We Had 2 Hot Dates & Hooked Up. 3rd Date She Flaked. What Could It Be?

Some possible reasons for an unexpected 3rd date flake after two successful hookups.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who matched with a hot girl from the Hinge dating app. They had two hot dates and hooked up both times. However, on the 3rd date she flaked and he wonders why. She mentioned a bad experience she had with some other guys that happened earlier in the week and he hasn’t heard from her since.

He asks what could possibly be going on in the background and why she dipped unexpectedly. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Not only did she flake, but she took a big step back. So now the guy is scratching his head, going, “What the hell?” I would say, just because I’ve been through this already in his email already one time, you can tell there’s different points here, which you’ll see he’s a little bit too much of a cold fish and acted like he didn’t really give a shit and treated her just like a booty call, and like she wasn’t that important.

Women like it when a guy makes them feel like they care. Doesn’t mean you drool all over them, but you hook up a few times and then there’s a point where he runs into her at the gym because they work out at the same place, and he’s walking out the gym. As she’s walking in, he’s just like, “Hi. Bye,” and just kind of keeps on going. Then shortly after that, her whole attitude kind of changed because the vibe he gave off was almost like he doesn’t want to see her or talk to her.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

A month ago, on a Saturday evening, I matched with a hot 34-year-old girl on Hinge. She’s British, three years older than me and works remotely here from my hometown in Germany. She reached out to me first and after a few texts, we met the next day for a sundowner with wine outside near my apartment. The conversation was fluent, effortless, fun, one could feel the tension. Eventually I led her to my place where we continued talking and had some more wine and some weed. I ended up making a move which she eagerly engaged, the sex was outstanding.

Hang out, have fun and hook up. A man’s job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. The other thing you have to keep in mind, especially with dating apps, is that a lot of times after a woman has a breakup or something goes sideways with a guy, the first thing they do is get on the dating app to meet somebody else. So there are going to be instances where you’re going to meet a girl and there’s a relationship that just ended. Especially if she was with somebody for two or three years, and now she’s been single for two or three weeks, that girl is going to probably be hot and cold. So you got to be really careful to not over pursue and also understand that even if your game is totally tight and you do everything right, she may still flake and dip and go back to the ex or whoever she was dating before she met you, because oftentimes after a few weeks goes by, those guys come back in the picture.

The evening after the date, which was a Monday, she texted me that last night was fun and we should do it again one day. I agreed and told her to let me know when she’s free the next couple of days. After we had originally planned on meeting on the oncoming Sunday, which last minute didn’t work due to other activities on her part taking longer than expected, she brought up rescheduling.

So it kind of sounds like you made a date and then she had to cancel at the last minute. So you shouldn’t be making dates with a girl. You shouldn’t be making dates with a girl. She’s like, “Oh, I got this going on and I might not be able to make that or whatever. It’s like, “Well, if that doesn’t work, why don’t we schedule it on a day where you’re definitely free?” If a woman starts telling you about other things she’s got going on and tries to bring up a maybe date or, “Hey, call me to verify that we’re still on,” this is a weekend and you only got one or two. If you’re like most busy professionals, you might have one or two evenings during the week or the weekends where you can actually go on on a date. So you don’t want to block out an evening for a girl that’s kind of leaving it up in the air and is not really sure she can meet up with you.

We set the following Wednesday, which was 10 days after the first date.

It’s OK. There’s nothing wrong. It actually works to your advantage if it’s spread out a little further.

Between setting our date and the final get-together, no unnecessary chit-chatting was taking place.

She again came over to my place for drinks, dinner, an enchanting conversation and great sex with her spending the night this time. After the second date she again reached out on Saturday so her interest-level was solid. On Sunday, she asked me what my schedule was like for the upcoming week. I told her I was free on Friday. We made plans for Friday, 7:00 p.m. at my place. After that, the whole interaction leaves me behind quite irritated.

Well, one thing that you got to keep in mind is that you hooked up, you had her come over. I assume maybe you live in a downtown area. Maybe there’s a wine bar downstairs or something like that, so you went to your place. Now what you’re doing is instead of going out on a date and doing something fun, you’re just basically, “Hey, why don’t you come over? We’ll make dinner and we’ll fuck.” So what you’re basically doing is treating this girl like it’s a booty call. Not somebody that you’re really interested in dating or or hanging out with. So that’s just something to keep in mind.

On the second date, I would have gone out and done some fun things in the neighborhood or whatever and you still could have made sure you had the logistics of sex down so you could get back to your place for the hookup at the end of the evening. Definitely if it was me, I would have gone out and done some other fun things. What you’re doing is, because girls know when they’re just a booty call and when you’re really interested in them. Women want to know that you care. So if you had her come over and you just hook up and then everything’s, “Hey, just come over to my place,” it just feels like a booty call.

If she gets the hint that that’s all it is to you, it’s just a girl you’re fucking, but you have no intentions of it going any further, you’ll see in a minute from the text exchange in which she says that that’s pretty much the perception she got, that he was just banging her and had no real interest in her. So that’s where the danger comes in. If you just have her start coming over to your house every time and you don’t go out on dates or do anything fun together outside of your house, then she realizes, “Oh, this guy’s just using me for sex, and he’s not really interested in anything long term.”

On Tuesday, I randomly ran into her, as we both work out at the same gym. She was coming in when I was leaving. It was just a brief, “Oh hi, how was your workout etc., bye,” in total maybe 10 seconds.

Yeah. Once again, you’re reiterating that she’s just a booty call and you didn’t even like her enough. I would have given her a hug. I’d be like, “Hey cutie, how you been?” And probably would have made a date on the spot right there to go do something fun. “Hey, there’s this really great Italian restaurant I want to take you to. What’s your schedule like?” Then she’s like, “Oh, I’m unsure.” Then I would say, “All right, well, text me when you figure out your schedule and we’ll go do something fun. Maybe some axe throwing or something tough like golf.” Something fun.

As you can see in my attached screenshots, she even reached out two more times on Thursday and Friday but ended up cancelling without mentioning a reschedule. I never reached out to her, let her do all the pursuing, we had two very nice dates and now she hits me with this long-apology on the day of the date. Haven’t hear from her since. (Nine days)

Again, you did the same thing over and over for your dates and even the third date you made a date to make dinner and to hang out at your place, so that’s the way you treat a girl when she’s just a booty call. If you like her and you really like hanging out with her, you’re going to want to get out of your house because you live there all the time. You’re going to go do something fun. Maybe it’s going to dinner, going to a park, hang gliding, skydiving or something fun. A picnic in a park, going rock climbing or Top Golf. Doing something fun where you just have a girl come over to your house and you never take her out anywhere, she learns right away that you’re just treating her like a booty call. Especially when you see her in the gym, I would say that’s probably what did it, because she walked away from that going, “Guy acted like he didn’t even want to talk to me. Almost like he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public.” She’s 34. She’s not 21, so she’s going to be a little bit more experienced.

I’m going to read their some of their text exchanges here:

Jessica: “What’s your schedule like next week?”

Then he sends her a voice message, which I don’t have access to.

Jessica: “How about Friday?”

Bob: “Yeah, that works. Friday, 7 p.m. at my place.”

Again, right away, “Oh hey, how about another booty call?”

Jessica: “Perfect.”

She even calls or texts to verify…

Jessica: “We still on for tomorrow?”

Bob: “Of course. I’m a man of my word.”

Jessica: “Amazing. Have you listened to the new Eminem song?”

Bob: “Yeah, I did. I go first. What’s your take on that?”

Jessica: “I actually wasn’t super impressed and felt like it was nothing special. But I have been told I am wrong by several people.”

He sends her another voice message. I don’t know what that is.

Jessica: “OK, that makes me feel better.”

I assume it was something about the song.

Jesscia: “I’m out with friends right now and they think your voice is amazing.”

Bob: “Hope they sound sexy as well.”

I don’t know why you would say that. Then so she tries to change the time.

Jessica: “Can we do 8 p.m.?”

Bob: “Sure, see you at 8 p.m.”

I guess originally they were supposed to get together at 7:00 p.m., so she pushes the date back an hour, and then and then she drops the bomb.

Jessica: “Hey, I’m really sorry for doing this last minute, but I’m going to have to cancel this evening. I had something weird happen this week with some guys. Now I just don’t feel super comfortable hooking up and being alone with a guy I don’t know very well right now. I don’t really want to go into it too much, and it does freak me out a bit. Sorry for the weird late notice. I just realized I need some time with friends or alone. I hope you understand.”

So what does that mean? She went over to dude’s house and had a gang-bang or got gang-banged or a guy was a real dick to her. Made her feel like he didn’t care. Maybe she just had a break up, but something weird happened. Whatever is going on, these other guys communicate that they didn’t give a shit about her. You basically communicated on multiple occasions that she’s just a booty call.

Bob: “No problem. I’m sorry you had a strange experience. Hope you weren’t treated badly. Let’s do it some other time. Have a nice evening nonetheless and take care.”

Jessica: “Thanks for understanding.”

My questions are:
 
1.     What happened?
a)     She says the truth and maybe sth. like stalking/harassment/sort her emotions came up etc.?
b)    Another guy in the pic/ex-BF that’s more interesting?
c)     Lost interest?
2.     You think she’ll reach out (Chances?) and in what time frame circa? (Because I won’t, but I like her and would be happy if she did)
3.     When she reaches out again, should I let her ask me out since she flaked on me OR after this is the first flake, should I ask her out when she texts me?
4.     Did I fuck up anywhere?
Thanks for everything, I’ll keep reading your book forever.

Regards,

Bob  

So when you say “Take care,” it’s like, “Have a nice life and I assume I’ll never hear from you.” She hearted that and said, “Thanks for understanding.” At this point there’s really nothing else you can do. I would just let her be. It’s also possible that there’s another guy in the picture, but just from her response, it’s clear, “You were just a booty call.” Maybe something happened. Maybe she got smacked around by some guy. Let’s read what she said again: “I don’t really want to go into it too much. It freaked me out a bit. I had something weird happen this week with some guys. Now I just don’t feel super comfortable hooking up or being alone with a guy I don’t know very well right now.” So it just you made her feel like you really didn’t give a shit. It was just a booty call. It was just sex. It kind of seems like she was OK with that, but the bottom line is, something happened with somebody else, and because you’re on the same vibe, she’s like, “I’m out.” So I would let her be.

Maybe in a few weeks she reaches back out and then in that case, I’d invite her over to make dinner and hang out. Maybe you guys can walk somewhere. You can say, “Hey, why don’t you come over to my place and we can go for a walk? There’s a really cool wine bar I want to take you to,” or something like that. Or, “Hey, there’s a really cool place around the corner I want to take you to. We’ll meet at my place, then we’ll have fun.” Then you can kind of feel her out, but there’s a 50% chance that she comes back in this particular case. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. I think your text is fine at the end. Again, that time when you saw her at the gym and you acted like you didn’t even know her or wanted to talk to her, that kind of gave the vibe like, “Hey, we’re just fucking. That’s it. This is just fun. No strings attached, and it’s not going to go any further.”

More than likely, she probably just had a breakup. That’s why she was on the apps. That’s why she was down to hook up so quickly. More than likely, you weren’t the only guy she was hooking up with. Maybe she had two bad experiences with two other dudes that she initially thought were good guys or good friends with benefits dudes, then something really weird happened, and because she doesn’t know you that well, she’s kind of assuming that maybe the same thing could happen with you again, just because it could have just been the gym thing. It’s also possible she’s a fruit loop. All I’m doing is trying to critique what I can see, things that I would have personally done differently just to help you fine tune your approach. So next time you encounter a girl like this or a situation, you’re putting yourself in the best possible position to make something happen.

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