When To Take & Seduce Her & When To Back Off

How to know when to take a woman & seduce her and when to back off so she wants you more.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been seeing a structured woman who was cold and distant at first. She wouldn’t kiss him, then suggested on their next date they would, but she didn’t follow through. However, on the 3^rd date he made progress and they made out, but he couldn’t seduce her. She suggested he come over to Netflix and chill, but he couldn’t make it until the end of the week. She canceled the day of because her period started. He asks my opinion on how to handle her pulling back because he’s in his head too much. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “When To Take & Seduce Her & When To Back Off.”

This particular email is from a guy he’s brand new to my work, says he’s been through 3% Man once at this point. Says he’s going to read it again. So he’s coming to me kind of after the fact, after he’s been seeing this girl for about a month. He’s got a couple of things going on. Obviously he’s young, he’s green, or at least he’s green as far as understanding how seduction works. And attracting women works, but it looks like he’s got a couple of things going on.

Like he’s kind of involved with a woman that’s a little bit structured. At least she looks structured from some of the things she says and does. It could also be that she likes him, but he’s doing so many unattractive things on the date to turn her off that she’s kind of pushing him away by the end of the date sometimes. But as things progress, he’s been out on four dates so far. He’s about to get to the Promised Land, and then she canceled, saying that she was starting her period.

So you got a new guy. He’s new to my work, and he really likes this girl. You can tell he’s already kind of got her on a pedestal. I’m sure that’s part of the problem why she’s kind of vacillating back and forth, but it’s possible she just may be structured and have too many rules, and is just intent on trying to make him jump through his butt to please her. And so, as The Book discusses, there’s a reason why you don’t date structured women. Structured women have a set of rules for everything.

Rules around kissing, public displays of affection, sex, just all kinds of things. It’s got to be this way. In other words, you can’t just be natural. It’s always a pain in the ass because of her rules and her routines that she wants you to go through. And we want a girl who’s easy going, easy to get along with, not somebody that’s a pain in the ass and is constantly trying to make us jump through our butts.

Because if you’re with a woman and she’s constantly trying to make you jump through your butt, you’re never going to be in a state of peace. You’re always going to be worried about upsetting her or pissing her off or making her mad. And then she cuts you off from access to the box.

Again, easy going, easy to get along with. Not a woman who’s just a pain in the ass about everything. And there are plenty of women out there that are like this. But this guy really likes her. He’s probably not going to listen to me at this point because he’s just goo goo gaga over her.

So let’s see what we can do to give him the best possible chance to get to The Promise Land, and he can plow her strawberry fields forever.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

I’m fairly new to your work but have read the book 1 time and will re-read it again this week. There are plenty of things that I’m sure I’m missing and messing up on. I will read the book the recommended amount, 10-15 times. Anyway, I would like to explain a situation with a woman that blows my socks off. I am emailing you for some advice as to not mess it up to the point of no return. 

What would also really help you and everybody that’s watching is if you’re watching this on YouTube, underneath the video in the description, there are links to where you can subscribe to our Members Only Content on YouTube, on my Website where you also get the Email Analysis or Spotify. So since we started doing Members Content last month, we’re doing six Members Only Video Newsletters per week, in addition to the five free ones that we’re doing.

We also got the full version of the Viewer Podcast they do with the girls, where we answer your short Viewer Questions. Usually people submit them through Instagram where you run those stories. And so instead of splitting those all up into Individual Questions, we’ve got them all condensed down to the whole day shooting. Plus, we’ve got a 3% Man Study Group, which we’re getting a lot of good reactions. You guys really seem to like that. Where it’s myself, Caroline, Jade and James sat in with us.

James Lalino sat in with us this past week, so we’ve released four of those episodes. We also got a Podcast we’re working on. A Study Group for Mastering Yourself as well. Probably this week or next week we’ll start releasing those episodes. So it’ll be one episode a week where myself, Caroline, Jade, the rest of The Girls, Chunky. We’re sitting around, and we’re literally going page by page through The Book.

Anything The Girls have highlighted, because they’ve all read it, they’ve got questions. We’re discussing the book in depth, as if we’re taking a class, and I’m the teacher teaching it. So those are all available in the Members Area. Again, in the video description below, you can Subscribe on my Website. Obviously you get to six Email Analysis and if you pay the whole year up front, I think it’s like a 20 or 25% discount. If you sign up on my Website.

You can also follow us Members Only Content on Spotify. It’s the same content there and the same content on YouTube. Obviously, if you’re on the website, you get the email analysis, but there’s no way to get that on Spotify or YouTube. So we appreciate all the positive feedback we’ve been getting.

Everybody seems to really like the 3% Man Study Group that I do with The Girls. Because you get the woman’s perspective as they’re really discussing the book in depth. Plus they’re learning it themselves and they’re experiencing it in their own relationships. So it’s going really well. So with that said, back to our regularly scheduled train wreck, I mean email.

I have been dating a woman for a bit over a month now, and we have gone out on 4 dates. The first date we went salsa dancing, and she was very physical with me, dancing closer than the other people around.

So salsa is nice because what is beautiful about salsa is it really it’s like the rhythm of seduction. It’s like you’re a part and then you come closer together and you embrace, and then you’re pulled apart again. And then the tension builds, and then eventually you come back together again.

And it’s like the two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back that I talk about the process for seducing a woman and wearing down her resistance so she just lets you have your way with her. Which is what this guy is obviously trying to do. But because he’s brand new in my work and he’s just kind of fumbling all over himself. And it looks like the girls kind of structured, which you’ll see here in a second.

I went to kiss her when her Uber arrived, and she said, next time if you wish.

Well, obviously he wishes. So let’s see what happens next time. It could. I would say again, if the girl really likes him and she’s not structured, she’s going to kiss him. But when she’s like, “oh, next time.” Could be she structured. It also could be maybe he was a little too obnoxious, touchy feely, I don’t know. But it looks like she’s pretty structured and women like that are just a pain in the ass. Who wants to set a rules? If she likes him, kiss him.

There’s nothing worse than sitting there seeing somebody they want to do something like, “oh, I’m going to hold myself back.” Because it just becomes a microcosm for the whole time dating them. You always got to get through her hoops and her rules before, and her process. It’s like, “no thank you.” But if you guys are down for that, that’s all on you.

She leaned up against me.

So here’s the next date.

The following week I took her to dinner, then brought her to my work’s private theater for her favorite movie.

Well, you’re going on a movie date, which again, that’s right out of the book says don’t do. But again, this guy is brand new to my work because what happens is that you go on a date, normally you’re talking and you’re interacting. Women should be doing most of the talking on the date.

And here you’re just sitting in a theater watching a movie. And yeah, it’s nice that she’s leaning against you, but the movie theater is quiet. There’s no building rapport, there’s no talking. And then the time is passing in the evening, so there’s nothing really happening as far as the seduction goes.

She leaned up against me for the movie. At the end we did some salsa again. At the end of the night, she still did not kiss me.

Structured. Maybe he’s just kind of bad on dates. Maybe a combination of both. But at the end of the day, she’s on a date with him. She’s not kissing him. She’s holding back on purpose.

I told her that I am looking for a romantic relationship, not a platonic one, but in a nice way. She got the message and said that she is not easy with her body.

Yeah, well, what about little kissy poo? Love is playful and fun. The one thing I will say about this guy, he’s got to kind of take the stick out of his ass and be a little more lighthearted. And so, if you tell her, “hey, I’m looking for romance.” Not, you know, if you go to kiss her and you get the cheek, typically, as The Book says, it’s like I don’t call or text those girls again for any reason. The only way I’ll ever go out with them again is if they reach out.

So if you go and you get the cheek, you just say, “hey, call me later.” And I have no intention of ever calling or texting her again for any reason. Especially this. He’s gone out on two dates. She said she’d kiss him on the second date. Then she turned her head, which it’s pretty common for a woman to say one thing and do another just the way they are.

She is Christian and her parents do not drink.

It could be that. Again, tons of rules routines. I like easygoing, easy to get along with. But that’s, that’s me. And what I’ve seen haven’t done this for multiple decades, in my own life, countless client’s lives. It’s just, the structured women are just a pain in the butt. It’s always something, always some routine or some process you got to go through before she’s willing to do what it is that you want to do.

It’s like always constantly dangling the carrot. Sometimes you just want to eat the dessert. Sometimes you want your dessert at the beginning of the meal instead of the end. And the structure girl is like, “nope. Follow my process.” Who wants to fight for control.

I drove her home.

The next week we went out again and I took her to a bowling/minigolf/arcade/drinks. This was the best date yet.

Yeah, because you’re going to multiple places. So it’s like each place you go gives them the experience of another date.

We were laughing and having fun, she would sit on my lap, and buy us drinks and pizza. We had our first make-out session, and we went back to her place afterwards.

So it sounds like he’s loosened up. He’s going on multiple places. He’s got a more fun oriented type of date, whereas like the second date, he’s sitting in a movie theater. So you can see the dramatic difference again. That’s why it’s kind of hard to tell. Is she really super structured, or is it just because he’s got no game and he’s not making her feel comfortable and she’s not laughing and he’s too serious?

It was around midnight at this time, and we were both a bit tired. I started making moves, but she would say hey and I would back off.

A delay is not a denial. It just means you’re going too fast.

We only got as far as make out and I would rub caress her. I stop progressing the touch which I deeply regret.

So he gave up. I was like, whatever, dude, it’s another bus every 15 minutes, bro.

I could have taken it farther, so I am beating myself up over this. 

Well, it’s obvious you’re not experienced with this stuff, so you’re not going to be perfect. I certainly wasn’t if you read The Book, then you saw Coach made a lot of mistakes when he didn’t know any better. The idea is to learn from so you don’t have to make the same ones.

She wanted me to come straight to her house midweek to Netflix and Chill.

So it sounds like she was all wound up, had pushed him away, he was fine with it. And then she’s like, “hey, come over and Netflix and chill.” But he’s not available. Till Thursday.

I was so excited but couldn’t make it over until Thursday because of final exams and work. She cancelled the day of saying her period started.

Sometimes girls have periods that are really rough and they don’t feel too good. And so, they’re not going to feel like going out on a date. And so, that’s possible and plausible. But we also understand we’ve got a guy that his game is not very tight at this point. He did get better on his last date. But could be the structure. Could be she’s really having a rough time with her period. So he’s like, “hey.”

So what does he say? She’s canceling the date the day of. It could be legit. It sounds legit. But we won’t know. And remember, you want to create the conditions where a woman can follow through on her plans and commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear forever. And taking into account the fact that she’s structured and making you jump through her butt.

And the fact she’s canceling a date at the last minute, this is where I’d be like, “hey, well, call me when you feel better. I’d love to see you.” And just leave it at that. And so, you’re making it easy for her to just to never call or contact you again if she’s really not that into it. But if she really was just having a rough time with her period, then she’ll get in touch when she feels better because she’s not going to want to let you disappear. And you’d have to hold out, which you’ll see in a second. This guy just he’s really having a hard time exercising self control.

I told her to contact me when she got better.

Well, was he congruent with that? Did he hold out or did he cave?

Six days went by, and I caved.

You got to be congruent with your words. Because when you tell a woman something like that and then you don’t wait, it shows that you’re needy and you’re insecure. And the number one most important thing that women find attractive in men is confidence. So you just communicated that you have no confidence.

You’re so insecure about yourself that you fear if you give the woman a chance to reach out to you, that she’ll just disappear. And so, when you act like this and you behave like this, you’re communicating that you’re way more into her than she is into you. And the reality is, women like you more if they think they’re more into you ,than you are into them. So you get that twisted, bro.

I messaged her and she triple texted me with excitement.

Yeah, what if you had just waited a few more days and she would have been really excited?

Like a dumbass I was afraid she thought I only wanted sex so to prove her otherwise set up a daytime date (I know.)

He says I know in parentheses. Like. Come on, Man. Jesus. Mr. White Knight. It’s a little hard to analyze. She does look structured, but he’s constantly putting his foot in his mouth and looking like he has no idea what he’s doing.

We went to the Zoo, and she was touchy but didn’t kiss much until I dropped her off. I am hesitating and I am really beating myself up, Coach.

Well, The Book’s not going to help you if you continually do the opposite of it. And don’t exercise self control because I promise you, if you continue not exercising self control, if you continually tell her one thing and then you do the opposite, she’s going to pick up on the fact you’re a bitch. And if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. That’s just a fact of life. So you need to chill out, Dude. You need to be congruent with your words.

Currently trying to set up a date but she gave me the maybe date, so like you teach, essentially nicely told her to get back to me when she figured out her schedule.

You got to be congruent with that. You got to give women the opportunity to follow through on their plans and their commitments, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. And so he says, “get in touch when you figure out your schedule.” This is the second time he’s told her that.

She said she would.

Well, does he wait?

I bullshit texted her the next day to respond to her message.

Of course he doesn’t wait.

She is a tax accountant during tax season so works every day. She is busy as fuck. I plan on not messaging her AT ALL until she contacts me.

Well, I’ll believe that when I see it. Because as of right now, it doesn’t seem like you have any self control.

Coach, do you think I still have a chance to invite her over to my place for dinner?

Well, if she reaches out, invite her over for dinner. And if she never reaches out, well, you know that; plus, you were dating a structured girl. She might not have been that into you. And you might have talked her out of liking you. But quite frankly, I know you really like this girl, but she doesn’t really seem like that great of a prospect. Because, again, all the rules.

“Oh, I don’t do this. Oh, it’s not right. The timing’s not right. Oh, it’s too late. Oh, the street lights are on. We can’t kiss now. Oh, I need more sleep. Oh, my back hurts. Oh, I gotta do the dishes first. You got to clean up the garage first. Mow the lawn and then take a shower and then we can have sexy time.” It’s just always going to be something. “We can’t do this until I go see my parents.” It’s always something.

Should I do the one week fallback or completely back-off until she messages me?

Look at him. He’s just obsessed. “I gotta call her again.” Dude, you told her twice to get in touch when her schedule frees up. And you’re already telling us that you have no intention of waiting. Again, it makes you look like a bitch.

I’m done pussyfooting around.

Well have the balls to let her come to you or to disappear forever. He can’t handle that. So he’s trying to force things. I promise you, if you continue trying to force things you’ll chase the girl right out of your life to where she ghosts you, or blocks you or tells you that she only thinks of you as a friend. So no, you don’t do the one week fallback. I mean, this is right out of The Book, Dude.

Dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you tell her to hit it back when she’s ready. And now you’re basically saying you’re going to come on to the court and take the automatic ball machine, the automatic serve machine, and put it on full blast and, “Doo. Doo. Doo. Doo. Doo. Doo. Doo. Doo.”

And nail with balls until she runs off the court thinking you’re a fucking lunatic. Come on, dude, grow a set of balls. Jump up and down really hard. Maybe your balls will finally drop.

This is the first girl I’ve liked like this, and I am in my head too much. Please, any advice would mean the world to me.

Bob

Well, again, the advice what’s in The Book is not going to help you if you’re just determined to do the opposite of it. But I promise you, if you keep doing what you’re doing, if you keep telling her to get in touch and then you can’t wait, eventually she’s going to ghost you or friendzone you, or just give you the worst case of blue balls. And then you’ll be four months down the road spending all kinds of, thousands of dollars of money at that point.

And you’ll be getting pecks in the cheek and you’ll still be buying her. “Oh, next week. Next time. A little kissy poo.” Gotta read The Book, Dude. Gotta clean up your game. And you gotta have self control. Because right now you have no self control. A man with no self control is a man who has no confidence. So if you want to continue to display that, you have no confidence, which is a number one factor that women find attractive in men.

In other words, every time you do this, you’re communicating. You’re a bitch and you have no confidence. And that’s what women are attracted to, is men with confidence, and you’re displaying the opposite of it. So keep doing what you’re doing and you’re going to get ghosted and you’ll chase her out of your life. But if you do what’s in The Book, I mean, just look at the one date you went out on three different places, it went great. The more you follow what’s in The Book, the better you’re going to do.

Because obviously you’re trying it your way. And that’s why she’s giving you maybe dates. She’s like, “Eh.” Women need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you and to miss you. And you’re not giving her that. She’s got to be worried about you disappearing from her life, but instead, you’re so needy and so insecure like a little girl that you just can’t wait. But it’s quite possible.

This girl is just really not that into you and is just kind of going along with it a little bit, because it’s better than staying home looking at the four walls. We don’t really know because again, you’re not really applying what’s in The Book. You’re doing the opposite of it and you’re just spinning your wheels and getting frustrated. So if you like the results you’re getting, well, then give The Book to somebody else that’ll actually use it.

And, you know, enjoy the blue balls. But if you’re serious about your success, read The Book 10 to 15 times and apply it. I mean, you’ve told her multiple times, you’re going to wait to hear from her. And the first time you did that, you didn’t wait. And the second time you haven’t waited, because you texted her the next day after you told her, “Get in touch.”

I mean, you came up with a reason to reach out because you’re worried that if you don’t continue reaching out, you’re never going to hear from her again. What you fear, you attract. And what you look at, disappears. And so, what you fear, is that she’s going to disappear. I promise you, if you keep chasing her, eventually she will disappear from your life, dude.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.