I Remember when Dr. Wayne Dyer’s power of intention, the secret, the Law of attraction, etc. really took off and became mainstream several years ago. Oprah and millions of people worldwide started believing that they could create their own reality just by their thoughts, intentions and feelings of desire. You could simply intend, and a BMW would magically appear in your driveway. Me being the entrepreneur that I am and learning something new, of course I had to try it out to see how it worked. I believed in it 100%, well maybe 99%. My friends who were also very successful, had been through a lot of the same personal growth training as I had: Tony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Jim Rohn, Zig Zigler, Marianne Williamson, a course in miracles, power versus force, quantum physics, Greg Braden, etc.
So it’s basically a leap of faith. Diving off the highest level diving board and trusting that there is going to be water in the bottom of the pool by the time you get there. It doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes you go splat.
The thing that I have learned the most over the past five years since I became a full-time life coach, and real estate and investing in real estate became a part-time hobby, is time is not what you think it is. Let me explain what I mean. I think one of the biggest discouraging things, or should I say obstacles that gets in people’s way as they’re striving to succeed, is they’re focusing on how long it’s going to take to get to where they want to be.
It’s like we put these time constraints on how long it’s going to take to get to our goals. When things don’t happen, or we don’t perceive that they are happening fast enough, we throw our hands up, want to quit and give up on pursuing our dreams. We try to find something that will bring us instant gratification. Maybe it’s a different job, or a different girlfriend, or buying a new car, or reading a book that promises you’ll be able to wish your million-dollar lifestyle into existence almost instantaneously. But basically what happens is, once you decide to achieve a goal, or you decide that you want something in life, is that the universe really does start to orchestrate things in your favor. It starts to line up people, places, events, things, resources, etc. Things seemingly show up exactly when they’re needed.
A big part of it is learning how to trust. Trust that the universe, God, the great Spirit, whatever you call God, etc. is orchestrating things in your life not so much with the concern of whether they are to your liking or not, but whether or not they will help you grow. What happens is we tend to get stuck on the way things should be or should not be, and then when things show up that don’t match what we thought or assumed our intentions were going to bring us, we get frustrated, upset, or angry.
When we are angry, upset or depressed and we make decisions while in this state, we start making choices that simply bring about more stress and more aggravation. Whereas, when we make decisions when we’re in a peaceful and relaxed state, those decisions tend to bring us more peace, serenity, synchronicity, etc. How life becomes effortless, is learning to let go of the way you think things need to be, or should be, and taking a step back and allowing them to unfold. You continue to take action. You notice what’s working, you notice what’s not working, and you keep changing your approach until you ultimately figure it out. You have to learn enough, grow enough and embrace your challenges in order to break through your own barriers and limitations of what you previously thought were your limits. In the process of going for your goals and ultimately creating the life you’ve always dreamed of, you will have to become the calm, relaxed and peaceful person you need to be, in order to be congruent with and live the life you really want. You have to become something greater than you were before in order to become what you are truly capable of.
When you state to the universe what it is you want, or what you want to achieve, the universe says: okay, sure, absolutely… here it comes! The universe answers you in ways that will facilitate your growth. Not the way you think it should be. So all these events, people, places, etc. get orchestrated by the universe towards you, and because of limiting beliefs and limitations which are constructs of your mind, it labels everything. This is good, that is bad, this should be there, that should not be there, I like this, I don’t like that, I want this to go away, I wish this were different etc. The mind is the part of us that says I am what I do, I am what have, I and my reputation, I am my credit report, I am my relationship, etc.
This inhibits our moving forward because of our limiting beliefs and the things we fear. We see obstacles when we take our eyes off our goals. Instead of trying to get around the obstacles or overcome them, we try to run away from them. Whereas, if we would’ve just gone up and looked at the obstacle or what we fear, we would have seen that it’s really not a big deal. Nothing to be afraid of. What you fear you attract, and what you look at disappears. So when you see something in life you don’t like, or you encounter challenges along your journey that are disconcerting, you just have to keep moving forward. When something scares you, you’d better go look it in the face. See what it’s about. Remember, you’re trying to get to your goals as quickly and as efficiently as possible. If you’ve got a lot of limiting beliefs and things you’re afraid of, things that make you feel inadequate about yourself, its going to take you a lot longer to get to your goals. Because, it’s like these fears become a prison. A sort of mind gym that we have to get ourselves out of.
When I was younger, I had a fear of approaching women, talking to women, asking a girl on a date, etc. Even if I was talking over the phone and I knew what to say and how to say it, how to go about it in a way that would work, it was always hard for me. Because I was always afraid of what would happen if she didn’t like me? What would happen if she said no? What would happen if it didn’t work out? What would happen if I looked silly in front of her?
When I was kid, my mother, my father and my entire family always made fun of each other. Sometimes it was good-natured humor. Other times it was just mean and nasty. Because the affection, the hugs and kisses were missing growing up, you’re never sure of yourself. You don’t know when you’re doing right, when you’re doing wrong, when you’re being good, when you’re being bad, so you feel inadequate and insecure all the time. When you grow up and you start moving towards things that you want, especially when you start looking date, you turn on the TV and every teenager on TV, every person at your age, etc. feels inadequate just like you do. Your family makes you feel inadequate. When you watch TV, the characters look and feel inadequate, it further reinforces your feeling of inadequacy. All of your friends at school have the same feelings and so they feel the same way as they see the same shit on TV. Everybody in the world is programmed in a way, or should I say, conditioned to think in limiting ways about ourselves.
We’re in a society where based on what we see on TV and the media, everything is instant gratification. Your car dealer has a loan for you right now so you don’t have to save for the car you want, you can get it today! You want a girlfriend? Forget dating and courtship. Just give me a pickup line that will make her want to jump into bed with me and marry me tomorrow (of course the movies and TV show us being a stalker or using a magic pick up line works; when in reality its bullshit). TV and media tells us instant gratification will make us happy. It does for a short while, but it never lasts. For other things that take time like building a new business from scratch, a healthy relationship, our dream life, etc. are incompatible with the fairy tale presented to us on TV and the media of instant gratification. It produces a society where people expect their dreams to be realized instantly, and if they’re not, it means its not meant to be. Settle and be miserable! Everyone’s doing it, LOL!
Things take time to unfold. Its a journey. It’s a process. God is always giving you the life that you want. The problem is, because of your limiting beliefs, your fears, your doubts, insecurities, etc. you tend to take a really long time to reach your goals, but that’s okay. It’s meant to be that way. It’s meant for you to shed your fears, your limitations, your false beliefs, your false identities, and your false model of the world about yourself. Because when you do, when you lose your fear of something, it loses its power over you. You become more deliberate in your actions. You in essence, become fearless. It’s what Lao Tzu’s quote, “mastering others is strength, mastering yourself makes you fearless” means.
You have to let go of your need for things to unfold in a certain way, or in a certain period of time. If you decide you want to become a TV actor and make it in Hollywood, that may take you five years to do it. It may take you 30 years to do it. It’s not important how long it takes. What’s important is that you get started right now designing your life the way you want it. The faster you can shed your fears and your limiting beliefs, the faster you’re going to get to your goals and create that life you’ve always wanted. So the more you move towards the things you fear, like I said earlier, what you fear you attract, what you look at disappears.
So as you move towards the things that you fear, or you look at the things that scare you, do realize that there’s really no reason to fear it. Just like I found out there was no reason to fear women, but to celebrate them, you too will find out there is no reason to let fear keep you from taking the action you know you need to in order to realize your goals and dreams. Just like Wayne Dyer says about the most successful people… “it’s never crowded along the extra mile”. In other words, very few people will make it to the top of the mountain to realize their dreams. Most people give up along the way.
I’ve always been a connoisseur of a high quality woman. A woman who is beautiful, charming, has an incredible smile, she’s happy most of the time, she’s healthy, understands men, she’s sweet, when she looks in your eyes she makes you feel loved, she says why she loves you, she makes you feel and know her desire for you, she makes it easy for you to love her because it’s so easy for her to love you, she’s exciting to be around because she’s driven by the things that she’s into. Whether she’s a hairstylist, real estate agent, chiropractor, insurance agent, a loan processor, teacher, etc. she finds joy in the things that she does. She’s very feminine. She dresses sexy. She has beautiful skin. Her eyes kind of sparkle. She has long beautiful dark hair. She’s always striving to learn something new about herself, something new about life and to grow as a person. These kind of women I have found though, don’t come along every day. They’re very special.
In between each long term relationship I’ve had with different women, there is always a period of time where I focus on and grow as a person, as a man. I work to become a better man and more successful in all of the areas of my life that are important to me. Each time I am able to attract a better quality woman because I’ve become a better quality man. To me, it’s always worth it to wait for those special relationships that only come after I’ve spent the time working on myself to become a better man.
When I look back over the course of my life, it seems that they come along every few years. I’m talking about the type of woman that walks into your life where she instantly lights up the room and you’re instantly drawn to her. You notice her and you cannot take your eyes off of her. She looks back at you with that same feeling that you have. In those moments, time stands still. For me to describe these kinds of things and experiences to people that have never experienced anything like that, is like trying to describe what a rose looks, smells and feels like to somebody who’s never seen or held a rose.
The first time you’re able to fall in love with somebody like that, and be loved back and know what it’s like to have that person and have them 100%, for them to have you 100%, it changes your life. You’re never the same after that.
Most people get caught up in relationships just based on sex or something that’s good for now. To spend time with somebody that’s just not stimulating to you mentally or who is boring, not going anywhere in life, they have different goals and objectives, their vision for their lives is completely different than your own, etc. I have found it’s worth the wait to hold out for what you want. To not compromise your standards.
It’s the same thing when you’re creating the life of your dreams, the business of your dreams, the career of your dreams, etc. There’s a process to getting there. For it to be one day as exquisite as you can imagine, you have to be patient. As matter of fact, you have to practice infinite patience. It’s going to unfold exactly in the way, and the order that it needs to. However, it won’t unfold the way that you want it to or that you think it should. God gives you free will to choose what things mean to you and whether or not to take action, but if you stay committed long term, not only is God going to give you everything that you want, he’s going to help you become a much greater person than you ever thought you were capable of becoming, or that it was possible for you to be.
So as you embark on your journey of making your dreams come true and doing whats necessary to improve yourself and be at your best personally, let go of your need for things to show up in a certain way, flow a certain way, be a certain way, take a certain amount of time, etc. It’s going to happen when it happens. God will send it to you when he knows you’re ready. So sit back and relax. You have to schedule your goals. Its the only way they will become real. Most importantly, you have to TAKE ACTION! Like the Buddha said, “faith without action is meaningless”. You must take action every day toward your goals. Persist without exception no matter what happens.
No matter what challenges show up, or things that scare the crap out you show up, remember, the only reason that it scares the crap out of you, or you perceive it as being “bad”, is because you’re the one that’s deciding what it means.
You can’t always change the things that are in your life. If you can’t change your circumstances, the only thing you can do is change what it means to you. The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask yourself. So in your moments of despair, ask yourself empowering questions: “What’s good about this?”, “What can I learn from this?”, “How can this help me?”, “How can this help me grow and become a better and stronger person?”, “How can I utilize this?”, etc. If you ask yourself a quality question, your brain has to give you a quality answer.
So dream big, schedule it, take relentless action, notice what’s working and what’s not, continue to change and refine your approach learning along the way. Let go of your need for things to be a certain way or to happen in a certain period of time because time is not what you think it is. Its simply a measure of linear events. When you start pursuing your dreams in life, its like a train that has left the station. It travels at a slow and steady speed. It eventually will reach its destination. You running around inside the train is not going to make your future happen or arrive any faster than its going to. Find a way to enjoy your journey instead.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
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