What To Do When My Girlfriend Earns More Than Me?

How you should view and handle your girlfriend making more income than you.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s a long-term student of mine. His girlfriend of a year is a 10 out of 10, and they have great chemistry, sexual compatibility, a deep and strong emotional connection and a shared sense of humor. However, they both make six figures, but she makes about $40,000 more than him per year.

He says the red pill community told him this was bad and that eventually she will lose respect for him and leave him. Now he is questioning himself and their future together, despite the fact everything is going well. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Things have been going really well in his relationship, and then he’s been reading some stuff in the red pill community, and the red pill community has been telling him that if the woman makes more than the guy, eventually she’ll lose respect for him and leave him. I love the red pill community. They’re always looking for the excuse to say it’s the woman’s fault, “Women suck. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just got left because women are terrible.”

If you’ve got guys that have had a breakup or they’ve had a relationship go sideways, nobody likes to look at themselves and say, “I screwed up” or “It was my fault.” It’s much easier to go, “It was the woman’s fault, and I didn’t have anything to do with it.” There’s just way too much of that in the red pill community.

And so, everything’s going well with this guy. He’s doing great in his relationship, because obviously he’s applying what’s in 3% Man. He’s getting predictable results, exactly the results that I say he’ll get. And then he goes and he gets involved in the red pill community, and now he’s starting to doubt and question himself and absorb some of these weak and toxic types of mindsets that a lot of these guys are pushing.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

I have been a long time listener and a continuous learner of your teachings. Your advice has changed my love life for good, and I am forever thankful for what you do. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for around a year now. I would describe her as my dream girl on all levels.

Well, that’s the one thing you’ve got to understand about my book. It’s all about how to have a dream woman, how to have a soul connection with somebody, a woman who knocks your socks off. The kind of woman that you connect with so well that when you’re walking down the street with her on your arm, you don’t feel like you’re missing anything. You don’t feel like you’re missing out. You don’t feel like one of those guys, especially the king of the red pill dudes, who obviously has been in a mediocre, boring marriage, as he put it, for a couple of decades now. And you can tell when reading his work that he never feels like he got the kind of girl that he wanted. And part of his work is making excuses for that, “All women are terrible.”

And so, guys that come along and have real problems come across this stuff and they go, “Oh!” And they adopt the mindset of a dude who has done nothing but have mediocre and boring in his relationship life. If you’re going to learn from somebody like this, guess what? Your relationships are going to be boring and mediocre, too. And, on some level, anybody that adopts this mindset– because we all try to justify our model of the world – what’s happening is when you study the work of somebody like that, you’re getting their belief system, you’re getting their mindset, the way that they look at the world. And then, you’re going to go out and duplicate what they have, because you can’t have spectacular, because “all women suck,” basically. And I’m not a fan of that. Like I’ve been saying the last couple of years, there’s so much negativity from people that follow this dude with hair extensions.

So, this guy’s got a great relationship. He’s following what my book teaches, and then he comes across this nonsense that’s being pushed by a guy who, quite frankly, doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. And he’s never experienced any of the kinds of relationships that I’ve written about in “3% Man.” So, number one, he’s not qualified. Number two, he’s never experienced it. And you can’t help somebody do something that you haven’t experienced yourself. And so, what he’s doing is he’s pushing things that are really getting guys stuck where they’re at and causing them not to expand beyond where they’re at. And then you get guys that are having success that go into their little community and they start doubting themselves.

And the other thing is, the hair extension dude with the bandana that wants to be like Axl Rose or whatever, they’re just pushing things and they don’t have any solutions. They even say it when you go read the description of their book, “This is not a how-to book.” Why is it not a how-to book? Because he doesn’t know how to. So, why would you go learn from somebody that doesn’t know how to do anything? Seriously.

So, my opinion, from what I see from the people that come to my channel, he’s filling their heads full of a bunch of weak ass, beta male bullshit that they start believing in, and then they start thinking like a loser, like this guy does. I’m not a fan of that. I’m a fan of somebody who empowers people to be self-reliant, not somebody that’s teaching people to be losers, and mediocre, and average, and to settle and have a boring marriage of multiple decades with no passion. That’s not a win for me. That’s not a victory.

Great chemistry, sexual compatibility, a deep and strong emotional connection along with a shared sense of humor, 10 out of 10.

Again, if you read “Hair Extension’s” books, there’s no love, there’s no passion. There’s no, “My wife is a ten out of ten. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” Nothing. Just average, mediocre, and boring and lame. So, even Mr. Hair Extensions has never experienced anything like this viewer is experiencing and living.

There’s no way I could’ve gotten to this position without you, and for that I thank you. My question for you is, I have heard from red-pill communities that when a woman makes more than her man, she tends to lose respect for him over time. We’re the same age, I make around $130K, and she makes $40K more than me.

He’s making $130k, and she’s making $170k. And so, if what was said to him in the red pill community– that when a woman makes more than a man, she tends to lose respect for him over time – if that was true, which it’s not, there is absolutely no way she would have ever fallen in love with this guy and he’d be thinking, “I got a 10 out of 10,” and they’d be connected like they’re connecting. Because the reality is, my book gives you the solutions to make it happen, or I should say, to allow it to happen, because love is allowing.

This woman was already predisposed to like this guy, and he did everything to make it easy for her to like him even more. So, for a year now, he’s been demonstrating something that is the complete opposite of what this nonsense from the red pill community is pushing. And so, what it is, is guys were dating women that were making more money than them at one point, couldn’t keep it together, didn’t know how to maintain a relationship, and then the woman eventually left them. And then their excuse was, “Oh, it’s because she makes more money than me. That’s what it is.” No, it’s because you were acting like a fucking bitch. That’s why she left you. That’s what happened.

I’ve done tens of thousands of phone sessions over the last 20-something years and countless emails that I’ve answered. The two things that men do that ruin or end their relationships – now, this is assuming they married a healthy, normal woman and not a fruit loop or a mentally ill chick, but a healthy woman – the two things guys screw up that leads to the end of their relationships is that, number one, they stop dating and courting her properly and the courtship ends at some point. And number two, they don’t know how to communicate effectively so she feels heard and understood.

If you get one of those wrong or you don’t do it consistently, your woman will fall out of love with you. But in my book, in the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers,” the interest level table, if you will, if you know it, you can always tell how your girl feels about you and take corrective action. Because, again, my book offers solutions. My book doesn’t offer a bunch of problems, and tell you why all women suck, and why are you going to be average and mediocre like the hair extension dude.

This is due to the fact that I had a late start in my career, due to some personal choices that I don’t regret one bit. I am not insecure about this fact at all.

And that’s why she loves you, because you’re not bothered by it. If you ain’t bothered by it, she ain’t going to be bothered by it. And you can have some fun with it. If she ever brings it up or the topic comes up, you’re like, “Babe, you know, $40,000 a year you make more than me, that’s pretty good. Here in the West, making 40 G’s a year, that’s pretty good money. And you know what, I’ve been doing some reading, and I think I’d like to be a kept man. I think I’d like for you to take care of me. I think I’d like that extra $40,000 a year. I’m going to quit my job, and then you could take care of me. I’ll be a kept man. You can wine me and dine me and buy me flowers.” Goof around and joke around about it in a way that shows, not only are you not bothered by it, but you actually think it’s an advantage. I’ll get to that in a minute, especially when we start talking about kids.

I am proud of what I’ve accomplished, and I am confident about my future. I am always focused on increasing my skills and developing a work ethic, something I can’t say is the case with her. She did kind of get lucky, as people in her field with similar experience only earn around 80% of what she earns, but let’s assume she’s earned it without any luck for the sake of the argument.

Well, maybe she got it because she was hot, and maybe the people that hired her thought, “Oh, if I hire this girl, maybe I’ll get to sleep with her.” Things are easier for good looking people. That’s the reality. And who knows, maybe she was a good negotiator. Maybe she just simply asked for it and got it.

The only thing I worry about is if it’s going to be a factor in attraction for her.

Well, if it was a factor, it would have been a factor. She’s in love with you, dude, because you’re a 3% man. And you’ve got the book, you’ve got the attraction table. You can tell how she feels about you. If you’ve read the book 10 to 15 times, then you should be able to read her like a book. She should be totally predictable. You shouldn’t be bamboozled by anything. The only time you get bamboozled is when you’re dealing with somebody that’s a train wreck, somebody who belongs to the streets. And we’ve done countless videos over the years on those.

Will she think less of me because she earns more?

No. What happens when you knock her up and you decide that you’re not going to be a kept man? You want to continue working, obviously. Because this is one of the big arguments people on the left make, is that income earning is not fair. Well, they never take into account the fact that women stop working so they can raise the babies. They don’t take that into account. They just say, “Men earn more than women and it’s not fair.” And then you’ve got all these lefty actors and the people virtue signaling.

But the reality is, when you look at the data, actually in a lot of cases, women earn more than men. But where it skews the numbers is they don’t take into account when women take maternity leave or they decide just not to work for several years to be a stay-at-home mom. Obviously, if you’re not working, your career is not growing. If you take five, ten years off, you’re kind of starting over, a lot of times at entry level.

Like one of my good friends, they just had a baby in the last year. His wife made really good money, and she’s just decided to not go back to work. She’s going to continue to be a stay-at-home mom, which I’m happy for, because she worked in a very stressful job, and she’s easier going, easier to get along with now. Plus, she’s got a baby. It’s so beautiful to see how happy she is that she’s got her baby now. And they’re adorable together. The way they dote on the child is just amazing. And it’s the way it should be. And so, now she’s earning zero. And people that analyze the data will look at that and go, “Oh, she’s earning less than her man. It’s it’s not fair. It’s the patriarchy,” and all of this other BS.

Will she lose attraction if I eventually don’t overtake her?

Well, if she becomes a stay-at-home mom, she’s going to make nothing. And then, she’ll be totally dependent on you. The reason she’s with you is you’re a competent man and you know how to lead her. It doesn’t matter that she makes more than you. She loves you and she respects you because you act like a man, which is something that is extremely rare in the world, and even rarer in the red pill community. Because a lot of those guys turn out to be BS artists.

What can I do meanwhile to ensure that attraction doesn’t drop, since it might take me a couple of years to earn more than her?

Simple. What got you to the dance is what will keep you at the dance. What you do to get her is what you do to keep her. Always date and court her properly, and always make sure she feels heard and understood. If your woman feels heard and understood and you date and court her properly, you will never get denied for sex. As a matter of fact, she’ll end up wanting sex more than you. That’s a good problem to have if you’re a man. Because most men in the West, or I’d say a large majority of them, they are not getting enough sex, because their woman doesn’t feel heard and understood and they don’t date and court her properly. But guys that follow what the book teaches, it’s not a problem. As a matter of fact, she’s going to be wanting sex more than you want it. And for a guy, that’s a good problem to have. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

I want this relationship, but not at the cost of her losing attraction towards me and starting to disrespect and look down upon me. 

Well, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. She obviously loves you and respects you, and everything’s going well right now. So, don’t be looking for problems or trying to create problems. And if I were you, I would stop listening to these people. Quintus Curtius would say, don’t listen to fucking “nibblers and dunces.”

Please do let me know what the best course of action is, thank you!

Sincerely,

Bob

Now, here’s the other thing, is that a lot of these guys that have had problems and things ended badly for them, they got into a rut. They went through a difficult time in their life, and they basically gave up. When you give up and your woman is depending on you for everything, eventually, yeah, she’s going to leave you, because you are choosing, on purpose, to no longer be a competent man. Every guy is going to go through a rough patch. But the bottom line is, as a man, you’ve got to be disciplined day in and day out, week after week, month after month, year after year. You can go through a rough patch, but as long as you’re doing something about it, you’ll solve it.

Now, these other guys get into a rut, and they quit, and they give up, and then they get pissed that the woman leaves them after several years of this. It’s like, they’re only going to put up with it so long. They wanted to follow your lead. They wanted you to be the strong one. They wanted to ride your fun bus. They wanted to be a part of your vision and your mission in life, and to support you, and be your biggest cheerleader. And if you give up on yourself and you’re not even rooting for yourself, how can she root for you? You’re not even trying. You have to participate in your own rescue.

So, as long as you’re disciplined, you’ll continue to work out, you’ll continue to eat right. You keep your friends, your family, your relationships with them. You make her feel heard and understood. You date and court her properly. You don’t get butt hurt, you look for reasons to laugh and to have a good time and to be positive and optimistic.

What’s happened here, the big part of the reason why you wrote this email is you got into a community of mostly butt hurt, wounded little babies that are listening to some guy who’s not qualified. And then, they’re going out and they’re becoming just as miserable and unhappy as he is. So, you had a good relationship, and then you went to the red pill community, and now, without realizing it, you’ve adopted some of the mindsets that are actually going to sabotage, or are starting to sabotage your your mindset and your thinking. And eventually, they’ll have a negative effect on your relationship. So, if I were you, I would stop, because you are who you associate with. And if you associate with losers, then guess what? You’re going to become a loser. If you associate with winners, then you will continue to be a winner, no matter what’s going on in your life.

So, the reality is things are going well. Don’t screw it up. Keep applying what’s in the book. You should always be reading this at least once or twice a year as well, because we slip up. Especially if you’ve been involved in the red pill community and now you’re doubting yourself because you’ve taken on the mindsets of these “dunces and nibblers,” as Quintus Curtius likes to say. How is it helping you? There are no solutions. They even tell you that in their books. This is not a how-to book. They’ve got nothing to help you fix anything.

All they do is, “here’s all the problems, and these are all the reasons why women suck, and these are all the reasons why it’s not your fault or your problem.” When you adopt that kind of mindset, then you’re basically giving up, you’re quitting. And some dude that’s been in a mediocre, boring marriage for 20 years, they gave up a long time ago. If you want to be like them, follow them. And if you don’t, follow somebody that has a spectacular mindset, that everything should be spectacular, not mediocre. Life is what you make it. You get out of it what you put into it.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.