Too Many Male Orbiters & Slow Text Replies

What it means and what to do with a woman who has too many male orbiters & is slow to respond.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man five times so far. They have been on three dates and have been sleeping together. She recently told him about several male friends she has and one of them is a guy who she used to meet and workout with even when she was in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend. She met him online as well.

It’s clear she has male “friends” who really want to date and sleep with her, and some who she has probably slept with in the past. She also waited five days to respond to his last date request and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this particular email, this guy read 3% Man five times. So far, they’ve been on three dates and have been sleeping together, and she recently told him about several male friends that she has. What’s interesting is one of these male friends is a guy she met on a dating app. When she was with her previous boyfriend, she used to meet this “friend” who she met on a dating app to the gym to work out with him, and it doesn’t look like her previous boyfriend even knew about that. That’s highly inappropriate. Meeting a guy you used to date and you met on a dating app to go work out with him?

This is part of the vetting process. If you’re a guy that’s looking for an exclusive relationship, you’re trying to vet the woman to find out what her character is like, because character is destiny. Is she family oriented? Does she value loyalty? Monogamy? Exclusivity? Or is she constantly inviting attention from other men and has tons of men in her life that are her “friends,” which are really just guys that are betas and male orbiters that are hoping to get another chance, or in this case, a second chance potentially to sleep with her? Especially if you have these conversations with her and she doesn’t see anything wrong with that kind of behavior.

No dude wants to be in a relationship with a woman, whether it’s a girlfriend or a wife, who thinks it’s OK to meet out other men, go work out with them and do things socially with men that they dated in the past and who are probably still trying to date them. That’s just inappropriate behavior.

No guy wants to be in a relationship with a woman that thinks it’s OK to do that. I mean, that should be common sense. It’s like, I’m not going to call the wives of my married friends that I’ve known for 40 years or more and say, “Hey, let’s go to lunch,” or, “Let’s go to dinner,” or, “Let’s go grab a drink,” or, “Hey, let’s go work out together.” What are my friends going to think? They’re going to think that I’m hitting on their wives, so that should be common sense. A lady does not do these things, because there’s too many guys out there that don’t know what the hell they’re doing. If the guy is spending time with her, he thinks he’s got a chance to get in her pants. Women who think this is OK typically we’re not raised by a strong, masculine, family oriented father who is loyal and faithful to whoever his wife or his girlfriend or his baby mama was. This is just inappropriate behavior.

So when you see this as as part of the vetting process, when you see a woman who behaves this way, you got to really classify her as a friend with benefits, fuck buddy, sex playmate. Other than that, she’s not relationship material. Right away, especially when you go through this with her and she wants to argue with you over why she thinks it’s OK and wants to keep doing it, especially if she calls you insecure about it, it’s just normal protocol. How would your parents feel if they saw your wife or your girlfriend 9:00, 10:00 at night, hanging out with her boss, having drinks or dinner one-on-one? Anybody watching the two of them would think, “Oh, they must be on a date together.” Duh!

So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

Huge fan of your work, your book, 3% Man, has helped me through some challenging situations and I am grateful for all you do.

I have read your book five times, I had a girlfriend for a couple of years but we broke up in October as I didn’t feel it was right. I have been getting back into dating recently and met a very attractive girl through online dating. I do like her but am not sure about a few things she says. (Ex. Staying very close contact with guys she has dated in the past or keeping close with men she has given her number to on nights out) She said that when she used to date her previous boyfriend she would still go to the gym with a guy she met before him through online dating which I thought sounded quite devious.

Yeah, especially if the boyfriend didn’t know. I mean, no guy wants to be in a relationship with a woman, and then she’s sneaking out and going to work out with a guy she used to date and probably sleep with. That would just be inappropriate.

Now, if you guys are friends and that person has a new significant other and they’re with you, you could double date, but it’s just inappropriate to go and do things like one-on-one like that. A lady does not want anybody to get the wrong impression. Not only the dude, but any people that may observe her hanging out or interacting with said dude.

Anyways, we have met three times and we have slept together. I thought things were going well. She messaged after our most recent date (Due to our plans the next day we couldn’t stay together) that she had a lovely evening. Then the next day (Sunday) in the evening, I messaged her to say, “So did I,” and we had a couple of messages about our days.

The phone is for setting dates, not trying to have meaningless bullshit chit chat. If you had a date a few days ago and a woman is reaching out to you to see how your day is, as the book says, you should assume that she wants to see you and create the next opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched and ready to be kissed, that I detail in my book.

I have been keeping the messaging very minimal just setting dates for the most part.

Tuesday, I messaged her saying would she want to meet up the coming Saturday at my place and I would cook for her.

Now, when you invite a girl over to make dinner together, you’re not inviting her over to cook for her and be the butler and serve her like her man servant. The idea is you’re cooking together to facilitate physical interactions between the two of you so a seduction can happen. Not, “Oh, Your Highness, can you come over to my house? I will cook dinner for you and I will wash your feet, too!” Come on.

She replied that she was thinking about asking the exact same thing but unfortunately she was going to a show on the Friday and a birthday party on the Saturday. She said, “Are you around next weekend?” I replied I was around and we can arrange something next week. 

She then messaged Thursday to wish me a safe flight as I was traveling with work. I then messaged back quickly saying, “Thank you,” and, “How about we get together Friday the following weekend?” She then didn’t reply for five days, which was strange and I thought she was gone.

It just shows the interest is not as high as you thought it was. Therefore, you want to match and mirror that.

I mean, it’s rude to wait five days. It just shows her level of respect for you is really low. A girl that’s really interested is going to text you back within 24 hours. Girls that are really interested will text you back in a few hours. If they make you wait 24 hours, it means their interest is really low. It’s especially low if they make you wait five days. It just shows that she doesn’t respect you or your time. So you want to match and mirror that behavior.

However, then she messaged saying, “Sorry for the slow reply, but are you around on Friday still. If not, when can we get together?”

Probably the reason why she waited, she did it on purpose because she was getting the vibe that you were a little soft, probably a little needy. When women get that vibe, it scares them because usually those guys don’t take no for an answer and they become a problem. So she backed off to see if you would lose your shit and become a jack-in-the-box, which you, to your credit, correctly did not do. You just hung back and you waited to hear from her.

This was yesterday and I am unsure how to behave. Should I wait to message her back?

So she messaged him, I guess, on Thursday? She didn’t reply for five days. That would tell me like on Tuesday. So Tuesday she’s talking about Friday the following week or weekend or the coming weekend. I would have just texted her back, “Yeah. How about Friday night, 7:00 p.m., my place?” If she hasn’t been to your house, just text her your address, “So we’ll make dinner together.” Don’t say “I’ll make dinner for you.” “We’ll make dinner together.” Again, you don’t want her sitting down at a chair, watching you make dinner and entertaining her. You want her to participate so you can bump into each other, you can kiss, you can fool around the kitchen. Usually, what happens when you do that? Dinner gets put on hold, you have sex in the kitchen, you bend her over your counter, and then after nice happy finishes, you finish with your dinner, then you have some dessert, then you beat up her pelvis once again, then she stays the night, you wake up with morning wood, then you beat up her pelvis again. That’s how it’s supposed to go, under normal circumstances.

So if she’s texting you on Tuesday, which was five days after you mentioned it, and she’s asking you if you’re available Friday, then I would say, “Yes. How about 8:00 p.m.? How about 7:00 p.m., my place? Here’s my address,” and see what she says. If she’s down, she’ll confirm, say yes and say, “Great, I’ll see you then.” Or say, “Great. Bring a bottle of wine or bring a bottle of Chianti.” “Bring a bottle of Chardonnay.” “Bring a bottle of red wine.” “Some Merlot,” “Some Cabernet.” Just tell her to bring something, then you guys can make dinner together and then you can take care of everything else. You should make dinner together. Have her cut up some vegetables, have her do some things to participate with you. Don’t just have her sit there and watch you make dinner for her. That’s silly. You’re trying to facilitate physical interactions so a seduction can happen, because your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it.

I am worried I have come on too strong, but I am also unsure whether I want to be spending time with this woman, given what she has shared.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Thanks,

Bob

Again, hang out, have fun and hook up. Fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. If she starts trying to lock you down to a commitment, you can say, “Well, quite frankly, I like you. I think we’re really more ideally suited for friends with benefits, sex, playmates, because you have all these guys in your life that are still trying to sleep with you. Some of them you’ve probably dated and slept with in the past, and that’s not the kind of behavior I want in a future girlfriend. Certainly, I would not want a future wife to think that that kind of behavior is OK, because I wouldn’t want to be married and then have you hanging out, having drinks with some guy you used to have sex with at 9:00 at night, and then my parents see you out. That’s going to make me look bad, or our friends or my business partners,” or whatever, “Or my neighbors. That would be embarrassing. That would be insulting to me.”

“What I’ve seen from you is that you just seem to think it’s totally OK to have other boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and guys you used to date, or guys you met on dating apps, who obviously still want to sleep with you, and you’re going out for dinner and drinks and hanging out like one of the guys. The reality is, those dudes are only hanging out with you because they want to get in your pants. It’s not because they want to be your friend. That’s fucking bullshit. So if you were to stop hanging out and talking to all those guys, I might consider it. You know, we’ve been dating for a couple of months and things are great, but I don’t like how you have all these other men that you used to date. So I just assume you’re sleeping with some of these other guys as well. That’s why I always wear a condom when we have sex, because I’m not going to be raw dogging with any girl who’s sleeping with several dudes or doing things with other guys, and thinks it’s appropriate.”

If you ever get to that point and she wants to lock you down, you got to lay out your terms and conditions. I wouldn’t give it up to her right away. In other words, give up a commitment to her. If she asked you for that, you say, “Well, this is what I would want to see. If you’re really, truly serious and you can be loyal to me, then you need to stop hanging out with all these other guys and tell them you’re in a relationship or you’re going to be in a relationship, and it’s inappropriate to hang out, or for them to keep trying to do things with you.” I don’t think she will, I don’t think she’ll agree to that, but if you’re the prize and you’re the catch, you should not be trying to get into a relationship with somebody like this. You just look at her as, “Hey, it’s a girl to have fun with,” until you meet the next great love of your life or your future ex wife, whatever it happens to be and whatever you’re looking for.

So that’s what I would do if I were you. That’s how I would handle it. I would text her back and just make the date, give her your address, “Oh hey, how are you? How are you doing?” You don’t need any of that bullshit. Be direct. Be decisive. Get to the point. Make a definite date. She’s already talking about Friday. Just say, “How about 7:30? How about 8:00? How about 6:00?” Whatever time you’re going to get together. “How about 7:00 p.m., my place? Here’s my address. Bring a bottle of Kante.” “Bring some Kante,” or “Bring some Cachaça.” Whatever you guys like. You ever dated a Brazilian? You would know. That’s what I would do if I were you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.