When She Acts Like A Cat, How Long Until She Comes Back?

How to know when a woman will return when she becomes aloof and distant like a cat.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s been spending a lot of time binge watching my videos, but it doesn’t appear he has taken reading my book 3% Man, 10-15 times seriously. He is clearly having a hard time emotionally and mentally when women act like cats and disappear for awhile. He wonders how long it will last and when he can expect them to return to him with enthusiasm. He’s obviously taking it personally when women appear aloof and distant. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Video Newsletter is, “When She Acts Like A Cat. How Long Until She Comes Back?”

Well, this is a really short email on this particular guy. He’s been binge watching my videos, but it doesn’t appear that he’s taken reading 3% Man, 10 to 15 times seriously. And so because of that, he’s cherry picking in videos, which I say constantly not to do. But he’s not following instructions. He’s just, most people in general, most people tend to major in minor things, and they’re just lazy.

When it comes to doing something that’s self-help related, that’s going to help yourself or help your life, most people just will not put in the time. They’re going to look for a way to half ass it, and cut corners. But when they do, they end up incredibly frustrated, like this guy is. And so, what’s going on here is that one thing he’s got to remember about masculinity is masculinity is calm, and he is not being very calm in his approach.

And so, what happens is when he doesn’t hear from a girl, when he expects to, he freaks out about that. He takes that as a personal slight. He gets upset, he gets uncentered, and then he becomes the opposite of calm and masculinity is calm. And when women sense that a guy is not calm and they sense weakness, they’re going to typically pull away and test. And do something to test and see what he does regarding things that he appears to be weak in.

And the more a guy flails around and acts unattractive, the more she becomes unsure of herself and her feelings and backs away. Because what’s going on is he’s not acting like a man. Women want to know that if they’re busy, they’re doing other things and they’re away from you, or you haven’t talked to them in a few hours or a few days, you’re not going to fucking freak out about it. And that’s kind of what this guy is doing. He’s having a hard time probably biting his nails, wondering when he’s going to hear from a girl next.

So you can’t just cherry pick stuff in videos and think that you’re going to be successful. If you follow me for any period of time. All the best success stories are from guys that read The Book ten, 15, 20 times, or more. And they really take it seriously to learn the material to the point where they don’t have to think about it. And the problem is, this guy has learned a lot of stuff in the videos, but he’s not able to connect all the dots because he just did not spend the time with the coaching manual.

I mean, I even let people read My Books for free on my website. All you have got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter and people still won’t do that. They’ll still try to cherry pick and think it doesn’t apply to them, especially real high income, high net worth guys I talk to. Their companies are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. They think that 10 to 15 time thing doesn’t apply to them. And they tell me what they’re doing with on the phone with women that they’re dating. And they’re acting like total fucking pussies.

And, you know, part of that is like because they’re big in their egos, and they’re so successful and they’re used to being the alpha and telling everybody what to do. They think something like this when it comes to women, “Ah. I just need a few tips. Tricks. Few strategies. Perfect pick up line. And that solves everything.” And it’s not. Because you have to clean up your behavior. You have to clean up your mindset. You have to clean up your self-perception.

And part of this guy’s problem, his self-perception is, when he doesn’t hear from a woman. Probably because he didn’t get enough hugs and I love you’s from mom and dad when he was a kid. He automatically assumes the worst. He automatically assumes he’s not going to be loved. He automatically assumes he’s going to be rejected, because probably that’s been his experience most of his life. When he met a girl he really liked, she got turned off and disappeared.

He never really understood why. And when that’s been nothing but your reality, you’re typically in a call too much, text too much, pursue too much, and chase every woman out of your life and act needy and neurotic. So you have to learn to exercise emotional self control and not come unglued when you don’t hear from a girl for a few hours or a few days, or you’re texting and all of a sudden she disappears for a few hours. Women do that.

Sometimes they do it on purpose, just especially if they think you’re going to lose your shit or get angry and upset and butthurt. The more you get angry and upset and butthurt, the more distant she becomes. The more you’re indifferent to it and it doesn’t bother you. And when she actually does reach out, you’re just excited to hear from her, the more she’ll call. The more she’ll text, the more she’ll pursue. The more she’ll want to be around you, and the less you’ll have to worry about where she’s at, and what she’s doing.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been a straight maniac learning your stuff. My question is, when she acts like a cat and goes and roams the neighborhood how long does this last? I’m doing everything you teach to the “T” and each time I read the book I write it down on paper as I read it, not to mention I’ve watched every one of your videos at least twice each.

So he is reading The Book.

So I know that this is normal and I’m doing everything right but she is acting like a cat and I need to know when it’s normal for her to jump back in my lap.

Thank you sir.

Bob

So again, this is why you read the book 10 to 15 times, because I can tell you don’t really understand the process of dating and seduction. And I don’t know how many times you read the book, but you haven’t read it enough to really understand what’s going on. And so, we have to realize, typical the way the book is designed, you meet a woman, you get her contact information, you set a date on the spot, or maybe you met and you had a date on the spot and seduced her that night.

Or maybe you got her information and called her a few days later and went out of date. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. But the bottom line is you go out on a date. And the idea from The Book is you’re taking measured steps. You’re trying to go slightly slower than the woman is. Because almost 100% of the guys in our society have seen all the same movies and TV shows that say, “You’ve got obsessed over a woman. You’ve got to tell her how much you like her, you’ve got to chase her, you’ve got to pursue her. You’ve got to stalk her, and you’ve got to get a ring on that finger as quickly as possible, or else you’re going to lose her to somebody else.”

And so, when guys do that in the real world, they chase women away. Women need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, and for their feelings to develop. That’s something that happens when you’re not around, typically. And so, they have to feel, most importantly, that when you’re not around them and they’re not around you or you’re not talking, that you’re not going to freak out and get mad at her that you haven’t heard from her.

Because all that is projected neediness, that comes from not getting enough “I love you’s” from mommy and daddy, and not getting enough strokes as a kid, not getting enough hugs. And I love you, and affection and things of that nature. As a child, you start to wonder, “Well, why is that? It must be something wrong with me.” And so, you develop this self-perception that you’re unloved and you’re unlovable. And so, when you meet somebody you really like, you chase, you over pursue because you fear if you don’t, you’re going to lose her.

But in reality, you end up chasing her right out of your life, and turning her off. And so, in normal circumstances, what typically tends to happen. You meet her. You set a date. You hang out, you have fun. Maybe you hook up on the first date. If you’re really good, you really know what’s in The Book. But most women in the West are going to sleep with a guy by the second or the third date. And so, you just really as a guy, you’re only goal is to set no more than one date a week yourself.

And so, what typically happens is the second or third week you end up hooking up, you end up sleeping together. And usually within a day or two of you sleeping together, the girl will text, she’ll reach out, she’ll FaceTime you or whatever. And then you’re like, “Hey babe, great to hear from you. I want to see you again. What’s your schedule like?” And you just use that as an opportunity to set the next date, because now she’s reaching out to you, and since she’s reached out to you, it’s her idea. And then you make the next date.

And then, so whereas you might have been just setting one date per week, you had a date on, say, a Tuesday and maybe Wednesday night, she’s texting you at like 10:00 at night. “Hey, what are you doing?” Just say, “Come over.” You don’t have to do an official date. It’s like you’re giving her enough time and space to miss you. That’s why you do once a week. And then as her interest goes up, she’s not going to want to wait a week to see you or talk to you. Most women are not going to call you or FaceTime you, or text you or message app you to ask you out.

They’ll just say, “Hey.” Or they’ll send you a meme. Or they’ll tell you, you know, some anecdote about something that happened and their daily life or whatever. But as The Book says, when they reach out to you, you assume they want to see you and you make the next date. And so, what you notice as the weeks go by and your original goal is, “Hey. If I’m doing all the calling, texting and pursuing the set dates, I’m going to set no more than one date per week.” And typically the second or third week is when the woman starts reaching out.

Sometimes they reach out right away. But once the woman starts reaching out, what happens is if she’s texting you and calling you 2 or 3 times a day/ a week. Remember, you just started out trying to get one date per week and talking to her once per week to make a date. Now she’s texting you every couple of days. Her interest has gone up. And so, now she’s pursuing you. She’s reaching out to you. It’s her idea. That’s why when she reaches out to you and you assume she wants to see you and you make a date, she’s going to be excited and she’ll keep the date because it was her idea.

And as the weeks go by, she starts to recognize the more she reaches out to you, the more you set dates. And what happens is where it started out once a week, that timeline gets compressed to the point where 2 or 3 times a week to six, seven, eight weeks, she’s stuck to you like a suckerfish and you can’t get rid of her. She wants your attention all the fucking time because she’s in love with you. But it’s a process. It starts out like this and it just slowly goes like this.

But if you start pursuing too much, you start calling or texting and interrupting that. It goes like this. You spread out the timeline. If you back off, it compresses and she comes to you faster. The more you pursue and turn her off, the more it goes like this. And so you have to, as The Book says, you want to match and mirror her interest. But what will happen is, you know, say maybe week three or four, you had three days and three nights together.

In other words, you went out on dates, and she stayed over all three nights. Or maybe you had two dates at your house and, you know, one date you stayed at her place and slept there. And then you spend a lot of time together. And then what you notice maybe a day or two later, she seems a little lukewarm, not as enthusiastic. Her text replies are a little shorter. Instead of her FaceTiming you, she texts you. She takes a little longer to reply. You just look at that and go, “Ah. Well the kitty cats kind of bored.”

You don’t take it personally. You just go, “Let me give her what she really needs; is time and space away from me to wonder about me, to think about me, to miss me.” And so, you’re going to match and mirror her lowered enthusiasm. And you got to understand a woman’s feelings change and they ebb and flow like the weather. Don’t take it personally. Don’t look at what the weather report was five days ago to have any reflection on what her interest is today.

You have to look at how she’s showing up today in the present moment and not take it personally when she backs off. And so, if you’re doing everything right, but you spend a lot of time together, you typically should expect some kind of pullback, some kind of loss of interest, especially say you’re 3 or 4 weeks in and then you go away for a weekend together. And Friday when you picked her up, she’s jumping into your arms.

Super excited to see you wanting to hold hands on the whole way to the trip, to wherever you go. But by like Sunday night or Monday when you’re bringing her home, she’s not holding your hand anymore. She’s maybe on her phone a little bit. The conversation is a little dry. You’re not talking as much. You just notice that there’s not the same level of enthusiasm. And I’m assuming that you didn’t do anything to screw it up, because that’s just a normal thing.

Because you spend a lot of time together, you should feel really comfortable. And then when you drop her off, you kiss her. You walk her to her door, kiss her goodbye, say, “Call me later.” And then you don’t hear from her for a day or two. Most guys would be like, “Wow, she was calling me like a couple times a day and now I haven’t heard from her two days.”

Well, if you just spent three days together, that would be normal. That would be expected. Don’t take it personal. And what’s the fallback position? Well, if you don’t hear from her for a whole seven days, as The Book says, then reach out. Maybe she’s upset or she’s mad about something. But typically, under normal circumstances, if you’ve been doing everything right and you haven’t done and said things to put your foot in your mouth and make yourself look unattractive, if you have a three day weekend and you don’t hear from her for a couple of days, she’ll probably reach out to you after 3 or 4 days.

But again, the fallback position is a week. If you don’t hear anything for seven days, just reach out and say, “Hey babe, I miss you. I want to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And then make the next date, but more than likely, a couple of days to go by and then she’ll reach out. And what you’ll notice is, when she finally does reach out after 2 or 3 days in that timeline, her enthusiasm is high again. She’s. Her texts are longer, her replies are longer.

She puts more thought into it, whereas when her interest drops or it wanes or she gets a little bored, her text replies get shorter and it sometimes will take longer for her to reply. And again, you just match and mirror that if it looks like her interest has dropped, and her effort has dropped, just match and mirror that. Don’t get butthurt. Don’t get upset, don’t get mad. It’s just part of the ebb and flow of life. And as a man, you’ve got to become comfortable with that.

Because if you come unglued, if you get upset, you get mad, you get angry, you confront her. “We need to talk.” Things of that nature. All you’re going to do is push her away and turn her off and cause her to not feel as safe and comfortable being with you. So I mean, if you’ve never learned this before and you’re brand new learning this which it looks like this guy is here, it takes time. And I really detailed in My Book to help my own journey to help you figure out the balance between pursuing too much, and not pursuing enough so you can find that sweet spot.

But I know it’s nerve wrecking when you first start doing it, especially if you’re dating a girl you really like, and then all of a sudden you’re like, “Man. We just spent three days together. We were all over each other and now I haven’t. She hasn’t called or texted me anything in 2 or 3 days. It’s so weird. She was so happy when I dropped her off. I was like.” If that’s the case, there was no reason she was perfectly fine when you dropped her off. Then. Hey, she’s just being like a cat.

And if you really knew dating her, and you’re only a few weeks in and you don’t really know the girl that well, there could be an ex-boyfriend that’s trying to come back. There could be another guy from the office that she really liked. That kind of broke her heart a little bit. And then he may have reached back out. And if that’s the case, it’s like you just can’t be needy and neurotic and get upset. And the more you are just chilled and you’re indifferent and you’re calm and you follow what’s in the book, even if there is another guy or an ex in the background trying to get another shot with her, because you act consistently calm, you don’t hear her for 2 or 3 days.

She’ll reach out to you and be excited, and then she’ll be blowing the other guy off. But if you get needy and neurotic and you call her or text her the next day, you’re like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you. Why did you take so long to respond to my text?” And you start getting upset and mad at her. Now you’re starting to pursue. You’re starting to act a little needy. You’re acting the opposite of confident. And what happens? You start pushing her into the arms of whoever that other guy may be in the background that she’s not over yet, or she’s still talking to you again.

When you first meet somebody, you’re not going to know everything that’s going on in their life. You’re not going to know all the dudes that she may have dated or talked to, or any exes that are trying to come back. That’s why it’s super important to be calm, and your game needs to be tight. Because the sloppier it is, and the less you know The Book, the more it’s going to be emotionally draining and difficult to remain calm and confident.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.