How to either stop being a weak, dithering and hesitating beta male, or prevent yourself from becoming one, so women will perceive you as a sexually attractive alpha male, and you can seduce them successfully.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he has read my book. He’s known this woman for a while who comes into his gym, and he’s hung out with her a few times, but only in a platonic sense. He recently ended a bad marriage of ten years that he knows he should have never gotten into in the first place. He says he cheated prior to the marriage, and only married her to keep her in his life. The problem with this new girl from his gym is that he has been hanging out with her and acting like a friend for so long, that it’s very hard to flip her over to a romantic interest.
He’s guilty of doing a little over pursuing in trying to make same-day dates at the last minute, instead of just asking her when she is free to get together, and making a date. Most of the time, she shoots him down. He hasn’t gone for the kiss or tried to escalate things physically because it’s obvious his game is pretty rusty. I tell him what he needs to do to have any chance of switching the relationship from a platonic professional one, to a romantic one.
I am recently separated about three months. Truthfully, I probably should have separated a year ago. I feel like I married for all of the wrong reasons. I cheated prior to marriage, and I feel I married her to keep her. I can go on and on about my 10-year marriage, but bottom line, I wasn’t happy. (It takes a lot of guts and strength to end a 10-year marriage. You are no longer living a lie and have now created a space where you can attract the perfect person in your life.)
Now my reason for the email…
I have a client that joined my gym about 2-3 years ago. I have always thought she was attractive, and we have some chemistry. Now that I’m separated, I have hung out with her a few times. We attended a game with some friends, had plenty to drink that day, and we had a great time. We went to her house that night, and she changed into something more comfortable. She then came out, laid down on the couch, and threw her legs across my lap. I was rubbing, touching, feeling, but never went for the kill. I hope I didn’t mess up. (Women will put themselves into your orbit, and as a man, you have to know what that means. She started touching you, which is an invitation for you to touch her back.)
Prior to discovering your videos, we had already established a texting thing. (The phone is for setting dates, not chit chatting.) How do I change this? (Create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, and hook up like I talk about in my book.) Also, when we go out, we have chemistry, fun, and attraction, but she has often complained about former boyfriends being needy, clingy, crazy, etc. I think this has her skeptical about relationships. (She is probably telling you this because she likes you and she wants you to know what not to do.) She claims that she is the type of lady that’s okay with seeing her guy once or twice a week. She does not like needy guys. (She’s not in a rush and wants to take things slow.) I have asked her to hang out a few times, and she has accepted and turned me down. The last time we hung out, I’m pretty sure I could have spent the night, but I was the nice guy/dumbass. Now, I’m wondering if I screwed up. I can’t get a definite date. I usually ask spur of the moment. When I do that, I usually get an “I already have something to do” response. (Ask her to tell you when she’s available. When you call a woman at the last minute like that, it communicates you are needy and desperate and you’ve got nothing else going on in your life.) When I am specific and ask in advance, I have been more successful with her. She never counter offers when she can’t make it, but has accepted offers from me after telling me no, if I ask in advance. When she tells me she can’t make it, I simply respond with, ‘cool’ or ‘okay.’ Also, I let her know that I really liked it when her hair is a certain way. She has been wearing her hair that way more than her normal style since I told her it was pretty, and I really liked it.
I see her every day, so does that change the dynamic in your opinion? How can I make her wonder and be mysterious when I’m strongly attracted to her, she attends my small gym every day, and I lead most classes. Do you think there is attraction from my depiction of things? How do I keep from over pursuing? (When a woman is physically touching you, that means she wants you to touch her back. Don’t dither and hesitate. Call her once per week, and ask her on a date.) I don’t want to over pursue, but it’s tough not to talk to her, because I run the gym. I’m into her, but I don’t want to appear like the needy, stalker guy. I’ve asked her to hang a couple times in the past couple weeks, but its been on the spur of the moment, without much notice, so no luck.
Help me Corey! If I haven’t messed this up, I don’t want to. I will also say, even though we text a lot, I usually cut it off before she does, because I don’t want to over-communicate and seem clingy. (You should not be chit chatting like one of her gay male girlfriends. The phone is for setting dates.) We usually go a day or two without texting, but I see her damn near everyday. I don’t want to get friend zoned. I at least want to have the option to explore this opportunity. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel she is different, and I don’t want to blow it. I’ve read your book, and I would know what to do if I met her tomorrow. (Create an opportunity for sex to happen and make a definite date.) The problem is, I’ve known her for a while, and I’m currently doing some things you advise against. I just need to figure out how to keep her interested, and not push her away. (Don’t dither and hesitate, or eventually she will think of you as a friend. Make a definite date. Hang out, have fun, and hook up.)
My email to him:
You need to quit dithering and hesitating. You say you have read my book, but none of your actions are congruent with what I teach in my book. You need to read it 10-15 times, and start applying what it teaches. As my book teaches, you call a woman once per week and ask her when she is free to get together. Then, you set a definite date. You have continually acted like her gay male girlfriend, emotional tampon, and like a guy who is only interested in friendship. You are literally talking her out of liking you. Quit fucking around! When you continually act like an asexual male, eventually a woman realizes that you lack confidence, are inexperienced, don’t know how to treat women, or might be gay. As my book teaches, the phone is for setting dates, period! Stop all this unnecessary BS chit chat. Stop asking her out at the last minute. Go for the kiss on your next date. Come on man! WTF?????
His follow up comments after my email response to him:
I know man. Most of this shit happened prior to me reading your book. It’s like I realized I was fucking up as I was reading your book. (If you’re having problems and struggling in life, when you read my book, you will be able to self-diagnose.) I have read it twice, and the second time through it, I realized that I was really fucking up. I agree bro. I need to be an alpha and get on top of my game. I see this chick every day, so naturally I’m drawn to her and want to fuck with her when she’s in my presence. She also does shit to attract me to her. I will set definite dates from here on out, and I will stop putting the p on a pedestal. I’m used to being the laid back nice guy. (Nice guys finish last because they dither and hesitate and never get around to asking the girl out.) I’m going to change that. My previous relationship is to blame. My ex loved to be in control of everything and I let her kind of run shit because of guilt, but no more! One last thought, the lady I’m interested in texted me yesterday about testing me. What do I do with that? Let me guess, ignore it and set a definite date? We have a Christmas party for my gym this weekend. I need to only worry about hanging out having fun and hooking up! I got this shit Corey. (Don’t do group events. You want to create an opportunity for sex to happen.)
Thanks man. Your shit’s legit!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, achieving goals, breaking through barriers, etc. It’s also direct, decisive and fearless. Women like men who go for what they want in spite of their fears and the potential for failure. A woman will always have more respect for you even when she rejects you, when you fearlessly go for a kiss on a date, or you quickly get to the point, and try to set a date when you meet her for the first time. The process to be successful in any endeavor in life requires you to not be deterred by failure or rejection, but instead look at it as a process of getting through the no’s in order to get to the yes’s.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne