Use The Phone For Setting Dates. Not Becoming Her Emotional Tampon

Why the phone is for setting dates & not becoming her emotional tampon.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is trying to attract his ex back. They live 3 hours apart. He didn’t follow instructions from our last newsletter and spent countless hours on the phone and FaceTime being her emotional tampon. She canceled their date, but continues to call and text him. Now he’s stuck in limbo once again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Use The Phone For Setting Dates. Not Becoming Her Emotional Tampon”.

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. And I did a Video Newsletter a few months ago called, “Why It Takes Most People 18 Months To Fully Get Over Their Ex”. So he went into No Contact. The other wrinkle is they’re about three hours apart. I guess probably just a car ride or a train ride. However, once she started breaking No Contact, he didn’t actually follow what I teach. He basically became her emotional tampon, and started talking for hours on the phone, hours and hours on FaceTime. And he finally got around to making a date and then she cancelled at the last minute.

And now she’s vacillating back and forth, and it looks like he’s also starting to pursue her again, spinning his wheels, getting nowhere. And it’s just another email with a guy who, I lay out what to do. I mean, the book is tried and tested over 20 years. 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, that Article and Video is what, 10, 12 years old now? 11 years old at this point. And yet he didn’t listen to that either. And so he’s kind of doing things his way. And now he’s stuck in limbo because now he’s all kind of attached to this girl again.

And now she’s unsure and indecisive, but she keeps calling and texting him all the time. And so again, everything is laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back for a reason to avoid doing exactly what this guy did. Because if you got dumped by your girlfriend, which I believe he got dumped, then you go No Contact and then she breaks it, she must earn another chance with you, not the other way around. That’s why she’s got to come to you. That’s why she’s got to do all the calling, texting and pursuing. She ended it. She fucked it up, therefore she has to fix it.

So if she comes to your house three dates in a row and you hang out and you have fun, you hook up all three times, then after that, you can meet her out and pick her up and go on dates. But you’ve still got to let her do all the reaching out. Because as her interest goes back up, she’ll call more, she’ll text more, and you’ll move at her pace, and then she’ll fall back in love and want to be back together again. But if you do what this guy did, where you just sit for hours and hours and become her emotional tampon, and she broke up with you because she didn’t think it was going to work and her feelings were low, her interest will stay low.

And what happens is you become her emotional tampon. She calls you, texts you every time she has doubt about Chad Thunder Cock or any of the other guys she might be dating and hooking up with potentially. And so you make it easy for her to move on because she knows you’re basically sitting at home with your thumb up your butt, waiting to hear from her and waiting for another chance instead of falling once in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and let her be the one to wonder about you and her be the one that has to work to get you back.

So again, everything’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back in the book to prevent these things. But if you’re not going to listen, you’re going to do the opposite you’re going to pay. And the cost is going to be all the emotional pain that you have to put up with. Because now he was kind of starting to get over a little bit, but now he’s all kind of obsessed again because he thought he was getting somewhere, but all he’s really done is become her emotional tampon and he’s making it easy. He’s literally chasing her into the arms of her next boyfriend because he’s not willing to exercise self control.

So all I can do as a Coach is gently lead and suggest. And if you want to do the opposite, well, at least we got a good email that just once again illustrates why the book is laid out the way it is, why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is laid out the way it is, and why you respond and behave the way things are laid out. Because I did all these same mistakes and I know they don’t work. And again, I’ve been teaching this for 20 years with tens of thousands of dudes all over the world in every cultural, religious and spiritual background.

But yet he thinks if he just does it this way, it’ll be better. So she’s trying to earn another chance with you. The phone is for setting dates. If she really misses you, she’ll drive the three hours to come see you, spend the weekend or whatever. And if you spend 3 or 4 hours constantly on the phone with her again, that’s. If she reaches out, you invite her over to make dinner. And if she balks at that, just say I’m willing to give you another chance but if you don’t want to come and make dinner, then give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then. And you’ll obviously never do that.

But again, everything is laid out to prevent women from wasting your time, to prevent women from using you as a backup plan to make it easy for them to move on to the next guy. And that’s what he’s doing. He’s making it very easy for her to move on to the next guy because he’s not following what I teach. But again, it’s a good email because it’s good to learn from, because when you see what happens when guys don’t listen and it blows up in their face, makes it pretty easy to take corrective action. Because again, this is as predictable as the Sun come up in the East and setting in the West.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I have an update on the recent Newsletter you did titled, “Why It Takes Most People 18 Months To Fully Get Over Their Ex”. It’s still been very hard to get my ex out of my head who I broke up with in March due to misalignment and I’ve been pushing through it being consistent with gym, hobbies and work. Long story short my ex got back into contact with me on Instagram telling me about an argument she had with one of her girlfriends.

That’s typically what they do. They talk about some random thing. But the real reason is, she’s checking to see if you’re still interested. If you miss her. If you’re thinking about her. And in this case, she’s sending him a DM on Instagram, so you should assume that she wants to see you and invite her to come visit.

So I told her to call me and tell me all about it. So she did and we spoke for three hours on FaceTime.

Come on man. Seriously.

And we talked and after a while things was flowing well. In my mind the relationship was over, but I still loved her and missed her, so it was great to hear from her.

He wants her back. That’s obvious.

The chemistry was so strong, and she was so flirtatious.

Of course she was, just dangle the carrot a little bit and she’s got you acting all dopey again. Dropping what you’re doing to listen to her. Makes it easy for her to go out on dates with new guys.

She lives three hours away from me so I couldn’t mention getting together.

Yes you could. Again, if she’s supposed to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. Well, if she wants to see you, she can come visit. And if she doesn’t want to come visit, she’s fucking wasting your time. That’s why everything’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back the way it is. So you don’t get your time wasted, and you don’t get all emotionally wrapped up in a girl and waste more months of your life hung up on somebody that’s just basically using you to move on.

But if I was closer I would have.

Again, it’s just because she’s three hours away. If she’s supposed to be earning another chance with you, she should hop in a car, take a bus, take a train, take a plane. You’re willing to give her another chance, but she’s got to come to you. And if she’s not willing to do that, then, hey, hit me up if you change your mind. You don’t spend three hours on the phone. That’s laid out for you in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But he didn’t listen.

We fell asleep on the phone together like we were together again and the next morning she messaged me saying that it was so nice to talk to me again. I was actually so happy to hear from her.

We know dude. You went right back to being dopey.

Anyways she continued to call and text me every day and I got sucked back into the connection.

Again. The phones were setting dates. If she’s supposed to be earning another chance with you, that means you’re not the emotional tampon that takes her phone calls and texts, and just rambles on all day long for several days without nothing. This is probably part of the reason why she dumped you in the first place, is because you became her gay male girlfriend and emotional tampon instead of her sexy lover that lives three hours away.

She called me on a Wednesday, and I said to her that we should go out for a date on Saturday, and she said let’s do it I can’t wait to see that sexy face again. Anyways this is where I think I screwed up.

No, you were already screwing up, dude.

Because I felt a strong connection again.

So what does that tell you? He’s focused on his feelings and his interest in her, and completely not even paying attention to what she’s actually doing.

Because I felt a strong connection again I told her that I still loved her and wanted to make things right with us.

Which is basically, “oh please, please mommy, can I have another chance with you?” That’s the opposite of the mindset. She’s supposed to be earning another chance with you and you’re begging her for attention and validation. This is not what I teach. This is the opposite.

And she said that she loved me too and her feeling haven’t changed but she’s afraid that I will hurt her again by leaving.

What she’s really saying is, “I know you want me. Thanks for validating me. Now I’m going to go on a date with Chad Thunder Cock, and he’s going to beat up my insides. And I’m going to be walking like a duck for the next three days. And then I’ll call you. And you know, you can soothe my feelings to make it easy for me to move on.”

I told her that I won’t leave again, and she said I’m not sure because she sick of men messing her around. So I said well let me know if you can still do Saturday and she said she wants to but she’s not sure.

So he just said, hey, how about a maybe date? And she says, well, I’m not sure. 100% guaranteed she ain’t going to make it.

Her responses started to get shorter and shorter, and it was frustrating to me, so I asked her if she was okay and she said I’m okay baby.

This is pathetic, dude. Come on man, are you okay? Do you still like me? Mommy? Can I get an atta boy, please? Will you please come see me? Oh, I’ll make it right again. This is the opposite of what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, right Oshi? You smell like dog food. Must of had a big bowl of it before she came in here.

Anyways, Saturday came, and she cancelled on me Saturday morning and I was shocked.

I’m not, Dude. This is so predictable. It’s obvious.

Because she had never cancelled on me in the past.

It’s like, again, all this stuff’s laid out for you. I told you what to do. And you didn’t listen.

She was the one always pursuing me and now she wasn’t as much.

The phones for setting dates, dude. Especially when you’re trying to get her back. Or I should say, when you’re creating the conditions where she could potentially get you back. Excuse you. That little burp. Did you just burp?

I told her it’s no problem.

I don’t mind being a doormat. And you can walk all over me anytime. I’m always there for you, baby. Go ahead and wake me up at four in the morning. And I’ll jump through my butt just to please you. Now, he didn’t say all that, but he might as well.

And if she changes her mind then let me know. She said she will do. She then asked me what my plans was for the rest of the day, and I said I am going to catch up with my boys and head out tonight in London. She said to me that she hopes I don’t go and meet no other women, and I told her that she had better save me from all the other women out there and she said she would. Anyways I was out with my boys, and she hadn’t text me for seven hours. She finally texted me and I didn’t respond for three hours and then she started saying “wow, now you’re ignoring me just because I didn’t meet you, I bet you met another woman”.

So what does he do? He jumps to her butt again to please her.

I called her and playfully said “hey, I’m going to spank your arse”

I think he’s from the UK.

“After that message”. And she was quite blunt on the phone. Anyways, the week proceeded, and the message started getting shorter and shorter and less enthusiastic.

Which tells me he’s probably reaching out to her throughout the week and chasing her again. So instead of allowing her to attract him back, he chased her, and started chasing her right back out of his life again.

I could her pull away from me and asked her if everything was okay, and she said, of course baby.

Again that just tells me that he’s pursuing her. Because if she’s doing all the reaching out, you wouldn’t be feeling her pull away. And her responses getting shorter wouldn’t matter one way or another. But at this point, you’re pursuing, you’re begging and groveling for another chance. Again, the complete opposite of what I teach you to do.

I said to her if she’s not feeling it no more than I would rather know so I can move on.

Dude, there’s nothing masculine about saying something like that.

And she said, “no babe my feelings are still very strong for you I’m just scared of being hurt again by you”.

Okay. Women vote with their feet if they’re with you, they voted for you. At the end of the day, she’s not coming to see you. Why? Because she knows she can have you. She wants to see if things can work out with whoever else she’s talking to.

I know her too well and before she would jump to any opportunity to see me but now, I know she’s not being honest with me, so I asked her if there’s another guy in the picture.

Like you’re going to get an honest answer Dude. Come on.

And she swore on her kid’s life there’s not.

Sure.

She’s no longer FaceTiming me at night but calling me in the daytime and the calls became shorter.

The reason why she calls during the day, that’s more platonic friendship. So congratulations, you went No Contact, and as soon as she reached out instead of making her come see you, you became her emotional tampon. Talked her out of liking and sleeping with you again. And now she knows she can have you. And it’s probably getting her pelvis beat up by somebody else.

We were recently texting because I sent her a picture of me.

Why? The phone’s for setting dates.

And that turned up the heat a bit and the sex talk came back out of her again.

Again, she’s just dangling the carrot, dangling the pussy, and you’re like [makes slurping noises.] You’re just sucking it all up. You’re buying everything that she’s selling. Hook, line and sinker. No questions asked. Fluoride in the water? Sure. Chemicals? Sure. Load me up, Doc.

It lasted two days and then it died down.

In other words, she ghosted him. Probably.

I went No Contact and started to talk to other women, even though I didn’t want to. And then she messaged me a week later saying that she has been thinking about me.

I would have said, “Then come see me.” And if she goes, “oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure.” Then just say, “well, when you figure out your schedule, hit me up, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” Again, this is all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But you’re not doing what it teaches. So this is why you have blue balls and your girl is probably banging somebody else.

She called me and seemed to be very enthusiastic again and I just kept it light and playful but I told her that I wanted to rekindle things with her.

Dude, she knows you don’t have to keep telling her that. In other words, more begging, groveling, and pleading with her.

And she said she doesn’t know what she wants.

She knows she doesn’t want you when you act like a big pussy. She knows she doesn’t want you.

And she doesn’t think it’s going to work between us so I told her that I’m going to move on now and I wish her nothing but the best and she wished me well too. That was the end.  About two days later she messaged me saying “she can’t just cut me off and she can’t stop thinking about me and she stressed out”.

And I would just reiterate, “well, come see me then. Come spend the weekend.” And if she goes, “gee, I don’t know. I’m not sure.” Then just say, “I don’t want to hear from you until you’re certain you miss me and you’re certain you want to come see me. And if you don’t ever get to that point, I don’t want to hear from you ever again. I want to move on with my life, and you need to do the same.”

How can I be polite and not get sucked back into this vicious cycle?

Um. Follow what I teach. Actually follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Tell her to come see you. You ask twice. I mean, she already canceled on you one time. So unless she brings up getting together, I wouldn’t even bring it up at this point. Because, again, she made a date and canceled. And so at this point, since she canceled, I would even bring up getting together. If she says, oh, I can’t stop thinking about you. And I’m so stressed out, just “heart” that message. Let her wonder, what’s he doing? Who’s he with? What’s he up to?

I am back to reading 3% Man again for the 18^th time and I’ve learned that next time I will be more direct with what I want and to walk away when it’s necessary to protect myself and the other person.

What advice can you give me Coach?

Yours sincerely,

Bob

Uh, actually, the book will help you if you actually apply it, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Well, it was working in this case, but you didn’t listen and you decided to become her emotional tampon, which even the book tells you not to do these things. But you did it anyway. And now you’re surprised that you’re sitting at home with blue balls, and now you’re all wound up emotionally over this girl. Again everything’s laid in, laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back so it does not happen to you and you didn’t listen.

You were instructed last time what to do and you still didn’t listen. So the work’s not going to help you if you’re going to do the opposite of it, man. Sorry you’re in this position, but you did it to yourself, dude. So if I were you, keep your responses short. If she texts you a meme, just “heart” it. If she’s asking you questions, send 2 to 3 replies back and then say, “hey, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later. Hey, I gotta run. Stepping into a meeting”, or whatever.

If she calls you, talk for 2 or 3 minutes, say, “hey, it’s great hearing your voice, but I gotta run. Talk to you later.” And unless she brings up getting together or seeing you in person, then you’re never going to bring it up again. And one of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together, and then you’ll make plans, and she’ll come over and you’ll hang out and have fun and hook up, or you’ll never hear from her again. But I suspect more than likely she’ll reach out.

So you’re going to have to have the balls to stick to what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, because at this point you’re being nice and polite and replying to her messages or phone calls. But then within 3 or 4 texts or 3 or 4 minutes of talking on the phone or FaceTime, you’re going to politely say, “hey, I got to run.” Or “I got an appointment”, or, “hey, I got to go. It’s nice hearing from you. I’ll talk to you later.” And you don’t ever bring up getting together again unless she brings it up. Because again, she made a date and then she canceled it. And it’s not surprising at all. This is so predictable. But again, if you’re not going to listen, then it’s not really going to help you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.