How to overcome performance anxiety when you get naked and your lover makes sexual jokes or laughs about your penis size, to keep yourself from being diminished and developing performance anxiety.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is young and not very experienced with women. He is starting to apply what I teach, and having some success. He met a girl yesterday and did a fantastic job of connecting with her, increasing her attraction for him, and getting naked in the bedroom to have sex with her. Because of her inexperience and insecurity, when she reached into his pants, she started laughing and joking. He lost his erection, nothing happened, and he mentally collapsed. Instead of laughing with her, relaxing and having a great sexual encounter, he took her words personally and allowed them to diminish him to the point where he could not get an erection. Now he’s worried the next time he’s naked with a girl, he won’t be able to get hard and have sex. I tell him what he needs to do to get over his performance anxiety and have a great positive sexual experience the next time around.
I just hit rock bottom and I am at the door of serious depression. I met a girl yesterday. We had a nice connection, and ended fast in her bedroom. (Who cares? That is awesome. You met a girl, and had a same-day seduction!) When she reached in my pants, she started laughing and joking. I lost my erection, nothing happened, and I mentally collapsed. I am average sized, but lately the girls I date want more. (If the girls want more, it’s because you’re doing the things I teach properly. That’s great! Who cares if you fuck up with 50 women in bed, if you get it right with the next 50 women after that, and have amazing sex.) I never was very confident in my size. With this on top, I might not get an erection at all next time.
How do I get this out of my brain? (Repetition is the mother of skill. Get a Viagra pill if you need to. Read my article and watch the video, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms.” You need to get more practice in and get in touch with your body.) Should I mention my size to my dates so if they need more, not to embarrass myself? (Absoutely not.) How do I deal with this in general? (You’re getting worked up over nothing. Keep practicing, take your time with sex, and don’t be in a rush.)
My response to him:
Dude, you need to quit taking yourself so goddamned seriously. What happened was a win. You met a girl, and in a short period of time you had her in your bedroom naked. That’s fucking amazing. It takes skill to do that. Who cares if she started joking around with your cock. You can’t take that shit personally. People make jokes about sex when they feel insecure. That was her insecurity that she was projecting on to you. You fucked up by taking ownership of her insecurity and allowing it to diminish you, when you should have just strapped on your raincoat and given her the old flesh rocket. If you’re worried about getting hard, either go get a prescription for Viagra, or go to Whole Foods and get some nitric oxide pills. That way, the slightest touch or stimulation of your dick will make it blow up like a balloon. You simply have developed an irrational fear that causes you to have performance anxiety. You simply need to practice having sex with women more often. Eventually, it won’t bother you once you have enough time and repetition in. Never apologize for your size. That would be ridiculous. You’re being silly. The pills I mentioned will help you, but once you have enough time and repetition in, performance anxiety will no longer be a problem for you. Here’s an article I’ve written on the topic: “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms.”
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“For men, being able to get an erection when they are physically healthy is really a matter of being able to completely relax and let a sexual encounter happen. Men need to feel successful at making a woman happy and turning her on in order for them to feel confident enough to perform and have good sex. If a woman is constantly berating, trying to diminish a man, or make him feel inadequate in any way as a man, it often will have a negative effect on his ability to relax, feel desire for her and perform sexually. A woman needs to lovingly build a man up. A man needs to completely relax in order for sexual performance to be easy, effortless, and fun for both of them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne