In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose wife of twenty years passed away a couple of years ago. He started doing online dating and initially, most of the women he started dating seemed way too eager, and he really wasn’t that interested. However, a month ago he met a woman online who he really liked and connected with. Since he had been in sales most of his life, he already knew to ask the kind of questions that she would enjoy answering and being a great listener. This basically allowed her to close the deal. On their first date, after dinner she invited him over to her place. They ended up spending the whole weekend together, and things were really hot. Over the next few weeks, they were constantly texting and hooking up. However, she eventually became cold and started ignoring his texts. Then he found my work and completely changed his approach. He shares what he did and said to turn things around.
Dude, your a freaking genius. You saved me from making a real ass out of myself. Thanks so much for putting this info out there.
I’d been married for 20 years, and my wife passed away a couple of years ago. I got online and met a few girls, but they all seemed to be way too eager, and I wasn’t that interested. However, a month ago I met this one girl, and we’ve met up and gone out a couple of times. She suggested a movie once, and another time we went to dinner. I’ve been in sales for many years, and one thing I’ve learned is to ask leading questions, and just listen. Ask enough of the right questions, and the prospect will close the deal for you, right? (Just like I talk about in my book, when a woman likes you the doors start opening and all you have to do is walk through them.) Well she did. After dinner, we went to her place and she was all over me. We spent the weekend together and then the next. It was hot. During this same time, and the weeks following, she blew up my phone with, “Good morning babe,” “I miss you,” and all that, right? Sometimes I’d wait a few hours to text back, and sometimes I’d text back right away. This is mainly because she asked me once, if when I saw her texts, was I making her wait. Hell yes I was. (Be busy and have a life. You’re not going to just drop everything for one person.) I knew well enough not to be too eager, but as the time passed, my text responses started getting longer and longer, and with that there arose confusion, misunderstanding, and things started going sideways. (As your texts become longer and longer, and hers become shorter and shorter and the frequency of them starts to drop off, you feel the need to do something, which I call the illusion of action. Keep the principle and philosophy that the phone is just for setting dates.) I’ve never thought much of texting as a way of communicating, but she seemed to want me to, and I sort of figured this was the new thing these days to do. It drove me nuts. Some of the texts would just go so off the track. I hated it. It threw me off my game. Then, last Monday I texted her once and didn’t hear back the rest of the week. I was devastated. That’s when I stumbled across you on the net, read your book, and listened to at least half of your videos so far. I’m glad I did, because I was going to write a letter and leave it on her porch — some sappy dipstick letter telling her how hurt I was, and blah, blah, blah. (You see this in movies all the time.) Man, I caught your stuff just in time to keep me from making myself look like a needy fool. (She went from blowing you up to blowing you off. Her attraction level has plummeted.) Thank you! I did send one short text during the week asking her if I could buy her a drink after work, but never got a reply. I’ve gotten myself back on center, I’m starting doing my thing again, and today I got an text from her basically wanting to know why she hadn’t heard from me all week. Yeah, right. Sounds like the kitty is purring at the door again. Ha-ha. (That’s why when this happens, you back off and wait to hear from her, and when she does reach out, assume she wants to see you and make a date. You won’t get dumped if she’s doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing.)
My success in the beginning was because I already knew a lot from sales experience what you are trying to teach others, but as it evolved, the incessant texting got out of control. I knew it was, but I didn’t know what to do, and then of course, like anyone would guess, it blew up on me. This is now where your info came in, steered me clear of laying more mine fields, and now instead of endless chats, my objective with my next text will be, “Hi babe, great to hear from you. I’d love to see you. How about…?” The only thing I’m not sure of is, do I tell her that I did text her, and because she didn’t reply, I figured she wanted some space and I was leaving her alone? (Don’t let it show that it got under your skin.) Or maybe just not even bother to bring it up? I’m always leery of revealing too much of my thinking, or why I did this or that, but now if we start hooking up again, I really don’t want to return to the constant texting routine again either. (Good, then don’t. Tell her you’re not much of a texter.) She keeps trying to engage me that way. One thing I know for sure now though is, no more than seven words in a text, and nothing serious, just teasing and hey babe, lets hang out, have fun and hook up. Yeah, you’re the man. Good shit dude. Keep it up. Oh yeah, and in that last text, she was clearly upset she hadn’t heard from me all week according to her, but I already told you I did text her once this week, just didn’t anymore because I thought she blew me off. (She did blow you off, but she’s reacting to societal conditioning.) So do I wait, or text right back? Do I tell her I didn’t text her back anymore because I thought she blew me off, and that I was trying to give her space, or just tell her why I didn’t keep trying? (A man who values himself would never assume that she blew him off.) I guess like you said, most guys would have kept chasing, and she just isn’t used to the 3% man, LOL! (Just wait to hear from her, and when you do, assume she wants to see you and make a date.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women are more attracted to men who are mysterious, fascinating, interesting and somewhat of a challenge to figure out. Since feminine energy is all about bonding, connecting and opening up to receive love, women typically will start to reach out and pursue more and more as their attraction, curiosity and interest grows in a man. Most men who don’t know any better, get themselves into trouble when they start texting and chatting on the phone constantly with women who they have a lot of chemistry with and just started dating. They reveal too much and talk too much, and when the women predictably start to become a little bored and too familiar with them, they start backing off. Most men erroneously assume that they need to text and do more, which actually leads to their texts and messages being ignored. The phone is for setting dates only, not getting to know someone. Men who violate this principle will inevitably talk and text women right out of liking and being attracted to them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne