When you should text your girl, and how to avoid the kind of texting that turns her off and leads to a loss of attraction.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who used what he learned from my book, How To Be A 3% Man, to lose his virginity and attract his current girlfriend. He strictly has been using the phone to respond to her texts and set dates. However, recently she has been getting upset with him, because he never reaches out first to her.
She has sat him down twice and told him what she wants and that she doesn’t feel loved or cared for. He has started texting her now, but he’s worried that he’s going to overdo it and turn her off. He asks how often he should be texting her, since she is insisting that he change. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’m a young man who has been following your work for a year. Since following you, I was able to attract a beautiful girl, lose my virginity, and have a great relationship with her.
(Congratulations. Obviously, you’re a good student and you learned the fundamentals.)
After reading your book 3 times and following everything you said,
(You’ve got to read the book 10-15 times, not 3 times. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re a master of this stuff, because there are going to be things that come up six months, or a year or two down the road, and if you didn’t learn the fundamentals of communication and relationships, shit’s going to start to go sideways on you. Then you’re going to go into panic mode, go into a fearful state, and you’re going to literally chase her out of your life. Then you’ll be booking an emergency phone session with me.
I appreciate the business, but the idea is, I’m all about teaching self-reliance. I want you to get this stuff on your own, without me, because I’m one dude, and I can’t fucking coach everybody. The goal is, between my books and the videos you can learn this stuff, so you can not only help yourself, but you can help all your buddies and teach this stuff.)
I was very successful in my love life, social life, and work life. I never texted my girlfriend much unless to set dates, but recently that has changed. She has given me “the talk” twice about how she doesn’t feel loved or cared about when I don’t text her throughout the day.
(If you’re a busy professional, if you’re somebody like me, you’re not going to be able to drop what you’re doing and talk to your girl in the middle of the day. I may be in meetings throughout the day, I may have appointments, I may be out with friends, and when I’m with somebody, I’m not going to be sitting there on my fucking phone. Number one, that’s rude. Number two, I date women that have healthy self-esteems, so if they text or call me and I can’t answer it, they know that in a few hours, I’m going to get back to them. And if they have a problem with that, it’s typically because they’re insecure and needy. And I don’t date those kinds of women for very long.)
This was a big relationship deal for her. I always replied to her text and only used the phone for setting dates, but it wasn’t enough.
I now text her throughout the days when I’m not busy, but I’m afraid that will eventually back fire. How do I balance this dilemma?
(Typically, what I’ve recommended in the past is if a woman brings that up, you say “Okay, if I’m hearing you right, you just want to hear from me a little bit more than you do. You want me to surprise you with a text or a phone call when you’re least expecting it, just so you know that I care. Is that correct?” The best way to handle that is to not text her every day on your lunch hour, because then she starts to expect it. It’s much better to be unpredictable, mysterious and to surprise her, because scarcity creates value. She’s going to appreciate that a lot more.
The idea is, when you see each other, you want to be excited and you want to have things to talk about. If you’re focusing on your mission and purpose, you should not be texting your girlfriend all day. You should be slaying fucking dragons. But if you’ve got a couple of minutes on your lunch hour, and you haven’t texted her in a few days, just send her a simple “Hey honey. I want you to know I’m thinking about you. I can’t wait to see you tonight,” or whatever it happens to be.
Or maybe you sit down and writer her a nice little card. Just a paragraph or two telling her some of the things you love about her or the things she does for you, because that’s positive reinforcement. That takes some thought and time. That shows that you fucking give a shit about her, and she’s important to you. You’re not doing it because you were prompted to. You’re doing it because it’s a random gift from the heart. In other words, don’t do the same thing every single time.
Maybe every once in a while, you write a post-it note so that when she gets in her car, she sees your note that says, “I love you. Have a great day.” Do little things like that, because the big thing she’s complaining about is she doesn’t feel loved or cared about. Don’t text her like a robot because that’s what she asked for. Surprise her. Do these things on a weekly basis.
At least once a week, give her a random phone call, a random text, a random post-it note, a random card. Things like that show you give a fuck, and that’s really what she wants. If you’re like a robot and send her a text every day, after awhile it gets boring. The scarcity and the randomness will keep her wondering what you’re going to do next. Be creative. Use your brain. Women appreciate randomness, mystery and they appreciate a guy who’s creative in showing them in different ways how he cares. Make it special.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When a woman is in love with you, she wants your attention all the time. A woman wants to feel loved and cared for by you. This means surprising her unexpectedly to let her know that you care for and are thinking about her. This does not mean that you become a validation robot to incessantly barrage her with texts, messages, phone calls and gifts to prove that you still care. Women love mystery and unpredictability in a man. A random surprise when she’s not expecting it means way more to her than scheduled good morning and good night texts every day at the same time that become predictable, boring, meaningless platitudes. Scarcity creates value.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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