Was I Her Boyfriend, Or Just A Booty Call?

How to tell the difference between dating and being in a relationship and being a booty call.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he was in a relationship with a woman who is in the military. They were mostly a booty call situation since they never really dated or went out and did anything like couples do. They simply went to each other’s houses and hooked up. It’s clear she ran things and he was a little too soft and beta. He made her the man and when he got too clingy and needy she dumped him. He’s still trying to get her back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “Was I Her Boyfriend, Or Just A Booty Call?”

Well, if you have to ask, you probably weren’t really much of a priority to her. Well, this particular email is interesting. This guy says he was dating this girl for nine months. He’s 25, she’s 22. He says he was her first boyfriend and he says it was great. But at some point he got complacent. And then she said she wanted to break up. But what’s interesting when you see the context of their interactions, he just basically went to her place, or she came to his.

They Netflix and they chilled, and that was it. There was no dating, there was no courting, there was no hanging out. He thought he was in a relationship, but in reality he was just a booty call. And you can kind of tell he was a little needy, a little clingy, at the end he was more into it than she was. He didn’t really realize what was going on. I assume he’s fairly new to My Work.

Before I get into this email, I just wanted you guys to know if you’re watching this on YouTube, that we’ve now got a Members Only Content that’s on YouTube so you guys can join. So in the video description, there will be a link where you can join our YouTube Members Only Content.

Or if you would prefer to join on Spotify, there will be a link in the video description below. It’ll take you to Spotify so you can join there. And so, what you’ll get when you join is it’ll be Exclusive Members Only Videos. There will be the full Podcast versions of the questions I do with the girls.

You know, a lot of you guys have been asking, “Hey, where’s the full Podcast with all the questions?” Because we usually film for about an hour and a half, maybe two hours with the girls. And so, we get anywhere from eight to 12 or 14 questions answered in that period of time. And a lot of you guys have been saying, “Hey, instead of just the individual questions, can we just watch the whole Podcast at once?”

So those full Podcasts will be there. I’ve also started filming a study group with the girls because Chunky and all the girls, they’ve read 3% Man, and they’re in the process of finishing up Mastering Yourself. And what we’re doing is we’re just picking apart The Book.

And so, the girls have gone through and highlighted their questions, stuff maybe they disagree with, or things that trigger them, or things they want to challenge me on. So, so far we’ve already done two film sessions.

Each one was about an hour and a half, and after two film sessions we’re basically on page 25 in 3% Man. So there’s probably going to be 20, 25 videos at least, where we’re really going to pick The Book apart. And especially from a woman’s perspective. We’ll also have Chunky sitting there, so he’ll have the the guy’s perspective where we can really go through and discuss 3% Man and Mastering Yourself in detail. And those full Podcasts will be Members Exclusive Content.

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So back to our regularly scheduled email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

Thanks for your amazing book! Last year I was with this girl for nine months. I am 25 years old, and she’s 22. I was her first boyfriend, and it was great. But at some point, I got complacent, and she said she wanted to break up. She gave a lot of dumb reasons.

They weren’t dumb reasons. That’s funny thing with guys. It’s like when a woman says something or complains, they all say the same thing. “I didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she meant that.” It’s like a lot of you don’t take what women say seriously and you dismiss it.

You dismiss it at your own peril. And the reason being is because women come from an emotional place. And most guys, because we’re logically thinking, it doesn’t make sense what they’re saying. But again, that’s why you read 3% Man 10 to 15 times.

All of which I demonstrated were untrue or even her fault.

So he’s arguing with her. And, you know, obviously, probably there may be some things, but we take the context of his interactions with her. He thought he had a girlfriend, but in reality he just had an exclusive booty call, if you will. Because they didn’t really date. They didn’t go out and do anything. They just went over and had sex at each other’s places.

One of those was that our relationship felt like it was “Like old people’s” because we only met at each other’s houses.

Yeah, he was lazy. Maybe he was cheap. He didn’t want to spend any money on her. He just went over to Netflix and chill, ordered some takeout, get some sex and that was it.

This was primarily because of her work. She’s in the Military, where she was doing 13-hour shifts overnight. So, she wouldn’t want to go anywhere the previous day to prepare for work, and then she’d sleep through the next day. Resulting in us only seeing each other at night. I actually prefer it that way, I don’t like going out in general. I prefer repeated sex while watching something.

What you really wanted was a booty call. A girl you just go over at night, you don’t spend any money on her and just have sex. And that’s kind of what you had. But you started kind of treating her like your mommy. You put her in charge, and you did everything based on what she wanted.

So she was running the relationship. And you didn’t try to date or court her or do anything fun. At the end of the day, women want to be in a love story. And there was no love story. It was just a booty call.

After going through many reasons, she said, “She’s too busy for a relationship right now.”

So in other words, that tells me he was focused on a relationship and at least it was to him. But for her, she saw it as it was. It was just a booty call. They were exclusive. And now she doesn’t want to be exclusive anymore. Probably because she met somebody else who is more masculine, is more direct, more decisive, probably does some fun things with her.

And we broke up. I know when a girl says this it means she’s just looking to get piped by another dude, but I think that’s not it.

Well, you never really did anything to kind of separate yourself, and you just completely treated her like a booty call. And eventually she lost attraction and she dipped. Simple as that. Women don’t dump men they’re in love with. They dump men they don’t really give a shit about.

She actively rejects all the guys from work hitting on her.

Sure.

And I know that she *is* very busy due to work, studying for school, and training 2-3 times a day. She’s trying to get into our country’s special units.

Special forces. I think there’s one woman so far that’s gotten through Ranger selection. There may be 1 or 2 Green Berets, but I don’t know if they actually went all the way and finished. So the odds of a woman becoming an Army Ranger or a Green Beret or a Navy Seal or a Marine Recon or Delta. Not going to happen. They physically can’t do it. “Oh, you can’t say that.” It’s just the truth. They can’t. If they could, there’d be lots of them in there, but there’s just not. There’s just some things us men are supposed to do.

After a three month period of us barely talking, I hit her up and said I wanted us to “Improve our relationship.”

Bro, you were a booty call. It was never a relationship.

So in other words, he’s trying to lock her down, trying to pull her back. He’s chasing her. He’s probably been doing most of the pursuing the whole time.

And we met up to talk to each other.

I “accidentally” let it slip that I’ve since been with four other women. Which is half a lie, as it’s only been two, which did faze her. But I also said that I want her the most out of any of those, which would usually be a mistake, but I thought it was a good idea since she’s very specific. I think she may be bipolar.

She just had low interest, Dude.

Nothing happened then, but we met up a week or two later to “celebrate” me opening my own company and hooked up.

More than likely because he called her. You don’t keep chasing after somebody that dumps you. So I could tell there’s really not much that he’s applying for My Work.

She practically initiated it; I couldn’t believe how horny she was.

Probably because you told her that you were sleeping with other women. She went from having all the power to going, “Hmm…”

The sex was great, and we did it on two more days, but then she said that she was, “Thinking about us, and decided the situation hasn’t changed.”

Yeah, because you’re doing all the pursuing at this point. When a woman dumps you, you walk away. You never look back. You stop calling, texting and pursuing forever. She fucked it up. She ended it. She’s got to fix it. No amount of chasing and pursuing is going to cause her to change her mind. As a matter of fact, you’ll actually chase her into the arms of another guy.

She said she’s still too busy, that she loves the time we spend together but “Hates how she wasted three days without training.” Part of the reason I like her so much since she and I do it all day. How would I go about “getting her back”?

Well, probably reading The Book and actually applying what’s in it instead of doing the opposite.

But as a friends with benefits. I am certainly not going to be serious with her after all that.

Well, if you’re just a friends of benefits, then you never call or text her for any reason. She reaches out. You invite her over or you go to her place. You hang out, you have fun, you hook up and you say, “Hey. I’ll see you later. Call me later.” Whatever. You don’t ever pursue somebody that’s just a friends with benefits.

I don’t think No Contact will work since I know her personality, she will never contact me first.

Ah, there you go. What does that tell you? He’s been doing all the pursuing because he’s afraid of losing her. And again, you basically acted like the girl the whole time and she got tired of it.

Her family was shocked that we were even still talking in general. They also know her and know she cuts people out of her life easily.

Bob

Well, again, when I look at these little snippets, you’re kind of trying to hide what you’re really doing here. But the fact that she will never contact you first, well, that tells me that she had all the power. You were doing all the pursuing. And she should have been doing most of the pursuing. So you literally were doing the opposite of what you should have been doing if you just wanted to keep her as a friends with benefits.

And another caveat when you look at, like if you speak to divorce attorneys. Like who/ what careers does the most cheating happen within? Military is a big one. Especially if she’s a girl. Especially if she’s going after Special Operations. You know, she’s hanging out with the most Alpha guys in our Military. And if you’re acting like a bitch, she’s going to be fucking Chad Thunder Cock. She’s just, as my buddy would say, “She’s a Ranger Rat.” If you don’t know what a Range Rat is, you can look that up.

Again, you don’t pursue somebody that behaves this way. You’ve got to let women come to you. You can’t over pursue a woman like this and then be surprised she blew you off. She really blew you off because she didn’t have that much attraction or respect for you. And you acted like the girl. You were focused on the relationship. You were probably doing all the calling and texting. And then you just went over there, probably low energy, had sex and then just passed out.

I mean, it’s like, that’s not how a guy who wants to be a boyfriend is going to act anyways. But if you’re going to keep a woman as a booty call, that’s all it is. You made the mistake of kind of confusing the booty call with the boyfriend thing. So you wanted the commitment of “A Boyfriend”, but you didn’t act like “A Boyfriend.” And on top of that, you acted like the girl. Always chasing after her, chasing after her attention, chasing after her validation. It just does not work that way, Dude.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.