The ugly truth about self-help, common misconceptions and the required mindset you need to reach your full potential.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss the type of mindset and thinking you must have and the massive action you must take to get from where you are in life to where you want to be, and why most people never reach their full potential.
This is something we see so much in our culture and our society with people that just don’t want to take any responsibility for themselves, for their life, their choices and where they’re at.
What inspired me to choose this particular topic was a phone session I had recently with a client. A few times a year I come across people like this. This particular guy was fairly successful, and I could tell right away that he was really looking for a way to blame other people for his circumstances. He was divorced and back in the dating world, he lived in a small town, and he wasn’t doing a lot of things to help himself.
He booked a phone session figuring I’ll just say a few magic words, and poof! All of his problems will be solved, a great girl would just come kicking his front door in, jump in his lap, and they’ll live happily ever after. I could tell a few minutes into the phone session he didn’t really want to hear that he was actually going to have to take some action and make some changes in his life, because he was unhappy where he was.
His complaint was that he had met a woman a few months previously, it didn’t work out, and he really wasn’t talking to any women or doing anything to move himself beyond his present circumstances. And he really didn’t want to hear that he would have to take action, maybe get on some dating apps, because he lived out in a rural area, and there just weren’t people there.
Sometimes what I often suggest to guys in this particular situation, obviously to get on dating apps which can be helpful, but also potentially consider getting a little bachelor apartment in the city where all the action is and develop a social life. Because if you’re single and looking to meet a great woman, or to get more dating prospects, you’ve got to be in a place where you’re going to interact with members of the opposite sex.
Instead of being focused on trying to pick women up, the key is to build a great social life and social circle, so when you’re not working and building your empire, you’re actually out doing things that are fun and enjoyable and put a smile on your face. Because when you’re happy and you’re enjoying your life, you’re going to be more approachable. You’re going to look like you’re having fun.
There’s a video I did many years ago called “Girls Just Want To Have Fun!!!!!” and it’s true. Women want to have fun. If you don’t look like you’re having fun, enjoying life, and you’re easygoing, easy to get along with, good natured, you’re always smiling, you’re always happy and you don’t let shit get under your skin, women are going to find you more approachable. If you walk around with a scowl on your face, pissed off that things haven’t worked out for you yet, people are going to stay away from you.
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day. He’s a musician, so just by the nature of what he’s doing, being up on stage, puts him in a position of authority. At one of the places where he performs and hangs out, he’s built a nice little social circle. He gets to hang out and enjoy music, he gets to play, and he feels comfortable there. He’s doing well and meeting a lot of women. All he has to do is walk through the door, and instantly he’s given social proof by everybody that’s in there.
Women that are single in there that are watching this, like I talk about in my book “How To Be A 3% Man,” see he’s in there, he’s having a good time and see all these other women in there interacting with him, all these other patrons and the owner of the venue saying hello to him, and that gives him social proof. So right away, “Oh, he must be popular. He must be a good guy to date.” Whereas, if he was walking into a completely different place where nobody knew him, this kind of thing wouldn’t be happening. So, now this has become his regular venue, and he’s meeting three or four different women a month, just because he goes someplace that he really likes and he’s having fun.
It doesn’t mean you have to go to a bar or a restaurant on a regular basis to help your social life, but in his particular case, he’s kind of built a social life around this, made friends with some of the guys in there, and it’s just been great all around. It’s been great for his personal life, he’s made new friends, and obviously it helps him with business as well, because he gets gigs out of it. He walks in there , he feels good, and he’s already in the vibe where he feels comfortable. It’s like a home to him that just works wonders.
He wasn’t going there because he was trying to meet women. He was just going there because he liked the food, he wanted to hang out, and he liked the music, he’s a musician. And that’s the point I try to make, like when I was talking earlier about this particular client. Outside of work, he had nothing going on in his social life. He didn’t have many friends that lived in the area. So, if you’re in a place where you’re not happy with your personal life, you’ve got to do something. It could be a rock climbing club, a cycling club, your local gym. Maybe you’re into running triathlons, maybe you’re into shooting guns and you start hanging out and training with other people who like to shoot guns. Eventually, you make friends, you get to know people, you get invited to their events, and that’s the kind of thing you want to do.
It’s not an overnight thing. It’s not something where you go one time and your life’s going to completely, radically change. That’s why it’s important to do things that are fun and enjoyable. This particular client didn’t want to hear that. He just figured that by talking to me, I was going to solve his problems and he wasn’t going to have to do a fucking thing. That’s the nasty truth about self-help. It’s ‘self-help.’ That means you’ve got to do it.
The reality is, success is hard. It takes a fucking long time. If you’ve read my second book “Mastering Yourself,” I’ve got my life journey there, all the careers I’ve had, all the businesses I’ve had, the ups and downs. Everything takes a long time. If you’re building a business or building a great career, you’ve got to figure it’s going to take you a minimum of a decade to get to where you feel like you’re doing well, where you’ve grown your reserve of knowledge, where you’ve improved your gifts, your skills and your talents, and therefore you become more valuable.
I had a post the other day on my Instagram that was a quote by Thomas Sowell, and it was about minimum wage. It was interesting the see all the people bitching about it saying, “Well, people need a living wage.” When I was eighteen years old and a few months away from graduating from high school, I started working at a fast-food restaurant. I only worked there about three months because it was dirty, it was difficult work, I was making minimum wage, like maybe $3.75 an hour, and I wasn’t looking at that thinking “Oh, this is going to be my permanent career.”
You have a lot of people making excuses for people who go get a job, learn the job and that’s it. They stop growing. They don’t try to acquire any new knowledge, they don’t try to improve their skills, their gifts, their talents, they don’t try to educate themselves on anything, and it’s just easy to figure “Well, I’m just going to stick around and wait to get offered more money.”
I eventually went to a place that was closer to where I lived called Service Merchandise, and it was retail. I think they paid like $4.25 an hour. I had improved my skills, because I had done a lot of interacting with customers over those three months, but I wasn’t going to sit around and wait to get offered more money. I had to get off my ass and go in there and actually talk to people and have the confidence to improve my situation. I wasn’t sitting around and fucking waiting for a handout.
I ended up staying at Service Merchandise, continually got raises, and then eventually when I turned twenty-one, I heard about an opportunity at a really cool restaurant we used to frequent, and I ended up tending bar. I didn’t have any bartending experience, but I was young, I was hungry, I wanted more for myself, and I went in, met the owner and right away he told me the person that had been working there was making $500-600 a week. So I literally doubled my income to go from working retail to tending bar.
I did that. I took personal responsibility for it. I didn’t sit there and go, “We need to raise the fucking minimum wage so I can make more.” I thought, “What can I do to make myself more valuable? What can I do to grow my reserve of knowledge? How can I be better? How can I grow my confidence and continually move up the ladder?”
I worked this job for a year and a half, then I worked as an unpaid intern for a construction company for about three or four weeks. When Hurricane Andrew hit, they had all this work, they needed people, and they hired me for $500 or $600 a week. I kept my bar shifts on the weekends and at night, and then during the day I could work and develop my skills, learn about the industry and grow my reserve of knowledge. I worked there for a year or year and a half, then I was able to go to a different construction company and make even more money.
You’ve got to climb the ladder of life. But you have to do that. To me, I teach self-reliance and get in arguments with these idiots that come on my page and want to virtue signal about how we need to raise the minimum wage because people need a living wage. That enables people’s behavior to do nothing. We should be teaching people this process of how to excel in life. Minimum wage is an entry level job. It’s not a permanent career choice.
Why do people choose that? They don’t want to get off their ass and go talk to other potential employers. People get comfortable, and they don’t want to stretch themselves out beyond their little boxes they live in and beyond their comfort zones. The reality is, you’ve got to know what you want in life, you’ve got to know why you want it, in other words you’ve got to have emotionally compelling reasons why you want it, and then you’ve got take massive fucking action. It doesn’t matter whether it’s starting a business, or climbing the corporate ladder, or improving your personal life, or finding somebody to date, maybe somebody to marry and have a family with, whatever it is you happen to be looking for. But it’s up to you to make that happen.
The ways that we lie to ourselves is when we point and go, “If I vote for that politician, they’re going to raise the minimum wage, and that way I’ll make more money.” That’s fucking absurd. That’s how a loser thinks. Winners don’t think like that. Winners think, “I’m fucking worthy. I deserve better, and if you won’t fucking pay me what I want, I’m going to go find somebody that will, and I’m going to fucking quit.”
Before I started my first business, there were probably about four or five different people, some of them good friends of mine, that I talked about going into business with, and they talked, but that was the problem. They’d talk, but they never followed through and took any action. I have a friend that’s been telling me for years that he wants to write a book. I was like, “Great. Make an outline of all the things you want to talk about, and I’ll co-author one with you.” The last time I talked to him was about four months ago, and I still haven’t seen an outline. He’s just never going to do it. You’ve just got to look at what people do, not what they say.
That’s how most people think. They talk about what they’re going to do, they don’t take any action, and they fucking complain about it. And I’ve got no tolerance for that. I’ve got no use for people like that, because you’ve got to surround yourself with people that are like-minded. If you surround yourself with a bunch of friends that do the things I talk about, continually advancing, they’re going to encourage you.
You’ve got to take 100% ownership for where you are in life, and you’ve got to take massive fucking action, because the world don’t owe you shit. People don’t care about your problems or my problems. And on top of that, they’re glad that we have them. That’s definitely something to think about.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“In order to reach your full potential in life, you must participate in your own rescue. You must accept complete ownership of where you are right now along with your present circumstances. The only way you can change your destiny is if you adopt the mindset that everything in your life happens for a reason and is the way it is due to your previous choices and actions. Blaming others or circumstances outside of yourself is weakness and an excuse to do nothing to move your life forward and absolve yourself from any personal responsibility. Nobody is coming to save you. You must do that yourself.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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