What You Do To Get Her Is What You Do To Keep Her!

How to keep a woman attracted & in love once she chooses to be with you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who provides an update on which woman he chose while dating 2 women. Things are going really well and their families and lives are slowly combining. However, he’s worried he will screw things up and wonders how to maintain the relationship now that he finally got the girl he wanted.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “What You Do To Get Her Is What You Do To Keep Her!”.

So I’ve got an update. This guy wrote in, I don’t know, maybe five, six months ago. He was at the time dating two different women. One of them was kind of structured, and then the one he got serious with was really cool too. And so now he says, like she’s met his family and kids, he’s kind of met a bunch of her family and friends. So they’re kind of slowly combining their lives. I think she asked him to be her boyfriend after two months.

And so things have come together really easily and effortlessly because obviously he’s using 3% Man. However, I suspect he hasn’t really read the book 10 to 15 times because now that he’s got the hot girl, things are going well. He’s all worried about like, “What do I do now? I’m in a relationship.” And he’s scared he’s going to over pursue or he’s going to screw it up because she’s just all over him. And if you’re applying what’s in the book, that is going to be your issue. Your girl will be stuck to you like white on rice.

She’ll want to see you all the time. Want to be with you all the time. She’ll be in constant contact. She’ll either be at your house or you’ll be at her house every night. And it’s nice that way. And so having done this for a little over 20 years now at this point professionally, when I’m dealing with guys that are in long term relationships that are having problems with their girlfriends or their wives, they all do the same two things.

Number one, they stopped dating and courting their girlfriend. Usually they’re trying to save money or they just get lazy and complacent, caught up with work. And they’re like, “Yeah, let’s just order some pizza and some two liter sodas for the kids, pop a movie in Netflix and chill. Maybe get a little something, something after the kids go to bed.” And then it just becomes like roommates. Women want to be in a love story. What you do to get her is what you do to keep her.

And women want the love story to continue going on because women understand naturally, instinctively, innately, that if you care, you’re going to continue to romance and have fun because the family that plays together stays together. And that’s the biggest things guys stop doing. Is they stop being present for their women, which I mean, that’s exactly what Tom Brady did. He stopped being present for Giselle and the kids, and despite her complaining and asking him and writing him letters, he kept Kentucky guaranteeing her.

And then eventually she was really nasty about it. She just went and started sleeping with some other guy behind his back and cheated on him. And now she’s married to that guy and has a kid with him. So that’s what happens. And then the other thing that guys do that ruins the sex and the intimacy is they stop taking the time to make their girl feel heard and understood. If a woman feels heard and understood, the legs are going to open. They’ll be open like the 7 Eleven.

Anytime you want some, you’ll get some. As a matter of fact, 3% men have the problem that the women want sex more than we do. Which is a good problem to have, but your job as a man, is that you’ve got to lay the pipe. Because the longer you’re together, this happens to every guy. You get a little lazy, you get a little complacent. You get used to it. You fuck like rabbits in the beginning. Then when you’re together for a year or two, then you’re like, “Okay, well, I’m pretty tired during the week, so we’ll hook up on the weekends.”

And then it gets to the point where it’s like every other week. And then the guy’s no longer dating her. He’s not taking the time to make her feel heard and understood. And then she starts to realize, “Man. The only time this guy wants sex is when he wants a release.” And he doesn’t take the time to make sure that she’s enjoying it, that “She Comes First”, like the book says. Because at the end of the day, it’s your job to lay the pipe properly even when you’re tired or your back’s sore, you’ve got to lay the pipe.

Because there’s gonna be times where you’re going to want to get some, and your girl’s not going to want it, or she’s gonna be tired. But because you do it all the time, 2 to 3 times a week, she’ll love making you happy, even though she’s tired and not really in the mood. That’s what you want. You want the legs to be open like 7 Eleven. So anytime you want to let your fingers do the walking or your tongue or other parts of your body, they’re always like, sure, come on inside, big boy. That’s what you want.

So you’ve got to always date and court because women want to be in a love story, and you’ve got to take the time to make her feel heard and understood. Something just as simple as, “Hey, babe, how was your day? How was your day? What did I miss? What’s the latest updates in the trash TV? What did the kids do while I was away? Did everybody behave? Did little Bobby get his homework done. Did little Jill get her homework done? What’s new? What’s exciting? Did the roofer come and fix the roof? How are you doing? Anything I can do to help out? You need anything? I love you. You look beautiful, by the way.”

That’s what they want to hear. They want to see that you still care. And what happens oftentimes, more often than not with most couples is they become roommates. The guy’s like, “Oh, well, we really spent too much money renovating the kitchen or putting the pool in, or put new landscaping in. We’ve got to pay those bills down. That trip we took last year was really expensive, and it’s still on our credit cards”, 20% interest or whatever it happens to be. And the guy thinks, “You know what? We’ll stop going out on dates. We’ll order takeout. We’ll just sit at home all the time and Netflix and chill.”

And then they become roommates that don’t really have much sex or much in common. So it’s a man’s job to continue the courtship. Ideally once a week, or if you’ve got kids, maybe every week and a half. You’ve got to have at least one date night. 3 or 4 date nights a month is a must. You just have to do it. It means you get a babysitter. It means grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles are coming over and watching the kids so you guys can go out and just have fun together and keep your romance alive. You have to do it.

After you’re out of the infatuation period and the honeymoon period, which typically lasts a year, maybe, maybe a year and a half, sometimes less. So you’re not going to feel like romancing her and doing the extra thoughtful things you used to do when you were trying to win her over. And so you’re going to have to be disciplined. It’s just like going to the gym. Most of the time, you’re not going to feel like working out or eating healthy, just like you want to be a bum on the couch and veg out.

Maybe have a beer or glass of wine, nice little whiskey with a big chunk of ice. Have a cigar, maybe a cigar. But that’s where you can’t get lulled into sleep. You’ve got to remember the love story has to continue. You’ve always got a date in court your wife. Otherwise you’ll end up like Tom Brady and some other dude courts are for you. Pretty simple.

So let’s go through this guy’s email and see where he’s at. See how his success story is evolving.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I wanted to send you a follow-up because things have developed a lot since my last email. K and I are official.

I think he referred to the women as previous emails, K and M.  M was the one that was a little structured, but he said he really just had a lot of chemistry with K. And she made it easy.

K and I are officially boyfriend/girlfriend now, and honestly, things are going incredibly well.

Well, when you have the book, it’s the cheat codes. It makes it really easy. However, you’ve still got to do the work, man. You’ve got to show up. You’ve got to make dates. “Hey, babe. How was your day? What’d I miss? What crazy things went on? What’d the kids do while I was away?”

She’s met my kids and my family, and I’ve met more of her friends and family. We’re having a great time together, the attraction is strong, and she seems extremely happy. But now I feel like I’m entering a phase where I don’t really know what I’m doing.

This is why I say read the book 10 to 15 times. Because you probably, like most guys, focused on the pickup and seduction stuff, and really didn’t pay much attention to the relationship wisdom, the “Ten Disciplines Of Love” that’s in the back of the book. And this is where you really need that stuff. And so a lot of guys are getting laid a lot and they’re like, “What’s Corey talking about? Who needs to read a book 10 to 15 times? Anybody that reads a book 10 to 15 times must mean the book sucks.” It’s like, no, this stuff is hard.

And you’re trying to undo societal programming and learn the fundamentals of what keeps women attracted and in love. And if you stop learning this stuff just because you’re getting laid a lot, well, then all you really learn was some dating and seduction pick up skills. But if you can’t really bond and connect and take your relationship to the next level, you’re going to have problems. You can’t treat your girlfriend of a year like somebody you met on Tinder a few weeks ago. That’s not going to fly. It’s great in the beginning. It helps you remain mysterious, but when you’re in an actual relationship, you’ve got to show up and show out.

Basically: I got the girl. Now how do I keep a great relationship great?

Great. Well again, the two biggest things that I see, and I’ve seen this thousands and thousands of times where the guy’s married or living with his girlfriend or just has a long term girlfriend. They stop dating and courting her, and they don’t make her feel heard and understood. In other words, they basically just make the woman feel like they don’t fucking care anymore. This is the biggest complaint that women have about men. It’s like, “Why was he romantic at first and then he just stopped?” That’s the biggest complaint that women have in their long term relationships.

And then the guy’s attitude is like, “Well, we’re together, we’re married, we have a mortgage, the courtship is over. I don’t need to do those things anymore.” That’s not true. Women want to be in a love story. They want to feel like the guy continually cares enough to make dates, to get babysitters, to sweep her off her feet. So all she has to do is show up, look hot, have a good time, get seduced, have great conversation. Remember, women tend to say about 8000 words a day. Us guys tend to say about 2000 words. Women are natural talkers. They’re natural e-motors.

When you first met her, you were fascinated by her, so you always wanted to know about her. You asked lots of questions because you were sincerely interested. Hopefully, and you have to continue to do that. You have to force yourself to do it. That’s part of being disciplined. It’s just like going to the gym. You’re not gonna be excited to go to the gym or run a few miles or eat healthy, but you have to be disciplined. As Jocko Willink says, “Discipline equals freedom.” What you do to get her is what you do to keep her.

K is extremely affectionate and has been saying things like I’m her “dream guy,” that she’s so glad she waited and didn’t settle, and that her friends and family keep commenting on how happy she seems since she started dating me.

Well, there’s also a chapter in the book called “It’s All In The Numbers”. That’s the one that will really help you keep your awareness. There are things that women do when their interest is a nine and they don’t do them when the interest is a six. There are things that women do when they’re interested an eight and they don’t do them when their interest is a seven. Well, it’s pouring down rain the rain’s hitting the window. Don’t know if you guys can hear that on the microphone.

And so by knowing the book backwards and forwards so well, you can teach a class on it you’ll notice, “You know what? She’s not telling me how much she loves me. She’s not gushing to her friends about me all the time. She doesn’t seem as into it as she once was. As a matter of fact, it took a little while the other day to get her wound up for sex. And normally all I have to do is put my hand down her pants and she’s dripping wet. And it took a while to get her warmed up.” Y

ou’ve got to pay attention to those things. So you’ve got to take the time. You’ve got to take the time to open her up if she seems distant. “Hey, babe. What’s going on? You seem a little distant.” “It’s fine. It’s fine Corey. You hear “It’s fine.” It’s not fine. It’s like. “Don’t tell me it’s fine. You’re distant. Something’s off. Tell me what’s going on.” Okay. And then she emotes. A guy that doesn’t give a shit doesn’t ask. That’s what Tom Brady, he just came home, he was focused on football. He didn’t fucking care.

And probably on some level he really wasn’t that into Giselle anymore anyways. He’s probably tired. Tired of listening to her nag about it. His attitude was, “Hey, I’ve always said I’m gonna play till 45. You should just support me. And he didn’t date and court her properly. He wasn’t present as she said. Now does that justify her cheating on him publicly? I was like, that’s a shitty thing to do. It’s a terrible example for the kids. But, I mean, some women are ruthless. She didn’t fucking care at that point.

After 15 years, they were together she didn’t care anymore. She didn’t care how it looked. She cared about herself because what happened was Tom just made her feel like he didn’t give a shit one too many times, despite what they said in front of the cameras and all the her celebrating with him on the field after they win the Super Bowls. A lot of it was an act. A lot of it was not sincere, obviously. They presented an image to the world, but behind closed doors there was something else going on. And then we got to see what that was all about. But that’s what happens.

Doesn’t matter whether you’re Tom Brady or Tom the plumber, doesn’t matter. If you do the same thing as Tom did, you’re going to lose her to another guy. And depending on her character level, determines how nice or how nasty she is about it. So, you know, he’s talking about how she’s extremely affectionate. Talks about how he’s her dream guy. Well, she stops saying that and she hasn’t referred to you as her dream guy in three months.

Well, we have to assume her interest is dropped. And this is why, knowing the book backwards and forwards, you realize, “Oh, shit, let me get back in there. Let me look at the chapter, It’s All In The Numbers”. What did she used to do but she’s not doing now? So you can try to figure out where her attraction level actually is.

It feels amazing, but weirdly, it also brings up some insecurity in me. I don’t really see myself the way she apparently sees me. I think I’m a pretty normal guy who has done well in some areas of life. And objectively, there are always going to be guys out there who are taller, better looking, more successful, funnier, have less baggage, don’t have kids, etc.

Well, at the end of the day, you could be the best boyfriend in the world. And if you’re with a dishonest liar and a cheater, she’s gonna lie and cheat and there’s nothing you can do about it. Tom Brady’s case you neglect your wife for; I mean, there’s a time limit on that. Eventually she just realizes nothing’s going to change, so she taps out.

So part of my brain thinks: What happens when she eventually meets one of those guys?

Well, it won’t really matter when her interest in you is high, but if she was a low character person, well, there’s nothing you can do about it. She’ll cheat anyways. And quite frankly, you’re still in the vetting process, so you don’t know what you don’t know. What happens when you get complacent? What happens when you’re not taking the time to open her up? What happens when you haven’t been out of date in 3 or 4 weeks, and you’re making excuses as to why and she’s complaining you’re not present or you haven’t been making time for her.

Do you argue? Or do you go, “You know what? You’re right Honey. I’m sorry I got caught up at work. But you know what, this weekend I’m gonna make it up to you. Friday we’re going out. I’m going to take care of the babysitter with the kids. I just want you to look hot. Wear that blue dress, those shoes, whatever.” “Where are you taking me?”

“It’s none of your business. It’s gonna be a surprise. It’s gonna be fun. And I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ve been neglecting you. And I haven’t been the man you deserve. I’m gonna fix it this weekend. But thanks for bringing that to my attention. I love you, and by the way, you look cute.” Pinch her in the butt. Kiss her. Take her upstairs. Ravish her. Make her come like a waterfall. It’s your job to keep her properly fucked. You just have to. You’ve got to lay the pipe.

I know that’s probably the wrong mindset, and I definitely don’t want that insecurity to make me start over-pursuing her, seeking reassurance, getting jealous, or otherwise changing the dynamic that got us here. What I’m trying to understand now is: How do you keep attraction alive when things start getting comfortable?

Well, this is where the discipline part comes in. This is like you get in great shape. You don’t go, “Huh. My work is done here. I don’t ever have to come back to the gym or run another mile. Screw that. It’s fucking pizza and beer from here on out.” You can’t do that. It’s like work. You got a promotion. You’re like, “Ah, well, my work is done here. I can just sit back and stare at the trees, count the blades of grass and space out.” It’s like, no, you can’t. You’ve got to be disciplined. That’s just part of showing up.

If you don’t like being disciplined, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Because the reality is, after you’ve got the girl and the infatuation is worn off and you’re out of the honeymoon phase, if you chose a good girl, you’re going to want to do it because you want to see her happy, just like your kids. You’re going to spend time with your kids. Why? Because you love seeing them smile. You love hearing them giggle. You love them sitting in your lap. “Oh, daddy, what are you doing? Oh, let’s do this.” Because it’s so much fun.

The whole purpose of all relationships is you go there to give. So the whole point is you want your woman to be happy and think you’re her dream guy and fuck her brains out. It’s pretty simple. So what happens when you don’t feel like doing it? You’ve got to force yourself to do it. What happens when you don’t feel like going to the gym? You’ve got to do it. What happens when you don’t feel like calling that client you need to call? You’ve gotta call them anyways. You’ve got to make the effort even when you don’t feel like it. That’s the difference. That’s where we separate the men from the boys. The men take action, the boys make excuses and then they get cheated on.

Things are going so well that I almost feel like I don’t want to touch anything because I don’t want to screw it up.

Well again, what got you there is what you continue to do.

I’d love your thoughts on how you transition from being good at dating.

To being good at maintaining a great long-term relationship.

Thanks again for everything,

Bob

Again. This tells me you only paid attention to pick up and dating and seduction. You didn’t really get into the relationship stuff. Because at the time you weren’t sure who you wanted to be in a relationship with. And now that you’re there, you probably stopped reading the book. Because again I’ve been doing this 20 years. I know what people do. They get lazy. They get complacent. Because human beings, we want the easy way to sex and wealth and everything we want. We don’t want to work that hard for it.

And when things come easy or they become easy, we take it for granted. And so when you start taking it for granted, you’ve got to say, oh, wait a minute. You can’t reject it for sex. Don’t ever reject your woman for sex. Doesn’t matter how tired you are, you’ve got to lay the pipe. Because there’s gonna come a time where you want to get some, and she’s not going to feel like it, but because the sex is always good and you always make sure she comes first and really enjoys it.

She’s gonna love having sex with you even when she’s not in the mood, because she knows even when she’s not in the mood, you’ll get her in the mood, you’ll get her wound up, and she’ll be glad that you did it. And it brings you closer together. You’ve got to have sex and intimacy. It’s a must. So, I mean, it’s pretty simple. But again, “discipline equals freedom”, as Jocko says. So again, to review, the women want to be in a love story. You’ve always got to date and court her. You’ve always got to make her feel heard and understood, and you’ve got to make the time.

And most importantly, you’ve got to lay the fucking pipe even when you don’t feel like it. Statistically, 2 to 3 times a week, you’ve got to be having sex. And maybe one of those times you’re really excited about it, and the other two times you’re doing it because you want to fucking send her into the stratosphere of emotions and ecstasy and orgasms. Because again, if you’re having a lot of orgasms together, it really helps you bond, gets all the endorphins flowing, and anytime she sees you or is around you, she’s going to think about being fulfilled and close and content. So it’s pretty simple. But again, you’ve got to do the work even when you don’t feel like it.

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