In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss a very insightful email from a viewer who shares several observations he has made after watching many of my YouTube videos. He talks about how most guys are unsuccessful with the kind of women they really want because of what society has taught them and what they have been conditioned to believe. He notices how children are pure joy, love and happiness because they have not adopted the conditioning of most adults.
This conditioning causes most adults to basically become unthinking, conforming and rule following zombies who can’t think for themselves, but must be told what to believe and think. It’s all about becoming who you really are by unlearning what you have learned. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
After watching several of your videos, which I think are all excellent, what it ultimately comes down to is, you get what you are. Your videos are an excellent means for guys to get some major introspection into themselves and become aware of what they’re putting out to women, but in the end, if they have to force-modify their behavior to initiate or function in a relationship, those efforts will have a shelf life before burnout sets in. (The idea is to fake it until you make it. Apply the things I teach until you see that they work, and that builds confidence.) Eventually, as you’re apparently seeing all too often, a guy will revert to his “normal state.” This is not to say that his normal state cannot change/evolve; this is where your videos can be of priceless value: by making the “target” clearly defined. (As a coach, I teach fundamentals. That’s why I want people to read the book 10-15 times. The idea is to teach you a set of fundamentals on how to show up in the world and how to adapt.) However, a guy cannot hope to find long-term happiness through forced behavior modification. (The guys who have trouble are the ones who don’t read the book 10-15 times. You need to take massive, consistent action to get the results you need.) That is a short-term Band-Aid at best, as far as getting real-world results. It seems that all the stuff you teach is, ultimately, every guy’s natural state. (If you apply the things I teach, you will see they work for you. For men, these things are more aligned with their natural masculine state, and it feels natural and effortless.) Guys are conditioned, brainwashed, etc. into overriding that with learned, destructive behavior — insecurity, neediness, etc. There are many, many mechanisms at play determining whom we meet, when, and how. To me, every drama we find ourselves involved in is learning material. The end goal seems to be “unlearn what you have learned.” Unlearn insecurity, unlearn neediness, etc.; it is not our natural state. (This is so true. Look at how kids learn. They aren’t conditioned and don’t get discouraged. As adults we take on societal conditioning that tells us how to act, creating tremendous misery and suffering.) It is not who we really are. Babies, who have not yet been conditioned to be anything but their natural selves, are irresistible to most people. (They are the embodiment of unconditional love.) This attractiveness would continue lifelong if we were not brainwashed into destroying it. It never really goes away; we just learn to cover it over with layer after layer of crap. Your videos, the ones I’ve seen, anyway, are dead on target. Hopefully they will help guys to figure out long term that all the stuff you teach is really their natural state, and they have “had what it takes” all along. (That’s why I say it’s your birthright to live this way. We were born into this world to be happy and achieve our dreams. However, society tends to destroy that.)
We are who and what we are. We are taught to judge that in alignment with what our culture demands. We are conditioned to place conditions on our value as people. When we drop the judgment, even the most quirky behavior is fully acceptable to others, as long as we don’t question it ourselves. (In the US presidential race, the media is telling us to be outraged at the candidates’ statements, and they have to apologize. Then we don’t know what the candidates stand for, because the candidates only speak on what gets votes.) When we allow others to place value on us, we drop from “alpha male” down to whining serf. What a waste. I think that is ultimately where all the little dramas in each person’s life are leading them: unconditional self-acceptance, where we don’t want or need another person to tell us we’re worth something. We become, instead of trying to force our reflections, or our relationships, to show us what we want to see. When we “become” what we’ve been all along, that reflection is automatic.
I love your videos! Awesome job, and thanks for doing what you do!!! (Thanks for the great, insightful email. You’re definitely an enlightened dude. The idea is to think for yourself. Look at what people do, not at what they say.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“In order to reach your full potential in life, you must unlearn what you have learned. Most everything you have been taught about how the world really works, why people do what they do and how to get what you want in life is wrong. You should question everything you have been taught, instead of just blindly believing what your favorite politician or pundit says. You should trust in yourself and what feels right in your heart. When you learn something new, test what you have learned instead of just taking it as gospel. Like Albert Einstein said, “Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” It’s okay to trust what people in authority have to say, but you should verify it for yourself. Otherwise, you open yourself up to being swindled or being taken advantage of. Learn to think for yourself instead of letting other people think for you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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