What Others Think About You Is… Irrelevant

This is from a recent email I got from a coaching client. He’s still caring waaaaaay too much what chicks and other people think about him. This is creating unnecessary obstacles to his success. Here’s his email:

Coach Corey,

How was your weekend man? Hope you had a good one brother. Well as for me it was not to bad. I went out and got some exposure on both Friday and Saturday, Friday did not go to well, I felt like I was in a shell, when I did talk to women whatever I was saying seemed like it did not come out right, however, Saturday night was better.

We went to a club that was pretty packed, I managed to talk to a few gals, there was this one who was getting hit on left and right I happened to be standing right next to her when she was giving her number out to some yahoo, well Corey, after that guy split she turned to me and to my surprise asked me “Where do I know you from, you look really familiar?” So I talked to her and managed to get her to laugh well then her girlfriend pulled her away so I didn’t have time to ask her for her number, well as the night progressed I ran into her again and this time I just flat out said “Hey Megan, you going to give me your number so I can call you?”  she said sure and proceeded to give me her number then we went about our own ways, she seemed interested, so now I’m going to hang back and wait a few days then I’ll shoot her a text and take it from there, so like I said it was a pretty good weekend. Oh yea by the way, when I was out also, I was also thinking how would Corey handle this shit?! LOL

Oh yea, on another note, remember that gal that I was telling you about during our coaching session that stood me up? Well she texted me yesterday saying, “Hey I haven’t forgotten, you still owe me lunch,” so I replied about a hour later saying “Hey there, sounds good, lemme know when :)” and she replied with “I know right, I will soon.”

Well Corey with this one a HUGE part of me wants to get her back for what she did to me, and deep down I know that’s the wrong answer because 2 wrongs don’t make a right, so what do you suggest I handle this one if she texts back? Anyways that was my weekend, now time to tackle the week, let me know what you think brother. 

Be easy brother,

Tom

Here’s my response to his email:

Brother Tom,

My weekend was very relaxing!

Sometimes you are not going to “feel it” and that is ok.  The point is, you went out and practiced and learned a little bit. Repetition is the mother of skill.

How would I handle things?  First, I certainly don’t give a shit what other people think about me. Chicks either love me or get offended at me.  Either way, its their fucking problem.  Cool chicks with a healthy self esteem will laugh at anything you say to them because they always assume you are being playful and silly just like their brothers do to her.  They simply have a good attitude and are a joy to be around.

You also still think that all attractive women are normal and know how to interact with men.  In time, you will start to see that most of them are totally fucked up in some way or another.  You just have to get comfortable with this truth, and once you do, you will look at all women differently.  Right now you seem to still be putting them on a pedestal they have not earned and still care how they think of you.   What others think about you is IRRELEVANT.  The ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF.

Be willing to piss some of them off by just being you.  They’re all cannon fodder until a great one comes along.  Continue to go out with friends and have fun and interact with new women.  The more you do it the more you will see that what I say is the way things are.

As far as the date canceling chick goes, flip the script.  Don’t try to get back at her.  Don’t pursue or text her at all.  Only respond to her texts.  Even when she tells you to call or text her say “sure” and then don’t.  She may be using that book for women called “The Rules.”  Tell her to text you on the day of your date to confirm once you set something definite with her.  If she does not, then assume its off.  Never contact her unless you are responder to her text.

The way you handled it is perfect.  Just wait to hear from her next.  That’s what you told her to do.  Don’t text her and say “hey are we still on?”  That is weak.  Why?  When a man states his purpose he sticks to it.  If you were to text and ask if you were still on for Thursday, you would not be congruent with what you told her.  This will cause her to question your masculine core and instantly give the power back to her.  She wants you to have the power.  

If I was a betting man she won’t text you at all, but may wait a week and then text you again about getting together.  She could also have some other guy in her life she really wants, but who is jerking her around.  She may see you as a backup and only pull the trigger on getting together with you once she knows for sure it ain’t going to happen with the other guy.

That’s the beauty of what I teach.  She has to chase you which is exciting to her.  Every other guy she knows is chasing her… except you.  They want the one who is not easy or very available.  You see she brought up getting together.  She will do it again even if she never texts to confirm Thursday.  Besides she has already broken two dates you have made with her is a very disrespectful way.  You’re at the restaurant you agreed to meet at, then she does not show up and then has no problem blowing you off when you ask her where she is. That’s rude as hell.

In the meantime, keep practicing and meeting new women. In a few months you could have several women chasing you if you play your cards right.

From my heart to yours,

Corey

“Progress always involves risk. You can’t steal second base & keep your foot on first.”-Frederick Wilcox