We Had 1 Date. She’ll Be Traveling For A Month. Should I Keep In Contact?

How to know if you should keep in touch after one date if she’s now traveling for a month.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 34-year-old single dad who met a woman at a festival while he was with his two-year-old son. He approached her and chatted getting her number. They went out on one date that went OK, but he was carrying the conversation. She did kiss him at the end, but was reluctant.

Now she is traveling for one month and he asks if he should keep in touch while she is away. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who is 34. He’s a single dad, got a two-year-old son. He met a woman at a festival he was at with his son. He says he worked up the courage, went over, started chatting her up, got her number, and then a few days later they had a first date. He says it went well, but he noticed that he kind of had to carry the conversation a little bit. Also when he went to kiss her at the end of the night, she was reluctant, but she kissed him back. So now she’s about to go away for a month, she’s going to be traveling, so he’s got kind of a date that was kind of mediocre, but he likes her. He sent a picture. She’s real pretty. He wants to see her again. He’s like, “Should I keep in touch or what should I do?” It’s just one of those kind of special cases, things that it’s just good to kind of go through these. What you’re looking for is a girl that’s enthusiastic to see you. After having read this, it just seems like there is a lack of enthusiasm on her part towards him. Plus, they only had one date.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

My name is Bob, I’m a 34-year-old single father in California (my son is two years old).

Also known as Commie-fornia.

I met a gorgeous woman about two weeks ago at a festival while with my son (So she’s aware). I mustered up the courage to go talk to her and got her number.

Well, if you’re a parent and you got a kid with you, women like that. If you got a cute dog, women like that too. So having your child or your cute dog with you is a cheat code, because that makes you instantly look like you’re safe and approachable. Just a little FYI.

I waited until the next day or so to text her and after a few messages we set a definite date for later in the week. I only reached out to her once in the few days leading up to seeing her and the conversation was brief. I notice already though that she takes quite some time to reply but is always enthusiastic in her messages, so I do the same in taking my time to respond but always being pleasant.

Just keep in mind the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. So when you notice a woman has taken a long time to reply, especially if you reply to her and she’s waiting until the next day to get back to you, that typically shows her interest isn’t super high in you. So probably I would say on an attraction scale of 1 to 10, he’s probably a five in her eyes as far as her enthusiasm level. So it’s not real high and there’s not a lot of things. He can’t afford to make a lot of mistakes without her just going, “Ehh,” and passing on him, but she definitely seems clearly interested enough to go out on a date.

The date was about a 7 out of 10. We went mini golfing and had some drinks. We both laughed a lot and had better than average chemistry. I asked her some pretty engaging questions but didn’t turn it into an interview, but I noticed I had to carry the conversation.

Yeah, that shows a lack of enthusiasm, so that tells me that her interest isn’t super high. I would rate it at probably a five on the attraction scale, so it’s pretty low. Stretching things out and taking your time, not spending a bunch of time chit chatting on the phone or text would be a good thing in this case, because there’s not a lot of mistakes you’re going to be able to make with a woman whose interest is this low to start before she blows you off or tells you there’s no chemistry or spark or whatever.

We touched a little bit and I could’ve sworn she called me “babe” a few times. At the end of the date I walked her to her car, and went for a kiss. I noticed she held back a little but gave me a smooch on the lips…

So that tells me she probably pulled back, but then kissed you reluctantly.

…And told me to text her when I get home and I did. She responded saying, Thank you for the date,” and that she enjoyed herself.

So far so good.

I then waited three days to reach out to her about setting up the second date.

Well, the idea is one date per week. You meet her, you’re texting her within a day or two maybe, and then you’re setting a date. So you should reach out the next week because as the book 3% Man says, you’re trying to take measured steps. You’re trying to go slightly slower than she is, and it seems like it’s a little bit rushed for you to get on the second date. Again, he sent a picture. She’s really pretty. She’s got nice lips, so who wouldn’t want to be kissing those pretty lips. I can understand his excitement? She’s obviously his type, but when the interest is low like that, remember women like you way more if they think they’re more into you than you are into them. If you communicate too much interest, too much enthusiasm and that she’s a big priority in your life when you’re barely a blip on her radar, that often might be enough for her to reject you, because she can tell you’re more into her than she is into you. Women just simply are going to be more attracted to a guy whose feelings are unclear, especially if they think they like the guy more than the guy likes them. So it’s important to have a good poker face, take your time and not be in a rush.

I asked her if she was free later in the week, she said she did enjoy herself and would “consider” a second date, but she’s been packing and already had plans this week with friends before she leaves to go back to her home state (New York) for a month.

Communist New York. She’s escaping back to New York.

I’m not sure what day she leaves so I said that’s fine, check your schedule and let me know if we can meet before you leave, have a good night.

Should I continue to lightly contact her while she’s away for an entire month?

I’d say absolutely not, because her enthusiasm is not that high, and it almost seems like she’s giving you a “maybe” kind of date. There’s just not a lot of enthusiasm.

The other thing you got to consider is, you got to be congruent with your words as a man. What did you tell her to do? You told her to, “Let me know if we can meet before you leave. Have a good night.” If she doesn’t reach out to you, you should assume she doesn’t want to see you before she goes. You know she’s going to be gone for a month, so if she doesn’t reach out, then she’s not super excited about seeing you again. Plus, she’s going to be gone for a month and you’re trying to see if she’ll do what you tell her. You said, “Hey, get in touch if you can make it. It’d be great if we could see each other.”

So what you notice is, if she was super into you, she probably would have accommodated you, but saying, “Oh, I got plans,” there’s just a lack of enthusiasm. I can tell the mindset of the emailer is, “Oh, let me talk to her and then I’ll get her to like me more if I text her while she’s away.” When you’re seeing this kind of low level of interest, and plus it’s only one date, I would just wait. If you know she’s going to be gone for a month, maybe wait a month and a half, maybe even two months, seven weeks, whatever it happens to be, and then reach back out and make one final attempt to make a date. She’ll either make a date or she’ll give you excuses, but I just see a general lack of enthusiasm. Her attitude is basically, “I could take it or I could leave it. Don’t really care one way or another. I had a nice time.” Remember, her kiss was reluctant, she’s taking time to respond to your text, so I can tell you’re really into her. Notice what he says next.

Yes, I’m dating other women, but of course, she’s the one I really want.

Bob

You got to pay attention to her interest, because what you’re doing is you’re mostly focused on your interest in her, and you’re not really paying attention to the fact that her interest is kind of low. Plus, you’re violating some of the principles from the book. You’re trying to quickly set a date literally a day after you met or got her number, and then you’re only waiting three days. It sounds like you’re trying to make two dates in the first week, so that might also be what’s contributing because you’re more enthusiastic about her than she is about you. I mean, look at the fact that she waited all that time to text you back. That just shows she’s not super excited, so she’s basically sitting on the fence going, “Ehh.” You don’t really want somebody that’s kind of on the fence about you. You want somebody that would jump fences to be with you, that’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you again!” Or, “I had a great time the other night!”

The other thing I consider is that she just really wasn’t trying very hard to keep a conversation going. Again, that’s a sign of low interest, the fact that she was kind of reluctant to kiss you. However, the bottom line is she made a date, she did kiss you, she didn’t give the cheek, she has responded to your texts, so I would put her interest if I’m going to rate it from the chapter in the book, It’s All In The Numbers, I would say her interest or attraction level is probably a five. You’re like, barely holding on by your fingernails. If you don’t hear from her, which more than likely just because she’s like, “Oh, I would consider it,” in other words, that’s basically saying, “If I got nothing better to do, yeah I guess maybe I’ll go out with you before I leave.” That’s not exactly excited or enthusiastic.

If I were you, I would say more than likely, just judging from her responses, you probably will not hear from her and she’ll just go on this trip. I wouldn’t do anything. I would just let it be. If you know she’s gone for 30 days, then maybe you wait six or seven weeks, maybe about 40, 45 days to reach back out to her because again, her interest is just not that high and her responses are not excited. However, if your game is tight and you follow what’s in the book, over the weeks over about a two month period, you could get her to the point where she’s head over heels in love with you, and then she’ll be excited to keep the conversation going, she’ll be excited to kiss you and make out with you, she’ll become more interested in you and your life. Like I said, that’s what I would do. I would just wait. I would wait about 40, 45 days to when you’re sure she’s definitely going to be back in town. If you haven’t heard from her, then text her or call her up, which calling is more masculine, but it seems like you guys are just texting, so you could just text her and say, “I hope you had a great trip in New York. I’d love to see you. When are you free to get together? I’d love to see you and catch up and hear all about your trip.”

Be direct. Be decisive. Get right to the point. Don’t go, “Hey you! How is your trip in New York?” And then get in this bullshit conversation. Just be direct, decisive and get to the point. “Hey, I hope you had a great time in New York. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it. I’d love to see you. When when are you free to get together?” That’s going to communicate that you presuppose and you assume, “Of course, she’s going to want to go out with me.” Her response will tell you everything. If she’s excited to hear from you and has more enthusiasm than these last few messages, then that sounds great. That means their interest went up a little bit. If she’s like, “Who’s this?” She deleted your number, doesn’t even remember. “Like who? Where do I know you?” “Oh, this is Bob. We met at the festival,” the bottom line is, if she’s willing to go out on a second date, you’ll know in about 40, 45 days. That’s what I would personally do if I were you. Again, because her enthusiasm is not there, you only went on one date. It would be different if you’d been on like three or four dates and you guys had hooked up once, then maybe every week and a half, two weeks, reach out. “Hey, how’s your trip going? Send some pics of the cool things that you guys are doing,” something like that, and see if she’ll send something back and forth just to let her know you’re thinking about her. In this case, because you went on one date and her attitude was just, “Hey, it’s better to be scarce,” remember that scarcity creates value. Less really is more when it comes to women. So that’s what I would do if I were you.

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