Update: How To Respond When She’s Not In The Mood For Sex

Update on how viewer made corrections & she started initiating sex.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who gives us an update on his previous newsletter where he was acting needy and getting angry and argumentative when his girlfriend wasn’t in the mood for sex. He implemented what I suggested and the results have been night and day different.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So we got an email update from Bob, our 21-year-old viewer from Denmark. He’s in a long distance relationship with his Bulgarian girlfriend, who’s also 21. He’s read 3% Man 20 times and he keeps studying it to keep and remain grounded.

So last time, if you remember, we did a video how to respond when she’s not in the mood for sex. So I gave him a roasting because he was acting kind of needy and undisciplined. I told him he needed to clean up that behavior, and he did. He recognized that I was totally spot-on in my assessment. He made corrective changes in things, have done a 180 with his sex and his intimacy with his girlfriend, so he was getting mad and butt-hurt that she wasn’t in the mood, and then trying to use logic and reason to talk her into being excited about having sex, which is the wrong way to go about it. He needed to clean up his unattractive behavior because he was definitely straying from the book and not really realizing it.

Typically, in a relationship when you’re experiencing pain, it’s usually because you’re focusing on yourself. You got to pay attention to what’s going on with the other person, especially the woman that you’re dating.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I’m 21 years old from Denmark and in a long-distance relationship with my Bulgarian girlfriend (Also 21). I’ve read How to Be a 3% Man around 20 times and keep studying it to stay grounded.

This is a follow-up to your video, How To Respond When She’s Not In The Mood For Sex. I also took to heart the roasting you gave me in the earlier video-coaching newsletter where you said I was acting like an undisciplined man who needed to clean up the needy behavior. You were absolutely right. I’ve been working hard to apply that lesson, and the difference has been night and day.

Yeah, the roasting that I give are not to make people feel bad, but there is a method to my madness. The goal is to associate unattractive and undesirable actions with pain and undesirable results, because people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. Then I associate pleasure with doing the right things, the right behavior, and getting good results. So that helps to kind of rewire your brain when you’re watching the video and listening to it, where you’re repulsed by the unattractive behavior, you associate negative feelings with that, you’re excited, optimistic and move towards the positive feelings, positive emotions and positive results you’re going to get with the appropriate behavior. So you naturally will move away from what’s potentially painful and move towards what’s potentially pleasurable all by me just talking about it and giving you a tongue lashing because masculine energy grows through challenge.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m challenging you to be a better man, and I’m telling you like it is because most of us have people in our life that are going, “Oh, just do your best. Tell her how you feel and how much you care. That should really make a difference,” and when you do those kinds of things, or you listen to that generic, useless advice, it doesn’t help. It usually makes things worse. So I’m going to give it to you straight. I’m going to tell you like it is, even if it hurts your feelings a little bit. The bottom line is, don’t take it personally. It’s just take the corrective action. We’re all here to get better.

On my most recent visit, the first night started with her being a bit hesitant and resistant. Probably a leftover reaction from how I showed up less centered last time.

Well, remember when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open and when she doesn’t, the legs close. So he showed up and the legs were closed for business because she didn’t feel safe, because he wasn’t acting very masculine last time around. So he showed up and she was expecting him to be the same way as he was when he left, because he’s done it a number of times, but he had the benefit of the video newsletter right moment.

Instead of pushing or taking it personally, I stayed relaxed, teasing, and focused on enjoying our time together. As we talked, she opened up emotionally and said she’d been afraid I’d get frustrated or start an argument…

Because that was obviously happening quite a bit and she was expecting that. Instead, he showed up calm and relaxed and just focused on having a good time.

…If she wasn’t in the mood. She began to cry and admitted she’d felt guilty.

So in other words, she knows she should feel more towards her man and should want to be intimate with him, but she just doesn’t because again, most women don’t understand how attraction works and why they feel the way they feel. All they know is that they feel the way they feel. They don’t feel safe. They don’t feel comfortable. They don’t feel open. They don’t feel heard and understood. Therefore, the legs were closed, but he’s being a good student. He took the tongue lashing in stride and understood it was just to help him step up and be a better man, which he’s clearly doing.

Inside, I could still feel the old waves of neediness and anxiety, but I didn’t act on them.

See, that’s the important thing. That’s called self-control. Even though you feel like you want to jump out of your skin, you may be thinking, “Oh my God, I’m going to lose this girl. She’s never going to want to sleep with me again.” You do the right thing because you trust in the book, you trust in the process, and you trust in the wisdom that got you this far.

I just held her, stayed calm, and reassured her everything was fine.

The rock. The mountain. “Daddy’s here baby. It’s OK.”

Watching her soften and seeing her eyes light up in relief was powerful. Later that night, as I was about to fall asleep, she initiated sex passionately.

Made her feel safe, made her feel comfortable, made her feel heard and understood. He didn’t do anything, didn’t even try to seduce her because he could tell she wasn’t open to it. He was thinking from the end, like James Bond, “I always get laid. It’s always going to happen. Let’s just enjoy until we get there.”

The rest of the stay she grew more affectionate, playful, and physically close. We didn’t have sex the following night, but she fell asleep in my arms, which honestly felt even more connected. Since I came home, she’s been very loving on the phone and invited me to join her and her parents on a trip next month— Her initiative.

See? See what interest does? See what happens when you act like a man? She feels safe, she feels comfortable, and she pulls you into her world. She’s like, “Come plow my strawberry fields, you big, burly man!”

I’ve quit porn completely and focus on being a disciplined, competent man who gives instead of expects. Living my purpose, exercising emotional self-control, and leveling up each day, just as you teach.

Good job! Don’t give your sexual attention to porn. Give it to your woman.

I’ll be seeing her next month and would love any adjustments or tips beyond continuing to reread and apply the book for keeping emotional composure strong and polarity vibrant.

Thanks for everything you do, Coach. Your work truly changed my life.

Best Regards,

Bob

Really, it is as simple as just following the book. What I said last time, this is a process that you just took her through, and you’re going to always be taking her through this process. It’s never going to end. It’s part of the courtship. It’s part of the relationship. Again, what happened? You were focused on yourself and how much you weren’t getting laid. So what happened? You didn’t show up as a man you needed to be. Her legs closed, you took it personally, you got mad, and you got butt-hurt at her, which made her legs close even more. Then you stopped focusing on yourself. It was still in the back of your mind, but you focused on her, and you focused on how she was feeling, how she was showing up and getting her to open up, feel safe with you, and just making her feel heard and understood. In other words, you focused on giving.

The purpose of all relationships is you go there to give, and you are giving her a good time and you are giving her a good listening. You’re being a good sounding board with no pressure. You weren’t trying to seduce her or do anything. You were just being totally present and letting her show up however she wanted, and what happened? You did nothing other than be a great boyfriend and listen, and what happened? She fucking grabbed your cock and stuck it inside of her. See how that works? Indifference makes the difference. It’s very strategic in what he did, because this is what you always have to do. If she’s closed and shut down or distant, “Hey, babe. What’s going on? You seem a little distant. Is everything all right? Are you OK? Something happened today I didn’t know about? You want to talk?” It’s all you got to do. It’s so simple when you understand. It’s a process.

So you got to take women through the process. She felt closed down when he showed up. She was expecting an argument and a bad time. Instead, she got the completely best version of himself. He made her feel safe. He wasn’t judgmental. He just listened to her, took it all in, didn’t take it personally. Didn’t get butt-hurt. She cried. She felt guilty. She felt her emotions. She felt safe. She felt heard and understood. Once she felt heard and understood, what happened? She opened them legs up and jumped on him. See how that works? It’s so simple. Women are very easy to understand. They’re as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. When you become a good student and you don’t focus on yourself and what you’re not getting, love is allowing, after all. So he allowed her to be present with her feelings. He allowed her to have a meltdown and he was there for her. He didn’t try to push anything. He waited for the signs that she was open to it, and what happened? She jumped his bones.

This is what I talk about. If you follow what’s in the book, your girl is going to be stuck to you like a sucker-fish. She’s gonna be stuck to you like white on rice to the point where they’re kind of annoying. Girls are annoying like that. We love them, but you’ve been in a relationship long enough with a woman, and she’s crazy about you, sometimes you’re like, man, “I need some space. I gotta go do some things.” Don’t tell your girl you need space, but go do other things. Don’t give up your hobbies. Spend time with your friends, your family, go see your mom. Do all those things. It’s all important you treat her right and she’ll treat you right. It’s very simple, very easy. That’s assuming you got a normal, healthy woman. So far, it looks like he’s got a decent girl, so I’m sure he’ll probably be sending us more emails down the road.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.