What to do when women you are dating want to get too serious too soon before you are ready. You don’t get what you deserve in life… only what you negotiate. It is an interesting paradigm shift when you go from mostly failing and being rejected by the kind of women you’ve always wanted, to being chased and pursued by women who won’t leave you alone. The struggle to find a good girl gets replaced by struggling with the question of whether or not you should sleep with a particular woman because you are worried that she will get too emotionally hung up on you and become a stalker.
It’s kind of ironic to be on the receiving end of a woman’s needy, insecure or suffocating behavior that enables you to feel how you used to make women feel with your own bad behavior in the past. The following is an e-mail from a reader. He originally found my work after his fiancée left him for another man. Now he’s having a hard time dealing with women who won’t leave him alone. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hello Mr. Wayne,
My name is Chadwick. I am a 37 year old Canadian man who lives and works in South Korea as adult ESL teacher. I found you via Amazon as I was looking at relationship books. I guess I am like most people in that your work is having a positive effect on my life. I wanted to send you a donation for your work and to talk with you. (You can book a phone coaching session by CLICKING HERE.)
I came across your work just after my girlfriend of 14 months with “low integrity” left me just after I bought her a ring; she got a new BF in month 13 also. (That was nice of her.) Your information helped me fill in a lot of the missing pieces and how it all went wrong. I just finished a 2 week vacation in Thailand. Your material works there too 🙂 (Women worldwide respond to the same emotional stimuli. Cultural norms, religious dogma and laws vary country by country and sometimes prevent women from acting upon their feelings, but women are the same everywhere.)
I am entering a pivotal time in my life. I can not think of a better guy to help me along the way. I have some questions: There is a time difference between you and me. Do you deal with people living in Asia, South Korea? (Of course. I have clients all over the world) Do you take skype calls on the weekend? (No. I have a life.) Do you accept lengthy emails, 1-2 pages, from paying customers? (No. I simply do not have the time to read thru lengthy emails. Phone coaching sessions are an hour long. Tell me during your session. If you think you have a lot to tell me or want to talk longer, then simply book & pay for multiple sessions.)
I want to prep you about my situation and circumstances before the phone session starts. Oh, have you read “Call of the Wild” by Jack London? Chad is Buck and Buck is Chad. (Nope.) Could be useful for analyzing my belief system. (During our phone coaching session as you talk and I ask you questions, I will discover your belief system and model of the world so I can help you.)
Your material works so well that many women are projecting a high level of interest onto me. So, I have to shut them down. Basically, I have no confidence in them to have a sexual relationship; I don’t think they can handle it. (It’s much better to be the rejector instead of the rejectee. It is good that you recognize that although you could sleep with them when they give you the “puppy dog eyes,” it’s not fair to them or you to sleep with them when you know you have no long term interest in them. Women can get attached very quickly after sex.) After the events with my ex-girlfriend, I want to be drama free. (Amen. My life is a drama free zone. I have no time for women who have all kinds of personal problems, health problems, money problems, crazy ex’s, etc.)
I just want to have fun and simple dates. Actually, I tell them directly: coffee, dinner and then you go home… alone. I don’t want anything else from you. Strangely, the girls I am meeting are gobbling this up. I don’t hit on them or even refer to sex at all. So, lately I have to play the role of a woman: testing for weakness, keeping things in the friends zone, screening. Is this normal? (Yep. The shoe is on the other foot now. Plus, it will make you a lot more empathetic towards women and what they have to put up with from guys who don’t get it.) How do you handle women who get too serious, too quickly? Since March, I have had to deal with 2 female stalkers, 1 girl who developed a crush on me and 2 guys that told me directly to stop talking to their girlfriends.
(Read this: How To Keep A Relationship Casual When She Wants To Be Serious. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Thanks and be well,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The first step before anyone else in the world believes it is that you have to believe it.” ~ Will smith