Here’s what you should consider and experience before you decide to get married. When you take into account that the divorce rate is over 50%, and that only about 3% of couples really have a great relationship with healthy communication and mutual fulfillment, the odds of you getting married and spending the rest of your life with the same person, are not in your favor. When I was younger, I settled and got married when my heart was telling me to do otherwise. I later learned that your feelings are your truth. You should always listen to your gut and your inner wisdom and guidance. I rushed into marriage like a lot of my friends did in our mid-20s. Everyone was getting married and I felt pressure to do the same thing. When I was unsuccessful with women, I believed that having the perfect woman in my life would make me happy. Once I finally got her, I was happy for about six months and then I realized that deep down something was missing. If you are single right now and believe as I used to, then you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Most people seem to be in a rush to get to the altar without thinking through the consequences of their actions. Not only that, but most people do not learn from their mistakes. Their relationships all end for the same reasons, but they are unable to pick up what is obvious to most others around them. They’re not very good at relationships and don’t seem to be particularly interested in learning what they don’t know so they can have good healthy relationships in the future; and stop making the same mistakes over and over. This is most often due to negative emotional anchoring to a limiting belief that tells them they do not deserve to have what they want. They therefore seek out relationships that become a self-fulfilling prophecy that reinforces their limiting belief that they don’t deserve to be happy. They think dysfunctional is normal, and that effortless relationships is an abnormality. Some guys ignore the women who are all over them and chase women who they can not have because they are unavailable due to being in a relationship, being married or simply having no romantic interest in them. Why? It fulfills the dysfunctional emotional pattern of their limiting belief. Then they can always complain to their friends and family afterwards of what bad luck they have. This enables them to disassociate from taking any responsibility for being the cause of their own bad luck. The following is an e-mail from a reader who is making a mad dash for the altar of marriage after barely 3 months of dating. Such reckless behavior and flippant attitude towards actually being objective, reasonable and looking at whether or not she is a good match for him long term may cause him some serious emotional pain, hardship and regret down the road. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I want to get married to a girl which I’ve newly met. We met less than 3 months ago. The marriage will be less than 3 months away. I feel it’s early, but I still like it that way. (Why the rush? If you plan to get married for the rest of your life, you need to get to know the real her first. People can fake and cover up who they really are for about the first 90 days of a relationship. How do you know you’re going to really like this person and want to hang out after the initial infatuation wears off after a year or two together? We tend to project our desires onto the other person and ignore their flaws. It’s only after a long courtship that you can really gauge and feel what your heart tells you. You need to make sure she is a giving person also. You simply can’t learn enough about her after only a few months. You also should date around before settling down with any one girl. You simply don’t know what you don’t know. You have to be a happy man first. You have to feel like your life is already complete and balanced. Then, when you get serious with someone, you’ll choose someone who is complete and balanced like you. She won’t need a man for anything. She can take care of herself, but she wants a man she can share her completeness with, and be in a love story. Most relationships that are rushed, don’t last. Especially if one or both are coming to the relationship feeling like they need another person to make them happy and complete. Then, it’s only a relationship based upon need, and not love. Life is long, with lots of ups and downs. You have to learn to roll with the punches, and explore humanity a little bit before you can learn to do it while you are in a relationship. Later in life you’ll always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. Cases where people meet, fall in love and stay together forever after an almost non-existent courtship are extremely rare. Just look at all the celebrities who the shallow celebrity worshiping media parade around in front of us claiming their importance and relevance; these people are constantly getting married and quickly divorced days, weeks and months after their opulent and lavish weddings. Then they’re back in the media again as more evidence they’ve learned from their past relationship mistakes, and proclaiming that their new love will be forever. It’s a fucking joke. None of these people who have been through multiple marriages and divorces ever stop to question, think upon and contemplate that maybe the reason for all of their repeated heartbreak is because their approaches to relationships suck, and that their knowledge is lacking. How many of them will ever pick up a book like mine? The good news is, you don’t have to be like them! You’ll know that when it’s right, you’ll feel it deep in your heart after a LONG COURTSHIP of several years.) So I need to know how I can have a good and lasting relationship. (Do you have fun with her? Is she a good communicator? You both are currently presenting your best side to each other because it’s so early in the relationship. You’ve got to be together long enough to decide if you want to put up with their dark side.) Just the tips I want to know. (There must be a strong sexual polarity and chemistry. You must both have similar life goals and objectives. You both need to be mature, calm and loving communicators. Drama kings and queens fight all the time because they fear they won’t get what they want from the other. Therefore, they’re always hurt, short and angry with one another. What’s she like when it’s that time of the month? Is she a total bitch from hell? Can you put up with her mood swings and love her anyways? Take your time. Relationships and the courtship process are a marathon. It’s not a mad dash to the finish line. Chicks don’t like it when you blow your wad after 30 seconds in bed. They want a strong man who is a walking, talking, erect boner in life emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Read my book and learn all the communication and relationship wisdom that you can. Especially if you’re with a woman who is challenged in the communication department, or she’s just a lazy person when you’re a high achiever and worker. You MUST have similar values and drive in life. Otherwise they will get under your skin when they don’t become what you think they should be. People don’t change. You either love and accept them, or move on to find someone who is what you really want. If you’ve only dated a few women, then there’s no way for you to know what you really want and what’s important to you. You’ve got to get experience. Look at the divorce rate and think about your desire to get married very carefully. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Choose very carefully the person who you will spend your life with, because 95% of your happiness or misery will come from that one decision.” ~ Life’s Little Instruction Book