How to know if you are being too much of a cold fish with women you are dating, so you can make sure you don’t turn them off for being too cold, emotionally distant and uncaring.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who writes in about a woman he thought he was doing everything right with. They kissed on the second date, and had sex on the third. Their schedules did not match up very well, and they only got together on the weekends for dates. They went out on exactly nine dates. She did 90% of the calling, texting and pursuing.
After recently spending the day together hiking, making dinner together and having great sex, he walked her to the train station. Once they got there, she told him she did not see them together long-term. He was shocked, especially after having such a good time together the whole day. She even texted him afterwards to say they should not talk for a while, but later on down the road he could call her, and they could go hiking as friends only. He told her he would not be contacting her and left it at that. He asks my opinion on what I think happened. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Your book is amazing, and so are your videos. You really have made me realize a lot of stuff, but there’s this situation I just can’t figure out! (When you read the book 10-15 times and you practice this stuff, women become predictable. You can tell how they feel about you based upon their body language, physiology and what they say and do.)
I’ve been dating this really sweet foreign girl for about two months. She lives in my country and is going to stay for at least a couple of years. It started out really great. We kissed on the second date and had amazing sex on the third. (Why no kiss on the first date?) In the two months we dated, we only went on 9 dates. Most of the time, our schedules really didn’t fit, and we were only free to get together on the weekends. It didn’t bother me that much, because then I could just lean back and make her do 90% of the texting and pursuing, and she did! I’ve been texting once a week to set up dates, while she has been texting me almost non-stop. (That’s a good sign, and everything looks normal under that circumstance, but what happens is, you take being indifferent too far and never do anything to make the woman feel special. You were too much of a cold fish by playing cool and acting like you don’t give a shit.) This is where things start to make no sense to me. On our 9th date, we went hiking and had a really good time together. On our way home, she asked if I had any plans for the night. I didn’t, and asked her to come and make dinner with me at my place, which she agreed to right away. (That sounds good so far.) The first thing we did when we got back to my place was have sex. (If you cared about this woman, you would have said you “made love” to her. If you’re just hanging out, having fun and hooking up, then it’s more transactional, and you’re just using her.) She was on her period, but I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve and made her orgasm anyway. We then proceeded to make dinner, and the whole time, she was really touchy and was hugging and kissing me. After dinner, we wanted to watch a movie, but I ended up giving her another screaming orgasm.
She said she couldn’t stay over, because she was meeting a friend in the morning, so I followed her to the bus stop so she could get home around midnight. On the way to the bus stop, while holding hands, she dropped the bomb and told me she didn’t see us together long-term. I was really surprised, but didn’t really react other than with a, “that’s how it goes sometimes.” (Do you think that sounds like you are really sad about her ending things?) She started crying and hugging me and said she was going to miss me a lot. When I got home, she texted me that we shouldn’t contact each other for some time, because it would make things too hard, (It sounds like you aren’t that into her, and you don’t act like a guy who wants to make her your girlfriend. If she doesn’t knock your socks off, then you’re wasting your time), but in the future I was free to give her a call if I wanted a hiking buddy. I just told her I wouldn’t be contacting her, and we should just leave it at that. I haven’t contacted her for 6 days now, and she is starting to act differently on Facebook. She is putting up more pictures of herself and stuff like that. (That’s typical after someone stops seeing you. They act like they’ve completely moved on.)
What happened? Why would she behave like that, just to dump me at the end of the night? (I’d say, you didn’t read the book 10-15 times, and your sensory acuity is not developed, because it doesn’t sound like you’ve dated enough different women to tell who’s really into you and who’s not. You shouldn’t get hung up on one girl when it’s mediocre. You didn’t mention anything about how you cared for this woman.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women want to be in a love story. A woman wants a man who makes her feel like the most special woman in the whole world to him. She wants a man who deeply and truly cares about her, her dreams and making her happy. No matter how attractive a man is, what a great lover he is or how great a guy he is, if he acts like a cold fish who only seems to care about getting laid and meeting his needs, she will lose interest, attraction and eventually dump him. This is why the pickup artists and bad boys fail to stick around long-term. They are only focused on the short-term, transactional goal of getting laid, instead of the long-term goal of getting to know a woman’s soul.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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