When To Go No Contact & When To Use Once Per Week Contact Rule

When to use no contact & when to use once per week reach out rule from the book.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He went out on 4 dates with a woman who is a roommate with one of his friends. However, he hasn’t tried to kiss her yet and started acting like her butler. She canceled 2 dates in a row when she was supposed to come to his place. Now he hasn’t reached out in 2 weeks and wonders when to go no contact and when he should reach out once per week. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter in the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “When To Go No Contact & When To Use Once Per Week Contact Rule”.

Obviously that I talk about in the book. And so in the book, when you first start dating somebody and I discuss, there’s a chapter, “Women Are Like Cats, Men Are Like Dogs”. (Page 78.) And sometimes a woman will be hot and heavy and all over you, texting you every day, maybe multiple times throughout a day, and all of a sudden you don’t hear from her for a couple of days. And the key is not to freak out.

The idea is that you’re going to take the measured steps that are in the book, meaning you’re going to reach out once a week when you first start dating to initiate one date per week, that you reach out to her and set a date. And as her interest goes up and she likes you more, she’ll start reaching out to you and texting you, sending you memes and those kinds of things. And then you can use that as an opportunity to set the next date, or if it’s late at night, just say, “come over” and you can have a nice little booty call at night.

But the idea is you’ll see each other more when she starts contacting you. And so say, you know, you’re several weeks in and then she’d been texting you, and now all of a sudden, a week has gone by and you haven’t heard from her. Well, then you go back to the once a week rule that’s in the book. Now, when to use No Contact? Well, you use No Contact if she’s canceled a date with no mention of a reschedule, or she tells you that she’s unsure of her schedule, then you just say, “hey, no problem, figure out your schedule and get back to me.”

You have to give women the time and space to follow through on their plans and their commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. In other words, she’s got to make an effort. And if she stops making an effort, you’ll let it be the end of everything. Especially when you’re just kind of casually dating. And so in this Video Newsletter, this is a viewer, he’s new to my work. And you can tell he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, which it’s good that he’s trying to fill in his knowledge gap.

So he had four dates with a woman who I guess lives with one of his friends. She’s a roommate of one of his friends. And so he went on four dates. However, he didn’t try to kiss her yet. And then on top of that, he started acting like a butler and doing things for her when she got sick. Well, for whatever reason, after these four dates, then he’s like, “oh, I’ll just invite her over to my house for the fifth date.” Well, she canceled that and I guess she canceled again, claiming she was sick. And so now he hasn’t reached out in two weeks and he’s wondering, “do I stay in No Contact or should I reach out to her?”

Because the other thing I talk about in the book is if you go out with a girl and you’re unsure of her interest in you, go for the kiss. If she likes you, she’ll kiss you back. And if she doesn’t, she’ll turn her head. Which means she doesn’t like you, or she’s structured and we don’t mess with structured women, and we don’t keep trying to date women who give us the cheek. And the only time you’ll go out with a woman who gives you the cheek. Because if you go out on a date, she gives you the cheek you assume she’s not interested. That’s it. Or she’s structured.

But if she reaches out to you after that and implies that she’d like to see you or suggest that you get together, then in that case, since it’s her idea, I would give her one more chance. But if you go for the kiss and she turns her head again, then I wouldn’t go out with her again after that. I just did a Video Newsletter in the last few weeks about a woman who was a structured woman, and guy just had a hell of a time dating her, and I was like, this is why I say don’t date structured women.

But you didn’t want to listen. So, you know, he’s licking his wounds. But you know, the book is set up to help give you the best possible chance for success and to give you the best experience so you can attract a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with. She’s nice to you. She communicates like an adult. And most importantly, she makes your dick hard. Not your life.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Hope you’re doing well. This is Bob. I recently found your book How to Be a 3% Man and have listened to it three times. I’m writing for your opinion on a situation where I’m trying to apply your principles, silence, matching effort, setting dates vs. chatting. Context. I met a woman who’s a manager in an IT firm and usually quite busy.

Well, at the end of the day, interest cuts through everything. If she likes you, she will help you. She’ll make it easy to get out on a date with her. And if she doesn’t, she’ll be thrown all kinds of roadblocks in your way and being difficult because, again, her interest is low. But if you have the right response and you apply what’s in the book and her interest is low, you could potentially overcome that if her interest is high enough. In other words, if it’s at least a five on a scale of 1 to 10, you got a chance to raise it.

She was staying as a tenant at my friend’s place; we met a couple of times and exchanged numbers. We’ve gone out four times but haven’t kissed yet.

Well, that tells me you’re going out on dates and you’re too afraid to go for the kiss. So something that’s pretty obvious, women love confidence, and if you go out on a date or on four dates with a woman and she can tell you like her and you want to kiss her, but each time you chicken out and you go for the hug, she’s going to think, this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s inexperienced, he has no confidence. And that can be all the difference between getting to the Promise Land and getting blown off and rejected.

The early vibe was fun and flirty, lots of inside jokes. Recently we planned to meet at my place.

Again. If you haven’t even kissed her or hooked up yet, I would not invite her directly to your place like that. That’s the kind of thing where, as the book says, you start at one place, then you go to a second place, and the third place should be some kind of activity that can facilitate touching and interacting, because physical touch leads to heavy petting and kissing. And when you’re all over each other, you can say, and you spent like 4 or 5 hours together on a date. It’s usually the average time it takes for a woman to be warmed up, to potentially be alone and be seduced by you. And you just got to take them through the process.

It’s laid out for you. But this guy, again, he’s new, so he doesn’t really know any better. And so it looks like he’s thinking, “oh, I’ll just have her come to my house the next time and then we can kiss and have sex.” Women know what you’re doing when you invite them over, especially when you haven’t made a move physically. And I would say the real reason why she canceled the date to meet at his place was because she knew he was thinking, well, if she comes over to his place and they’ll hook up.

And again, that should be in the process of a date. That should be like the last place, the last thing you do in the evening. Remember, hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. The affection comes at the end of the date, not at the beginning. So you’re putting the cart before the horse and you’re not really following what’s in the book.

Recently we planned to meet at my place, but she postponed it once due to work and then got sick. When she was sick, I brought her soup to her place. She said I “made her day” by doing that. I checked in a couple of times afterward to see how she was feeling.

Again, when you haven’t even kissed a girl like that yet, it’s like you’re basically acting like a boyfriend. You’re acting extra serious about her. And again, you haven’t even physically touched her yet. So even though those things are nice, that’s what a butler would do. That’s what a nice guy would do. You don’t really get any points for that. And it’s anti-challenge. Remember, you had a date set and then she cancelled saying, “oh it is work”. If I was a betting man the real reason she gave you a plausible explanation, but more than likely, the reason why she didn’t want to come over to your place is, number one, you never kissed before and you hadn’t slept together. And so she didn’t feel comfortable. Because she figured the only reason you’re inviting her over is you’re thinking, “oh, great, sexy time is about to happen.” And guys, who don’t know what they’re doing. Don’t have any game, will do things like that.

After that, her replies became short.

See? You just communicated you’re way too serious about her too soon. You haven’t even kissed yet and you’re acting like a boyfriend. You don’t do these things for her.

Our last interaction, around two weeks ago, ended with a thumbs up to my message, “Glad to hear you’re doing well. Hope you’re back to normal soon.” Normally she’d reach out again within a few days, but this time she hasn’t.

So it might be that the damage is done.

I don’t think I acted needy; I felt I showed genuine care.

Well, I say it all the time. Women don’t give a shit about what a great guy you are, or the fact that you genuinely care for, or that you’re really super duper like her. They only care about how they feel about you. And you went out on four dates and never tried to kiss her once. And then for the fifth date, you tried to invite her right to your house and she came up with a, “oh, I’m busy with work.” And then it was like, “oh, I’m sick.” And then you’re bringing her soup, which she may or may not. Maybe she was sick when you showed up, but usually a woman will offer a reschedule.

Since then, I’ve gone completely No Contact as I felt her attraction level is low, just focusing on my life now.

My questions.

Number one. At this stage, two weeks of silence, last contact was her, should I remain in No Contact until she reaches out, or apply your “once-a-week call to set a date” guideline?

Well, remember she cancelled two dates. First because she supposedly is at work and then the next one she said she was sick. Now you took her soup. Did she look sick? Did she sound sick? Did she had a stuffy nose? Or did she seem totally fine? If she seemed totally fine and you brought her soup, well, you got punked. And the fact that all of her texts and she hasn’t reached out in two weeks tells me that she decided you’re out.

Number two. Any adjustments you’d recommend to re-establish polarity. I may have slipped into caretaker energy when she was sick, without being cold or reactive?

Again, your job is just to make a date. Create an opportunity for sex to happen.

Number three. Is my assessment correct that interest < 50% is implied by two weeks of silence and minimal responses?

I’d say probably.

Meaning the only attractive move now is no-contact until she invests?

Well again you never kissed or did anything and it’s still early but she was reaching out to you, as you said and now she stopped. And so she stopped reaching out. She either met another guy or she’s just not interested in you because of, again, how you showed up. But you’re doing things that I wouldn’t be doing. You don’t take soup to a girl you’re not sleeping with, and that’s not your girlfriend, and you haven’t even kissed yet. So that’s again, you’re being a butler. The book tells you not to do this. So the book’s not going to help you if you do the exact opposite of what it says. And the reason why those things are in there is so you don’t end up in the situation that you’re in now. But here we are.

I’d really appreciate any quick guidance or corrections.

Well, there are no shortcuts to success. You got to know the book and you got to apply it. And you clearly don’t know it well enough because you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re going out on dates with this girl, and you’re being like a statue and a robot. You’re not even trying to kiss her or advance things physically, which quite frankly, you do that four times. It’s going to make you look like an amateur and you don’t know what you’re doing. And women don’t want to teach you how to be a man.

They want you to know what to do and to make a move when you see the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. Which again are all laid out in the book. And it doesn’t seem like you know. Maybe you don’t have a lot of dating experience, and so you were too scared to go for the kiss. But, I mean, it’s a rite of passage. Every guy’s got to go through it. I know what it feels like. I’ve been in that position when I was younger, but you’ve got to push through it.

My goal is to stay centered, avoid chasing, and let actions lead my decisions.

Thank you for your work and all the clarity you bring.

Best,

Bob

Well, now that it’s been two weeks, I would have to say probably if you don’t reach out, you’ll never hear from her again. And two weeks have gone by, she clearly ain’t missing you. But we want to be able to cross this prospect off the list or to give it one final shot. So now it’s been two weeks. I would reach out. “Hey, you hope you’re feeling better. I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And if she likes you, she’ll tell you and you’ll make a date. Don’t invite her to your fucking house, dude. You only do that as part of a date. And meaning, that’s like the last place you go.

And the reason why you’re going to be inviting her to your house is because she was all over you. Again, the book lays this out. But I can just tell by the fact that you’re looking for quick guidance or corrections. There are no shortcuts to success. You must know what’s in the book. One sentence is not going to fix your issue here. So what I would do, text her see if she responds, she might say, “well, I don’t think I’m really feeling it. You’re a great guy, but let’s just be friends.” If she says, “let’s just be friends”, just say, “I’m down to be friends with benefits. But I’m not looking for anything that’s strictly platonic.”

And if she says, “well, that’s all I can offer you.” It’s like, “well, you got my number. Hit me up if you ever change your mind. It was great meeting you. Take care.” When you say, “take care” to a woman, it’s basically, “have a nice life. You won’t hear from me again.” That’s what that means. So the reason why I say that is be prepared. If you reach out and she’s not excited and won’t make a date with you or tries to friend zone you, you’ve got to be ready with your responses. So that’s why I wanted to go through that and tell you how to respond in case that comes up. And again, if she tries to friend zone you and you have to walk away, then you will never reach out again as long as you live.

And if she does reach out to you after that, then you can invite her over to make dinner and that particular situation. But if you call her or text her, try to set a date and you make a date, go pick her up and go take her somewhere. Don’t ever invite a woman right back to your house when you’ve never done anything physically with her. Right away all it’s saying is, “hey, I’m ready to fuck now.” And she clearly ain’t because you never even kissed or did anything. So you’ve got to follow what’s in the book. You’ve got to learn the book, and then you actually got to apply what’s in the book and not do what you’re doing, which is literally the exact opposite.

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