In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is fifty-four years old. She has been interested in fitness and personal training since she was in high school. This past year, she retired from a career in school administration. She shares how my work has made a difference in her life. She is training to compete in fitness competitions and works as a personal trainer and a holistic nutritionist. She often goes out with guys and does not feel any kind of spark, but feels guilty about giving guys she does not feel chemistry with a second date. She says when she goes out on a second date, when it did not feel right on the first date, nothing changes, and she does not go on a third date. She studies spirituality, the laws of attraction and the mysteries of the universe. She has a hard time finding like-minded people and a guy who thinks like she does. She asks my opinion on whether or not giving a guy a second or third date, when she does not feel chemistry on the first date, is a good idea, or if it’s ever going to cause her initial gut reaction or intuition to change and, therefore, lead to sexual attraction. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email:
Hi Corey,Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have learned so much from you this past year from watching your video coaching newsletters and feel grateful to have found your work. I never thought about reading your book, because I thought it was just for guys, (I actually wrote it for guys because guys need it the most. However, I have a lot of female clients.), but I’m going to give it a shot in the next few days. I am a 54-year old, single, heterosexual woman. I have worked out since high school, have amped up my workouts in the last year and am training to compete in ‘figure.’ I consistently eat clean and don’t drink at present. God, do I miss my Tito’s cosmos. When I took an early retirement from school administration in August, 2015, I continued with my other passion, fitness. (Good for you. Most people don’t do that. They make excuses and tell themselves stories about why it’s not realistic.) I am a personal trainer and holistic nutritionist. I am also passionate about studying the universe, divine guidance, and the Laws of Attraction. Anyway, all that information leads me to my question. I have been on several dates over the past two years and ended up walking to my car asking myself if I should give the guy a second date because maybe they will ‘WOW’ me next time; maybe there will be a spark… next time. (That’s the lie we tell ourselves. Everybody you know in your life that have settled are people who talked themselves into it. So many women marry men they’re not in love with.) I have gone out a second time with a few of the men and end up saying no to the third date, because there’s nothing there that ignites me. (I’ve always found, it’s either there or it’s not.) I don’t mean looks either. I love to talk about weightlifting, eating clean, the Law of Attraction, I know you know what that is, the holographic universe, and the like… just bouncing thoughts off each other, you know? (It’s very rare. Most people don’t think this way and won’t invest the time to improve themselves. You’re one of the rare people who does.) I picture me talking with a guy about these things, or some version of the like, then kissing passionately knowing that we have a connection about things that matter to us both. (The key is to resist the urge to settle.) I used to feel badly about myself saying no to a second or third date and subconsciously say things to myself like, “Samantha, do you think you’re all that? (Absolutely, because if you don’t think you’re awesome and spectacular, you’ll keep people in your life who don’t think you’re spectacular to justify your worldview. Remember, people will act consistently with how they view themselves to be, whether the view is accurate or not. If you’ve got people in your life who don’t celebrate you and don’t always have positive words of uplifting encouragement for you, you should limit your time around them, and spend your time with people who are more like-minded and share the same goals and values as you. People who share the same goals and values with you will lift you up, and those who don’t will drag you down to their level.) That you can’t give the poor guy another shot?” (Again, that’s the urge to settle.) My favorite quote lately is, “I love the woman I am becoming, because I fought to become her.” So, my answer to my question is, “Yes. I’m all that.” My question Corey is, well, it’s kind of a comment and question together, I/we/people have the right to make judgments about who we want to spend intimate time with, even after only one date, right? (Trust that intuition. If you aren’t feeling it, it just isn’t going to be there.) I know you have had video newsletters about this and thought, because I’m probably not your typical viewer or fan, that you might come in from a different angle. I’m sure that whatever angle you hit it from, it will be fucking spectacular!
No matter where this email ends up, getting answered, or on the cutting room floor, I want to thank you immensely again for changing my life and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, Corey. (Thanks for applying this, because not only are you changing your life, but also the lives of everyone you come across.)
Love you, man.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Learning to trust your heart, curiosity and intuition is not something that is usually encouraged or valued in western societies. Our soul speaks to us through our feelings. Feelings are the language of our souls. Our feelings are our truth and should not be ignored. For centuries, battlefield soldiers have learned to pay attention to and trust their sudden feelings of danger right before they are attacked to help them escape harm. However, while you should learn to trust your intuition and feelings, you should also make sure you use your logical mind to remain objective, so you can see people and situations for what they really are, instead of the way you wish them to be, especially when it comes to romantic love.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
“When you trust in yourself, you’re trusting in the same wisdom that created you.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
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