What It Means When She Ghosts You & Then Replies Days Later

Why women will stop replying and then respond several days later.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started messaging with a girl on Instagram who told him he was cute. She often will stop replying and ghost him for several days mid-conversation. She then re-engages and when he tries to set a date she disappears again.

He doesn’t understand why. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who started messaging with a girl on Instagram who told him that he was cute. She often will stop replying and ghost him for several days, like mid-conversation, usually when he’s trying to set a date to get together. Then what happens is three, four days later, she re-engages and he tries to set a date and then poof! And he doesn’t understand why.

So it could be a number of reasons. The biggest thing we got to look at, he met her on social media. He doesn’t know where, she doesn’t know him, and you should expect a lot of testing from women who are in this particular situation, because if a girl waits 24 hours to reply to you, her interest is not that high. It’s also true that she may just be doing it to see what happens, if you can handle it, if you’re calm, you’re cool, you’re collected, or you get mad and angry and upset. So women often will test a guy just to see how he handles himself, to see if it sends him into orbit when she doesn’t reply right away, she leaves him hanging, or she ghosts him for a few days.

So the idea is this is just a a good email to focus on. Dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and then you gotta wait for her to hit it back. Even if it’s several days later, at the end of the day, if he starts double and triple texting her, then she’ll permanently ghost him, but I mean, she still is replying, it’s just two or three days later, so you might as well see it through to the end.

One of two things will happen: She’ll either end up making a date with you, or she’ll ghost you permanently and you’ll never hear from her again. So either way, at least you can kind of cross that one off your list. You shoot your shot and then you follow what’s in the book and see what happens.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m a 20-year-old Argentinian. I’m on my second read of 3% Man. I found this girl from my city on Instagram and she physically looks like the qualities on my woman’s ideal qualities list, the exercise you suggested on your book. 

3% Man.

I followed her and she followed me back very quickly. She posted some stuff, which I have my reasons to believe were to get my attention, I liked a picture of her, then she liked back something of mine.

Some days later, I texted her, “Hey, I wanted to ask you something :)”, to which she told me, “Heyy, yes tell me!” Then asked her what song does she recommend me from her favorite artist she had on her bio. We had a nice conversation about music with lots of long texts on her part, and quick responses.

Well, when you’re doing this, when you’re sliding into a girl’s DM’s, ideally you send a handful of messages back and forth so she can see that you’re a normal person and not a fruit loop, and you don’t blow your top. If things go on for several days or she leaves you hanging, then you can just say, “Hey, here’s my number. Shoot me a text. I’d love to chat with you sometime,” or “Send me your number and I’ll give you a call and we’ll chat,” because then you want to move it to the phone and see if you can carry a conversation with her, see if you like talking to her, you like the sound of her voice, do you click? Do you jive? If so, then you can make a date after talking for 10, 15, 20 minutes at the most. Usually 10 to 15 minutes is enough.

But after some exchanges, and right before I was going to ask her out because I felt the vibe was cool, she ghosted my ass.

Because probably the conversation was getting boring.

So the idea is you got to send enough texts, three or four back and forth, enough for her to see that you’re not a nut and just say, “Hey, I’d love to chat on the phone sometime. Here’s my number. Give me a call or text me or send me your number. I’ll give you a call or text you.” Then you move it from the social media to your phone. Then eventually you get on a phone call, and if the phone call goes well, you like talking to her and she seems to like talking to you, then I would make the date. If it doesn’t go well, then I would say, “Hey, I gotta run. It was nice chatting with you. I’ll talk to you later,” and then you’re never going to talk to her again.

After this, of course I didn’t contact, react or see her stuff, and waited for her to reach out to me, since my pursuit was over.

Because again, it’s like tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and then what happened was she just stopped playing tennis in the middle of the game. Didn’t hit it back. So unless she hits it back, it’s over forever.

A week later, she replied to a story (The best picture of myself I have ever taken), said “You’re cutee.” I replied she’s pretty, she told me I’m prettier, then she asked me how I was doing and she started making an effort. I kept it at short, nice, light answers to test her interest and I felt it was right because she was again replying fast and sending many texts. I asked what she was doing, she replied and asked me the same, I told her that it sounded nice and that I was just finishing my day. She asked me what had I done that day, I replied, “Hey, we should meet but I’d prefer in person. Let’s get drinks one of these days” (I know, I should’ve been more definite. I was going to make definite plans if she replied though).

The best way to phrase this is, “We should get together for a drink sometime. When are you free?” It’s very direct, very decisive, very nonchalant.

She ghosted me again. Is it because we don’t know much about each other?

I would say she has kind of low interest. I mean, she waited a whole week to get back to you, but she may have been doing that on purpose just to test you. There may have been another guy she liked more, but when she didn’t hear from you for a week, she re-engaged. That’s what happens. You just hit the ball over the net. It took her a week to hit it back. Whatever, you should be unbothered and unperturbed because either way, it’s fun to see what happens. It’d be fun to see if you can convert it to a date and potentially a hookup. Maybe a relationship.

Anyways, after that I went on with my life again, and after a week she replied a story I posted in a place which I’ve traveled to. She asked me if I was from there, I told her, “One day I will, but for now I’m from [city name].” Two days later she says, “I didn’t reply for three days OMG, I’m sorry.”

She knew she did it on purpose.

Then told me she thought I lived in that city, and not in our city. It felt weird and I took a day to reply to just say, “Nahh I wish.” Just one text to see if she would try to start something again. But two days have gone by and the cycle repeats itself with no answer from her.

Am I behaving right and this is just how it goes? Or am I fumbling the football?

Thanks for reading!

Bob

Well, the reality is, based on her responses, her interest is low. So the probability of success is low, but you’re doing a good job of following what’s in the book and kind of matching and mirroring. I know you didn’t wait a full week. We know she did it on purpose. Girls have their phones all the time. She didn’t forget. She just didn’t want to. So we understand her interest is low.

So again, it’s just one ball at a time over the net. If she reaches back out again, I personally would exchange phone numbers and then try to get on a call with her to see if you like talking to her instead of meeting her and spending money on a date, because you might get together in person and she’s just boring as fuck. Whereas if you talk to her on the phone for 10 or 15 minutes, you can figure out ahead of time if she’s boring as fuck and then you don’t waste any time or money going on a date and then having to sit there for an hour or two talking to her when you already know that you don’t want to talk to her anymore.

So that’s what I would do if I were you, but it’s like a 50/50 chance that you’ll end up on a date with her, but if you’re patient and you hang back long enough, she may potentially re-engage with you or not. At least you shoot your shot. Like I said, it looks like a low chance for success, but that’s OK, because then at least you can cross her off your list either way.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.