Why making too many dates too soon after meeting leads to ghosting.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a delusional guy who says that he followed my book, How To Be A 3% Man, but that he got ghosted. However, upon reading his email he reveals that after matching with her on a dating app, he made three dates in the first seven days after meeting her and is surprised that he got ghosted.
He would make a date and seduce her on the date, but within one or two days he was texting her again to make another date. It’s a good email that perfectly illustrates how guys delude themselves when they are thirsty and really like a woman to the point of chasing her right out of their lives. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Before I get into his email, I’ve got a little bit of news. My third book, Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations is out in the paperback. The Kindle version is also available. The audio book should be available shortly.
The reason why I picked this is so many guys do this. They’re like, “I did everything that you said in your book, Coach. I watched your videos, I did exactly what you said.” But when a guy has the thirst and he really likes a woman, he starts to pedestalize her. He treats her differently than all the rest of the girls that he’s meeting. And you could see this guy does it, and he just completely deludes himself. In life, you’ve got to see reality as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. And that’s what this guy is doing. He’s seeing it better than it is, because he doesn’t want to admit he screwed up.
It’s easier just to blame somebody else. “It’s somebody else’s fault for my success. It’s somebody else’s fault that I’m broke. It’s somebody else’s fault that I’m not earning enough per hour.” That’s why one of the reasons why socialism and communism, collectivism, whatever you want to call it, is so appealing to so many people. “Oh, it’s not your fault that your unsuccessful. You’re disadvantaged.”
I’m sure, because this always happens when I say something like this, you get a bunch of clowns, some of them are women, some are white knight, supplicating beta males, and they’re going, “It should be 50/50, Coach.” It’s like, you saw that in a movie. You have no idea what that even means, or what that looks like or the fact that it doesn’t work in the real world. It’s some geek that sat in the back of the class in high school and never got any fucking pussy who’s now writing screenplays that millions of people around the world see based on his fantasy of the way he wishes things were, instead of the way they really are.
He tries to say he did everything right and it was the book’s fault. Actually, the title of his email said “followed the book, got ghosted.” I saw it and I was like, yeah, right. Let me read this. Sure enough, the guy’s totally delusional.
Hey Coach Corey Wayne,
I’ve read your book about 4 times now, and I’m feeling better and better about dates. I’m feeling more confident and things feel a lot easier when situations come up. When girls test me, I’m getting better at responding.
You always want to have a more playful, more humorous comeback that shows that either way, you’re unmoved, you’re the mountain. You smile, you smirk, you acknowledge it, but you don’t flip out.
I’d like to thank you for all your work you’ve done to help guide me to become the best me. This particular situation is interesting, and I’ve decided to move forward, but I wanted to see if you had any insight into this situation so I can know what to expect in the future. (We’re both 30 by the way in this story.)
Date 1: I met this girl on a dating app. I sent maybe 4 messages max, and I set a definite date for Monday evening.
So far, so good. No problems there.
We have dinner and drinks. After drinks, I tell her there’s a place downtown I know and let’s go. She sounds excited, so we head there for more drinks.
Because the idea is you want to go to two or three different places on a date. It gives the impression, like when you spend a lot of time getting into and out of the car together, whether it’s an Uber or your car, and you go in different places. Because most guys take a girl for drinks, they take her to dinner, and they take her home and that’s it. But when you go out to three places, it’s like three different dates in one night. And most women tend to sleep with guys by the second or third date. That’s just reality. And you can use that to your advantage or not.
After the date I cut it off because I said I had to work in the morning.
Always leave them wanting more.
She definitely wanted to stay longer. She was touching me and leaning into me, and I tried the sidewalk thing, and she would always gravitate to me.
So, what he’s talking about is in “How To Be A 3% Man.” I was talking about what you can do is when you’re on a date with a woman, walk down the street and just kind of gently move over. If she’s on your you’re right, you’re going to kind of slide up slowly, walk to the left. You slowly walk to the right, and you’ll notice that she kind of follows you and then bumps into you the whole time. These are just things that are kind of unconscious that women do that they don’t really think about. And then once you tell a woman these things, then she gets all self-conscious. That’s kind of funny, if you like to have fun with her like I do sometimes.
I drop her off at her car and go for the kiss. She pulls me back in and starts making out with me in the parking lot for 10 minutes. I said, “I had fun tonight,” and said drive safe. She texts me 10 minutes after she gets home and said she had a really fun time, and if I wanted to get tequila with her some time, here’s her number. So, she texts me a winky face and her number.
So far, so good. He’s following the book, no problems.
In between dates: I waited about 2 days to text her and set another definite date to meet up for drinks on Friday. (Maybe a little soon.)
What does the book say, bro? What does “How To Be A 3% Man” say? It says one date per week. You have to take your time. If you’re a busy professional, maybe you’re a college student, like when I was in college, I was going to school full time and I had two other jobs. I was tending bar at night and I was working for a general contractor down in South Florida, so I was a busy dude. And on top of that, I had to find time for my social life.
I’ve always been a go-getter. I don’t sit around and wait for things to come to me. I go out and I make things happen. And that’s what I did. I see guys going, “What if you’re not a busy professional, Coach? What if you don’t have anything else going on?” It’s like, if you’re a man and you’re sitting around twiddling your thumbs, and especially if you’re young, college age, you should be busy gaining experience, developing your gifts, skills and talents and growing your reserve of knowledge, because you get paid based upon the value that you bring to the marketplace.
And if you’re in your early 20s and you’re twiddling your thumbs going, “I’m only making ten dollars an hour. Life’s hard. I want the minimum wage to go to fifteen dollars,” go find a job that pays you more. Grow your reserve of knowledge, develop your gifts, your skills, your talents. Figure it out.
I go into extensive detail in “Mastering Yourself” on this stuff, but some people get a little butt hurt over the politics, because they don’t like the idea that they have to take personal responsibility for their own lives. But that’s on them. And I don’t really care. And they all can whine about it. I don’t give a damn. I got to where I am because of what I did. And wherever you are in your life, your best thinking got you there. So good job.
We grab drinks and are talking, and she tells me about a speakeasy she knows so we go to the speakeasy. She buys the next round.
Hey, that’s a quality woman right there to buy a round of drinks. I like that.
We’re pointing at a map of Mexico and she says, “We should go to Mexico.”
It’s like, “You mean like, right now? Are you offering to fly me there? Why not?”
I didn’t say anything other than “I’ve heard Mexico is really beautiful.” We’re chatting and she pulls my jacket and starts making out with me at the bar.
I think she likes you.
We dance a bit in the bar, and I was having a killer time. So much fun. I close the tab and we walk out and she says, “What do you want to do now?”
“You.” Maybe… I might say that. It depends. “What, huh? You said you wanted to do me.” “I did? You sure that wasn’t some other guy walking by?”
I say, “Let’s try that tequila out I was telling you about at my place and watch that show you recommended.” She agrees and I bring her to my place. Five minutes into the show, she straddles me and rips off her clothes. We make out. I pick her up and take her to my bed. We make out more and she sits up and says, “Do you just want to have sex? Do you do this with every girl? Just bring them home?”
This is where the little slut alarm goes off and goes, “It’s not my fault as long as he takes ownership.” It’s like, “Of course not. I’d never do anything like that. You’re special. You’re special to me.”
I knew she was testing me, so I said, “Hey, I wouldn’t bring you over unless I thought you were special.”
Good answer. I like it.
“I think your fantastic and I think it’d be a fun time.”
Everybody loves a little gratuitous sex. Why not?
She said she wants me to take her home. I told her “No worries, we can take it slow and just have a fun time. No rush.” I acted unfazed.
Because most guys are like, “What’s wrong? What do you mean you want to go home? I thought you wanted to have sex. You just asked me two seconds ago.” You’re indifferent. You could take it, you could leave it. This ain’t the first time. You see one pair of tits, you’ve seen them all, quite frankly.
Not even 5 seconds after I said that she jumped my bones, and the indoor Olympics took place.
So, what’s going on there is she’s testing your strength. Do you come uncentered and unglued? Because a lot of guys that don’t know any better do when they get challenged like that and they flip out, they start trying to justify. Then she recognizes, “If I sleep with this guy, he’s not going be able to handle it. He’s going to probably bring some drama into my life. He might not go away.” Because girls like to hook up too. If they didn’t like sex, they wouldn’t have sex with you.
She stayed the night and woke me up at 3 am to have more sex.
Oh, what a bummer. More sex at 3:00 a.m. That’s a hard life, bro. So sorry you’re suffering.
Needless to say, I was exhausted the next morning.
You go, boy.
I took her home Saturday morning and we kiss goodbye. I don’t set another date, I just said I had a fun time again. I waited until Sunday evening to text her, (again, maybe too soon but maybe not?).
Come on, man. Jesus. One day per week. You just met this girl, and you’re already trying to have a third date — a third date in seven days. “I don’t think I over pursued coach. I followed your book, and I got ghosted.” Hmm.
And just said that I had fun on Friday, and we should hit up a dance place on Wednesday or Friday around 7. It’s been a couple days and I haven’t heard back from her.
Hmm, I wonder why. So unusual.
I feel like I did everything right…
Every time I hear somebody say “I feel,” they tend to lean left. It just is what it is, and I’ll get plenty of hate for it. But like, whatever. Don’t be crying when the coach is pointing the truth out.
…and that’s she’s just working through some emotional things.
Now he’s trying to rationalize, “Oh, she’s got emotional things.” Well, so you might be on to something here, because she’s pretty forward. Maybe she was just a little horny, looking for a little side sausage. Maybe she had just broken up with a boyfriend and she’s desperate to get some more attention and validation with somebody else. And in between your two dates, maybe the ex got in touch with her, maybe because she got a little cocky with him, backed off a little bit, and then he started pursuing a little more.
You don’t really know what’s going on in the background. But she’s talking about the future a lot and a lot of other things, so she’s pretty eager. And typically, when girls are extra eager like that, they’re either incredibly insecure or there’s some other guy in the background that’s gotten them all squirrelly.
And you’re the outlet, you’re the pressure relief valve. You’re the attention and validation she was not getting from somebody else, and now you’re giving it to her. And that’s why when you pursue too much, too soon, she recognizes that you’re trying to make her your girlfriend. Because you’re coming on strong like all guys do, and then just poof.
So, I haven’t followed up or texted back and just left it at that. My question for you is, why do girls ghost after a great date?
Well, dude, you tried to make three dates in the first week. You did the opposite of what the book teaches. This amount of dates, if they had taken place over three weeks, you still might have gotten ghosted. It’s possible, because again, you never know what’s going on in the background. And if she’s hot, especially if she’s on the dating apps, she’s probably had a few encounters with “Chad Thundercock.” I’m sure you guys have all heard who that is. I don’t need to elaborate.
Maybe I’m over thinking it and just need to give her space. I’m not planning on chasing her. I put the feeler out for a date and haven’t heard back, so the tennis ball is on her side.
Correct. But you need to follow what the book actually teaches, instead of cherry picking and then violating the principles and being surprised. But like I said, it might not have mattered. Because the behavior from her, there’s probably another dude in the background.
Maybe she met another guy at the same time on the dating app, especially if she’s hot, and he’s taking things a little slower than you are. He’s a little harder to figure out, he’s a little more mysterious, he’s a little bit more of a challenge. She knows she can have you. You’re already begging for a third date in seven days. So she knows how that movie ends, because you’re one of like dozens of dudes she’s encountered over the course of her life already.
I’m planning on moving on, but wow am I frustrated.
Well, that’s why you should actually follow with the book teaches and don’t send an email telling the coach that you followed his book, and then send in your email saying, “Yeah, I tried to make three dates in seven days.”
She was literally chasing me the entire date, but maybe I needed to build more anticipation after the 2nd date.
Ya think? But like I said, it may not have mattered, because there’s a good chance there’s some other guy in the picture. It could be an ex-boyfriend, or maybe she encountered Chad Thundercock. You pursued too much. It is what it is. That’s all it takes. Because obviously, it’s not hard for women to get laid if you haven’t noticed. They just have to go, “Sure. Let’s go back to your place.”
Anyway, thanks again for all you do and I’m hoping to hear back from you. Your work is incredible.
Yeah, it’s incredible, especially when you actually follow it. So come on, man. You’ve got to do better.
So with that said, again, we’ve got the sweet Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations available in paperback, hardcover and Kindle on Amazon right now. And very soon, in the near future, we’ll have the Audible version all uploaded.
And if you’d like to talk to me about a situation in your personal or professional life you need help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Men who have choices and options with women are in no hurry or rush to lock a woman down to a commitment. They take their time and carefully evaluate how their dates went and then contemplate on whether or not the women are a good fit, good for them, good to them and if the women are likeable enough to continue investing time, money and effort getting to know them. Men who have little to no choice with women are in a rush, impatient and driven by fear to lock women down to a commitment before some other guy comes along and steals them away. Women like men who are a challenge, men who they have to make a mutual effort to keep around. Despite what women say, they like a guy more if they are unsure of his interest, he’s mysterious and unpredictable.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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