What it really means if your romantic relationship has turned into more of a platonic, brother/sister type of non-sexual relationship, she tells you she loves you, she won’t let you leave her life and “there may be a future for us,” but not to expect it.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has gotten himself stuck in friends-zone with a woman whom he initially was having a romantic relationship with. He says that he acted needy, put pressure on her to commit and now things are more of a brother/sister type of relationship. She tells him that she loves him and won’t let him leave her life, but he is realizing that being Mr. Nice Guy has gotten him nowhere his whole life.
He is a touring musician, producer and sound engineer, but he is not, and never has been able to live the life of, the musician who gets girls. She says she won’t be with anyone else right now. He has told her before that he is not interested in being her “brother,” and it just created a whole ordeal. He wants to know if he should let her go or stick around in hopes that things get better in the future, since she is telling him, “there may be a future for us,” but not to expect it. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Okay first off, you are the man. Now, my problem is a bit unique. I’m in love with a woman who says she loves me. (I’m sure she does love you, but probably just as a friend or a brother.) Things started off very sincere and romantic, but after a few months of me being really needy and putting pressure on her to commit, (In other words, you acted like a floppy cock or a woman instead of a masculine man), things have cooled down to a brother-sister type of relationship. (Fuck that nonsense.) The weird thing is, she wont be with anyone else right now, (At least anyone else that she’s telling you about), because I think she doesn’t want to hurt me, and she tells me that she thinks there may be a future for us, but to just not expect it. (When you want something in life, you can’t compromise your principles, your goals or your values. You have to stand up for yourself and what you want. People who get themselves into this situation, are being piss-poor negotiators.) I love her, but I also realize that I have been the nice guy my entire life. It has gotten me nowhere. I am a 33-year old touring musician, producer and sound engineer. They say musicians get all the girls, but not when you are Mr. Nice Guy. (Exactly. You don’t get what you deserve in life, only what you negotiate. If you believe what you bring to the table is highly valuable, and you act in ways that are congruent with that, then when someone says they want friendship only, you’ll be out of there, because that’s not what you want.) So my question is, should I just pack it in with this woman, or should I stick it out? (If she’s unwilling to give you what you want, then the only way you’ll get what you want is to be open to other women.) She says she loves me and will never let me leave her life, but I kind of feel like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. (You’re giving her her cake and letting her eat it too, because you’re not standing up for yourself and you’re being Mr. Nice Guy.) The last time I told her I was not interested in being her “brother,” it turned into a huge ordeal. (This is because you put up with it. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You want what you want, and she’s offering you something that’s not what you want.) She says one thing about loving me, but her actions are not congruent. (You’re acting like a guy who doesn’t think he deserves to have sex and romance with her, and that’s why you’re not getting it.)
Hey man, thanks for your reply whenever you get a chance. I really appreciate you and what you are doing to help guys like me. (You need to read my book 10-15 times to learn the basic fundamentals of what I teach. Also, look at my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Fear of loss, fear of things getting worse, fear that you won’t find anything better and fear of the unknown are powerful fears that rob most people of their dreams and the type of lovers they really want. As long as you stay involved with lovers or potential lovers who can’t, won’t or who are incapable of giving you what you want, you will never be able to attract the right person for you. You must see all situations and people for what they really are, but not better than they are or worse than they are. Why? When we don’t look at the actions of other people and don’t see present circumstances for what they really are, we become powerless to leave, change things, find someone or something better and to create the life and lifestyle we really want and deserve.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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