The Typical Mindset Of A White Knight Beta Male Orbiter

How to avoid becoming a weak beta male orbiter who tries to rip off another guys girl.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s been following my work for a long time. In August of 2023 he started talking to the ex best friend of his ex-girlfriend. She is engaged and lives with her fiancé about an hour away, but she doesn’t respect him or feel attraction for him. She talks about ending things and has been using this guy for attention and validation and the emotional connection that her fiancé is no longer providing. He’s obviously thinking he’s going to be Mr. White Knight and save this woman from an unhappy relationship. Then she ghosted him for several months. Now she is back, and he asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “The Typical Mindset Of A White Knight Beta Male Orbiter.”

You definitely don’t want to be doing what this guy is doing. I’m not a fan of how this guy is behaving. He’s totally acting out of integrity, and he’s basically trying to rip off another guy’s fiancée because he has known her for a few years. And I guess apparently her and her fiancé have not been on good terms for the last several years. I think they live together. And so, this girl that he’s trying to rip off his the ex-best friend of his ex-girlfriend.

And so, when he was with his ex girlfriend, they, her and his other guy were not getting along. So now he’s thinking he’s going to be Mr. White Knight. And so, what I do like about this video is, it really shows the mindset of the typical guy that tries to slide in there and steal your girl when things aren’t going well, when you’re not dating and courting her anymore, and when you’re not making her feel heard and understood.

And so, whether he realizes it or not, he’s kind of become part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project. Or in this case, a Frankenstein Fiancé Project, because the fiancé doesn’t make her feel heard and understood. And so, he’s not providing an emotional connection.

And so, this guy stepped in to do that. So with that said, let’s go through his email. You know, you don’t want to do what this guy is doing. And that’s the point. Is that we want to know, like, what are bad consequences for bad behavior. And this is a good email for that.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

Long time viewer but this is the first time I have emailed you regarding any relationship issues I am personally having. I will do my best to keep things as brief as possible as I know you cannot reply to super long emails. Thank you for taking the time to read and (hopefully) respond!

Well you’re in luck. But you’re probably not going to like some of the things I say. But you should have known better.

This past August, I began speaking to a woman who just so happens to be the ex best friend of one of my ex-girlfriends. We were communicating mostly through messaging on Facebook, and we spoke for two whole months just about every single day.

Every single day. This guy has been following me for years, and he thinks it’s a good idea to talk every day on the phone with a girl who is engaged to somebody else. Come on, man. Seriously, what the fuck are you thinking?

During our time talking, I did express a level of interest but did make it clear that I understand she is in a relationship.

In other words, “I’m totally okay, Your Highness, with being one of your beta male orbiters. Please call me if I can help you. If you need me to unclog your toilet, or check the air pressure in your tires, or change the battery in your car. I’m your man.”

She also confided in me about her relationship with her fiancé telling me how the spark is gone.

In other words, she’s not attracted to her fiancé anymore. Because he’s not acting like a man anymore. He acts like a chick.

And how he doesn’t make her feel appreciated, heard or understood.

Yeah, that relationship is not going to last.

This isn’t all we would talk about to be clear.

To be clear, when somebody says to be clear, usually they’re a liberal. They say that a lot. So when somebody says, to be clear, what it really means is everything that comes after this is a bunch of bullshit.

But it is something we discussed every so often. Now, I never outright told her to leave him for me or anything like that, but I did actually listen to her and give her ideas on how perhaps she could fix things with him.

Again, you shouldn’t have been calling and texting and messaging her every day. I mean, she’s in a relationship. If you are successful at ripping off some other dude’s fiancé or girlfriend or wife, 95% of the relationships that come from cheating end in cheating.

You are who you associate with. Liars and cheaters, attract other liars and cheaters. And when you screw somebody over by stealing his girl, you’re going to get the karma and it’s going to be served really nasty and really cold. But quite frankly, if that’s how you’re going to operate, you deserve what you get.

Essentially all of my advice was useless because everything I said she claimed to have already tried and that they have been having these relationship issues for years (including when my ex and I were together which was about 2 years ago now.)

So, I suggested perhaps if she had tried everything and nothing is changing, maybe it’s time to let go. She agreed with that. She lives about an hour away.

He’s just a friend. It’s just a friend. That’s all it is. It’s just platonic friendship. You don’t have to worry about him, honey.

She lives about an hour away and I drove an hour and a half to her job to get a haircut. She’s a hairdresser.

An hour and a half away. That’s three hours in the car for a fucking haircut. Yeah. You’re just trying to be your friend. That’s all it is.

And just to meet up for a bit.

Yeah, just a bit. You know, I’ll just drive three hours for just a bit, a little time.

I brought her a coffee.

Oh, a present, a bribe for sex in a relationship.

And we chatted for about half hour while she cut my hair and she suggested we get together sometime soon to have a coffee outside of her work.

He’s like, ooh, coffee for me. Woo Woo Woo.

So, we made plans for about two weeks later.

You shouldn’t be going on a dates with somebody who’s engaged. Come on. What are you thinking?

One week later, she messages me in the morning, and I don’t reply as I am sleeping. She double texts me saying “Wake up. I’m bored”, so I do wake up and we talk for a bit and then she stops replying until later that day when she messages me saying she was busy for a bit, and she just got home and argued with her fiancé.

Boy, what a fun conversation to just oh, just to be in a conversation where a woman who’s engaged is going to call you and bitch about her fiancé. That’s really how I want to spend my day. That’s a really good use of my time. Come on, man, what are you fucking thinking?

Told me she wanted to talk to him for a few minutes and that he treated her like a chore and put her at the bottom of his list. 

Well, congratulations. You are part of her Frankenstein Fiancé project. The fiancé doesn’t make her feel heard and understood, but at the end of the day, he’s the one having sex with her. And so, you’re fulfilling her emotional connection. And this is pretty much how all the cheating starts. Just like this.

She’s got some guy, “Oh, I’m just there to be your friend. I’m going to take. I’m going to drive an hour and a half, and I’m going to give her a coffee for a 30 minute haircut. Just hang out for a bit.” This guy spent three fucking hours in his car, to spend 30 minutes with this girl that is really thirsty and really desperate. And quite pathetic.

After this message, she completely stopped responding to me, never met up for that coffee “Date” and I haven’t heard from her in 4 months until two days ago. She messaged me saying the following, “I’m not trying to ignore you I just don’t know. I told (her boyfriend’s name) it’s over but he wants to try. He ruined my Birthday and Valentine’s Day.

Now, if this is somebody you know, and then she reaches out. You just be like, “Hey, I think it’d be great to hang out with you, but at the end of the day, you’re engaged and you really need to. I’m not interested in being your side piece. It’s just disrespectful to your fiancé. And I don’t really want to get involved with somebody who’s willing to cheat. If it doesn’t work out, hit me up.

But right now, I mean, you’re in a relationship, and this is a conversation for you to have with your therapist or your girlfriends or your parents and your fiancé. Not me. That’s just not appropriate.” That’s what a man with integrity is going to do. But obviously, a guy who’s acting like a little worm is going to try to be Mr. White Knight.

A few hours later, I did respond to her saying it’s okay and offered to speak to her about things if she wanted but that I understand if she isn’t in a position to talk right now if she is still trying to work things out with him. Also offered to meet up for that coffee.

It sounds like you had a date and she blew you off.

That we originally planned to meet up for if she wanted and while she has seen my messages, she has yet to respond.

All my messages. So he’s multiple texting her. He’s multiple texting a girl that blew him off. She blew him off for four months and she comes back. Why? Because she knows she can’t. Because she knows he’ll be like, “ooh, mommy, pay attention to me! Mommy! Mommy, Mommy!” Dude. You’ve been following me for years. It’s like, have you ever read The Book? Doesn’t seem like you have any clue what you’re doing.

To me, it seems she definitely wants to leave the relationship as she has been unhappy for a long time.

He really wants to slide in there bad. The thirst is real.

But one thing that is keeping her from doing so is that he and she both have a young child together.

God. This just gets better and better.

I just find the timing of her reaching out to me odd especially when she has once again gone back to not replying.

But didn’t stop him from sending multiple messages. Bro, read the fucking Book. Seriously. Come on, have some self respect. This is pathetic.

So, I don’t know if this is her way of telling me she may be leaving him soon and is trying to line me up (probably overthinking it) or if she just wants my attention, validation and to just listen to her relationship woes. 

Pretty much you’re her emotional tampon. So congratulations golf clap for you. Congratulations. You’re her emotional tampon.

During our two months of talking, we did talk about sexual things (her telling me what she is into for example), and she never outright told me she isn’t interested (her continuing to reach out for so long would tell me she is.)

I assume it’s best to just leave things how they are and just see if she ever brings up seeing me?

He says with a question mark.

Bob

Yeah. If she reached out to me and, you know, she’s in a relationship, I’d say, “I think you’re a cool chick. I’d love to hang out. I mean, if you were single, it’d be cool to hang out. But, I mean, you’re engaged to somebody, and you live with them, and you got kids. It’s like, how is that going to work? Yeah. I want somebody who’s ready, willing, able and open to dating.

And you’re in a relationship and I’m not going to be your side piece. And quite frankly, it is inappropriate for you to be calling me and texting me and wanting to talk when you live with and you have children with another man. It’s just I don’t want to get involved. If you ever end up splitting up from this guy and you move out and you get your own place and you’re single and you’re definitely done you’re more than welcome to reach out.

And if I’m available and single, you know, we’d go out for a drink and go from there and see what happens.” That’s how I would be phrasing it. Don’t ever call. Don’t ever text this woman again for any reason. And quite frankly, I wouldn’t get involved with somebody like this because it’s pretty clear she’s willing; if you had some game you and knew what you were doing, you probably would have been able to slide in there and give her the salami and the meat missile. But you’re trying to be a Mr. White Knight Beta Male Orbiter.

The kind of man that most men just absolutely detest. Dudes that act like you and behave like this, it makes our fucking skin crawl. It’s like, “Dude, you’re being a fucking worm. Is that who you are? Are you a little worm that is going to try to rip off some other dude’s chick?” I wouldn’t want to be friends with a guy that behaves like this, because when I’m not around, he’s going to be hitting on my girl. It’s like, have some fucking integrity, Dude. Come on.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.