Transitioning From Casual Dating To Sexually Exclusive To Boyfriend/Girlfriend

How to transition from casual dating to sexually exclusive to boyfriend/girlfriend.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update to my previous newsletter, “She Wants Space & No Contact. What Happened? I Thought We Were Good” He recently started dating someone new and after dating and hooking up for several weeks, things became a little heated when she wanted to be sexually exclusive, but they could both still date other people. After their next date they worked things out and then became exclusive.

It was a little sloppy, but he’s happy to be in a relationship now and provides their text exchange and lots of detail to learn from. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is an update from the viewer whose previous email I answered in the video newsletter, “She Wants Space & No Contact. What Happened? I Thought We Were Good.” That was back in August. We’re now about a week or so before Thanksgiving. So he met somebody else and he’s now exclusive with her. Even though it’s a little rough in how he kind of transition and there’s a text exchange which is a little rough between the two of them, but it all kind of worked out. Now they’re in a relationship. It’s a little sloppy, but it’s a good email to learn from because if the interest is high, you can you can make more mistakes and be able to get away with it and still end up at the Promised Land in a relationship.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

This is Bob again from Central Florida, your old stomping grounds. 

Since your last video, “She Wants Space & No Contact. What Happened? I Thought We Were Good,” I have taken your advice and tried to date as many women 10-15 years younger than me. It has been going pretty well. 

As you know, I am 36 years old. I recently met this 24-year-old and our first date was pretty seamless. Made out within 20 minutes of the date. Second date, I had her meet at my place, took her out for a drink. While out, I used your famous line, “Hey, let’s go back to my place for a glass of champagne,” in which she happily complied.

Well, that’s what we call the trial close. If you’re all over her and she’s all over you and you’re making out, you’re touchy-feely, heavy petting is going on, she might be ready to go back after three or four hours of hanging out together. So you say, “Hey, let’s get out of here and go back to my place and pop a bottle of champagne or have a glass of champagne.” If she says, “Let’s do it. That’s great,” that means she feels safe, she feels comfortable, and more than likely, you’re going to get to the Indoor Olympics, as long as you don’t talk her out of it and your game is pretty tight.

I was laying on my bed and she was sitting on the side of the bed with her glass. While I was talking she put her champagne glass down on the nightstand…

Ooh! What’s coming next?

…Put her face in front of mine looked me in the eyes and started kissing me.

I’m shocked!

Next, as you guessed, came the bedroom Olympics.

Well, congratulations! Hopefully you each won the gold medal.

Ever since the second date, she’d always text me the day after first and I’d set up the next date right away via text. 

That’s why you start out one date per girl per week, until she starts reaching out to you a day or two later, like this girl is doing. Then at that point, your pursuit is for the most part over, because if she’s texting you two or three times a week unprompted, when you have no dates or anything set up, assume she wants to see you. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Create the next opportunity for sex to happen. Make the next date.

Ever since then, I have had her meet me at my place every time and from there I take her out. Except in the third date when she insisted to take me out to dinner, which was a fun experience.

Well, it’s always nice when a lady spends money on you.

I joked around with her telling her we’d have to play role reversal since she was taking me out. 

I don’t know if I would have phrased things like that. That’s like basically saying, “Hey, put on a strap on,” or, “Hey, you can pop a butt plug in my ass.” Like, no thanks. I wouldn’t be saying things like that, dude. “Well, you’ll be the man this time.” It’s just kind of not attractive. You’re putting an idea and an image into her mind that you’re basically saying, “Oh, I’ll be the girl.” No, don’t do that.

I have been averaging two dates a week which all include bedroom Olympics. Fast forwarding to the fifth date after one of our bedroom Olympics we were laying in bed in she said she didn’t want me having sex with any other women. That she knows of, I’m on two dating apps, to which I asked how does she know and she responded that she wouldn’t tell me.

Oh, she has her sources! Probably because she’s on the same dating apps and she’s like, “Oh, there’s the guy I’m seeing profile.” So he’s keeping his options open and she’s going, “Well, you better not be sleeping with any of them.”

I asked if she was looking to be exclusive and she said no. I asked her why does she care about me being with other women. Then to which she replied about STDs. I told her I’d use condoms with other women. I told her that she has nothing to worry about.

Well, there’s always a risk, especially if you’re hooking up with them random girls and you’re raw dogging it.

She’d ask if I’m having sex with other women and I told her that gentlemen don’t kiss and tell and that she’s my “favorite” (Another line of yours). She replied that she didn’t like any of my answers and I could tell her body language shifting to a negative state.

Just say, “I’m joking. Don’t take it so personally. It’s kind of cute when you get a little upset.”

She asked if I wanted to be exclusive and I told her I like her but it’s too soon. I’m not saying no, I’m just saying not at this moment. I then asked if she was seeing another guy. She said she was seeing one other guy. They’ve been on three dates, but she’s not sure if she likes him or is going to see him again, and hadn’t had sex with him. I said OK and shrugged it off (I’m sure he’s my backup if things don’t work between us). She then said that we could both date other people but not have sex with anyone else. Is this some sort of manipulation tactic? 

Well I mean, feminine energy is bonding, connecting, opening up to receive love, and what she’s basically wanting is she’s wanting you to be sexually exclusive to her. I mean, she came right out. It’s like she didn’t want to risk an STD probably because you guys are raw dogging it, which is understandable, and quite frankly, she’s being smart about that. That’s the way you should be. That’s a smart thing to do because the idea is, as the book says, you’re trying to get her to the point where she’s bringing up exclusivity.

Funny thing is ever since we went to seeing each other twice a week with my limited free time I haven’t had time to date other women in which she doesn’t know. 

Attached below is a screenshot of texts I sent her the following day after this conversation she had with me. It was my first time using texting for non setting up dates reasons. 

You should have done this in person, bro. I wouldn’t have done it over text. The phone is for setting dates and now you’re trying to have a serious conversation over text.

So here’s what he says. It’s a little long, but you can see it gets a little contentious at times:

Bob: “Hey, baby. Look, I enjoy dating you, and I like what we have on a simple level in terms of us being exclusive. We’re not ready for that yet. The best I can offer is I can use condoms. If I have sex with another woman, I ask that you do the same thing. That way we can enjoy ourselves unprotected. Of course, in the future we can reconsider when we want to go exclusive.”

Jessica: “I never asked to be exclusive. I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend. I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me. I said I didn’t want us to sleep with other people. If that’s your definition of exclusive, then so be it. You can date and sleep with whoever you want to. I don’t care because it won’t be me.”

Ha ha! Take that!

Bob: “You told me you were worried about STDs and condoms is what prevents it.”

Well, it’s not 100% effective at preventing it. Just because you wear a condom doesn’t mean that you’re not going to get the gift that keeps on giving.

Jessica: “I told you how I felt concerning the situation. You do not feel the same. That’s fine.”

When a woman says it’s fine, it’s not fine.

Bob: “Listen, I explained to you that right now I like the current way we are. Sure, we like each other, but we need more time before I decide to be sexually exclusive with one woman. What we have at the moment is good enough. No drama needed. Over time, we can always transition to a monogamous relationship.”

He continues on, I guess about an hour later it looks like.

Bob: “You’re painting me to be the bad person. You told me you were dating one other guy whether it’s true or not. This is after we’ve had sex multiple times and been on five dates together. And yet you want to date another guy? That’s weird. Women like attention.”

This is where it sounds like he’s trying to copy and paste stuff from the book or he heard in a video.

Bob: “Men like sex.”

That sounds like some red pill stuff, actually. That phrase.

Bob: “I want the right to fuck someone if we are not exclusive. So you’re getting what you want, but I can’t get what I want out of other women? That’s not fair. Think about what you are telling me. You even told me you’re not sure if you like him, but you’re still seeing him even after we’ve done everything we’ve done together.”

Jessica: “I’m not painting you to be anything. Yes, it’s true. I’ll say what you said last night. “I have favorites.” I’m not fucking him, so who cares? Yes, we’ve been on five dates and had sex multiple times and you want to fuck other people. I know you’re smarter than this and you know what happens when you sleep with women.”

She’s starting to get attached. She’s not ready to be in a monogamous relationship as for boyfriend/girlfriend, but she doesn’t like the idea of you fucking other women because she’s starting to develop feelings.

Bob: “Yeah, they don’t want to date other dudes and entertain them and act like he’s an option in your life when he’s not. And you’re still trying to decide whether you like another dude or not when you’re with me.”

Jessica: “I don’t know why you care so much. I’m not doing anything to you. I’m not doing anything that’s affecting you.”

Bob: “It affects me because you can get what you want, but I can’t get what I want, which is not fair. Again, women like attention. Men like sex.”

So you’re lecturing her? Don’t do that.

Bob: “And that’s weird that you still want his attention after being with me.”

Well, in her mind she’s like, “I’m not sleeping with the guy. I’m just going out on a few dates.” However, she can go on a few dates and, “Oh, it just happened. His penis ended up inside me.” So you could say, “I’m going to date other women.” You could have said the same thing, “Yeah, alright, we’ll continue to date. Did you sleep with anybody else?” “Well, it just kind of happened.” “Well, we weren’t exclusive.” You see? See how that is?

Jessica: “That’s what it is. I can’t get attention from other men, but you could sleep with other women. It has nothing to do with attention, and you know my feelings toward you. I like you and like spending time with you.”

Bob: “Truth is, I haven’t fucked anyone else since you. If you wish to date for now, that’s fine. I’m happy with our situation. Drama free. I hope this clears things up.”

Jessica: “That actually made things more confusing. We can discuss later.”

Don’t have these fucking conversations over text, dude. Take your right hand, reach out and choke yourself. The phone is for setting dates. These principles are there for a reason. You’re getting away with this because it’s further down the road, but if you try this in the first couple of dates, it’s going to blow up in your face and that might be the end of it. That might be all it takes to talk her out of liking you. This is not a helpful conversation to have over text. Even though it turns out OK, I would not recommend doing what this guy did.

Bob: “When are you free to get together? I want to see that pretty face.”

Jessica: “Thursday or Friday or tomorrow. Depends on when the hurricane hits, I guess.”

Bob: “And tonight?”

Jessica: “I’m busy.”

Bob: “We’ll get the strongest portion of the cane tomorrow night. That being said, you’re welcome to ride it out here. Let’s do Friday at 8 p.m. where your AF1’s and bring your stuff to sleep over.”

Jessica: “I’ll come Friday.”

Bob: “Great! See you then.”

And she gives the thumbs up to that. So now they have a date set for Friday. So the saga continues…

Ever since that last text that she would be over on Friday for the date. She texted me again, so I had her come over for Thursday night as well.

See, unlike the other guy, remember the email that I did earlier? The free one that everybody saw that was titled, “The Phone Is For Setting Dates. Not Getting To Know Someone.” The other guy blew that up. He had a date, I think it was set for Thursday, the other guy in the other email, then she FaceTimes him on Tuesday. Instead of just saying, “Hey, come over,” he spends an hour or two talking on the phone through FaceTime. Then he does the same thing the very next day. Then Thursday, the day they’re supposed to actually have their date, she cancelled and then it blew up.

This guy, his game is much smoother. He’s a better student. Notice what he does. Keep in mind they got a date for Friday set up.

It went on to be a great weekend together as Thursday rolled into Friday which went into Saturday and then she left on Sunday morning.

You see how beautiful that is? That’s perfect. Good job!

If she’s reaching out, you assume she wants to see you. You don’t have to be like, “I must be a robot. We have a date for Friday. It’s an official date.” She’s reaching out on a Thursday, I assume. I would be like, “Hey you! Come over.” Doesn’t have to be an official date. What is a date? A date is an opportunity for sex to happen. Friday, you have an official date where you’re going to go do something. Thursday was like, obviously she probably didn’t want to wait. She wanted to see what you’re up to and you’re like, “Hey cutie, come over.” So they spent Thursday, Friday, Saturday and and she left Sunday morning. That’s three days together, which is great.

When she texted me when she got home, I used your line of, “Hit me up later.” I remember one of your videos saying when we are together for that many days she may stray away for a little while and then come back.

You got to keep in mind, women are like cats. You just spent three days together after that contentious text exchange. So when she leaves Sunday morning, she might be a little less enthusiastic, and that’s not something to freak you out. It’s just the ebb and flow of a woman’s emotions and feelings. Don’t take it personally. Has nothing to do with you. It’s just the way they are. That’s why it’s just, “Hey, call me later. Hit me up later.” You might not hear from her for two or three days, and then she hits you up, set the next date and it’s just smooth and effortless like that.

When Sunday night rolled around, it was so hard for me not to reach out but glad I did so as the next day around 1:30 p.m. she texted me…

In other words, he waited. He wanted to text her because he’s probably like, “Oh, maybe she’s getting a little distant. She seemed a little colder when she left.” That’s where most guys start to worry and freak out, then they start pursuing, then it turns her off and they chase her away.

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. They saw each other Sunday morning. He didn’t reach out. So I assume on Monday at 1:30 p.m. I mean, they didn’t talk for a little over 24 hours.

…Wanting to take me out on a date on Wednesday!

Oh, she’s asking him out. Most women will not do that. That’s a sign of high interest.

We ended up going out and she slept over that night per usual. 

Fast forward to last night, Saturday night, I picked her up and brought her to my place. I had cooked us dinner and had her wait in the room while I got the table ready. I included candles and dimmed the room for a romantic vibe. I then went to get her out if the other room and had her close her eyes as I walked her to the dinner table. When she opened it I could tell she loved the ambiance. 

See, that shows that you care and that she’s special to you. That’s what part of what started that contentious conversation is that she was worried that he was just fucking her and anybody else he wanted to, and that he really didn’t care. If a girl’s been on the dating apps, that’s happened enough where they catch feelings for a guy, then they find they want to get serious and they find out he’s banging a bunch of other girls and has no interest in getting exclusive.

Shortly after dinner she stated randomly to me, “I can’t imagine you doing this with other girls and I’m not the only one.”

So she’s fishing for answers. She’s like Sherlock Holmes.

That proceeded by me using your words, “Tell me more. Explain further. What do you mean?” She told me she had dropped the other guy right after the weekend prior where we hung out together Thursday-Sunday and wanted me all to herself. I used your funny line of, “Well can at least keep one,” to which she enjoyed and then said no. We are now in a monogamous relationship/boyfriend/girlfriend. First date was September 18th and this happened on October 19th, so one month and one day (I know you say 6-8 weeks).

Again, every woman is different.

I’m head over heels for her. However, I didn’t want to be the first to bring this stuff up as you say that’s all feminine qualities.

Overall, the way you kind of ask questions and filter out where she was, I mean, she says, I don’t want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She just wanted to be sexually exclusive. She didn’t want you to sleep with anybody else, but you were moving in the direction of being boyfriend/girlfriend, but she wasn’t ready to put a label on it. So you’re like, “Hey well, you’re going out on dates with other dudes. I’m going to keep dating other women and potentially sleeping with them.” Then they had their little dust up, then they spent three days together, she felt more safe, she felt more comfortable.

I mean, the fact that he’s doing these nice romantic gestures, why getting the ambiance right in the room, making her close her eyes as he walks around. That’s the kind of stuff you do for a girl you care about, not some chick you just want to fuck for a release. So that’s the kind of stuff that makes you feel like this guy really does care for me. So her feelings and emotions continue to go up and they became exclusive.

I want to say thank for from the bottom of my heart for what you do to help others. You helped me get my previous relationship which lasted six years. I became complacent and stopped reading you work when I got into it which was detrimental in the end. 

Yeah, because the only thing you were consuming was traditional TV and media and movies. So you got rebrainwashed into and you went back to sleep basically, you probably stopped dating and courting her and she didn’t feel heard and understood. The courtship ended and eventually so did the romance.

I am deeply rooted into martial arts and that is my main hobby/passion. I am extremely disciplined in general and have exquisite work ethic.  With that being said, this time around I have literally spent hours everyday listening to your audio-book in the gym, on runs, road trips, etc. I know your voice by heart. I have lost the amount of times I have listened to your audio-book 3% Man this time around.

Well, at least once or twice a year going forward, you’re going to want to go through it maybe every six months. You go through it just to keep it fresh, because you got to remember you’re being propagandized every time you consume other media, TVs and movies. So keep that in mind. It’ll put you back to sleep slowly over time.

At night, instead of dedicating my one hour to Netflix, I have been dedicating that one hour to your YouTube videos. This happened after the ending of my last relationship so let’s say about four consistent months. 

FYI, even though we are in a relationship, I know nothing changes texting wise and just to keep setting dates when she reaches out. 

It’s just much better because if you start spending way too much time talking and texting on the phone, you’ll notice that you’re spending less time together in person, and quite frankly, it’s a pain in the ass. I personally hate banging away on a little cell phone. I get to the point where people, friends, family, girlfriends, whatever, I’m not a dude that’s going to sit on the phone FaceTiming for hours and hours on end. That’s fucking boring to me. It’s like, “Let’s get together. Come over.”

She even told me, “I have never dated someone that texts like this before. Usually we are always texting back and forth everyday. With you, I know once I text you, you will arrange for us to get together, which I really like and look forward to.”

Thank you again from Seminole County, FL!

Bob

Again, his actions show that he cares. He wants to get to the point where because he’s a busy dude, he’s a busy professional, he’s only got I think, one or two days a week where he’s free anyways. If you’re constantly available 24/7, say you get into a relationship, eventually at some point you’re going to get tired of texting 24/7 and then she’s going to take it as you don’t care, but this guy was smart. He used the phone only for setting dates, and it’s something that she’s never experienced with any other guy, and she likes it. He trained her properly so he can focus on his mission and purpose. If she reaches out, he’s making dates, he’s making plans to get together, whatever it happens to be, then boom, he’s off the phone because it’s a pain in the ass. Especially when you know a lot of people, you have a lot of friends, you have a lot of family, there’s always somebody fucking sending you a message, messaging you on social media or sending you a DM, it can be overwhelming. It’s a lot. I just don’t want to spend my whole life on social media or on the phone. I want to be interacting with other people and doing normal, healthy things. So congratulations on your success!

Again, if I were you, maybe once every six months you go back through the book just to keep things fresh in your mind, because when you do that, you’ll be like, “Wow! Shit, I forgot that! Oh, I’ve been kind of slacking on this. I got a little sloppy here,” because it happens. You go back to sleep very slowly over many days, weeks, months and years. As this guy realized, he was with that previous girlfriend five or six years I think it was, and he hadn’t gone back to my stuff in years. So he went back to sleep. Then once he realized it, it was pretty much too late. The damage had been done. But hey, four months later, now he’s got a new girl and he’s head over heels in love with her and she seems to be falling in love with him as well and she really likes it, so congratulations to you crazy kids! Thanks for the email!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.