Update: I Read Her Diary & Didn’t Like What I Found

I discuss an email update to the newsletter, I Read My Girlfriend’s Diary & Don’t Like What I Found.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss what has happened since he read her diary and didn’t like what he found. He got back into the book and realized he had become needy, too available and was making her his mommy instead of being her superman. She was losing interest in sex and he complained about it instead of getting back to the basics of the book and acting like a man.

Now things are slowly getting better & her attraction is on the way up. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This is a good email. It just shows how important it is to understand the playbook, the book 3% Man.

So I did a video for this guy a couple of weeks ago, and the title was, I Read My Girlfriend’s Diary & Don’t Like What I Found. What Now? So what happened after then, that kind of woke him up, the video that I did for him. He went back through the book, and when he went back through the book, he realized he just had completely got away from it and didn’t even realize it.

So what I see a lot is that guys will come and find my work, they’ll read the book 10, 15 times, they’ll meet a girl or start dating her as soon as they start getting laid, hooking up, and she seems to be really into him, they’re like, “I’ve arrived. I’ve got it. I’ve made it to the Promised Land. I’m a Jedi Master with the ladies. I can now move freely in the land of women because I’m the man,” and pride cometh before the fall, as they say. Overtime, they just kind of go back to sleep and they don’t really learn the relationship stuff that’s in the book, and oftentimes until it’s too late. So this guy’s girl is kind of shooting him down for sex. Her attraction and respect is quite low because again, he just didn’t have any self-awareness because as soon as he started getting laid and getting what he wanted, he just kind of tapped out and was on autopilot.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m back with a little update regarding my last email which you discussed.
Feeling the urgency, I immersed myself in your book again, close to 30 reads in, and I realized what I’ve done wrong. Not just being complacent, but losing my masculine center. Being too available, being needy and making her my mommy, instead of being HER Superman.

So this is the hard thing in our culture, because the culture pushes the archetype that the woman is supposed to basically be the head of the household, and she’s supposed to run everything. So pretty much every television show, every movie that you watch is presenting this to you. Plus, all your friends and family oftentimes are thinking the same way.

We’ve all heard, “Happy wife, happy life. Oh, I don’t want to upset my wife. I don’t want to piss her off. Just let me be a people-pleaser and go along with it.” So when you stop paying attention to the book and you just only consume what’s in the culture movies, TV, that kind of thing, you’re getting re-brainwashed to basically be unattractive, and it happens slowly. That’s why it’s so hard for the average guy that hasn’t taken the time to really master what’s in the book, to recognize it until it’s often too late and they don’t realize it until they’re getting dumped or friend-zoned.

The Illusion of Action got the best of me, and I started trying to force intimacy and sex, which she simply didn’t feel (Who can blame her?).

Yeah, when you stopped being the man and started treating her like your mommy, making her the center of your world and everything you were going to do, you had to check with her, you had to get her permission. You basically made her the man in the relationship. A woman’s not going to feel safe when you do that, even though it looks cute in the movies and what’s on TV. In the real world, it’s repulsive and it’s disgusting. Women tend to become bitchy, rude and kind of mean when you act that way, when you act soft and squishy. You’re supposed to be the man. You’re supposed to be the rock. You’re supposed to be the mountain. You’re not supposed to fucking go back to sleep and act like a beta male Harry Honda. Which is kind of like what this guy started to do.

Oftentimes these guys write the email and they’re like, “Oh, I read the book. I did what it said. Then it may have been a year or two since they went through the book. I say the same things over and over and it would be like, “Yeah, you talk about the book.” Like, that’s the manual. It’s the playbook. Just like in the NFL. You don’t read the book in preseason and you don’t need it the rest of year. You’re constantly in it, you’re constantly rehearsing, you’re constantly getting repetitions in.

What you do often, you do best. What you observe, you participate in. If you stop observing and participating in my book and my work and then just like a zombie, pay attention to what’s in the movies and TV only, you’re going to go back to sleep with enough time and you won’t realize it because it happens very slowly. Her interest and her respect drops very slowly until she becomes a fucking tyrant, and then you realize how far you have fallen.

I would get frustrated and have “the talk” with her about it, and tell her how frustrated I was. I know. Come on, man!

So he’s getting upset that she doesn’t want to have sex. So he’s using logic and reasoning to talk her into giving the pussy up, but the legs closed. She doesn’t feel heard and understood. He made her his mommy. That’s not real attractive. So she basically feels like he’s one of her children, and women don’t want to teach you how to be a man. They want to follow your lead, and when you just abdicate all leadership responsibility, you’re going to fucking dry her up like the fucking Sahara Desert.

Since then, I’ve shifted my approach. I’m getting more busy with my own stuff, and having an indifferent mindset really MAKES the difference.

Well, the difference that makes a difference is indifference.

We went out clubbing a few days ago and had a great night, lots of touching and kissing while dancing. The next day, she wasn’t comfortable having sex, which I took WAY better than the last few times.

Yeah, he didn’t mention that in his last email, if I remember right. He didn’t mention that he was constantly trying to get laid and getting rejected because to him, he was focused on her diary and how she was having fantasies about other guys because he wasn’t acting attractive anymore, but in his mind, he was doing everything right. It wasn’t until he went back through the book he was like, “Holy fuck, I can’t believe how far away I got from this!”

Again, I’ve been doing this 20 years, and I know. I could tell when guys are doing things right, and I can tell when they’re doing things wrong. Even when they bullshit me, they lie or they leave things out, all you have to do is look at what the woman is saying and doing, and I can tell what the problem is.

Take it or leave it. I’m trying to give to her, and not be focused on what I want.

Remember, when the woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. When she doesn’t, the legs close.

That’s what stood out to me the last time I read your book: The 7 principles of Love.

I think he may be referring to the ten disciplines of love, which are in the back of the book.

I really need to demonstrate to her that it’s OK if she’s not feeling it, and give her the room to build up her sexual desire again.

Well, it’s not her building up to sexual desire. It’s about you acting like a man consistently and cleaning up your behavior, dating and courting her properly, making her feel heard and understood. So this tells me that you’re trying to seduce her when she’s not open to it, and you’re not recognizing that she’s not open to it and you’re getting rejected. Again, that just shows that you don’t completely have a mastery of the material in the book and the subtle nuances. It’s like you read it a bunch, got into this relationship, and then were like, “I got this. I don’t have to go back.” The problem is, is that you realize you completely got away from it.

That way, she will hopefully feel safe again after a bit of time.

What’s my go-to here?

Well quite frankly, if you had a really good date and she spent 80%, 90% of her time talking and you opened her up properly, you’ll be fucking that night, even if she’s on her period, but if she’s still putting you off from sex, well just acting like a statue or a zombie is not going to fix that.

Simply hang out, have fun, and hook up?

Yeah, treat her just like you did on your first dates.

Plan awesome dates, be the leader and ACT like a man again?

Yep! You know, I see the same problem in gay and lesbian relationships. When the masculine one stops leading, it turns the other one off, and they don’t want to have sex anymore. The sexual polarity goes away and you basically become like roommates.

How long do you think it’ll take her to get to that magic 9-10 range?

Probably a couple of months.

She’s still affectionate and cuddly, I’d give her a seven on a scale of 1-10.

Love your stuff, Coach. You’re the GOAT for a reason!

Bob

Well, if she’s not having sex with you, it’s probably a five or a six. So you’re actually overrating her interest. Just like your last email, you were overrating her interest in you because it wasn’t your problem. It was a her problem. Then when you went through the book, you realized that you weren’t acting like a man anymore and you dried her up.

You got to get back to the basics, dude. You gotta apply what’s in the book. You got to keep learning it and applying it because as her interest is going back up, you continue to go through the book over and over and over again. Then, as her feelings and her behavior changes over the coming couple of weeks and months, then you’ll start to make the connection of what you’re doing right from the book. So you pick up on that and you learn those little subtle nuances of when to move forward, when to back off, when to open her up, when to let her come to you, when to initiate physical touch and seduction, and when to back off and keep her talking more, because I can tell you, you’re still getting rejected from sex, so you haven’t completely connected all the dots with the seduction part from the book.

So I would say keep going back through the book because you’re rusty and you definitely do not have a mastery of the book. It just seems like you read it a bunch, started getting laid in the beginning, and then you figured you had it, it was all set, you went on autopilot and then continued watching TV and movies, and over the course of the last year, you just went back to sleep and you started doing all the unattractive things that always caused you problems in the past, and you didn’t realize you were doing it. It’s not like a switch that happens overnight. It happens over many months. So her losing interest is just gradual.

So it’s pretty clear that you care way more about her than she does about you, and she’d become the center of your world. So it’s like, you got to keep doing what you’re doing. You got to let her come to you at her pace, but you should not still be getting rejected when you’re trying to seduce her. Again, that tells me that you don’t really have a clear understanding of the seduction principles that are in the book, because if you did understand it and you did master it, you’re never going to get fucking rejected. So you got some work to do, dude.

You need to take learning this book seriously. Then even after you turn things around over the coming months, then at least every six months, you need to go back through it. I’m not talking about throwing the audio-book on and working out, or driving in your car and listening to it as background noise. I’m talking about sitting in a room with you, the audio-book, and a physical or digital copy of the book so you can look at the words as they’re being spoken with the audio-book. It’s the most effective way to get this stuff into your brain and remember it, because when you just listen to it as background noise, you can listen to it a hundred times and you may get 10% of it because you’re just not really paying attention all the time. You’re thinking about other things. You’re like, “That fucking asshole cut me off! Oh, there’s 10 fucking people on the left lane driving slow! This always happens to me!” You’re not really going to be paying attention when shit like that’s going on and the audio-book is playing in the background. So you got to do better.

Take this shit seriously, dude. Take learning the book seriously and mastering it, and continue to read it, at least until she falls back in love. Then I would go back to it maybe five or six months after that. Also, you should spend some more time in the chapter, It’s All In The Numbers, so you can learn to better read her interest because her interest dropped and you didn’t have a fucking clue until it was too late.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.