How to successfully employ the take away strategy if you notice your woman is becoming cold, disinterested in seeing you and generally taking you for granted.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who started employing the take away strategy after a woman he started dating and hooking up with started becoming cold, disinterested and backing away after he made some mistakes. They met on Tinder and hooked up on the first date. He just found my work, has obviously not read my book yet, and wants to understand the balance between pursuing too much and not enough, and when to employ the take away strategy.
He also wonders when he should reach out to her next, so he can set another date. He obviously needs to learn the fundamentals in my book, so his success is sustainable long-term, instead of cherry-picking information from my videos and articles. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Hi Coach Corey Wayne,
Before I found your work, I met a girl on Tinder and we hooked up on the first date. Since I didn’t know the fundamentals, I went for a second date the very next day. Although, I convinced her to come out, and we had another fun-filled night.
(It’s too much too soon. You could come off as being a little needy, but obviously she was really digging you, so you were able to get away with making a mistake like that. You can tell something’s off. There’s not the same level of enthusiasm as the night before.
Remember, most guys women are going to encounter are extremely impatient. They want everything now, they want to know how soon they can be in a relationship, and when she’s going to be their girlfriend, instead of just letting things unfold naturally. It’s important how you show up and take your time. Less really is more, especially in the beginning. It gives her time to wonder about you, think about you, and let her feelings develop on her own while she’s away from you.)
The following week, she messaged me one night, “Hiii.” I lead the conversation to arrange our next date – watch a movie at her place.
Here’s where it gets dicey. The next day, I text her and we go on a very platonic feeling afternoon hike, and get sandwiches.
(You were doing a daytime date. Remember, your job as a man is to make an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Do things that are romantic. If you’ve only gone out one or two times, and you start going out to lunch, you start giving off that platonic, friendship vibe. Plus, you get in the way of any intimacy.)
She told me she was hungover from the night before, so we go lay down on my bed to nap. While she dozed off, I was awake, so I took out my phone to check some emails. A notification pops up and I open it, a dating app. At that very moment, her eyes opened and she looked at the phone. I immediately apologized, and she bolted.
(Come on man. You’ve got to use some common sense. At least leave the room.)
I went after her, sat in her car and explained that it was just a notification, and that it was a mistake. She said that she never likes anyone like she does me, but that she had to think.
(She basically started assuming you were just trying to get into her pants, and you really didn’t care about her.)
I said I’ll let you do that; just know I really like you too. I reach for the handle of the car and she reaches and grabs my other hand. I stopped and looked at her in the eyes and we kissed a little, talked for a minute more and then I left her.
After just 3 days of no contact, I messaged her to tell her something reminded me of her, and asked how she was.
(That’s the exact kind of thing a woman would do.)
She gave a nonchalant answer. After a few days of back and forth texts, I asked her if she was free Friday night for dinner at my place.
(Be direct, be decisive and get right to the point. You shouldn’t be chit-chatting over text for 3 or 4 days before you ask her out for the next date. What happened here is, you got a little worried and a little scared, and you thought you’d warm her up a little bit, text her a little more, and then when she saw you’re really interested in who she is, then you’d ask her for the next date. Don’t do that. The phone is for setting dates only.)
She told me she was busy.
(You got a little boring, a little too predictable and you’re texting all the the time. Remember, you just met, and now you’re talking to her just about every day and not hanging out. When women start to sense weakness in a guy, they’re going to pull away and test. And the average guy, like you did here, will get a little fearful and think they’ve got to do something to make her like him more.
A lot of the texting on your part becomes, just trying to see if she’s still into you. And then when she’s not into you, you think, “Oh, I’ve got to text more.” Then when you text and pursue more, she backs away more, and eventually she just stops responding.)
Then I found your videos and book and turned it around 180°.
I tell her: “No problem. It seems that your interest has waned a bit. That’s fair. I have contingency plans for this weekend, but wanted to check with you first. If your interest picks back up, feel free to text or call. If not, thanks for some fun times.”
(Come on man. Not a good way to go. I definitely would not have said that. I would have just said, “It looks like you’re busy, so when your schedule clears up, just get in touch with me and we’ll plan something then.” She has reached out to you first before, so she’s obviously comfortable doing that. If she’s not doing that, it’s because she doesn’t feel like she wants to contact you.
If a woman is reaching out to you, you don’t have to worry about getting rejected. But if you start barraging her with messages where she’s not initiating and contact first, it’s pretty obvious that you’re overwhelming her and smothering her, making her feel like you’re like all of the other 97% of dudes she meets.)
Her: “I have a trip”
Me: “We can talk after you get back from your trip, when we both have more time, if you’d like.”
Her: “When are you free?”
Two days later, she texts me that her rafting trip was cancelled and asks if I’m still free Friday.
Me: “Yeah, Friday is still good, come by around 7:30.”
(Your saving grace was, you were able to back off a little bit and say, “Hey, get in touch.” And the good news is, her attraction level was still high enough. You obviously made some mistakes, but since her attraction level was really high, you were able to get away with them. If it was really low to start out with, you probably wouldn’t have heard from her for a week or more. So that’s a good sign.)
She comes over and immediately gives me a big hug and kiss.
(She had two days of not talking to or hearing from you. You exercised some emotional control. You waited, and it was your saving grace. She had time and space away from you to wonder about you, miss you, and think about you. Remember, you’ve got to love in such a way, that the person you love feels free.)
We cook dinner, talk, laugh, listen to music, and I even went so far as to give her a massage with scented oils and everything. Eventually… you can probably guess.
Now do I really want to wait a whole week to text her? Seems like such a long time!
(If you follow the protocol in the book the idea is one date per week, and most women on average, by the second or third week, will start texting or calling you within a couple of days of your last date. When that starts happening, then you just assume they want to see you, and you make the next date. The worst case is, as a fallback position, you reach out once a week.
If you’re doing everything right and not doing anything to talk her out of liking you, as the weeks go by and her calling and texting becomes more frequent, it’s completely unnecessary to reach out anymore. Every two or three days she’s reaching out to you, and you’re setting dates and getting together. Women make it easy to get together when they really like you. Work smarter, not harder. That way, as a man you can work on your purpose and mission in life.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Scarcity creates value. If someone takes you for granted, you should give him or her the gift of missing you. Human beings tend to more highly value what they have to work for and place a low value on what comes easy. The best relationships are based upon mutual respect, admiration, communication, trust, loyalty, not being a pushover and sharing the same goals and values. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life long-term. The right people will treat you right and stick around because they want to, not because you need them to. With enough patience, time and effort, you can build the ideal life, lifestyle and peer group to make your dreams a reality.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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