Was Walking Away The Right Move Or Should I Have Accepted Friendship?

How to know if walking away or accepting friendship is the right move after getting dumped.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was involved in a situation-ship for about 2 years. They were friends with benefits off and on. Then she tried friend zoning him saying she didn’t have the bandwidth for a relationship and wasn’t looking for one. He declined her offer and told her to get in touch if she changed her mind. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Was Walking Away The Right Move Or Should I Have Accepted Friendship?”

Well, obviously good students know the answer to that is, hell no. If you want sex and romance, you never ever accept friendship. If she says “let’s be friends only”, just say “I’m down. I’ll be friends with benefits.” So this particular guy said he had like a situationship basically for about two years. So they were friends with benefits off and on, and then recently she tried to friend zone him and said that’s all she could offer at the present time. She wasn’t looking for a relationship.

She had told him she wasn’t looking for one. And I suspect he probably became a little too serious about her and cared too much. Communicated he’s way more into her than she was into him. And so he declined her offer and said, “hey, get in touch if you ever change your mind. I can’t do something that’s just platonic.” And she says thank you. And he hasn’t heard from her since, but now he’s going. “Did I do the right thing? Should I have accepted friendship?”

It’s like no. Because if you had accepted friendship, then you would have acquiesced to her demands and she would have known you’re a soft, squishy bitch. Bish. Don’t be a bitch. If you act like a bitch women will treat you like a bish. Hey, Bish. ya, bish. Whose song is that? Kendrick Lamar, maybe. (Money Trees, By Kendrick Lamar.)

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’ve read the book six times so far and am a paid member of your YouTube channel.  I have been involved in a situationship that I’m not sure I handled correctly recently.

Well, just as a side note, if you haven’t already signed up for our Exclusive Premium Membership Only in the video description this Video, there are links to join on YouTube or on Spotify or the Website, which obviously this is Members Only Video now that I’m thinking. So just disregard that. So he’s a Paid Member. So this is for Paid Members. This is my, shit. I’m filming 12 videos today. And so I’ve just got a couple more to go, and my voice is like. It’s like, crackling a little bit. So I appreciate your patience. And, uh, I may make some mistakes here and there when I’m reading, but it happens. Gotta keep grinding. We gotta get these done for you guys.

I’ve known someone for two years. We’ve dated off and on, but she’s been very upfront since the beginning that because of her current life situation/plan she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or any kind of real relationship. 

That’s why again as the book says, the relationship is the woman’s department. Your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. When a woman says those kinds of things to you, you’ve gotta let her come to you at her pace, but it doesn’t look like this guy did that because he got dumped. Women dump men they’ve lost respect and attraction for. They don’t dump men at their head over heels in love with.

I was the only one she’s gone on dates with since her divorce five years ago, her friends verified this. When we spent time together it was easier than anyone I’ve been with. We’ve spent weekends together and it’s always hang out, have fun and hook up. Recently she went through a tough situation losing her job and I could tell that she was getting busy and stressed trying to figure things out.

A few of days ago she was on a trip that she already had planned and while she was waiting for her flight home I texted her to meet up when she got back. Her schedule was crazy and she said we probably wouldn’t see each other before a festival we had planned with friends in the middle of September. 

Well, the other thing I’ve gotta point out is that I know you’re supposedly reading the book, but you’re going on group dates with a woman who’s not your girlfriend. That’s a rule right out of the book. So it’s pretty clear you’re violating the rules from the book and you’re not really following it. So the fact that this is not ending the way you want, that’s a you problem. Because the book’s not going to help you if you can read it and then continue doing the opposite. Cherry picking does not work.

This was to be the first time she was meeting my friends.

Again, you only do that for your girlfriend, you don’t do that with a fuck buddy.

And I had said to her that I’m not sure my friends would understand our relationship. I probably shouldn’t have used the “R” word.

Yep. Because that’s what’s going on. You’re focused on a relationship. You’re showing that you’re serious, introducing her to friends and family, and she’s keeping it casual. Again, you’re not following the book. You’re focused on locking her down, and you’re thinking, “hey, let me introduce her to my friends and family. She’ll see how great they are, and then she’ll want to get serious.” You have to pay attention to this stuff.

She corrected me and texted back, “friendship*”.

Because he used the R word relationship.

To which I replied, “friends with benefits*” since we’ve slept together multiple times. 

She replied, “I feel confident telling you things the way they are and that makes me consider you my friend. Benefits for who. Lol. Nope. No Benefits”

Yeah, it’s she’s short, she’s dismissive. She ain’t interested.

To clarify, I asked her if that meant we wouldn’t be getting together like we always had before to which she responded, “I don’t think so. I think we can have a very nice friendship.”

Because at this point, again, you’re trying to introduce her to your friends and treat her like your girlfriend when you’re supposed to just be fuck buddies, but because you’re way too serious about her and you care more about her than she does about you. That’s why you’re getting nowhere. And she’s friends owning you.

I gave her an honest response. That agreeing to just being friends with her would be dishonest because it’s not what I want. She said, “That is all I can offer at the moment. Remember I am not looking for Mr. Perfect nor is that a priority for me at the moment.”

In other words, you’re not Mr. Perfect in her eyes and you’re not even a candidate in the moment. She doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore, is what she’s basically saying. But she’ll allow you to take her out and wine her and dine her, buy her flowers, spend money on her, fill her belly up, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a hug and a kiss on the cheek, which obviously you clearly don’t want. You want it all. You want to bump uglies. You want everything.

I told her I always knew what the situation was but I thought we could figure out a way to make things work.

Again, Dude, it’s like you don’t sound like you ever read the book at all. Maybe you thumbed through it, but what did he say? Six times? Let me see here. Yeah. He says six times so far. It’s like, you look like a guy that just found my work and has never read the book once. Like, this stuff is just completely sailing right over your head.

She responded by saying that she, “never thought that offering a sincere friendship could be disappointing.” Then she texted me the plane taking off emoji and, “talk to you in a few.” I didn’t reply but when she got home a few hours later she texted me that she landed safe and sound.

This was what I wrote later that night, “I just got home. I’m not disappointed that you were offering me friendship. I know you’re being sincere. When we’ve just gone out and had fun everything has always been easy and great. But agreeing to be purely platonic friends isn’t something I’m really interested in. In the future if you change your mind, reach out. I wish nothing but the very best for you in your life. Genuinely.”

To which she replied, “Thank you”.

Did I handle this correctly, or should I have just agreed to “stay” friends from when she first said it, since that seems to have been her perception of things as they were and we were hooking up already?

Bob

No. Because you clearly hadn’t hooked up in a while, and she was interested in just platonic friends because her interest continued to go lower. Because again, you’re trying to introduce her to your friends and family and treat her like a girlfriend. And so she just realized that you couldn’t handle it. You were too serious about it, and she didn’t want it to go any further because she didn’t want to lead you on, and she didn’t want you getting upset. So you did exactly the right thing in the end. But man, you got to take reading the book seriously. My recommendation is to put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or a physical copy.

So you’re looking at the words as you’re hearing them being spoken. Don’t be listening to the audiobook as background noise when you’re at the gym or you’re driving in your car. It’s like you got to really take it seriously, because if you’ve been through the book six times and to see that you thought you did everything great. I mean, you did everything great at the end when you didn’t agree to be friends only and then suggesting friends with benefits. You did that, right? So maybe you’re more of a cherry picker just trying to pick up things in videos. But you’ve gotta clean your game up because it’s pretty sloppy.

You’re violating a lot of the principles and you’re getting fucking jerked around. So she never reaches out in the future, you’re going to be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and you’re just strictly going to make a date at your house to make dinner together again. This is all laid out for you in the Article and Video I did, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So that’s how you handle it. And I will say that, you know, you did do a good job at the very end there of sticking to your guns and being willing to walk away.

Because, remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and most importantly, mean it. And so far you have meant it. But obviously you’re doubting yourself. That’s why you’re thinking, well, maybe I should go and agree to being “friends only”. You won’t get back into her pants if you agree to that. You’ll just confirm to her that you’re a bitch and you don’t really value yourself, that you’re willing to go against what it is you really want.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.