When You Should Use 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back

When you should use 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back when your romance goes sideways.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl on a dating app last October he really liked. He made some mistakes and she dipped when he tried to make a 2^nd date saying she met someone else she had a better connection with. 3 months later she reached out and asked if he was still interested. He feels slightly jerked around and asks if he should be using 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back on her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “When You Should Use 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”

Well this particular email is from a viewer. He met a girl on a dating app this past October 2024. He really liked her, so he made some mistakes. He had one date with her. He just went and met for coffee, but he didn’t really have any other plans beyond the coffee. Didn’t plan for any logistics of sex, didn’t go for the kiss. And so she mentioned getting together for another date. She literally asked him out for date number two on that date. That’s why it would have been much better if he’d have actually followed what was in The Book, because it’s possible he might have been able to seduce her the first night, the first date, if he’d had been a little bit more prepared and willing to apply what’s in 3% Man.

But obviously that’s why we’re going through his email is to critique it to help him. And obviously anybody watching this, if they’re in a situation or something similar, point out what is better to do. Because the idea is we’re everybody’s trying to get better here. You want to cut out the unattractive behavior and accentuate the attractive behavior so you can get to the promised land, the cunnilingus, the Indoor Olympics, the hot beef injection, the meat missile, the one eyed wonder worm, all the goodies as soon as possible, for happy finishes for you and for her.

So this guy, he goes No Contact with her because she basically when he tried to set the second date, she’s like, “Hey, I just went on a date with somebody else, and I really feel a much stronger connection with him than you. So I’m going to date him. You know, good luck and take care.” And he was smart about it. He says, “Hey, well, reach out if you change your mind.” You never want to burn a bridge. So because these things are going to happen. If you screw up and you don’t burn the bridge, if the other guy screws up, eventually she’ll come back and you get a second chance.

That’s the way you should look at it. Because especially if you’re new to my work, and you’re new to applying what’s in 3% Man, you’re trying to get as much practice as possible because you want to take as many women through the process that’s in The Book as possible, so you can get better. So therefore, when you meet a woman that really knocks your socks off your so-called dream woman, you don’t screw it up and chase her away. So with that said, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I matched with a really beautiful woman on a dating app back in October. She checked a lot of my boxes right off the jump. I set up a date for two weeks after we matched, and went no contact until the day before, she reached out to confirm.

So if you’re doing online dating, you got to understand if you’re going to not call to confirm, this is going to be a little different than when you meet somebody in person and you had plenty of time to chat them up, and especially if you’re going to go pick them up. But if you just talk to somebody for 5 or 10 minutes on the phone, and if the conversation flows, it goes, well, you like talking to her. She seems to like talking to you and you have enough rapport, she would probably keep it. But something you can do if you’re worried about girls flaking on you, is that say you’re supposed to meet.

Like in this case, he’s meeting for a cup of coffee. So say you’re going to meet at 6:00 or 7:00 for a cup of coffee, and if the appointment is originally for six, then maybe at 1:00 in the afternoon if you haven’t talked to her in two weeks, just say, “Hey, I’m running a little late at work. You know, can we meet at 6:30 instead of 6:00? Does that work for you?” And that gives her the opportunity to say, “Oh, I completely forgot.” Or, “Oh, I haven’t heard from you. I made other plans.” Or, “Oh, that works great.” That way you don’t just show up when you make the date.

Because if you’ve done an online date, you’ve never met her in person, and you’ve only talked for a few minutes, you don’t have a lot of rapport. If she really likes you, she’ll do what this girl did, which is she’ll reach out the day of the date saying, “Hey, are we still on?” But girls that just don’t really give a shit and their interest isn’t that high, she won’t feel any remorse for just not even showing up. And then she’ll blame it on you. “Oh, I didn’t hear from you, so I didn’t think we were on.”

The girls that do that just really didn’t give a shit about seeing you anyways. That’s why it’s super important if you’re going to lean on online dating instead of meeting girls in person, and you’re not going to be picking them up in your car, then you should probably send her a text and just push the date back like a half hour to make sure she’s still going to show up so you don’t show up at the date venue looking like a jackass going, “Where is he? Where does he go? Where’s she at?” So he goes, No Contact. She reaches out to confirm.

Where I went wrong was, I made a coffee date.

Well, coffee dates are not the end of the world. You know, if you’re a guy that’s on a budget and you’re kind of skeptical of the chick and you don’t really want to risk a lot of money, a coffee date or like a wine bar is like the perfect kind of date to start off with. That way, if the coffee date goes real well, or the glass of wine at the wine bar goes real well, you can have a second place where maybe you go to dinner. Or maybe you go to like a little jazz bar where you can listen to music, maybe have, you know, another glass of wine, maybe an appetizer if that goes real well, then you can go ahead and go to dinner somewhere.

Or maybe you go somewhere afterwards, like a Top Golf. Or you can eat food there, you can have drink, you can hit golf balls. Because the last place you go, ideally should be a place that facilitates physical touch, physical interaction, especially if you have to show her how to hold a golf club, or if you’re throwing darts, how to throw a throw a dart properly, or how to hold a pool cue properly and hit the ball, that kind of thing. Because the third place that you go, because most guys, what do they do? They make a date, and like this guy, did they go to coffee and then that’s it.

But if there’s chemistry and you want the opportunity potentially to seduce her in that night, each time you go to a different place, it’s like giving a girl a whole completely different date. So by the time you get to your third place, it’s like having three dates in one night and considering it takes about 4 or 5 hours to make most women feel comfortable on a first date to where you could sleep with them on that date, then go on to three separate places is the perfect way to do that.

And you got to remember, most women in the West sleep with a guy by the second or third date anyways, so this can speed up the process. And then this way, if you start out with coffee or like a wine bar and you’re on a budget, you mitigate your risk. Instead of just going full boat, going right away for an expensive dinner, and then you get a peck on the cheek and you’re like, “Shit, shouldn’t have spend that money. Damn it! Ah, fuck. That’s 200 bucks. 200 bucks for a fucking peck on the cheek.” When you could have got away for a cup of coffee.

The day of the date, we met there and enjoyed a cup of coffee and some really good conversation. I felt like we had a lot in common. On the dating app she didn’t give me her number because she said she wanted to wait until after the date. So when we were leaving she offered her number and put it in my phone. Where I went wrong again was not going in for the kiss or planning the second date when she asked what we should do next time. 

Again, it’s a missed opportunity there, because if she’s already asking you out for a second date, if you had two other places to go when the cup of coffee was over, it’s like, “Hey, there’s a great wine bar down the street, why don’t we go meet there?” Or, “Hey, there’s a great little jazz bar around the corner. Why don’t we go and listen to some jazz music, have a glass of wine and maybe an appetizer or two.” And just see how the things flow. It’s not the end of the world you could do that. It’s just my job as a Coach is to stack the deck in your favor so you get to where you want to go, you get to your destination a lot quicker.

I reached out the next day and told her I realized I didn’t ask her when she was free for the next date. She didn’t respond until the next morning, and she said, “Hey I had a lot of fun and you’re really sweet, but I had a date with somebody else and I feel like we had a better connection so I’m gonna pursue that for now, thanks again.” 

You don’t get mad, you don’t get butthurt. You understand that there’s probably a 97% chance that dude’s going to screw it up anyways, so that’s why you never burn a bridge. That’s why when she says like, “Hey, no problem, hit me up if it doesn’t work out.”

I told her to take care and reach out if she ever changed her mind. I knew exactly what I did wrong. Fast-forward 3 months to last Saturday, she reached out and asked if I was still interested in meeting and getting to know each other. I told her sure and we planned to meet the next Wednesday night at a bar. The day before the date she texted me saying, “Hey, I haven’t gotten sick in a few years, but my body decided now is a good time to get a fever. I don’t think I’ll be better by tomorrow. Can we reschedule?”

So the important thing is she’s asking to reschedule. Because if she was just blowing them off, she would have left off the, “Can we reschedule?” She would have just said, “I don’t think I’ll be better by tomorrow. Sorry. Don’t hate me. Don’t be mad. Don’t hate me.” They say that a lot. “Don’t hate me. You’re going to hate me. But please don’t.” So the important thing is again, she asked to reschedule.

I told her sure and to let me know when works for her. She said she’ll get back to me this coming Tuesday, she’ll be out of town this weekend. My question is, should I be following the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back? We only had one date and not much rapport. She lives about 30 minutes away, so should I at least make her come to my town?

Well, if you’re thinking about the logistics of sex, absolutely. Because the closer. Because the third place you want to go, you only ideally ten, 15 minutes away from where your house is. Because think about it, if you’re at Top Golf and you’re playing golf and you guys are all over each other making out, you can just say, “Hey, why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine.” Or, “Hey, let’s get out of here and go back to my place and hop in the Jacuzzi and have some Champagne.” whatever you’re going to do. If you’re not a drinker, “Hey, let’s get out and go back to my place and have some Macchiatos or some Cappuccinos or some Espressos or whatever, or some Coffee.”

I feel slightly jerked around so, if she does reach out again, what’s my next move?

Thanks for your help. 

Bob

And so he sent an update about four days later, and so I got the text exchange between them that I’ll go through because he wants me to critique it.

Update 4 days later:

She texted me Tuesday night.

So she did what she said she was going to. She did say I’ll get in touch Tuesday. So she did. So that’s a good thing. It’s a good sign when a woman says what she’s going to do and then actually follows through. Because nine times out of ten she’ll say, “I’ll get in touch Tuesday”, and then you’ll probably hear from her Thursday or Friday or something. That’s just the way they are. Oftentimes women will do that to see if you blow your top and you get upset. So this is why it’s important to understand The Book. You’re really playing tennis.

She’s not really an ex. And so what happened was you had one date, you tried to set a second date. She said she met somebody else she liked more and had more chemistry with. You were smart. You didn’t burn the bridge. You said, “Hey, get in touch if you change your mind.” Three months later, she gets in touch. You set a date, she cancels the day before, which is considerate. She didn’t wait till like an hour before and say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t make it.”

And on top of that, she mentioned rescheduling in there and you told her “to get in touch”, which is in line with what I always say, which is you got to give women the time and space to follow through on their plans and commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. And so that’s what he’s doing. He says, hey, because she’s canceling the date, she offers to reschedule, but she says she’s going to get in touch on Tuesday. And so here she actually does.

She texted me Tuesday night to ask if I was free on Sunday afternoon. I attached screenshots of our dialogue below. I would love to get your thoughts and for you to share where I could have been better.

So here’s his text exchange. And so this is our first reach out. After not speaking for three months.

Her: Hey Bob, hope you’ve been well. Would you still be interested in getting to know each other and hanging out?

Him: Hi Jessica, this is Bob. I got a new phone number and can’t text to my old one, but I can receive messages. Texting here is easier. When are you free to get together?

He’s direct. He’s decisive. He gets right to the point. “No. Hey. How you been? What’s new? Is your favorite color? Still blue?” He’s not doing anything stupid. He says, Hello. Tells her, “Hey, here’s my new number. When are you free to get together?” He gets right to the fucking point. Even though they haven’t talked in three months, because it’s totally unnecessary. And what I like about her is she’s pretty direct too.

“Hey, let’s get to know each other and hang out if you’re still interested.” And so again, there’s a 97% chance the other dude is going to screw up. And he clearly did. And so now she’s back because he actually had the balls to walk away. Leave the door open and say, “Hey, you know, call me if you change your mind.” Because he knew there’s a 97% chance the other dude’s going to screw up anyways, and she’ll probably be back.

Her: Weekends are best for me, just not next weekend because I’ll be out of town. What about you?

Him: I can do this Wednesday evening, or we can plan for the Saturday evening when you’re back February 1st.

Her: Let’s make Wednesday work. Do you want to play pool or another fun activity? Dinner is a little boring, haha.

Him: That sounds good. We can meet here around 6:30.

So he sends her a text or a Google picture with the address of a bar that has pool tables and darts, which is like a pub and an eatery, which is perfect. It’s very relaxed, very chill. You can have some fun.

Him: Or we can meet at this bar near me around 6:00.

And so he gives her two options. Ideally, you should have just sent her, so he’s given her two places and asked her to make a choice. I wouldn’t have done that. I would have just sent her the place that’s close to where you live. Because again, you got to think of the logistics of sex. If you guys are all over each other, you can say, “Hey, let’s get out and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine, or hop on the Jacuzzi, or have some coffee or have some champagne.” Or whatever it happens to be. Or if you’re like me, “Hey, let’s go play some darts at my place.” Or, “Hey, let’s go have some pinball. Let’s go play some Game of Thrones Pinball. I’ve got a pinball machine. Let’s go play some old school video games.” If you got all the toys.

Her: You’re really good at finding things to do. Thank you for the options. Let’s go with the one.

Let’s see, which one did he go to? I’m not going to say what city, but.

Her: See you Wednesday at 6:30.

Him: Of course I look forward to seeing you.

Her: Same.

And then so the very next day, in the afternoon.

Her: Hey, Bob, I haven’t been this sick for a couple of years, but my body has decided it’s a good time to have a fever now. Haha. I doubt I’ll be better by tomorrow, so can we reschedule?

Him: I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you recover soon and can go on your trip, you can let me know another time that works for you.

So here he’s giving her the opportunity to follow through on her plans and commitments, or to flake out and disappear forever because he wants to make sure she really wants to see him and is not just trying to dip because she doesn’t want to.

Her: Thank you. I hope so too. Can I text you when I get back from my trip to plan a new date? I’ll be back Tuesday.

Him: Yeah, that works for me. I’ll talk to you soon.

And so she reaches out on Tuesday, 10:07 p.m.

Her: Hey Bob, are you free to hang out Sunday? Any time after 12:30?

Him: Yeah. Do you live in such and such a place I forgot? I have a tattoo appointment that will probably finish around fourissh. I can come pick you up after if you’d like.

Her: Yes, I’m near there. Whoa, a tattoo. Is this your first?

Him: No, I’ve had two for a while. I’m getting a half a sleeve and a chest piece. That’s been a work in progress for a few weeks now.

Her: I’m curious to see the sleeve part before your next appointment. Haha. Are you up for meeting tomorrow night? We can play pool for a couple of hours at that place that you mentioned.

Him: Let’s do it. Are you good at pool?

Her: No, not at all. Haha. It’s just something to do you.

Him: Okay, good. I’m just making sure I’m not either. But I’ll beat you at least.

Her: Probably true, but I’ll find something to beat you at eventually.

Hopefully she’ll be beating up his pelvis. Don’t say it. Don’t use sexual innuendo on a girl you don’t know, or you just met. Because nine times out of ten, you’re going to say something that’s going to turn her off. Don’t try to crack jokes through text with a chick you met online who doesn’t know you and doesn’t understand your sense of humor yet, because most of the time it will blow up in your face. Be direct. Be decisive. Get to the point and you can tell their conversation is pretty good.

Him: We’ll see. You might beat me. I’ll probably root for you anyways. And she hearted that message.

Thanks,

Bob

And so I assumed they had their second date. But this in this particular case I mean it’s helpful to understand 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. And so in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back this is somebody you were dating and you were sleeping with and all of a sudden, for whatever reason, they go back to their ex or they start seeing somebody else. But in this case, they had one date, which was coffee. And so to invite her over to make dinner, I wouldn’t be doing that because again, he didn’t have enough rapport with her.

So it looks like he’s actually going to go pick her up, which the fact that this has gone on for all these months, she feels safe and comfortable to let him do that. So I assume he’s got her address and everything. And so he’ll probably go, “Actually, you know what? I take that back. She’s going to meet him there.” That’s what she said. But so inviting her over to make dinner at your place, I wouldn’t have done that or I wouldn’t do that just because you don’t have enough rapport with her. I’m indifferent.

If this was somebody you were already sleeping with and had been to your house a few times, and if that was the case, then yeah, you’re going to pretty much follow the script and 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But here you had one date and you were a little sloppy on the first date, and then she met another guy and dipped. But that didn’t work out. Because 97% of the time it doesn’t anyways and so now she’s back. And so other than that, the few things I pointed out, he’s done pretty good, but it’s not an ex, so you shouldn’t be inviting her over to make dinner together.

And so you should look at this as you had one date and now you’re just going to plan the second date. But the one caveat I will say about this particular girl. She’s willing to reach out to him. So say he goes out with her and has a great second date. I would wait, you know, say that the date was on Tuesday, so say Tuesday the date goes amazing whether they hook up or not. But just let’s say the date goes real well. And so if I was him, I would wait till Monday or Tuesday of the following week. But because if you don’t hear from her by then, then you reach out Monday or Tuesday the following week to set the next date. You’re just following the once a week rule from The Book.

But by making her in other words waiting a full week and the fact that she’s pretty comfortable reaching out to him, they say they go out and they have a great date Tuesday, he might hear from her Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and she might reach back out and say, “Hey, how you been? What are you up to?” Or send them a meme. And if that happens, that’s initiated contact on her part. And so then he can just use that as like, say, Thursday, she sends them a meme or she texts them about whatever. Like The Book says, he should assume that she wants to see him. And so laugh at the meme and say, “Hey you, I want to see your face again. What’s your schedule like?”

And then make the next date. But like I said, if he doesn’t hear from her, I would wait until Monday or Tuesday and just kind of space it out a little bit. Because you want to give her a little bit of extra time because she’s already comfortable reaching out. So she might reach out, you know, 1 or 2 days after his Tuesday date. And if she does that, the second date goes well, maybe they hook up. Then more than likely she’ll reach out in a couple of days, they’ll set a third date so they may end up having two dates and the second week, and then the following week she’ll probably reach out as well because again, as a man, you’re only going to reach out once per week.

But if a girl is reaching out multiple times during that week, then you’re pretty much at the point where she’s doing all the pursuing say she reaches out a couple of times a week for four weeks in a row, and then all of a sudden 4 or 5 days go by, and you don’t hear from her. Then the once a week rule would apply, but it looks like there’s probably a good chance that she’s already ready to start reaching out every couple of days. And if that’s the case, he’s not even going to have to reach out to this girl at all first. He’ll just wait to hear from her and then make dates that can lead to sex, ideally at his place and also hers.

But you know when she’s willing to come to where he is on his side of town. If if you can have your last venue where you’re going to be at, which is only five ten minutes from where you live, it really helps with the logistics of sex. Because the last thing you want to do is be all over each other and then now you got an hour car ride back to your place or hers. So you got to think about those things, because the more you apply what’s in The Book, guys are usually pretty surprised at how quickly the women are ready to sleep with them. So those are just some things to consider for the future.

Because again, it is a good chance that you know she’ll start doing all the pursuing going forward. But in case she does, and again, the once a week rule applies. And the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back thing, again, it doesn’t really apply to this case because he hadn’t slept with her yet. She hadn’t been to his house. So you’re not going to be inviting her over to make dinner. It would have been different if you’d been sleeping together for a couple of weeks, and she’d been to your house multiple times, that would have been absolutely; you definitely would have used 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But here it’s just your second date.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.