Here’s what to do when your girlfriends kids are disrespectful to her in front of you due to their dads bad influence. I don’t have any kids of my own, at least none that I am aware of 😉 , but I have helped raise plenty of my girlfriends kids/nephews/nieces over the years. Plus, for several years in the late 1990s, I helped mentor and tutor “at risk” (6-12 years old) kids who came from very troubled backgrounds. Also, I have spent all of my adult life studying the psychology of success, high achievement and personal peak performance. This gives me a unique perspective on human relationships and interactions. Understanding the emotional triggers that motivate people to become all that they are capable of becoming, as well as negative thinking patterns and limiting beliefs that inhibit most people from doing the right things and reaching their full potential. I did not start out as a life coach, nor did I even know what a life coach was when I was choosing my career to pursue when I was 18. My passion and my own personal relentless pursuit of learning how to be at my very best personally when I look back on my life, ensured I would become the successful life coach that I am today. As Steve Jobs, the late founder of Apple said in his 2005 Stanford commencement speech, you can only connect the dots of the important events of your life when looking back, not forward. In other words he was saying, you can’t understand the significance of where you’ve been, and where you are now, until some point in the future when you are looking back. Then you can see the magic of the universe at work orchestrating the events of your life so you gain exactly the experience you need to grow into the fullness of who God created you to be.
So what do you do and how you handle situations when you start dating a woman who has young kids from her previous relationship? What do you do if the father of your girlfriends children is a needy weak jackass who is a bad influence on their children? If you date enough different women, there is a very good chance you will meet and fall in love with a woman who has children already. The following is an e-mail from a reader. He’s done a fantastic job it appears, of creating attraction and making his girlfriend feel safe and comfortable with him to the point that he’s already gotten to know her small children. Recently, the oldest who is seven, has been being disrespectful to his mother in front of him. He thinks it’s the bad influence of the ex-husband trying to create problems in their relationship via the kids. It really bothers him, and he wants to open his mouth and say something when it happens, but he’s unsure of what to say. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
You are certainly the best in what you do. (Thanks man. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~ Gandhi. I am the best not because I am great, but simply because I apply better success principles on a more consistent basis than most people do. All that I have done, you can do also… and even greater things than me!) I’ve been reading all you have been writing for the last several months, and it has changed me a lot for the better. I bought your book, (You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) but I will also make a more generous contribution via PayPal Donation. (I love donations!)
I started to make the right choices and suddenly… you know what happened: I got almost all the girls I want. (That’s what happens when you apply what I teach correctly.) Now I am seeing a woman and for about a month. She brought me more into her life, as she became more confident. (I would say that is because you have done a fantastic job of making her feel safe and comfortable by properly courting and dating her; and letting her come to you at her own pace.) I like her a lot, and our relationship has been intense and fantastic!
The “problem” is, she has 2 kids who are 7 & 3, and an ex-husband, their dad, that Is the perfect example of a needy weak man. She left him a year and a half ago for this only reason after 6 years of marriage. She’s 36. I’m 32. She works in an office, and the needy guy works next door. I’m a medical doctor, Rheumatologist. The relationship between them has been as expected with a weak needy rejected man. He kept chasing her and crying outside her door, real embarrassing situation. (Another example of why begging and pleading with a woman to get her back is the ultimate act of weakness for a man… and… ALWAYS GUARANTEES REJECTION.) For the last 4 months, this man was more controlled, after an episode that she lost control and told him to get lost. (Maybe he read my book.)
Now the man is a little crazy because he knows about me through his sons. (Remember, here’s why you have no competition.) I have a good relationship with the kids. They like me. Recently, I noticed that the bigger one who is 7, has been acting weird. He is being disrespectful with his mom in front of me to cause trouble. It’s clearly his dad’s hand. I don’t know how to react sometimes. It’s hard to tolerate disrespectfulness with a mouth shut. I want to keep the best relationship with them, because I really like their mom, and she’s also into me. (Here’s what I would do with her son next time he is disrespectful: Tell him: “I would appreciate it if you would always be respectful to your mother in front of me and also when I am not around. Why should you do this? You may be a “little man” now, but someday you will grow up and become a big man. If you talk to women the way you are talking to your mom right now, guess what? Women won’t like you very much. Other men won’t like you very much either because they will not want you around their girlfriends/wives because you act like a jerk to all women. I don’t think you want to grow up and be hated by all men and women, and have no friends do you?” Let him answer. “If you want to be a real “little man” then you will ALWAYS be respectful to your mom, other women and all adults. Besides, I want to be seen in public with kids who can behave and be respectful around all adults. Why? Because even though I am an adult, I still am a kid inside like you are right now. Do you know what that means?” Let him answer, he’ll probably say no. Then say, “It means I like to have fun. So, if you play your cards right for the next few weeks, and your Mom tells me that you are being respectful and sweet like a “little gentleman” should, then we’ve got to celebrate! So here’s the deal, if you can turn things around and always be respectful for the next 30 days, then you can pick a day and your Mom, brother/sister and I will all go do something really fun together of your choice. You pick the place to go, and we will all go and do what ever you want to do for the entire day. You’ll even get to pick the places we eat. You can be the king and leader for a day. It’s a day all about YOU! We’ll go wherever you want within reason. So do we have a deal? Great, let’s shake on it like gentlemen. So first things first, I want you to apologize to your mother for being rude and disrespectful. Then second, you should start thinking about where you want to go on your special day.” FYI-kids misbehave when they are seeking love and attention. However, this is a dysfunctional way some children have learned to behave. Maybe he got it from his father. With that in mind, by asking quality questions just like you would a woman who is upset, you can get him to talk about why he is acting the way he is and talk it out. People will do more to avoid pain, than to gain pleasure. Teach kids the negative consequences of their bad actions, and the positive things that will happen with the proper behavior. That way, you teach them good logic for why they should and should not do certain things, that they will naturally choose the proper option/behavior when you are not around. That’s what you want, kids to make the right decisions when you are not around, instead of beating them into submission which only leads to kids becoming devious and lying to you. Plus, they will never tell you anything for fear of judgement, punishment or a beating. Then you will simply never have a good relationship with them when they need you most… their teenage years. Kids need your love, support and wisdom so they can make the right choices on their own. “Kids come through you, not for you.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer.)
I thank you a lot for any kind of advice.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~ Tony Robbins