What It Means When She Invites Attention From Other Men

What it means when your girl constantly invites attention from other men.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s stuck in the fantasy of who he wants his girlfriend to be despite her disloyal actions. He’s caught her emotionally cheating twice in the past year and broke up with her after the 2nd one. However, he says he’s struggling with moving on because he wants reality to be other than it is. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “What It Means When She Invites Attention From Other Men”.

Well, character is destiny. And so we’ve got an email here from a viewer who he’s unfortunately been with this girl for about, I think seven years. They were like, I think they met in college. And in the last year he’s caught her emotionally cheating on him twice in the second time, the most recent one it seems there may have been some physical interactions as well.

And so he broke up with her. And they’re supposed to meet to exchange their things. And obviously rejection breeds obsession. So she’s claiming to be on her best behavior and, is a little remorseful, but he’s projecting, he realizes he’s projecting the fantasy of what he wants her to be and is ignoring reality. And unfortunately for her, it’s not his fault, but for her, she comes from a broken home. So character is destiny, this is what she learned.

She grew up without a father, and she clearly doesn’t respect men. She doesn’t respect him. He forgave her the first time she emotionally cheated. But the second one, it looks like she went even further. And so now he just really kind of wants to move on. But it’s hard because again, rejection breeds obsession. But part of the problem is he’s taking ownership of her behavior as if it’s his fault.

This is the fault of her family and ultimately her father, who failed her and wasn’t there to properly raise her. And if he is interested in having a relationship based upon loyalty and family and communication and commitment, it has to be with a woman who was raised in that kind of environment, ideally, and a woman who shares those values. And this girl clearly does not share the values.

And so again, it’s not his fault that his girlfriend is basically a liar and a cheater. But he does need to acknowledge reality because, as Ayn Rand said, “you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” And so he does have the courage and strength to recognize that this is just not fixable. Because again, this is our character and our behavior just seems to get worse.

And it seems like he says he noticed that. It seems like her level of respect dropped even more when he forgave her the first time. Because this is the kind of thing that, you just put a woman out on her ass when she does that. It’s like she can go on down the road and be somebody else’s problem. This is where you know your value system is going to be in conflict, and it’s not your job to fix her.

Be captain Save-A-Hoe to the rescue and all that nonsense because it just doesn’t work. You got to see reality as it is. And so at least this happened before he got married and involved the state in his relationship. But it’s still not easy moving on. But it is a good email to learn from because again character is destiny you can love a girl all you want.

Project your fantasies and your Disney fantasies onto her, but if she comes from a broken home and her parents, especially her dad, did a terrible job of raising her, well you can’t do anything about it. This girl is more ideally suited for friends with benefits, sex playmate, fuck buddy, not a girlfriend. Certainly not a wife or mother of your kids, unless you want your kids to grow up and be a bunch of ratchets.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been dealing with a lot recently and could really use some direction. My girlfriend of seven years and I have gone through two emotional cheating situations within the last couple of months. We were college sweethearts and each other’s first serious relationship, so this has been especially difficult to process.

Well, you’re just seeing the reality of what happens when you get into a relationship with a girl from a broken home, where there’s no high character man to set the standard in the house. There was no man that was there, maybe a series of boyfriends. But at the end of the day, this woman just has no character. She’s a woman of low character, just like the old Garth Brooks song. “I’ve got Friends in Low Places.”

And so Garth Brooks decided to become a woke idiot and talk shit about his audience. And now nobody wants to go to his concerts because he pissed all over, pissed in the 80s, everybody that loved his music and now they’re like, well, screw you if you hate us and we’re not going to come to your concerts anymore. It’s like the scorpion and the frog analogy.

For some context, her upbringing has always been complicated.

In other words, translation she came from a broken home.

She was raised by a single mother who struggles with alcoholism and serious emotional instability.

Well, that right there, that’s like game over, man. There’s nothing you can do to fix that. That’s how she was raised. So her behavior, the emotional cheating, the inconsistent actions, how could she possibly have the same value system that you have or that you want her to have? It’s just, you know, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. It’s not your fault, but you got to see reality as it is instead of better than it is, which is what you’ve basically been doing probably for longer than you should have.

Well, that right there, that’s like game over, man. There’s nothing you can do to fix that. That’s how she was raised. So her behavior, the emotional cheating, the inconsistent actions, how could she possibly have the same value system that you have or that you want her to have? It’s just, you know, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. It’s not your fault, but you got to see reality as it is instead of better than it is, which is what you’ve basically been doing probably for longer than you should have.

Over the years, I’ve tried to support her in building healthier boundaries with her mom, but those efforts never really held.

Well again, you’re trying to change who she is. People don’t change who they are they may become a better version, but a girl from a broken home is still going to be a messed up girl from a broken home, despite your Captain Save-A-Hoe efforts. What did you realize? You were going against reality and now reality has smacked you in the face or kicked you in the butt either one. Or tied your shoelaces together. That’s basically what happened. You got to see it as it is.

On top of that, when we had issues in our relationship, she often involved her friends in a way that painted me as the problem.

Well, she didn’t have parents that worked their differences out because the dad wasn’t even around and her mother dealt with her problems by drowning herself in alcohol. So things don’t get fixed in that family. That’s what she learned.

This would lead to further boundary issues, like going out clubbing without me and acting in ways that did not respect the relationship.

Again, this is what happens when there’s no dad around and acting in ways that did not respect the relationship. How could she? She doesn’t respect the father because he wasn’t around. She doesn’t respect men, so she’s not going to respect you. And at the end of the day, she belongs to the streets.

Over the past year, I could feel her attraction and respect for me fading. I tried to address it and improve things, but nothing seemed to work.

Well, again, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. So the tuna is bad from the get go. So whatever kind of casserole or spices you put on it, it’s still gonna be a stinky tuna, that you got to throw back.

In January, she had her first emotional affair, and I chose to forgive her and stay.

Well, you know, Character is destiny, what did Maya Angelou say? “When somebody tells you who they are or in this case, shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Because if you forgive her, then she learns, oh, I can get away with this because I’m a hot girl.

Looking back, I think that decision may have lowered her respect for me further.

Yep. She would have respected you more if you’d have walked and never looked back which hopefully you’re doing that now.

Two weeks ago, it happened again, another emotional affair, and this time she also allowed some level of physical advance from the other person.

So again, no dad, no boundaries. It’s impossible. This is a girl for fun and fucking. And maybe a rotation girl. Practice safe sex. But you don’t wife her up. You certainly don’t ask her to be your girlfriend. This is just a placeholder until you find a good woman. And quite frankly, you should have thrown her back a long time ago. But you decided. Hey, Coach. Captain Save-A-Hoe rides again.

But Captain Save-A-Hoe returned to town with the same outcome that he couldn’t fix her. You know, it’s funny. There’s like, those Twitter pages that show these women that get arrested. They were just absolutely smoking hot. And you obviously always got guys going. I can fix her. I can save her. I can change her. It’s like, no, you can’t.

I found out on my own, packed my things, and left.

Good for you, dude. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You have to mean it because again, if you go back, then she’ll just do it a third or fourth time because that’s who she is. She’s a scorpion riding the frog’s back going, oh no, I won’t sting you and then stings you anyways. And you’re like, what the fuck? Well, I’m a scorpion. That’s just what I do.

Right now, I am still emotionally attached, but I know I need to fully walk away. I have more or less cut off communication, but I am supposed to meet her on Monday to exchange the rest of our belongings. She has been reaching out and saying she wants closure, but I do not feel like I owe that to her.

Exactly. You don’t owe her shit. At the end of the day, she’s a liar and a cheater and she’s not fixable. You can’t salvage it. You gave her two chances, and probably there was a lot of other fuckery that went on behind the scenes over the last seven years. You probably kind of noticed, but chose to ignore until it became obvious she’s just not going to respect men. She doesn’t respect you. It’s just, you know, that’s her dad’s doing.

I also recently found out she went clubbing during this in-between period, likely with the same friends who encouraged her behavior before.

Well, like attracts like. Liars and cheaters tend to hang out with other liars and cheaters. So you are who you associate with. You can’t fix that, bro. You just can’t. So don’t feel bad about it. I mean, you had a good seven year run, but at the end of the day, for where you want to go and who you want to become in life, this is not the woman that’s going to be your teammate and your biggest cheerleader and fan. She’s just a hoe. It’s time to throw her back to the streets, which you have done.

That made me feel sick and reinforced my sense that this situation is not healthy for me.

Correct.

I keep asking myself why she could not have simply talked to me about these issues instead of going outside the relationship.

Because she comes from a broken home. That’s how they operate. It’s just the way it is. It’s as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. It’s just the way it is, my man. But you’ve got to acknowledge reality.

I guess what I am really asking is what direction I should take from here. How do I follow through on ending this in a way that is firm, while also dealing with the emotional attachment that is still there?

Read and apply the book. And most importantly, get out there and rock out with your cock out and make sure the women. Any woman that you consider getting serious with in the future has the right value system. In other words, she loves her dad, respects her dad, admires him. She’s easy going, easy to get along with, doesn’t have an alcoholic crazy mother.

She comes from a good home where a good, healthy, competent example of a masculine male and feminine female were presented to her. So she was raised right. And she respects boundaries. She respects her dad, she’ll respect you. If she doesn’t respect her dad or didn’t know her dad it’s impossible for her to respect you. Nobody was there to teach her that.

So, you know, again, it’s complaining about that and wishing it was different is like complaining about the weather. This is just not a fixable situation. So you have to going forward, you have to vet properly and you got to vet for character. When you come across a woman who’s hot and fun and the sex is incredible, but she comes from a broken home, especially when she says she hates her father. Yeah, that’s just a rotation, practice squad girl, placeholder until you find somebody better for your rotation.

But wear a raincoat. This girl is for fun and fucking and nothing else. No kids, no wife, no girlfriend, no commitment, no loyalty. So treat her accordingly. You can have a lot of fun with girls like this, but at the end of the day, you can’t think you’re going to fix them or wipe them up because that just does not work. So again, the thing that’s going to change your mind the quickest. I had a success story. I don’t know, a month or so ago from a guy that did exactly that.

He broke up with a girl that was just a ratchet and got underneath a really hot girl a few days later or a few weeks later, and he felt fucking amazing. So you never know when you’re going to turn around. And the hottest girl you’ve seen in years is right behind you in the grocery store, giving you fuck me eyes. That’s why you got to read the book and apply it.

Focus on rebuilding yourself up. Get your ass back in the gym. Get hanging out with your guy friends, go see your mother and reconnect with people who love you and value you and appreciate you. And don’t allow the hoes into your inner circle. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. That’s just a fact of life. It’s a very age old piece of wisdom that you know.

Again, it’s men throughout thousands and thousands and thousands of years of human history have learned this the hard way. So now you’ve learned it the hard way. And the goal is to never agree to be a girl’s boyfriend unless she has the makeup. She loves her dad, loves her mom. Parents have a good relationship. Dad’s the man of the house. All the girls in the house respect dad. Whatever daddy says goes, that’s the law. That’s it.

There’s no questioning him or nagging him to get him to change his mind. Everybody’s calm because dad provided a calm, stable environment. And when that’s missing, you have to assume the chick is a little fucking crazy. And that’s just life. That’s the way, you know when you understand that girls turn out predictably, how they turn out pretty simple.

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