The Rise & Fall Of An Alpha Male

How to avoid the rise & fall of men who lose their way & become beta males.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy from Germany whose wife and himself utilize the tools and principles taught in 3% Man, in their successful marriage. He shares a personal story from his own family of how his formally alpha male brother in law who had it all, a great life and the love of his wife, lost his way and became a defeated beta male. He started drinking, got fat and lost his wife’s respect and attraction.

He went from being the leader and head of his household, to the immature drunk frat boy who turned his wife into his mommy. She now appears to be looking for the exits. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular guy, he’s married and he and his wife are avid readers and fans and implementers of 3% Man. They’re quite often actually are on my Facebook page at Coach Corey Wayne, and they tend to engage with and chat with people quite often in the comments. He’s sent a bunch of emails in over the years that I’ve answered, and they got a pretty solid marriage. Like I said, both they’re students of 3% Man, and they’re really committed to one another.

So he sends an email just observation of in his own family. I guess his brother-in-law, who’s married to his wife’s sister, he says when they first met, he was the man. He was fit, he was in shape, his wife adored him, he ran things. Somewhere along the way, over the last few years, he lost his way. He got fat, he got lazy, he got out of shape, started arguing with his wife, and now he does things like hit on other women. It’s clear that unfortunately his wife, his sister-in-law, is kind of looking for the exits.

You can just see this is the typical pattern of what happens to most guys is, they get into a relationship. Most of us watching this video have people that we know, like the dude started out great, and after five, 10 years, three, four years, whatever happens to be, they just become lazy and soft and totally lose their way and then their women lose attraction. You can tell this guy stopped dating and courting his wife. He didn’t make her feel heard and understood anymore.

As I’ve been saying for years, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. When she doesn’t, the legs close. So she stopped feeling heard and understood. The legs closed, and he does like what most guys do, which is try to argue with her and use logic and reason to win a fight on why she should be having more sex with him. So it’s a good email, so thanks again to all you guys are watching this. Obviously this is a paying Members Only post. So I appreciate you guys and your support.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Today I have a great story, that shows the rise and fall of an Alpha male. As you remember, my wife’s parents passed away and it was rough on the family for everybody. My sister in law back then had this real good man. She trusted him and he supported her very well. When I met him for the first time, he was a great guy, showed all what a 3% Man has to show, and was doing everything possible, to make my sister-in-law feel heard, loved and understood. He did everything to date and court her the correct way. After my wife’s mother passed away her sister started a new career in nursing and has completed her specialist degree.

A tidbit. I tend to point these things out from time to time. When you listen to divorce attorneys or just like what I’ve seen in my own coaching practice, when you look at careers that like women go into that cheat a lot and are very promiscuous, nursing is very high up there. It’s like top five or six, where people cheat. Whatever reason, that’s just the way it is.

My wife’s grandpa hit his 100th birthday. They had a great party with the family but that day, one year ago, I noticed that my sister in law’s boyfriend had changed. His body language was different, and he never was with my sister in law at the party.

We visited the family one week ago, just 10 months after the birthday party. I was surprised how my sister in law’s boyfriend changed. He gained 33 pounds, had started drinking, and whenever he drank too much, which he never did before, he becomes a total female bitch.

It’s a bad, bad way to go. He stopped being confident, he stopped being competent, he let himself go. This happens so much. I mean, how many people do you guys know that were fit and shape, and they got married three or four years, five years later, maybe after a few kids, both of them are overweight or obese, the woman’s cut all her hair off, she doesn’t wear any makeup anymore, she wears baggy clothes, he wears baggy clothes?

If you go through some of the other Members Area content, especially the ones with Kuong, who owns a CrossFit gym, there was a podcast that we did a few years ago. He went through the cycle because he would see this a lot. The clients that came into his gym, he’d see these guys, they’re overweight, they joined the gym because they had a breakup. Then like 90, 120 days in, they’re fit, they’re in shape again. Maybe six months in, they start dating somebody from the gym. Three or four months later, the guy’s not coming in anymore and neither is the girl.

Then about a year and a half, two years later, the guy comes back, he’s single again, he’s overweight, out of shape, and then the same cycle starts all over again. A lot of people do that to get into a relationship and they let themselves go. They stop being who they were or when their significant other fell in love with them.

It takes discipline. It takes commitment to that. It’s like people will do that to get somebody, but they won’t do those things to keep that person. I’ve seen it amongst my own friends and family. People get soft, they get complacent. They’re like, “Hey, this is handled. I don’t have to work out anymore,” and they just keep getting bigger and bigger.

He starts to argue with my sister-in-law. We all know arguing with a woman is a bad way to go.

Yeah, men who understand women don’t argue with them.

He does this in front of the complete family, he starts a drunk drama where everybody sees it. My sister-in-law tells him that he acts like a 10-year-old. He does not care. He is giving himself up, is not going to the gym anymore and is drinking even before he goes to work.

Yeah, it’s not going to end well for that guy. He’s in what we call a “flat spin.”

You can tell my sister-in-law is the man in the relationship and her boyfriend is the woman. No sex life anymore, no love, no respect, and he argues like, “Oh I redid the complete house for you, I did this and that for you.”

So he’s focused on the things that he did, expecting an attaboy for it. The reality is, she doesn’t feel heard and understood. He’s no longer dating and courting her properly. On top of that, he’s turned into a fat, drunk slob like a fat frat boy and made her his mommy. That’s not gonna work. From her perspective, she’s in a relationship with a guy that doesn’t even resemble what her husband used to be.

My sister-in-law rolls her eyes. She tells him straight from your 3% book, word by word what she wants, but he does not care. He is trying to win his pointless drunk arguments based on logic and reason, and of course he hurts her by what he says. This guy came from an attractive Alpha male and changed to a complete Beta male. He flirts with other women, plays computer games in his free time, eats fast food and is mad when he can not play online games when my sister-in-law wants to go out with him. My sister in law wrote to us: “I have to change some things in my life.” And we know what that means.

I thought this is a great example of how a man can screw up very fast. After several years of being together and living together, this guy got caught up in work, life or whatever. He starts treating his lady like a roommate who will stick around no matter what. Now my sister-in-law feels unloved, unappreciated and unwanted. She protests and tries to communicate, but he takes her for granted. We left early from my wife’s family. Nobody wants to be with a drama queen. We all know where this ends…

Hope you have a great Easter time with friends and family.

Many greetings from Germany

Bob

Well Bob, thanks for sharing that and again, congratulations to you and your lovely bride and the several years that you guys have been together in a happy marriage. Thanks for sharing this, because this is a really good email that really shows what happens to the average guy when they get into a relationship, and why it goes sideways.

I mean, this is predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west, and this is what happens with most guys. If a guy is struggling, this is where the character issues really come out with the woman that he’s chosen, because if he chose a woman of high character, she’ll leave, she’ll end the marriage, get her own place, get her life back in order, go to the gym. Once she feels comfortable again, then she’ll start dating.

A woman who has character flaws and belongs to the streets, she’ll start hitting on his best friend, or flirting with another guy from work, or giving out her number to one of the doctors at the hospital or whatever. Next thing you know, she’s having an affair with somebody else. Then this guy finds out and she dips. That’s basically what’s in this guy’s future. She’s either going to leave him if she’s got high character, or she’s going to really dick him down bad and treat him like dirt on her way out the door. It’s totally avoidable.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.