What women owe men in a relationship to be worthy of their love, loyalty, attention, time and resources.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who wonders, what do women owe men in a relationship? He understands that, as a man, he must continually date and court his woman and focus on his mission and purpose in life.
He must also remain attractive and develop himself into a better man, as self-improvement is a must for all self-actualizing men who want to be what they can be. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
You could tell he seems to be a little irritated, because I do get grief from guys that watch my videos, like, “It’s always the guy’s fault!” Well, 90% of my audience is dudes, and therefore, most of the emails I’m reading are actually from guys. And my job as a coach is to critique what they did right, what they did wrong, and what they need to do differently, so not only they can improve, but anybody else that’s making the same mistakes or is in a similar situation with a woman in their lives can apply the same principles or behaviors or responses and get the results and improve their situation.
I can only coach the people that are actually paying attention, watching, and most importantly, are actually open to hearing what I’ve got to say. Because you’ve got to be coachable, you’ve got to be teachable, and, quite frankly, not everybody is, especially when we allow our egos to get in the way. When we get set in our ways of doing things, we no longer become open minded, and it might require being open minded and looking at things from a different perspective, in order to get unstuck and get from where you are to where you want to be, which is one of the reasons why I’m such a big advocate of network chiropractic care.
If you’ve been on my YouTube channel the last few months, you’ve notice there’s a lot more videos on network chiropractic care with Gracie and Chunky and Dr. Dominick D’Anna doing demonstrations on the different consciousness exercises and what chiropractic care is, and explaining how the different adjustments, and working on people, and when he helps get you into a physiology of a peaceful and relaxed state, it also helps you become more resourceful, more flexible and more open minded. Because our personal stories tend to keep us stuck where we’re at, and the reason why people don’t achieve the things they want to in life is because of the story that they tell themselves about why they can or can’t do that, or why it is or isn’t a possibility for them.
I’ve got a quote that I wrote in this topic, and we’ll go through his email. So, the quote says:
“Good women who want to be good teammates to their men should be loyal, trustworthy, dependable, responsible, easygoing and easy to get along with.”
That one statement that right there is going to eliminate a huge majority of women from being possible candidates, because women who are easygoing and easy to get along with are extremely rare and hard to find. They don’t always, but they typically come from good families where they had a very strong, masculine father, a very feminine mother who loved her father and had a good relationship. So, she got a good example. She felt heard and understood growing up. She felt safe. So, the quote continues:
“They should communicate in a mature, adult and calm, loving manner.”
We all know people, and especially women, that do not do this and seem to be incapable. Because remember, drama free zone should be a rule if you’re a 3% man and you’re studying my work. Life is too hard, there’s too many difficulties, and the last thing you need is a woman in your household being an asshole and a pain in the ass and always constantly bringing drama into your life. It just is not worth it.
But I know there’s lots of guys, they’re already married, they’re already in a relationship, they’ve got kids, they’ve got a 30-year mortgage, and they’re trying to make the best of it. Control the controllables. In other words, control what you have control over. And hopefully, the person that you’re with will do their part.
“They should communicate in a mature, adult and calm, loving manner, taking the time to understand their men and the differences in how men and women communicate.”
Remember, us guys tend to be very logical. We need step by step instructions. Do this, do that. Step one, step two, step three. And women tend to talk by giving examples and sharing stories or relating things that he may or may not have done in the past that hurt her or made her feel good in hope that he can listen to all of these stories and figure out the true meaning of what she’s really specifically trying to say.
It’s almost like you have to be Sherlock Holmes. And a lot of women don’t recognize that and don’t understand that. Because one of the things for us guys, we’re driven to succeed, and one of the things we want to be successful at is making our women happy. If she’s happy, we take credit for it. And if she’s unhappy, we take the blame for it.
And women should learn how men communicate, instead of just the guys learning how women communicate differently than us and then understanding them. It takes two people, and both people should make the effort to understand the other, instead of just saying, “Well, the man’s supposed to be perfect and know all these things, and I don’t have to teach him.”
Everybody’s got flaws and faults and shortcomings, and you have to work together to smooth the disconnects over.
“They should understand that men think logically and want to make them happy, and they should, therefore, strive to speak in logical terms and give specific instructions on what they need to feel loved, supported, nurtured, safe and comfortable, instead of expecting men to understand without explanation, or for them to draw the correct conclusions from examples and stories. Women should also understand that men are visual creatures and also like to be enchanted and seduced by their women who love themselves enough to eat healthy, exercise properly and look feminine, attractive and desirable.”
Well, statistically, at least in America, 74% of Americans are overweight or obese. So, it’s like, everybody on all sides is really failing in that. I think the CDC’s numbers said something like 78% of the people that were hospitalized with the virus are obese. And if you guys have watched some of the 30 Day Challenge series that I’ve done with Chunky and Gracie, there was one of them where I talk about the fluids of our bodies kind of being like the water in a fish tank. Really healthy people tend to have healthy fluids in their bodies, and really unhealthy, obese people, their inner fluids in their bodies tend to be like a stagnant pond of water where all kinds of bacteria and gross, smelly things grow. That’s just reality.
You can see it. If you do dark field microscopy, the live blood analysis, as they call it, you can see the difference. It’s a night and day difference. There are several articles on my website that I did years ago. One was “Death Begins In The Colon.” And then, there is the “Rediscovered: The Fountain Of Youth” one, where I’ve got pictures of healthy cells, where you can see what healthy red blood cells look like, versus the blood of somebody who’s really unhealthy. And those are the facts. You can look at it, and you can see it. You can see the difference.
So, just finding somebody that’s in shape and healthy and takes care of themselves is rare. And when I look back over the last thirty years, looking at when I was in high school compared to now, it’s like the whole country’s become super sized in the last thirty years, making excuses for it and saying, “Oh, you’re beautiful the way you are.” It’s like, some of these people that get into the body positivity movement that are like really morbidly obese, I’ve seen some of them, 30, 35 years old, dropping dead of a heart attack. You just can’t do that to your body and not have deadly consequences. That’s a fact of life.
“It takes two to make a relationship work. Men are not psychic. Women should bring joy, ease and delight into their man’s life without creating unnecessary drama.”
Just that paragraph alone is going to eliminate probably 99% of the women that you’re going to encounter in life, because they’re not going to live up to that.
You have done a great job explaining what a man should be in a relationship, dating, and picking up phases. I do, however, think that your input on what to expect from women in relationships and dating is needed. Let me explain. I (as a man) must continually court, listen, understand, love, and romanticize my female partner during a relationship.
She should also be making the effort to romance you, maybe making you a nice home cooked meal. Or, if she’s staying home, taking care of the kids, I know it’s a full-time job, but if he’s out slaying the dragons and has to deal with a bunch of assholes all day, it’s nice to come home to a home cooked meal and a wife who’s like, “Hey babe, here’s a beer. Here’s your slippers. Why don’t you relax? I’ve got some hors d’oeuvres coming for you. I know you’ve had a tough day. I’ve had a tough day too, but I’ve been thinking about you all day. I’ve got so much to tell you, and I can’t wait to spend time with you.” How many guys come home to that?
I also have to stay emotionally centered, don’t get weak. I have to be driven, motivated, proud, healthy, take care of my physical shape, a good communicator, financially comfortable, the provider, and unfazed by life troubles, (the mountain that does not change), in order to stay attractive to the opposite gender.
Obviously, you’re not going to be able to do that 100% of the time, because life beats us all down. I mean, the reality is we’re all living in bodies that are going to die. So, you’re going to have good days. You’re going to have plenty of bad, shitty days as well. The key is you’ve got to keep grinding.
The important thing is that when a guy goes through a tough time, it’s going to happen. It’s okay to be weak and go through a tough time, but if you just continually live there month after month, year after year, at some point women are going to be like, “This guy is just not getting it done.” You’ve got a few days, a few weeks you’re going through a tough time, you’ve got to be able to bounce back quickly, shake it off, get up the next day and go out and slay the dragons.
Because when you don’t do anything to participate in your own rescue, women don’t feel safe trusting your leadership. And that’s just reality, especially if she’s a stay at home mom, and you’ve got kids, and maybe the guy loses his job or he quits his job because he gets pissed off his boss. Now, they’ve got no source of income, and then he sits around drinking beer and not doing anything about it.
Obviously, that’s not a good situation, but if he’s just out the next day or maybe he takes a week off to re-gather his thoughts, or maybe even two weeks, and then he gets after it, he goes and finds himself a new job and he keeps looking and searching until he makes it happen, that’s what a woman wants to see. A woman wants to see you participating in your own rescue, not becoming wrecked and demoralized by one setback and just giving up and expecting her to put up with it month after month, year after year, or putting up with you constantly complaining about how much you hate your job and your boss, and yet you never do anything about it.
Men handle shit. So, as a man, you’ve got to handle your shit. Because there’s a time limit on it. You just can’t go on forever. When she signed up for that relationship, that was your duty. You were going to take care of things and not let bad things go on forever or prolong the suffering, because you’re not doing anything to turn things around.
I understand that you’re coming from the point of “if you don’t blame yourself you will never be better.”
Well, self-reliant, self-actualizing people blame themselves for everything, all of their mistakes, all their flaws or faults, even if they attract a toxic woman or toxic friends or business partners into their life. They say, “I did it through my actions or the level and tenor of my thoughts. For whatever reason, I attracted these people into my life and I said yes to them. I allowed them into my inner circle. And so, if they dick me down, if they do me dirty, if they screw me over, on some level, it’s my fault, because I allowed it to happen.”
“I’m not going to sit around and beat myself up over it, but I’m going to see, what can I learn from it, so I can become better at screening those people out of my life in the future.” Because any time you blame anyone or anything outside of yourself, you’re giving away part of your power and your ability. You’re creating a story that allows you to not take 100% control of your life if you can blame other people, whether it’s a politician or your boss who won’t give you a raise, even though you might not have asked for it.
And if you asked for it and he doesn’t give you a raise, your attitude’s going to be like, “Fuck this guy. Every 10, 15 minute break I get, smoke break, lunch break or day off, I’m going to be putting my resume out and looking for a new employer. And then, when the day comes, I can’t wait to come in and give him my two weeks notice and let them know that I got a job that’s going to pay me what I want with better conditions. And then, when they try to offer me more money to stay, “Sorry, I came to you, told you what I wanted, what I thought I was worth, and you said no. This new company is willing to give me an opportunity. You had your chance.””
But sometimes we need equal expectations from the opposite gender. What are they?
Well, obviously, I went through them at the beginning of the video.
If I do all those things and I only expect my God-given right in a relationship, which is love, care and affection, that would be absolutely unfair to me (as a man).
The important thing is you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. You’ve got to make sure that you properly pre-qualify the women in your life and you don’t develop a negative attitude that all women are the same, like a lot of people in the toxic red pill community have. Because when you do that, when you say all women are the same, then that’s going to become your reality. You’re going to continue to attract the same kind of women.
That’s kind of like somebody who says, “I don’t like the city where I live because everybody’s a bunch of assholes, so I moved to a new city. And then I didn’t like that city either, because they’re all assholes there as well, and so, I moved to third city. And you know what, after I moved to that third city, they’re nothing but assholes.” If that’s your reality, then guess what? You’re the asshole.
You have to participate in your own rescue. You’ll get burned, everybody gets burned in love. That’s life. Shake it off, walk it off, do better next time around. Because if you blame other women, that absolves you from improving yourself. Maybe becoming more attractive, maybe becoming more ambitious, focusing more on your goals and your mission in life is what you need. Maybe changing your social circle, so you start spending your time around, better quality, higher character people than where you came from.
There’s always something that we can personally do to better our situation. Any time you blame anyone or anything outside of yourself, you’re giving your power away to shape and change your destiny. And you’re creating a story in your mind that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because you’ll keep attracting the same people into your life. That’s just reality.
If you scour the internet Coach Corey, you would barely find any content that explain how a respectable and mature women should behave in a relationship. It struck me when I realized that if I was a woman it will be really hard for me to find dependable information on how a woman should behave in a relationship?
Thanks for the help,
Well, I don’t really spend my time doing that. There’s a lot of women out there that are coaches for women in relationship. And the reality is a lot of female coaches have taken my book and flipped it around and taught women to basically act like men to attract men in their lives, and that’s not going to work too well.
But if you have a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Good women who want to be good teammates to their men should be loyal, trustworthy, dependable, responsible, easygoing and easy to get along with. They should communicate in a mature, adult and calm, loving manner, taking the time to understand their men and the differences in how men and women communicate. They should understand that men think logically and want to make them happy, and they should, therefore, strive to speak in logical terms and give specific instructions on what they need to feel loved, supported, nurtured, safe and comfortable, instead of expecting men to understand without explanation or for them to draw the correct conclusions from examples and stories. Women should also understand that men are visual creatures and also like to be enchanted and seduced by their women who love themselves enough to eat healthy, exercise properly and look feminine, attractive and desirable. It takes two to make a relationship work. Men are not psychic. Women should bring joy, ease and delight into their men’s life without creating unnecessary drama.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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