We Moved Our Family To Her Country & She Left Me For Another Man

Things to consider if your baby momma left you for another man after moving countries.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who moved from the UK to Spain to please his fiancé. She moved first with their three kids. Upon his arrival she left him for another man one week later. He doesn’t speak the language or have a job now, she works and pays the bills and he’s considering moving back to the UK, but doesn’t want to lose access to his children.

Despite the cheating and betrayal, he wants her back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this email, this guy lived in the UK with his two twin boys who were four. Then they have another son that is one year old. So they were like, “Hey, let’s move back to Spain where it’s kind of quiet, be more family-oriented, not like it is in the UK.” So they get there and literally she goes to the kids first. He goes and takes care of stuff back home. He gets there and literally a week later she’s like, “Oh, I’m leaving by the way.” She works. He doesn’t speak the language. He’s trying to learn Spanish, obviously. So despite the betrayal and the cheating and the fact she monkey-branched and left him for another guy, he wants another chance. He wants to keep his kids together, but he’s also a stay-at-home dad because he doesn’t work and she does. So she’s paying the bills and now he’s thinking about just going back to the UK, but obviously he’s worried about losing access to his kids.

So it’s a pretty messy situation all around, and it’s pretty obvious that his fiancé, probably one of the reasons why she wanted to move to Spain was she had met some other dude. Maybe she was talking to him, maybe it’s somebody she knew from back in the day when she used to live there, because that’s where she’s from. At the end of the day, he uproots his life, goes there probably to please her, and as soon as he gets there, she’s like, “Yeah, I’m out. By the way, I met somebody else” Despite all that, he’s thinking he wants another chance with her. Once a cheater and a liar, always a liar and a cheater. So unfortunately, his fiancé has revealed her true character, which is pretty ratchet. You know, you feel for the guy. You got three kids, doesn’t know anybody there, doesn’t speak the language. So it’s a difficult, nasty situation.

This just shows the importance of vetting. Also I’ve discussed this many, many, many times over the years. A man should only move to another country with his woman or her city if it’s an area he really wants to live in. It’s an upgrade. He should never do it to please her because nine times out of 10, this is what happens. He moves to please her and now what she’s really doing is stringing him along to uproot his life. Then when he gets there, she’s like, “Oh, see you later!” I’ve seen this happen so many times over the years. The man should be the leader in the relationship, and it’s clear that he basically made her the man. He’s like the stay-at-home dad, which isn’t all bad. I mean, if she’s paying the bills, I don’t know, he didn’t really elaborate on what’s supposed to happen going forward, but if she’s willing to work and he’s going to be a full time dad during the week because she just gets together with the kids in the weekend because the rest of the time she’s living her new life. She’s not even around.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I found out about your channel only recently and would like a serious advice on a really tricky one. My fiancé and I lived for nine years together in London and got together three beautiful boys (Four-year-old twins, plus a one-year-old) while I was providing for last couple years in a very stable higher management job (With all stresses attached that she started seeing as my character changes).

Thanks to her, I quit smoking, drinking through last years and we decided we’ll leave busy and stressful London for her native Spanish coast town.

So are you really wanting to move to her Spanish coastal town because it’s an upgrade and you’d rather live there than London, or are you just doing it because she was insisting on it and you’re just going along? You should only move, as a man, move your family and uproot your career if that’s what you really want to do. If moving to the new place is an upgrade, if you’re doing it to please your woman, nine times out of 10, this is what’s going to happen when you get there.

We organized move and she and kids left first while I finished necessities and got ready for a bike journey (UK-Spain) to mentally free myself and got finally rid of my weed addiction of 20 years that could be only done by myself.

Well, congratulations on overcoming your addictions!

I got successful in this task too and was happy to share a new me with her and boys but since last leg of journey I noticed on her texts colder approach and three days later when I arrived after little arguments (I became a stay-at-home dad as she works now) at the last one she decided it’s over after what she summarized last couple of years her trying to “save it” despite us never having any arguments.

So she clearly wasn’t happy. Maybe she complained, but he probably dismissed it, wasn’t listening, or just thought, “Hey, I didn’t think she was serious,” because that’s usually what most guys say. They never see it coming. When I do phone sessions with guys in these situations, I’ll say, “Well, what is she always complaining about the most?” Because women complain about the same things over and over. Then they’ll tell me. Then afterwards I explain what it really means. They’re like, “Well, I didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she really meant it. I just assumed she was being emotional,” and eventually, when nothing changes, eventually the woman’s going to tap out.

Two days on and her engagement ring was gone and she’s ready to only come on weekends, leaving me with kids five days a week and later telling me there’s another man (All within first week, which she denied labelled as cheating or monkey-branching), “Making her feeling free and happy again.”

So it sounds like she’s shacking up with a new guy and she comes home on the weekends to spend time with the kids.

Now I’m stuck with her paying for this all…

Well, quite frankly, if she’s willing to work and pay for all this and you be a stay-at-home dad, is that really a bad thing? You get to spend time with your kids. She pays the bills. She shacks up with somebody else. So Monday through Friday, it’s you and the kids. You can do whatever you want. If it was me, I’d be out and about learning the language, because Spain is beautiful and there’s lots of beautiful women there, and if you read and apply the book, you can easily find a hot replacement who will help you with your Spanish and be a good stepmom to your kids.

…Learning language very slowly as I’m only surrounded by toddlers therefore with minimal potential for successful future.

Well, you got to get out. Go have lunch, go hang out, go to cafés, talk to the waitresses and the waiters. Practice your Spanish. Ask for advice. Ask where is a good place to go to meet some cute single ladies that love kids, those kinds of things. Women love to give you advice about stuff like that. Maybe they’ll even set you up with some other hot single friends.

I still love her immensely is the worst part and I’m on the verge of going back to rebuild my life in UK or elsewhere after this humiliation but I’m very worried she won’t miss me/try to get back or that I lose contact and impact with my boys. 

Well, that’s the important thing.

Please, any sensible advice will be more than appreciated as I’m crumbling after a month-and-a-half of this.

With best regards,

Bob

Well, your fiancé obviously is a liar and a cheater. She lined this guy up behind your back, and as soon as she got in the country and you were there to take over parenting, then look what happened. Look how she repaid your loyalty and all your hard work. So if it was me, the first thing you need to do is you need to contact an attorney. You need to talk to legal counsel in your state and your city that’s licensed to practice law in your country that can advise you. Your kids are born in the UK, but you’re in Spain. These things often happen where a couple splits up. One of them takes the kids behind the other one’s back, and now they’re in their new country. Then you never see your kids again.

So in this case, you have to figure out where you want to live, what the laws are, how you want to go about it. Now you’re in Spain, does that mean you can live there? Were you planning on marrying her and that’s why you were able to be there? Again, I’m not an attorney. That’s why you need legal counsel, dude. You need to talk to an attorney and find out what your rights are. You’re in Spain, so I would imagine you need an attorney there and maybe even having one back home because again, the kids were born in the UK, but I have no idea. You got the laws of the UK and you got the laws of Spain. Plus you got the European Union. So again, you need somebody that knows how to advise you on these things.

So if you’re thinking about going to the UK just because you feel humiliated, it’s like, if she’s working, who’s going to take care of the kids if she’s willing to work and pay the bills and you take care of the kids? It’s like, I don’t see how that’s a bad thing, because if she’s willing to do that just so you could take care of the kids and she’d rather not, again, she’s gone Monday through Friday, so I assume she’s staying at the house of the new guy, and comes home on the weekends and spend time with her kids. So it seems like you care more about the children than she does, especially with a one-year-old, which is unusual, but this does happen.

So if she rather work, be a boss girl, hang out with her new man, not really see her kids during the week and she’s willing to pay the bills, then maybe you could stay there. Again, I don’t know what the immigration laws are. If you moved with the understanding that you were going to get married, because like in the States, you can’t just come and live with a fiancé. You can be here for 90 days and then you got to get married. Over there, I have no idea what the laws are. That’s why you need to seek legal counsel to advise you on this.

However, if you’re going to decide to go back to the UK and you want to take your kids with you, then you should probably talk to somebody and definitely talk to an attorney in the UK, because if you take the kids back to the UK and you decide you want to stay there because your fiancé, quite frankly, Monday through Friday, doesn’t even want to be a part of the kids life anymore, it seems like she’s not involved. Again, I don’t know what the laws are with that. So if you take the kids back to the UK and then you say, “Hey, I’m not coming back to Spain. If you want to see your kids, you can come visit them here,” again, I don’t know what the legalities of that are, but first and foremost, you have to decide where you want to live and what’s going to make you most happy so you can be a dad because you obviously love being a dad and you want to be a dad.

So what’s going to facilitate you being a dad to your kids? So that would be the decision starting point and how you’re going to organize your life, and based upon that, then you’re going to engage your legal counsel to advise you on how to best go about that. Again, if she’s willing to pay the bills and you be a stay-at-home dad, then when she’s not around, you can date and do whatever you want. If it was me, I’d be out walking around town getting to know people, going to lunches, going to cafés, having coffees, macchiatos, cappuccinos, frappuccinos, fucking whatever. Have some pastries, some desserts. Experience the culture. Take your kids with you. Just get out and about. If you don’t have anything to do and you’re not going to work, maybe you could find a job working from home and make a little extra money. Something that all you need is your laptop and an internet connection.

So I would look at this as an opportunity to create your life anew. As far as you know, worrying about whether she’s going to miss you or not, it’s like she left, dude. She’s gone. For her to just leave you and to do that to you, I mean, she let you think that everything was fine and dandy until you got there. So it looks like this was a long-term plan of hers that she was planning on leaving you all along and going back to Spain and getting you over there. Then she was going to dip, which again, you’re there a week and she’s like, “Oh, by the way, I met somebody else. See you! Have a nice life,” and she leaves you with the kids Monday through Friday. So it looks like she rather have you spend the most time with the kids, which quite frankly, is what you said you want anyways. If she’s willing to pay the bills, you can date and have a girlfriend or girlfriends and do whatever the hell you want when she’s not around. Maybe eventually you get your own place. Again, you got to figure all that stuff out. Personally, if you want to stay involved with your kids’ life, I wouldn’t move back to the UK and leave your kids there because if she’s not taking care of them Monday through Friday, then who’s going to watch the kids? What are you going to do with that, let somebody in daycare take care of them?

Again, you got a lot of things you need to figure out, but again, this is not really repairable because say you take her back, next time she’s unhappy, she’ll just go and cheat on you again, or get back together with this guy and cheat on you behind your back. The fact that all this process happened and as soon as you got there, she dipped, I mean, she’s been planning this for a long time. This is not something that just happened a couple days or a couple weeks ago. She didn’t just move to Spain and then, oops! Bump into somebody and then start a relationship. She was already talking to that guy. Maybe she went home to visit her family one time and met him. Maybe it’s somebody from her past. We don’t really know. Or at least you didn’t share in the video.

If it was me, that’s what I would do. Where are you going to have the most fun living? Where are you going to get to spend the most time with your kids? What are you going to do for work if you want to be a stay-at-home dad? You can always get some kind of a job working remotely with your laptop and a computer. That way you can take your kids to a café while you learn Spanish, while you do some work, sitting under a nice table and an umbrella as you watch all the beautiful women walk by. If you’re out and about every day, you’re going to get to know people. You’re practicing your Spanish every day. Plus your kids, your kids are four years old. They’ll start to learn Spanish if they haven’t been learning from their mother already. So it’d be good for everybody. All you and your kids can learn Spanish. You can have your own life, but again, I would not give her another chance because she screwed you once. She’ll screw you another time. It’s just very cold and very calculating. It’d be better if you’re going to have more time raising your kids, and guess what? You get to instill your values into your children and not the lying, cheating ex-fiancé of yours.

So anything you can do to have more influence over your kids is what I would be doing. Whether that’s you staying in Spain with the kids and building a life there, or taking the kids back to the UK and going home again. Oftentimes what happens is if you want to be back in the UK with the kids and she’s like, “No, I want the kids here,” well what happens a lot? People go and get an attorney and they leave anyways and they take the kids with them, and the court system, again, I don’t know, but typically what happens is once you’re in the new country, then trying to get your kids back to the country of origin is like next to impossible. So again, that’s why you need to seek legal counsel. You probably need an attorney to advise you in the laws in Spain, and you probably need one back in the UK to advise you in the laws in the UK. Then whatever kind of laws in the EU, because they’re into everything, because the EU wants total domination over all the countries. It’s just there, Brussels is there to vacuum up power, organize it and centralize it in Brussels so they tell basically all of Europe how to live. It’s a totalitarian government. So again, they’ve got laws that have been passed that supersede the laws of the individual countries. Again, that’s why you need legal counsel.

So I look at it as, how do you turn a negative into a positive? This could be a great rebirth for you in your life and I wouldn’t just leave for the sake of leaving. Again, if she’s willing to foot the bill, get a part-time job that you can work remotely so you can get some extra money of your own so you can do things that you want when she’s not around and build your own life. That’s what I would do if I were you. It’s tough situation, man, but it sounds like you have more control over things, because if we just look at how your fiancé is interacting, it looks like she would just rather have you spend most of the time with the kids anyways because she’s not involved Monday through Friday.

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