Where Do You Draw The Line With Your Girlfriend & Her Guy Friends?

Proper boundaries your girlfriend should have & keep with her guy friends.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been in a relationship for 3 months. His girlfriend has a lot of female friends and also a lot of guy friends. Some guys from work she goes to lunch with one on one. She doesn’t seem to understand why it’s not ok to hang out one on one at a male friends house in the evening. He asks where to draw the line.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Where Do You Draw The Line With Your Girlfriend & Her Guy Friends?”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s been exclusive with his girlfriend for about three months now. And she has a lot of female friends, but she also has quite a few guy friends, and some of the guys that she works with when she’s got nothing to do or she wants to go to lunch, she’ll invite one of them to go to lunch one on one, and she has other guy friends that to her is totally normal to go hang out with them one on one at night at their house and those kinds of things.

And obviously this guy is not really too excited about that. And so part of the vetting process when you’re dating is you’re trying to determine is the woman you’re dating and contemplating becoming exclusive with. Does she value loyalty, family, monogamy, exclusivity? Does she love her dad? Did her parents present a good example to her? Because if she’s family oriented, she understands how men are. And the bottom line is men want sex.

They don’t want to be pals or buddies or friends with women in general, and women who are a lady and who value their relationship and understand how men are and how they operate, is just never going to put herself in a position where it’s going to lunch, or going to drinks, or having dinner one on one, or hanging out at some dude’s house one on one, because they know that if they’re hanging out with a guy and the guy has a romantic interest, at some point, he’s going to probably try to seduce her. So women that are loyal to you just don’t put themselves in those positions.

If they’re going to go and do stuff like that. They’re going to go have happy hour, but there’s going to be other girls there from the office. They’re not going to go one on one. They’re not going to go with their boss. You know, they’re just not going to do those things. It’s pretty simple and pretty straightforward. Now, women that come from broken homes, women that don’t have good relationships with their dad, they’re going to expect to be able to go out and hang out and have male friends and go to drinks and go to dinner, and you’re supposed to just trust them.

So in other words, they’re willing to create the conditions where a guy can try. Because if a woman’s hanging out with a dude, whether it’s dinner or lunch or drinks or happy hour, on some level he’s thinking he’s got a shot. And so again, family oriented women understand this, and they’re just not going to put themselves in a position where guys are going to think that he’s got a chance. So to prevent those things from happening, she’s just not going to do those kinds of things.

So when you’re dating a woman and she’s wanting to know where it’s going, or she’s talking about a relationship or being exclusive, these are things that you’re going to bring up at that time if you’re going to commit to be exclusive to her, you’re not going to go out one on one with your hot secretary or the hot account executive from the office or whatever, one on one, or the hot pharmaceutical rep or medical sales rep, whatever happens to be.

You’re not going to be going to happy hour with her one on one or dinner, one on with her. Because again, any woman’s going to get jealous. Here, let me show you a picture of this really hot sales rep who’s trying to get me to buy from her. Here’s how she was dressed at our dinner meeting. Any woman is going to look at that and go, oh, she’s trying to sleep with you. So you just don’t put yourself in a position like that.

If family sees you or your girl on a date or it looks like a date, again, a lady’s not going to put herself in a position where she’s going to be seen out one on one with some male, she’s not going to do that. But a woman that doesn’t value that wasn’t raised right. Father wasn’t around. They’re going to think you’re jealous and insecure and controlling. And so whatever you tolerate, you invite more of. And so if you’re contemplating becoming exclusive with a woman, does she understand that?

Is she going to not hang out with males, even if they’re friends of hers one on one, because she doesn’t want to put herself in a position where maybe the guy has a couple drinks. She has a couple of drinks. He’s attracted to her. It’s like, you just don’t want to put yourself in a position like that. And even lunches aren’t necessarily harmless. Let me give you an example. Like back in the day when I was in real estate, my old business partner, he was married. He had a daughter.

I think it was his son was on the way. His wife’s pregnant. And one of the girls that worked for us, who we all love, was really cool. She lived with her fiance and they were planning on getting married. And so like when my partner would go look at houses, he’d be like, hey, you want to go look at a house with me? She’s like, sure. They go look at a house and they go to lunch. He’d make an offer on it.

You know, she would handle the financing side of things for those foreclosure properties. And so it looks innocent enough, but they’re hanging out all the time. And then it’s like anytime he wants to go somewhere, he’s inviting her to go. And of course, she hops in the car and goes with him. And, you know, he later told me after they finally got together, she leaves her fiance, he leaves his wife. I mean, she’s still pregnant with their second child when he starts having an affair with one, you know, obviously a younger, cute girl in the office who happens to be taken.

And it just started out. Hey, come have lunch. Hey, you know, come look at a property with me. And at some point, they’re looking at each other and I can’t remember who it was. I think he might have said that, he says, I’m in love with you. And she says, I’m in love with you too. And so from that point forward, they admitted their love for one another. And then they ended their relationships. Now, to their credit, they’ve been together because 95% of the relationships that come from cheating tend to end in cheating.

And the last I heard, they got married and have lived happily ever after for like 20 years. So it’s not like it never happens. Those relationships never work out. But it was really fucking messy and it was really nasty because now, as you know, we all knew his wife. She came to the office and she knew the woman that he ended up with. And it’s like, uh, how can you steal my husband kind of thing? It’s because again, she’s pregnant with their child, and yet he was boinking one of the girls in the office.

And then there was another guy that worked for me. He and his wife were having problems. And one of the other dudes that we worked with, who was also a salesperson, and he was a little shifty, a little shady. And, oh, we’re just going to go to lunch. Oh, we’re going to go have some drinks afterwards. And next thing you know, I’m getting a call at 2 a.m.. Hey, I just went over to so-and-so’s house and I see my wife walking around naked in his house.

So it just started out hanging out at lunch, and then lunch turns into drinks and they were already on the rocks. And this guy didn’t really give a shit because his wife was hot and he wanted to get in her pants. And they were supposed best friends at the time. It was a really bad betrayal. And so that was another like a whole thing of drama that we ended up having to put up with in the office, because he just basically wanted to kill this guy when he found out, you know, I actually saw his wife walking around naked in his house because he’s like, where the hell is she?

And we all saw them leave and go to lunch together. And meanwhile, they didn’t come back all afternoon. And then, like I said, one, two in the morning, you know, it’s just like the whole day turned into a party that ended up with them doing the horizontal bop. And then this guy seeing his wife walking around naked in this dude’s house. And of course, I get a call from him and I get a call from the guy that was boning his wife, and it’s like, oh, great. So thanks a lot. You know, that’s the call. I want to get it 1 or 2 a.m..

So just because it’s lunch doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something else because I’ve seen it happen firsthand. And again, a woman who’s a lady is just not going to put herself in those kinds of positions, but somebody that maybe is not really completely happy, it starts out kind of innocent enough. And because your proximity and you’re working together, hey, why don’t you come with me, you know, let’s go look at this house. Let’s go to lunch, then let’s grab drinks.

Then next thing you know, they’re bumping uglies and investment properties and, you know, running around town like James Bond, James and Jane Bond, I guess, if you will. But those things happen. So if your girl’s loyal, she understands that and she’ll just won’t ever put herself in a position where a guy’s gonna think he’s got a chance. Because if a woman who’s beautiful is hanging out one on one with a heterosexual dude who happens to be single.

He’s not there because he wants to be her pal. That’s just a fact of life. And, you know, I’d say probably the majority of guys don’t give a shit if you’re married or you have a girlfriend, or even if they know you. Like I just gave you a prime example. If my partner knew her fiance well, she knew his wife, talked to his wife, she came in the office all the time. And, uh, so it was messy. So you don’t, again, loyal people don’t put themselves in those positions. So that’s why. That’s so this should be common sense.

Again, if a woman’s raised right, she’s going to understand these things. If you have a conversation, she’s gonna be like, yeah, duh. And you better not be hanging out with you know, the hot single girl from the office or the sales rep that’s just trying to sell you something and going to dinner or the club at 2 a.m. because that’s just how bad things happen. Don’t put yourself in a position where something like that can happen. The man or the woman should not do that.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 months. She has a lot of female friends, but also a lot of guy friends. Where is the line with hanging out with guy friends one-on-one?

Again, a lady’s just not going to do it. And if a guy wants to hang out who’s a friend, well, great, we can do a double date or there can be other girls there. She’s just not going to go one on one. Because anytime a woman hangs out with a dude one on one and she’s relatively pretty, the dude, if he’s heterosexual, is hoping on some level he’s going to get his shot. That’s just the way it is. It’s the way the world works. Anybody who says differently is just naive or ignorant or inexperienced.

For example, we had a call just a few minutes ago, and she mentioned that there are not many people in the office, so she is asking one of her male coworkers to go to lunch with her. 

So again, if a hot girl from the office says, hey, you want to go have lunch, Any normal heterosexual dudes gonna be like, she’s engaged, she has a boyfriend, she lives with him. He’d be thinking, I’ve got a chance. Maybe she likes me. That’s what a guy’s gonna think.

She also has quite a few male friends, and she goes to lunch with them every now and then. We had a discussion that hanging out one-on-one at a guy friend’s place in the evening is not okay. She did not understand my point of view, but she accepted it.

Well, again, it’s not so much her. It’s just the guy doesn’t care. The guy. Most guys just don’t give a shit. If they want your girl, they’re going to go for it. Plain and simple.

She has never done it while being with me, but she did it with her ex. In her opinion, they were just friends, and because her ex trusted her, it was okay.

Well, she’s no longer with that guy.

In her opinion, the issue is that I don’t trust her.

Well, again, a woman who values loyalty and monogamy, exclusivity and has been raised right, understands the nature of men. They want sex, and a guy will pretend like he’s just strictly interested in something platonic. And when the moment is right, then he’s gonna make his move. After a couple cocktails, especially if she likes him, thinks he’s charming, thinks he’s an attractive man, especially, she says, oh, you don’t have to worry about that guy. He’s ugly. I would never date him. He’s not my type. When you hear that stuff like that, it’s probably, oh, yeah, I would totally sleep with him. I’ve thought about sleeping with him. That’s just basically how they operate.

But in my opinion, it is not about that. I just don’t think it is right for someone in a relationship to hang out one-on-one at another guy’s place in the evening.

Yeah. Well, the town bicycle, she can do that. A fuck buddy, friends with benefits, rotation girl, sex playmate, sure. Those, you know, that’s totally fine. But not a wife or a girlfriend. You just are not. You’re not going to want to be in a marriage after ten years with a wife. That’s got an attitude. Yeah. When I’m bored, I’m going to go hang out with one of my guy friends at his place, one on one, and just trust that nothing’s going to happen. It’s like, give me a break. No man is going to put up with that ever. Unless he’s an idiot or a feminist, or a feminized little scrawny dude with no testosterone.

What do you think is a healthy boundary here? And where are the boundaries with male friends?

Again, they just they’re not going to hang out one on one, even at lunch.

Am I super insecure when I am jealous of her hanging out with friends and colleagues at lunch one on one?

Bob

Well, again, if it’s a dude and she’s asking him to lunch and she’s hot, that guy’s going to think on some level, “I’ve got a chance. I think she likes me. I know she’s got a boyfriend, but maybe she’s not happy.” That’s what you know. Again, most normal guys are going to think that. So why give a guy the green light to try to seduce you. Again women from broken homes. They didn’t get male attention in a healthy way. And even when they’re in relationships, they’re going to give out their numbers. Oh, he’s just a friend. We just talk from time to time.

You don’t have to worry about him. But again, if she gives him a green light, if she’s willing to spend time with him, the guy thinks, “well, I’m going to get my shot.” But if he asks her to go out one on one, he’s like, well, I can’t do that. We can go out in a group. It’d be inappropriate. I’m in a relationship out of respect for my relationship, I just won’t do things one on one with members of the opposite sex unless there are other guys and gals there.

Ideally girls, because she could be going to lunch with Chad and Bob Thunder Cock and get Dicked down later in the afternoon by both of them if she’s that kind of a girl. But again, a lady’s just not going to put herself in those positions. So, you know, I know it’s like, that’s the story. That’s you know, what you’re trying to determine. Does your girl share the same values or not? If she does, she’ll be like, you know, it’s totally reasonable. I agree with you and I won’t do that.

And I expect you to do not do that either. But the girl from the broken home is going to push back. Call you insecure. Say you’re jealous. It’s like, no, I just don’t want to be with a girl. I’m not going to commit to a girl who wants to have the ability to go hang out one on one with a dude whenever she wants. It’s like, there’s no reason to be exclusive with a woman who thinks that’s okay. It’s just, you know, we can be fuck buddies and that’s it. I’m not committing to you if that’s how you want to operate.

So this is the conversation you need to have when she wants you to become exclusive, ideally, not like after the fact. But, you know, so clearly there’s some negotiating going on back and forth here. So you’re going to have to have this conversation with her and let her know where you stand on it. And if she’s pushing back and giving you a hard time, then. I wouldn’t commit to somebody who wants to be able to give other guys a green light to try to seduce them, because that’s what they’re doing.

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