Trying Too Hard Vs. Not Trying At All

Apr 18, 2015 by Coach Corey Wayne

young woman rejecting man who is trying to flirt with herHow to properly balance out your negative, fearful, desperate and needy tendencies, which have led to your trying too hard and chasing good women right out of your life in the past, to not really trying at all, and how this causes women to find you so highly desirable that they talk you into dating them and becoming their boyfriend.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how he originally found my work after chasing a good woman right out of his life for good. Unfortunately, he did the same thing with a second high quality woman he met initially, but was able to turn things around successfully when they bumped into each other two months later. When he met the second woman, he thought after reading my book twice, that he knew it well enough. However, after she stopped responding to his texts, he read my book for the third time and realized that he texted her too much and chased her away. He assumed he would never hear from her again.

He continued to practice his skills over the next two months, shares what he learned, how he started doing things differently and how women really started paying more attention to him. Then, one night they ran into each other at a popular bar and nightclub. He shares exactly what he did and said to create attraction and cause her to kiss him at the end of the night. They’ve now been together for six months and it’s better than anything he has ever experienced with a woman before. It’s another great success story of a guy detailing what he did and said differently based upon my work to turn his personal life around.

Hey Coach,

I just wanted to say thank you for all you have taught me. I’ve currently read through your book four times and am working towards my goal of ten times. I have been in a relationship with a great girl for the last six months now, and things could not be easier or more fun with this girl. We hold the same values and qualities and love spending time with each other. At one point in my life, I never thought I would be able to get into a successful relationship, as my confidence was low from being crushed by a girl who I over-pursued. It’s actually really cool looking back and seeing all of the mistakes I made with that girl and learning from them.

But that was the past and this is the present. (You are not the sum of what has happened to you. It does not define you unless you choose for it to define you.) I met the girl I’m currently with on an online dating website, and when we first started talking, she offered me her phone number, email, and told me I could add her on Facebook, so I knew her attraction level was pretty high. (When a girl is really into you, she will ask for multiple ways to contact you.) Man using smartphoneHowever, I made the rookie mistake of texting this girl too much, and she stopped replying. (Read the book 10-15 times. This guy didn’t listen and got burned with a girl he really liked.) At that point, I read through your book for the third time and realized where I went wrong. After that, I had the mindset that if she didn’t want to talk to me, that I am totally fine, there are plenty of other girls out there and I thought that was the end of it. Boy was I wrong! (When you have a breakup, you’ve got to focus on yourself, get out there and start dating so you can get better at applying the things I teach in my book.)

About two months later, I had learned so much more from you and had been applying your advice in a multitude of different places, the mall and the bar, and I don’t want to toot my own horn Corey, but I was getting good at it. (Repetition is the mother of skill.) At the bar, I went in with the notion that I wasn’t there to try to meet women, just there to have fun with my friends. (I talk about this in my article and video, “How To Get Women To Approach You First.” It’s all about the body language and the physiology that will cause women to notice you.) Party timeI was usually the designated driver, and I learned to talk with my hands, laugh a lot and just have a good time, something I was never able to do in the past. I was standing up straight with a confident posture, my drink down at my side, shoulders back, head up, and taking up too much space, and boy Corey did that ever attract the women. (I demonstrate this in my article and video, “Body Language That Attracts Women,” where I show you what the body language looks like.) It attracted one girl of particular interest… can you guess who? You got it Corey, it was the girl from the online dating site who blew me off and just happened to be at the bar that night! (That’s not a coincidence. That’s just how the universe works.) She walked in front of me and we both said hello to each other as she was passing by, and I went on with my night. About an hour later, I got a text from her asking if I was still at the bar. I told her I was, and she told me to come dance with her on the dance floor. I replied with “I’m upstairs” as the bar had multiple levels. (Notice that he’s not going to where she is. If she wants another shot at him, she’s got to come find him.) Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, look who comes storming up the stairs! We talked for a few minutes, she apologized for not returning my texts, and I replied to her with, “That’s no problem at all. People get busy. Young couple kissing in a nightclub It happens,” with a polite and confident smile on my face. (That was a good response and showed you were indifferent.) I then asked her if she wanted to go dance on the dance floor where I treated her like a bratty little sister, teasing her a little bit and making jokes at both of our expenses. At the end of the night, she said she had to go and I said, “Well, you have been wanting to do it all night, so you might as well kiss me now,” and Corey, we made out for about five minutes on the dance floor. A few days later, I called her up to set up a date, and the rest is history. Everything has been peaches ever since.

So in closing, thank you Corey, because the old me wouldn’t have been able to pull this off. I would have come from a hurtful position where I wanted to get back at this girl, instead of a position of love. You have really changed my life and made things so much easier. I now know what it’s like to be a 3% man!!! I will continue to follow your work and learn, and I wish you all the success in the future. You are truly changing lives. (Good job. I’m happy for you.)

Thank you,

Bob

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“It is essential for every man and woman to exercise emotional self control in all matters of the heart. You should not make promises when you are elated and happy. Why? When you come down from that temporary happiness high, you often will regret what you have committed to. It’s better to take your time and contemplate all of the consequences and possibilities of your commitments before making them. In your intimate relationships, you should enjoy your strong feelings of love and desire, but pay attention to the level of reciprocation from the other person. That way, you will never continue to do too much or give too much to the point that you put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of or hurt. Healthy relationships are based upon a balance of mutual giving and receiving.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

Published on April 18, 2015

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dating a girl whose English isn’t a first language. She is Korean and I am Chinese. We talk and communicate in English fairly well in person. I’m more Americanized.. She’s been here for 7 years me 26.However, She never initiates anything texting or reaching out. Maybe she is afraid to text English or talk over the phone in English to not embarrass yourself? Not sure I ask her and she says how come I don’t text her more often? Anyways, we’ve dated at least 10 times but I think she’s starting to lose interest due to my over pursuit of her. Thoughts? Curious as what you think of a person who never initiates anything in terms of texting or calling. And if walking away will work for this scenario.

  2. Dating a girl whose English isn’t a first language. She is Korean and I am Chinese. We talk and communicate in English fairly well in person. I’m more Americanized.. She’s been here in USA for 7 years me 26years I’m fluent However, She never initiates anything texting or reaching out. Maybe she is afraid to text English or talk over the phone in English to not embarrass yourself? Not sure I ask her and she says how come I don’t text her more often? But she always counters and never rejects my date requests. But she never initiates anything!!! Anyways, we’ve dated at least 12 times but I think she’s starting to lose interest due to my overpursuit of her. Thoughts? Curious as what you think of a person who never initiates anything in terms of texting or calling. And if walking away will work for this scenario and force her to maybe initiate? She’s not ever rejected a date request from me if she does she counters

  3. Luke,
    You probably know the drill by now , read the book and watch the videos to get some insight

    it’s been 3 months has things change ?

    Just some notes of what you said:

    “Maybe she is afraid to text English or talk over the phone in English to not embarrass yourself?”
    Speaking from experience Korean’s prefer hanging out in person and not talking or texting on the phone.

    “Not sure I ask her and she says how come I don’t text her more often?”
    This a good sign, make sure you watch Corey videos about texting and over doing it

    Anyways, we’ve dated at least 10 times but I think she’s starting to lose interest due to my over pursuit of her. Thoughts? Curious as what you think of a person who never initiates anything in terms of texting or calling. And if walking away will work for this scenario.

    I think she may still be interested in you, don’t worry about her not initiating anything, this could be because she is always busy(active), speaking from experience when Korean women stop being interested, they will reject your offers of dating and replying to your text. they will just “ghost” you and will never hear from them again.

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