The signs of a woman with low and mediocre romantic interest and how to respond.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is seeing a woman he dated during the lock downs again. They have been on 4 dates and it is clear that her effort and enthusiasm are lacking, and she appears to have low romantic interest. She has canceled dates at the last minute and just seems to be going along since it’s better than staying at home looking at the 4 walls. Before they started seeing each other again, she just ended an engagement with another man. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, The Signs Of Low & Mediocre Romantic Interest.
Well, this particular email is from a guy who I guess apparently he dated this girl for he doesn’t really elaborate, but he dated her during the lock downs. For whatever reason, it didn’t work out. They went their separate ways. Apparently she eventually got into a relationship with somebody else, became engaged to that guy, and then for whatever reason, that engagement didn’t work out.
And so, recently after she broke up with the guy she was engaged to, they basically have been out on like four dates over five, six weeks. And you got to remember, she’s had a breakup, so there’s a lack of enthusiasm. Plus she looks like she’s cancelled dates, changed plans at the last minute a few times, and there just is not a high level of enthusiasm. And this is part of the problem when you don’t have enough choices.
If like, this is the only prospect you got, you’re going to try to work with it, especially when the thirst is real. So the idea is that you want to be with a woman who’s got enthusiasm for you. She’s excited to be with you. She admires you, she respects you, she looks up to you. She respects your leadership, those kinds of things.
And when you continue to spend your time with a woman who clearly doesn’t really seem to care or like in this case, she just broke up with her fiancé, she’s probably still distraught over that, and not healed over that. You just don’t want to spend your time and money with somebody who’s just kind of like, “Eh” towards you. You want somebody who’s excited and feels like they won the lottery, that they got you.
So as a man, that’s why a big part of what’s in 3% Man, is to build yourself up to the kind of a guy who’s a catch to women. Not just some average, mediocre dude with a dad bod who feels like if he gets a virgin or a girl with a low body count, all of his problems are going to be solved and the girl is never going to leave him or cheat on him, which is absurd.
But there’s a lot of guys on the internet that think that if they get a low body count woman, or a girl that’s a virgin, that they can just get lazy, and she’ll stay with them no matter what. They go through a difficult time. They get decide to get depressed for a couple of years. She’ll just put up with it. And that is just not the way it works in the real world.
I’ve been dating a woman the last couple months I originally dated back in Covid times. When we started dating again, I knew she had just gotten out of an engagement where she lived with a guy a couple of months earlier.
Yeah. As The Book says, when you get involved with a woman like that, or emotions are going to be hot and cold. One minute she’s enthusiastic, the next minute you’re a second class citizen and she doesn’t care to be around you.
That’s why if you’re dating a woman like that, you have to let her come to you at her pace. Because if you chase and you pursue too much, especially if the ex is in the background, you’ll literally just chase her right back into his arms.
When I first asked her out this time around, she canceled last minute with an illness. I did the fall back and asked her out a week later and we went out.
So we’re assuming that she actually was sick and she wasn’t just blowing you off at the last minute. Again, he doesn’t elaborate, doesn’t really give any detail on it.
We had good chemistry the first four dates, but she never initiated contact, so it was a weekly or every other week date.
Yeah. How fun is it to look forward to going out on a date with a girl, and she just doesn’t really care when or if she even sees you. And she never reaches out, especially after a month, month and a half.
Because most women typically are going to sleep with a guy by the second or the third date. And then after that happens, they’re usually calling or texting you, usually multiple times during the week, and then it makes it just easy to set the next date.
However, in this case, there’s just no enthusiasm, no interest, no effort. It’s like she just kind of going along. Almost like he’s a rebound type of guy that she really doesn’t care much for. Because for whatever reason, it didn’t work the first time around.
And so if he’s going back to somebody that he dated during the Covid times, I don’t know if it’s, she got back in touch with him, or he found out she was single and he went after her again. But, probably because he’s desperate, because he’s got nothing else going on.
This is the importance of having a good social life and just you fill your life up with activities and hobbies and interests and friends and people that you love hanging out with, and you love doing similar things with. Because people that like the same things tend to like each other.
And when you lose yourself in your hobbies and your interests, you’re going to meet other guys you could become friends with, and you’re going to meet girls that you can date, who you’ll have a lot in common with. Versus just hoping to bump into some chick randomly on the street.
We slept with each other on the 4th date, and she did text me the next day, but I did not ask her out then but two days later. I wasn’t necessarily feeling it then that day after.
Well, it is good that she reached out, but that was one time.
On the second and third times we slept together I made her pleasure a priority, but I did not “finish” before she felt the need to get up and go home.
I don’t know if that means he didn’t finish, or he didn’t finish her off. Didn’t elaborate.
I thought there’d be a round 2 between us.
Things continued on a one time a week basis with her not initiating contact. The dates were nice with her initiating physical contact. Then she felt ill the day before a date, and I did the takeaway and canceled it.
She gets sick a lot. Sick twice in a month. What are the odds?
The next scheduled date she texted me she was to have a female procedure done. A biopsy for possible cervical cancer.
I assume he’s talking about, like, a LEEP procedure, which is pretty common. And what I found when I was younger and didn’t know better is you would hear that a lot, or I would hear that a lot.
“Oh, I’ve got to get a LEEP procedure. I got this, I got that. I don’t know where I’m able to be at this point in my life.” Usually as a result of over pursuing. And then women start throwing these kinds of things out there.
And was not to have sex before that.
Which I can’t remember what it is. It’s like so many days, or a week or two before you have the procedure. You can’t have sex. And I believe it was like a six week recovery that you can’t have sex at all after that to give time for the cervix to heal.
The day of the procedure I ended up dropping off a piece of cheesecake to her as a small gesture of caring and concern.
Was that a mistake?
Well. Was she really sick? So notice what he says because again, remember there’s no really no enthusiasm from her.
She seemed somewhat nonplussed by the gesture, so I backed off for about 5 days before contacting her again to see how things were going.
Yeah. If you go over there and you bring her a cheesecake, which, if I was a betting man, there’s no way in hell that the roles were reversed, that she’d be doing something like that for you.
She’s just like, “Ehh.” So if you get that kind of response, you go out of your way to do something nice for her. And she’s just like, “Eh” I probably would have waited a week and a half or longer, maybe even go the full two weeks to see if she reaches out.
Because you don’t try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. You don’t keep coming after a girl that always shows low enthusiasm. Plus, who’s willing to break dates? So here’s the interesting part.
She made no mention of the biopsy or results, so I did not pursue it with her.
So my experience in the past, when a woman’s interest is low, when she has these kinds of things. She may have just gone to her doctor and talked about the possibility of it. And so she’s like, “Oh, I may have to do a leap procedure.”
And “Ahhh”, and what she’s really trying to do is kind of keep you at a distance and basically say, “Hey, I’m not having sex with you because I’m not feeling it.” But the excuse about the medical stuff, it sounds legit, but he noticed she didn’t even bring it up. So wasn’t that big a deal. Or maybe she didn’t have to have it.
I then proceeded to invite her over for dinner as well as mentioning I had some tickets to a football game for that following weekend if she was interested in going with me.
I would have said something along the lines of, “Hey, I’ve got tickets for this weekend’s football game if you care to join.” And if she’s like, “Eh”, then you go with somebody else.
She initially stated she couldn’t go to the game. I then re-asked about having dinner stating I’d love to see her, and I have yet to get a response from her on that. It’s now a day later.
Yeah, it’s just she just doesn’t care. Probably still talking to ex. And this is why I mean, there’s a section in The Book where it talks about this. When you get involved with somebody that’s just had a breakup, this is what you get.
This is why one is no choice. Two is a dilemma. And having three different women that you can possibly date and go out with is an actual choice. So more than likely, this is the only thing he’s got going on in his personal life, and that’s why he’s so willing to jump through his butt for somebody who clearly is not making the same level of effort.
My question is since she hasn’t replied do I fall back to the once a week ask?
No. Dating is like tennis. I could tell part of his problem is over pursuing this girl. And he can’t over pursue a girl who just had a breakup, especially when it’s not reciprocating in any way. He’s projecting his high interest onto her. Because more than likely, he got rejected the first time around, and now this is his second chance. And so he’s overeager. And she’s just like “Eh.”
My question is, since she hasn’t replied, do I fall back to once a week?
No. You hit the ball over the net. You have to wait for her to hit it back. You have to give women the chance to follow through on their commitments to you, in this case returning your message. Or to flake out and disappear forever.
So if you don’t hear from her, you’re never going to speak to her again as long as you live. That’s where you’re at right now. Because if you message her and she doesn’t reply, then a week later you message her again, now you’re double texting, basically.
And you’re ignoring the fact that she’s making no effort to see you. There’s no enthusiasm. There’s no “Oh, I miss you. I can’t wait to see you again. I’ve been thinking about you.” There’s none of that going on in here. This woman has super low interest. I would put it at maybe a five.
Or do I walk away as she didn’t/ hasn’t replied to my last invite for dinner?
Again, these are right out of The Book, dude. This is basic stuff that you’re asking me. And because he says he’s listening to the book 20 times, but yet he’s saying, hey, should I double text this girl? It’s one thing to read the book 20 times, but you’ve got to be practicing it.
And if you read it 20 times, but you never go out on dates. You never ask women out, you never practice. And then you finally come across a girl who actually has interest in the beginning, there’s a good chance you’ll screw it up. Because you really haven’t changed your behavior, because you have no experience with change behavior.
Since all you did was read the book, but you didn’t do anything differently. You have to be reading the book and applying it, and practicing it, that’s how you get better. Repetition is the mother of skill. And there’s a serious lack of repetitions in this guy’s effort to learn the book.
Especially if he’s trying to heat up leftovers from a couple of years ago. My guess maybe I’m wrong, but my guess is, is that he came across my work after he screwed up the last time, and now he’s going through his Rolodex of all the women that blew him off in the past, because he’s like, “Oo, I got this book. I got this book of Corey’s. I can fix all those.” And these women have already formed an impression about him.
With her recent breakup it’s not a complete surprise she’s pulled away.
But then with the possible health concern (cancer) there might be something going on there as well for her.
Yeah. I’m saying she’s making a mountain out of a molehill just to push you away because you’re kind of pursuing her too much. You’re not noticing, or I should say, you’re ignoring the fact that she’s just got mediocre interests. And you shouldn’t keep trying to give your attention and interest to somebody who’s got mediocre interest in you.
I would space out the time in between calling and texting her. So if you’re every 4 to 5 days reaching out to her. Wait a week and a half, maybe two weeks, see if she reaches out to you. And then when you do call her or contact her, has her enthusiasm changed? Is it higher? Is it lower? Is it still flat lined? But in this case, he’s got to wait for her to reach out because she ignored him.
My thought is to wait maybe a couple of weeks before one final attempt to ask her out again. Thoughts?
Absolutely not. You hit the ball over the net, and you’ve got to be man enough to wait to hear back. This just shows me that you’re desperate. You’ve got nothing else going on in your life, and you’re ignoring the fact that she’s just not reciprocating. But when you don’t have any other girls that you’re talking to, or that you’re interested in, or that are interested in you, that’s why you’ll keep going back to this and getting nowhere.
There’s more I could share but this is long enough.
Thanks for your time. I’ve listened to the book 20+ times but admittedly I’m low on the practice of actually applying it in my dating life.
Well, that’s the problem. That’s why you’re struggling so much. You’re violating a lot of principles here that are right out of the book and ignoring her lack of interest.
And you’re not going to negotiate the interest. You’re not going to talk her into liking you more. It’s something that happens on her own. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And your feelings are really clear about this girl.
You’re dropping off cheesecakes to her, and she can’t even be bothered to respond to your message to invite her out for a date. Under normal circumstances, if the girl was into you, she’d be really sweet and gracious and happy that you did that for her. And she would excitedly return your texts. But instead she’s ignoring you because quite frankly, she doesn’t really give a shit. That’s the harsh reality that you’re ignoring.
So again, wait to hear from her. But there’s a possibility that she gets back together with the ex, and maybe six months from now, she pops back up because it doesn’t work the second time around. So you need more prospects, dude. You need more women to practice with. And this girl just ain’t got the enthusiasm for you that you need to see to make it worth your continued effort and time.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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