What you should do if lately, your lover seems to care less and less, has become cold and distant, takes you for granted, cancels plans at the last minute, is short and rude on the phone, makes you feel unwanted and has become private and secretive.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who says that her boyfriend has been backing away. He hides his phone, and his social media friends list is now set to private. He is making a lot of new female friends and adding them to his social media accounts. He no longer calls to see how she is or spends much time with her, is often short and rude when communicating with her and appears to always be annoyed with her.
She wants to know what she can do to save her relationship before it’s too late to turn things around. She says that he still seems to get jealous and does not appear ready to let her go, but she is unsure of what to do. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
I am 29 and emailing because I have been having some relationship problems with my boyfriend, and I need some help. I guess this is sort of my last attempt to save my relationship. I’ll just dive in.
Everything was going great until about a month ago. He started adding girls to his social media, and put his friends list on private so I couldn’t see whom he added. (He’s hiding things from you, and new women are showing up in his life. That looks like somebody who’s lining up a replacement.) He started pushing me away and shutting me out a lot, which in return, would make me feel as though I was trying too hard or too much and bothering him. He started to hang up on me a lot, (If somebody hangs up on you, you need to let them know that’s not acceptable. You need to stand up for yourself), get frustrated with me or just my presence at times, not text me throughout the day, when before our conversations were endless, and now if I text him wondering why I haven’t heard anything from him, I am greeted with short cold texts like, “I’m at work,” or “I’m at gym.” (Next time, just say “I’d like to see you when your schedule frees up,” and let him go. The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.) He doesn’t ask to see me much anymore either. The last month has been more phone activity versus real-life time. Most of all, and this one hurts the most, he stopped being there for me — really there for me. At times, when I’ve had difficult things happen, he’s been absent and not shown interest, and it’s left me feeling very alone. He’s stopped saying, “I love you.” He only says it back to me now if I say it, but not on his own. (He’s not showing you he cares. Let him know if he wants to continue to have you as a girlfriend, he needs to treat you like he cares and treat you with respect.) However, he doesn’t want me to move on, and he gets extremely jealous if there is a threat. He also has been ditching plans with me a lot lately. (Don’t chase after somebody who blows you off.) I know he hasn’t slept with anyone yet, due to my snooping, but I am really scared that he will, and I really want to save this before anything does happen. (You’re doing too much. If he doesn’t meet your minimum standards, he should get the gift of missing you. Only tolerate people who treat you well in life. The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the people whom you consistently spend your time with.) I really need some help, because I’m the typical ‘good girl,’ and I know I’m doing all the wrong things. (You’re tolerating this and continuing to pursue when he disrespects you, instead of letting go and walking away. You’re a gift. Don’t put up with his shit.) I’ve been ‘chasing’ through texts and calls, (That’s needy. The nature of love is giving. Make sure you are with people who reciprocate out of the goodness of their heart), asking if he still loves me, asking does he still want me, and telling him I love him. I feel like I’m just annoying him lately. He still gets jealous, but I feel like everything I’m doing is making him care less and less. (If you keep chasing him this way, you’re going to chase him right out of your life. You just need to let him go. If he still cares, he’ll reach out.)
How do I change my situation? I want to be the woman he longs for. You know, when you want something so badly? (Be open to it but also be unattached to it happening. Focus on the kind of man you want, and that space will get filled up by that person.) How do I be that something to him again? I’m not hideous. I’ve done a lot for him. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. (You’re treating yourself like you don’t deserve him. You don’t get what you deserve in life. You only get what you negotiate. Never tolerate this crap, ever.)
“It’s hard to stand up for yourself when you don’t value and love yourself. When you know you have high value and believe that you deserve only the best, you will treat other people how they want to be treated, but you will never tolerate being taken for granted or being taken advantage of for very long. The only way people will respect your boundaries and the way you expect to be treated, is that you will walk away and never look back once you have given them several loving reminders of what your standards are, and how you expect to be treated, but they continue with their disrespectful behavior anyway.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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