she’s like, “well, I can’t do anything for two weeks.” It’s like, okay, make definite plans for two weeks in the future and then say, “awesome, we can catch up. Then I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” Just don’t be available. If she calls and texts you at 10 or 11:00 at night, You could say, “come over.” And she says, “well, I can’t. I got my daughter.” I was like, “well, bring her.” “Oh, I don’t want to. Oh, I don’t want to involve my daughter.”

It’s like, “well, we’ve been dating for ten months. If you don’t want to come over, then, you know, get a babysitter and let me know when you’re available. I’m not going to sit here and spend an hour talking on the phone and then get to see you just once a month. That doesn’t work for me. You got to make more of an effort if you want to keep me around.” Again, The Book is not going to help you if you do the opposite. The Book you don’t read can’t help you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.