What If She Has A Boyfriend?

This is a recent question from a client who is interested in a waitress at a restaurant he frequents. She has a boyfriend, and he wants to know how he should ask for her phone number.

Dear Corey,

I have this one girl who is a waitress at Chili’s. I know her schedule only because one of her coworkers told me. She gives a lot of attention by staring and smiling, occasionally giving hugs. Some of the people who went there for happy hour said there is something between us, although she does have a boyfriend. I don’t want to get in the way of that, but it would be nice to have a female to talk to. How would I go about getting her number? The guys at the bar said she is trying to be a good girl, and I can appreciate that. I’m hanging back and letting things unfold, so to speak. I’m not really holding my breath. Do you think I should tell her I’m not really looking to replace or compete with her current boyfriend? Also, should I let her know I would like to have her as a friend? One time she told me that she was afraid to mess things up between her and her boyfriend.

Tom

Here is my response to Tom:

Dear Tom,

Never try to hook up with a chick that has a boyfriend. Why? If she cheats on him with you, then guess what? It means she would have no problem doing the same thing to you. How do I know? I learned that lesson the hard way when I was younger. I thought things would be different with me because I felt I knew so much more than most guys did about women. Plus, I was simply a great catch!

When the relationship starts to get old or boring, and both people start to realize it might not last long term, a woman who has cheated before would rather line up someone new than go it alone being single after a breakup. Before the breakup actually happens, you find out she has been spending time with the guy who was supposed to be “just a friend.”

It’s true that the guy was “just a friend” until, of course, they sleep together. Then it becomes, “it just happened.” The best thing you can do with this girl is, the next time you are chatting with her about something you both talk about when you see each other, offer her your number indirectly. Here’s what I mean: Say you were talking about relationships or relationship advice, and you mention a website that you learned a lot from on the subject. Say this, “Hey, if you want that website, just send me a text later, and I’ll send it to you.” Say you were both talking about an upcoming art festival, you could say, “Hey if you want the info on that art festival this weekend, send me a text during the day this week, and I can send you the info.” Now, by offering your phone number in this way, you allow her to ask for your actual number if she wants it. If she does not want it, she will not pull out her phone and ask for it when you say this to her. Usually, what would happen if she is not interested in chatting with you is, she will say, “Sure. I will text you,” and then never pull her phone out to get your number. You MUST let her come to you in this way. It reveals your chances, or lack thereof, by not risking any rejection on your part. Since you have never given her your phone number, she has to ask for it.

If you’ve got a chance, she will actually ask for it. If you don’t, she won’t. If she takes it, she may contact you. Then, you can worry about building a friendship over time. If things go sideways with her boyfriend, you could be a potential replacement. However, you don’t want to wait on any one girl. Go after one that is available, not one that is already taken. There are too many good looking single women out there to mess with chicks with boyfriends. Guys that do that are constantly chasing women that are unavailable, because it fulfills their limiting belief that they can’t find a girlfriend. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Try it out, and let me know what happens.

Corey Wayne