What you should do if you realize you were a jerk and ended a relationship or caused a relationship to end over a silly reason and want another chance when the person you broke up with seems to be indecisive or unsure about seeing you again.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who says that she broke up with a guy she was dating because she got scared and felt like things were moving too fast. Within two months of dumping him, he was with someone else. She felt she never really gave him a chance and would like to try again. Six months after their breakup, she found out he was no longer dating the woman he dated after her. She contacted him, apologized for ending it and asked if they could start over. He’s still dating other women, but not really into any of them. She says that he gives her mixed messages about dating again. He told her it was not a good idea to get back together with an ex, but he still flirts with her. He took her to dinner this past weekend and tried to friend-zone her. She told him no. She asks my opinion of what his true intentions are. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email:
I just love the advice you give. I met a guy on POF, and we dated for 3 months. I think things just started to happen too fast, and I got scared and broke it off. (You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.) Within 2 months, he was with someone else. I guess about a few months after I broke up with him, I realized what a jerk I was, and I really didn’t give him a chance. (As time goes by, we only focus on the good memories.) He liked me very much. I found out after 6 months of him dating this woman. He broke up with her, so I saw an opportunity to try and ask him if we could start over. I told him I was sorry that I ended it with him, and would like to try again. (Most women don’t do that, but you’re communicating and being very direct. You understand that guys need to hear clear intentions.) We talked on the phone, and he told me his thoughts were all over the place. He’s on a dating web site, and has dated 2 women. He said he didn’t like them. On our phone conversations, he gives me mixed messages, tells me he doesn’t want to get back in a relationship with me, and also said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to go back to an ex. (Then you just tell him to get in touch with you if he changes his mind. Don’t keep calling and texting him.) Then in another breath, he flirted with me. From his past relationships he said it never worked out. Just to let you know, for the 3 months we were together, we had a great time and never fought over anything. I just thought things were moving too fast, so I ended it. (It’s obvious he was more into you than you were into him at the time. He probably tried to force things, and you felt you were losing your freedom, so you bounced.)
We went out to dinner for the first time Saturday night, and he asked me what I wanted from him. I told him I wanted to start over, and he said that he liked me a lot, but wants to be friends and go out once in a while and see; maybe we will get back together. I said, “No, I’m not going in the friend zone with you, and now it’s time to walk away.” I told him, “If you change your mind give me a call.” I also told him, “I’m going back on Match.com.” He said, “No you’re not.” I said “Yes I am.” Then he said to me, “Well, if you’re seeing someone and I come back, will you break up with him?” I told him, “If I’m in a serious relationship by then, absolutely not.” (You have been paying attention to my work. You’re being a great negotiator for yourself.) He told me I’m a wonderful woman, I have beautiful hair and skin, and he loves my body.
I can’t figure out where he’s coming from. He sounds like he’s going crazy. He’s been conversing with an Asian woman every night on POF. She lives in the Philippines and on Long Island. I even told him if he’s sorry that he broke up with that woman, then he should go back to her. He tells me his whole life with women has been shit. (That is a red flag there. That means he’s not good with women. He probably turns off women, and they dump him.) I told him, that’s because he keeps making the same mistakes. I don’t know. Can you figure out what’s going on with him? When he was with me, he was so loving. (Do you really want to get involved with someone who says that? There’s obviously a reason you dumped this guy in the first place. He doesn’t have a high opinion of himself.) I feel like I’m responsible, because if I knew what I wanted, then I think we would still be together. Please advise me. (At this point, there’s nothing you can really do. You have to wait for him to make the next move. I discuss this in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”)
Thank you so much,
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Life might not always be what you want or expect, but when you are able to years later look back upon past events, it’s pretty easy to see how everything that happened helped you to become the person you are today. If you have weaknesses or rough edges that need smoothing out, challenges and hardships will arise to humble, strengthen and help you become better. If you have trouble making decisions, life circumstances will manifest that force you to make decisions quickly as being indecisive will cause you emotional, mental, financial or even physical pain. If your heart is closed, someone will come into your life to help it flower and open fully. In every moment of every day, we either choose to get better, or stay the same.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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