First, I just want to say, thanks man! All the information I’m learning from your book and CD’s really just hit home. Even though I just started on my path to change, it already feels good. Knowledge is power, ha-ha. I do have a couple scenarios for you if you don’t mind analyzing.
This girl I met at the bar about three weeks ago had a very high interest level for me from the start, (probably around 75-80%). We met, were having great conversation and having a good time. She was facing me each time I came around and talked to her, touching my arm, laughing and joking with me, and introducing me to her friends, and I played it cool, even though on the inside I was ecstatic! After coming back around and talking to her a few times, my friends and I decided to go to another bar just down the street. I got a little too sure of myself at this point and told her where we were going, expecting her to come find me there. In hindsight, I should have gotten her number and then left, but after spending about another hour out at the other bar, my friends and I decided to call it a night.
I went home and they went to a pizza place close by. As it turned out, they actually ran into the same girls again. The girl I was talking to, Samantha, asked for my number and started texting me on her way home. At that point, I was definitely not sober or thinking clearly, and I propositioned her to meet me at a beach close to her place. Apparently, I did a hell of a job making her feel comfortable and having fun, because to my surprise, she agreed! We ended up hanging out all night on the beach from 3 am to 9 am, and had an awesome time! We were kissing and making out, having great conversations, and playing together like kids. Let me add that this was prior to receiving your book again. However, I did read your book years ago, when I was still in high school, so I had a little bit of a clue of what I was doing when it came to women. When it was time to leave, she told me that she was going out of town the next day and was going to be gone for a week, but she was eager to spend more time with me before leaving, so I told her to come to my place later that night. Sure enough, she did, and let’s just say we took advantage of the bedroom…a couple times, ha-ha. She stayed until about 1 am, and then took off so she could leave with her family early in the morning.
While away, she maintained a pretty high interest level and would text nearly every day to see what I was doing. I would reply with a few joking comments, but never more than 3 or 4 texts. It wasn’t until she got back that things got a little squirrely. We made plans to meet up again the day she got back, but I guess I didn’t make it very clear what it was that we were doing. I was expecting her to just come over and hang out again for a little bit, but she ended up bringing a friend with her and wanted to meet at a bar on a Sunday night, so my roommate and I met them at the bar right next to our place. I could tell she was happy to see me, but I screwed this one up because we got there before the girls and sat at the bar. When they arrived and sat next to us, it made things a little awkward for our two friends sitting on the ends not being able to communicate easily. I should have known better and sat at a table. After a good ten minutes of drinking at this nearly empty bar, I suggested we just go back and hang out at our place since it was close by and the atmosphere was getting uncomfortable. She gave me a “wishy washy” answer and said her friend wanted to check out another bar. They left and realized the bar was closed, then headed home, but Samantha texted me later saying she was sorry for being awkward. I replied jokingly, “yeah, you better be, ha-ha.” Then we texted a few more times basically saying, maybe we’ll try again another time.
She did seem to still have a high level of interest in me because she continued texting me about every other day to see what I was up to. She even texted me that following Saturday, apparently trying to find me at the bar I usually go to, but I declined to meet her out since I already had plans. The weekend went by, I decided to call her Sunday night, and we made plans to get together on Tuesday. Here is where I fudged up again…I didn’t make definite plans. I just said I would call her then to let her know what we were going to do. I was planning on just casually hanging out at my place again because I am very busy during the week, so Tuesday came around, and I called her before I went into work around 2:30 pm. She didn’t answer but texted me later, once she got out of work around 5:30pm. She asked what I was doing. I replied that I was working, but I look forward to seeing her later. She seemed confused and asked, “Well, why did you say you wanted to do something if you had to work today?” I answered, “We can do something when I get off.” Then she said, “Okay. Well I’m going to get a drink with my girlfriend. Just let me know”. Then I was confused again because I wasn’t expecting her to bring her friend again, but I replied, “Well, I get out of here around 11 pm so let’s just hang out at my place and go to the hot tub”. This definitely was not what she had in mind. She replied, “Ha-ha.” I said more confused and jokingly, “you afraid of hot tubs, or what?” and she said, “I’m not afraid of hot tubs.” I said, “Good, so I’ll see you later Samantha”. Then she said, “I’m in Clearwater.” I live in Tampa, so from her response, I took the hint and didn’t reply back to her that night.
I talked it over with a few guy friends and came to the conclusion that she was probably relaying my messages with her friend she was with. Her friend was most likely thinking, “Wow, this guy just wants a booty call. What an A hole.” At this point, I figured it was game over, but I did want to at least apologize for the misunderstanding. I waited until Sunday night and called to apologize. As it turns out, my assumption was pretty accurate, ha-ha. However, I smoothed it over pretty well, and she still seemed interested, surprisingly. A couple of days later, and on my way to becoming a 3% man again, I called her Tuesday to ask her out on a real date for Thursday. She didn’t answer, but started texting me because she was at a bar and couldn’t talk. I proceeded to ask her out through texts anyway, just keeping it short and to the point with, “Hey what are you doing Thursday night? I’d like to take you out.” She replied, “I have no plans.” I said, “Cool, how about I pick you up at 6:00?” Instead, she suggested we meet at a bar she was going to the next night.
I replied, “I’m gonna be toast tomorrow. Trust me, you’ll have some fun Thursday.” She said, “What kind of fun?” I said, “You’ll just have to wait and find out. You might want to wear some shoes though ;)” I had already finished your book at this point, and wanted to test and see if I could get her level of interest back up by leaving her wondering. Initially it seemed to work great! She started replying to my texts faster and pressing me to find out what we were going to do.
I stuck to my guns and told her to relax and to trust me, she’ll have a great time. At this point, I believe she was testing me, because she starting making comments like, “This is going to make me nuts,” “I don’t like surprises,” “I’ll go if you tell me,” and “I’m not giving you my address then.” I remained centered and did not give in. Eventually, I called her just to get her address, and she was still pressing me to figure it out and refused to give it to me unless I told her. I replied, “Alright. Well you think about it then, and if you want to have some fun, let me know.” It wasn’t the complete take away, as you describe in your book, but it came across as indifferent to her testing. I left it at that, and the next day she texted me a few times asking for more clues. I used the opportunity to play with her a little more, but never gave her any definite answers. Thursday came around, and I was expecting her to keep prying at me, but she didn’t. I believe it was because she had a pretty busy day at work. I might add that she works at the aquarium in a zoo, so it’s a little difficult for her use her phone at work. However, I texted her around 4:30 pm saying, “So how do I find you?” She answered about 45 minutes later with, “Hey. Sorry, I’m still at the aquarium. We just got 8 Kemp’s Ridleys in from Mississippi.” I thought about it for a minute, and decided to do the take away this time. I replied, “Alright then. You might be tired, so how about another time?” Another hour went by, and she said, “Yeah, I’m really sorry”.
In conclusion, this is where I’ve left off with this girl. I’m planning on just hanging back and seeing if she’ll show interest again and text me, and if not, just let her go. My question is, do you think I played my cards right in asking her out this last time? Was she just testing me pretty hard to see if I would budge, or could she really just not like surprises?
P.S. Sorry for the lengthy story. Might save the next one for another email, ha-ha.
Holy shit Batman! That’s a long email Tom.
When you first met, it sounds like you did everything right. Good job. Women want a guy who takes control and handles the details. Alpha males always get what they want sooner or later. It’s in the bag so to speak. Basically, what I see from your email that you need to work on is making definite plans, (no calling back to verify a date, getting addresses or firming up plans), and stop being so available and easy to get a hold of. You have trained this girl that she can get a hold of you, and you will respond, almost instantly. That’s not a challenge to her. Alpha males have multiple chicks chasing them, in addition to having busy lives and careers. The phone and texting is to set dates, not to give out information. You left too much up in the air for her to later decide if she wanted to go or not. You also suggested canceling the date, to which she agreed. Never do that. Alpha males always get what they want and are used to that. There is no doubt in their minds. Dates don’t get canceled unless the guy decides to cancel. You appeared unsure of yourself to her, and she responded accordingly. If you don’t hear from her for two weeks, try to set another definite date and see if she keeps it. Attractive women usually have several guys and ex-boyfriends they can contact when they get lonely, so they always have a fallback if things don’t work out with the new guy. See yourself as the prize.
The better you get at this stuff, the harder it gets. Why? The quality of women you can attract, as you get better, skyrockets as your confidence grows. So do the emotional stakes. You will come face to face with any buried fears and doubts you have about yourself. Why risk devastating emotional pain when you don’t have to? Life is challenging enough without sitting home nursing a hurting heart when you don’t have to.
Let me help you fine tune your approach so it becomes effortless. I was once where you are now. I’ve already made, learned from and overcome the same mistakes you are making now. Keep the questions coming.
From my heart to yours,
“Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.” ~ Socrates
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur